• Member Since 12th Jul, 2016
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-GM, master of... ( Patreon | Discord )


Twilight Sparkle goes in for her first physical after ascending to an alicorn.

Nurse Redheart was not prepared for this by any stretch of the imagination.

Written for FanOfMostEverything as part of my 100 Followers 'contest'.

Featured on 12/21/2017 while I was sleeping!. APPARENTLY, I STRUCK GOLD WITH THIS ONE. Woo! Thank you all!

-GM, master of contestants.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 115 )

Heh, that was nice. Can't think of anything else to say, so... yeah.

Maybe instead of a cinder block she should have brought an anvil to see if she could make a dent on it. :pinkiehappy:

I quite enjoyed that.

Oh thank celestia, faust and everything else she didn't boop the nose, booping the nose would be very bad, yes very bad indeed.

That's a good Nurse Redheart, you get the buck out of dodge while you can! :rainbowlaugh:

the wing laser cracked me up

it seemed nurse redheart was also cracked up at that as well.

I would MUCH rather take a chunk of cinder block to the head than a shard of ANVIL!

Great little piece on a practical problem. One of those things that makes you wonder. Only thing I might have changed is the laser trigger: I get that each side triggers a different aspect, but we've seen Pinkie Pie use Twilight's tail as a trigger for the gatling gun shots. Other than that, no remarks, have a like!

The contrast between what she says and what she thinks is what I believe really creates the humor for this piece.


The tail was for the gatling laser. Which, as we saw, were blunt-force blasts. The wing-laser is for precision cutting attacks, as demonstrated.

Ah, yes, the mystical powers of the Swiss Army Unicorn Horn. Forgot about that :rainbowlaugh:


Imagine what we'll have to do to see the wide-angle thermal laser! I'm pretty sure this Alicorn version of the Swiss Army Unicorn Horn comes equipped with one. :trollestia:

New Princess Twilight Sparkle™! With Magic Beam Action™ and Kung Fu Stomp™!

Tremendously glad that you went with my idea and turned it to something this amazing. Thank you for it. :twilightsmile:


Apparently, the idea was pure gold, so thank you. This has blown up in the greatest way possible!

-GM, master of PREVIOUSLY...

nooooo red heart it was chance to be something great you just had to get over your fear and you could have gone far kid

"Hang on, lemme just... okay, left ear is down, right wing is up, and if I can just get my tongue far enough on your right ear..."

Cue Death Star laser.

That's totally how it works, and no one can prove otherwise :twilightblush:

If Twilight could function as a laser gatling gun before, what is she now? A bazooka with bullet shields?

FInally... Rest...

I... I have done something I haven't done in a long time while reading a fic. I laughed out loud. My sister actually asked what I was doing from the other room. :twistnerd:

I loved this story 11/10 lasers - ign

This w as a pleasant little time-spender. Thanks for writing it. :twilightsmile:

Oh, Nurse Redheart discovered the controls to the Twiligun Mk. II!

I imagine that if Pinkie Pie had a medical degree (not saying she doesn't) she would be able to tell exactly what's going on intuitively

She didn't find the safety catch yet, though.

They dont understand the laser thing either. :trollestia:


Cue Death Star laser.


Wait until she gets as old as my OC Alicorn then the really odd stuff starts happing.. Like cause villains to attack Equestria every time sneezes, whole kingdoms to randomly disappear and reappear a 100 years later because of itch.. Ponies disappearing for 1000 years because of winking around.. etc,etc..But serious now.. That was funny but it left me to wonder. How normal would Alicorn health be..?? Oh well it was fun in it's own twisted way

why is red heart often depicted as hating her job?

Poor Redheart...

But I can at least say she has the mind of a scientist.


Thanks for the silliness.

I'm guessing the enlarged throat is to assist in cake-glormphing, but I have no idea what's going on with the glow or the hum.

Wow. That was surprisingly funny.

I like to think she likes her job. It's just that, like all medical professionals, when something unexpected comes up it's just asking for a disaster. This was just a bad day for her.

-GM, master of comeupance.

fair enough everyone does have a off day

It'll be a long time until they figure out that alicorns physiologies are modeled after action figures.

I feel bad for the department once flurry heart is born..... or when Candace is pregnant with flurry heart

I’d love to see flurry go in for her first visit. Demon baby shenanigans!

.....Flurry would sneeze and vaporize the poor nurse ._.

It was always worth a chuckle, seeing the Death Star using a Grass Valley Group analog A/V production switcher to blow up a planet.

I'm pretty sure we don't want to know where that is...

lol. short but very nice. have a like and fav

THANK YOU for remembering Twilight has Earth pony traits now!

Twilight awkwardly stretched out her right wing. "Er... Yeah. I'm an alicorn now. Uh... Just try to think of me as a pegasus and a unicorn!"

Redheart: "It's okay. This is just the usual Ponyville-stuff. After working in the local hospital for years I got kind of used to it."
:twilightsheepish:: "That's great!"

Redheart, unable to really think at this point, lifted and lowered the wing again, triggering another magical laser bolt. A small smile appeared on her lips the third time. The fourth time Twilight gave her an odd look. "Uh... Redheart?"

According to the show that should usually happen while moving the tail, not the wing.

It sounds like somepony's singing in there.

I mean she blew through how many floors of the crystal castle with that one sneeze? Heaven forbid nurse Redheart is in the line of fire! :rainbowlaugh:

Featured! At the #2 slot while I was sleeping! Then it moved to #1. APPARENTLY, I STRUCK GOLD WITH THIS ONE.

Genuine question: why is this advertised?

862334 while true, Twilight was also a pure unicorn during the wedding battle.

Is it not something that people do? I see it on a lot of stories at the end of the description, they have it say when they are featured and have a little personal message on it. I guess I did write it in the heat of the moment, but hey, I was excited!

EDIT: top now edited to sound a little less braggy.

-GM, master of squares.

That's quite a bit of chaos for a pony who is essentially the Princess of Harmony. Next up is Physiology of Discordiae Ille Qui Pulsat! :trollestia:

Yeah, some authors do that. Particularly with their first story that gets featured. (I know I did.)

It's less common on one-shots, but I've seen them quite frequently there, too. Don't worry about it.

I mean, if it's a long story, and you add a line for every single time it gets featured, people might think you're a bit ego-centric, but that doesn't matter in this case.

If you feel it was a significant achievement, or it was sufficiently surprising to you, keep it there.

Twilight burped, shattering a nearby window.

How you manage to convey this in such a mundane feeling manner just sells this line for me. :rainbowlaugh:

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