Nondis is a man who managed to find himself Equestria. While Twilight and the other princesses try to find him a way home, he realizes that finding a way back is only a minor problem in comparison to his growing attachments to some of the Mane Six.
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Ok... unless I misread that... he handled the situation with Pinkie Pie in a reasonable, generous and adult manner... and then he did... that to Rarity?
Dude, what the fuck? How did he go from reasonable, generous adult to a fucking piece of shit so quickly? I'm not intrigued, I'm confused and suffering from characterization whiplash. I'm gonna give this a chapter to see if somehow better context makes it make more sense, but this about made me skip the rest of the story altogether.
4801732 He will give an explanation come next chapter. Unfortunately, that won't be until another 4 days from now.
4801737 While trying to avoid spoiling things for anyone who hasn't read it yet, I am at a loss to think of any explanation the creep could give that would justify that. However, just because I can't think of one doesn't mean that one doesn't exist. I'm just saying that that one bit was so wildly out of left field and out of character for what has been established of Nondis that it yanked me completely out of my immersion of the story.
Sometimes that's a writing technique, but it can also destroy a story completely. You've built up enough writing cred with me that I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I'd be lax in my duties as a responsible reader if I didn't point out the issues as I see them.
Yeah... This chapter just made me feel uncomfortable.
The beginning with Cheese Sandwich was great. The second part... I don't even know.
Yep. Definitely complicated.
So, how fucked is he? Like, Spikes been looking for an excuse to hurt him; so how badly is he gonna be put outta commision? Cause this is starting to feel like a running gag, where he gets hurt in some way, shape, or form. I dunno.
Ya I mean, jerking it in a room is one thing, but he was like one step away from inserting. Seems odd.
Complete self-control failure. What happened to the main character?
*sigh*
At this point, I just want Nondis in jail (for his own safety and sanity) or back home. If he is at the point of trying to molest Rarity, he needs to go. I no longer have any sympathy for him. Unless, something drastic happens in the next chapter, I will be removing this story from my Favorites list.
Okay, I used to like Nondis. Then, you did this. I question whether I'll be even willing to continue reading this. You just went waaaaay too far on this. I understand being horny, but going THAT far? Too far, man. Waaaay too far.
I really hope Nondis is just dreaming.
4802399 Soooooo agreed with this guy. What you did with Nondis... it just seems out of character for him to go THAT far.
4801934 One step? It clearly said he DID insert.
After thinking it over.... all I can say is that this story went from amazing to shit in just a short time. That last bit is just so out of character that it is blindingly crushing the fic. It. Makes. No. Sense. It goes completely against Nondis's character. Speaking cuss words is one thing. Being horny is another. But throughout all the fic, you've shown him as controlling himself and more than capable of it unless the other actively willingly desires it, and even then, he had restraint when Pinkie did so due to knowing that something was off.
Him doing that to Rarity makes. no. SENSE!
4802588 No, it was the crevice, said he resisted inserting.
4802057 I wouldn't go that far. I mean, let's say he did do this. It's not like the writer is saying this is what he likes, it's a character, sometimes characters do things you don't agree with. Now if he can't come up with a good rational WHY this normally sane and controlled nondis did this, then that is a writing failure.
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Let's take a look-see here. So far Nondis has:
1) Been transported to a completely different universe in the trippiest sequence of read on this site.
2) Been forced into a culture largely alien yet eerily similar to our own.
3) Told that the odds of him returning home are not particularly high.
4) Fallen for an individual who reciprocated.
5) Been nearly suffocated for almost engaging in sexual acts with aforementioned individual, because of knowledge that said individual had kept from him.
6) Been kept away from said individual, by said individual, despite neither he nor she bearing each other any ill will.
7) Been beaten near to death for attempting to protect the friend who took him in from an abusive former partner.
8) Rejected aforementioned friend's advances so that she could be with someone who actually loved her.
9) Been holding in month of sexual frustration with the inability to even masturbate due to fatigue.
I say Nondis cracked, at least partially. I'm not sure I would have been able to deal with things as well as he has before this point, and I certainly would not have done so nearly as calmly. Hell, the fact that he practically shrugs off having nearly been killed twice (not once have Shining Armor's near suffocation of him or Caramel's beating come up in the narration or Nondis' dialogue since the initial aftermath of those events concluded) implies to me that he's needed psychiatric help for a while.
Is the ending of this chapter out of character for him? Arguably, however I am fairly certain that I would, at the very least, need some psychiatric help if I went through what he has. I have little doubt that someone of his background (I differentiate us in that I have been at least a little more sociable) needs some as well.
*hits my head on a table* I.....I....there are no words....the second part of the story makes chapter 14 in my story look like damn Shakespeare. Look I understand and feel for the main character, I feel his pain and want to see him win. But.....I mean......the second part just......*sighs*
I'm still hanging on man, I'm still hanging on.
He better get some retribution or something in this story.
Just, I want to see him win.
But I'm still gonna keep reading your story no matter what. Because I know that there is gonna be some gold at the end of this rainbow
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Let's not forget that he was the one who bought up earlier in this chapter the fact that Caramel had raped Pinkie.
What the fuck just happened?
please tell me that the end of the chapter was just a dream.
Please?
...I knew it, I knew he wasn't gonna get any from Pinkie but seriously? Did he seriously have to go and rape Rarity? Fuck, dude.
I find this not enjoyable to read, but intriguing. Lets see what happens aside from him being killed by spike
4803052 I would say, up to this point, Nondis has shown remarkable restraint, in his dealings with ponies. His emotions have been jerked around right and left, and certainly, people have limits. However, not only has he shown a great deal of empathy for certain ponies who have been through psychological problems, he has also directly confronted someone who was guilty of the crime he committed (or almost committed, the intent is the same in the eyes of the law). A moment of weakness could be forgiven, hell, he's only human. Your argument seems to be that Nondis' is going crazy, and that this is some kind of psychotic break. I would say that, considering the beginning of the chapter, Nondis is in pretty good mental health. He's dealing with Pinkie's situation rationally, with a great deal of empathy for a pony he's never met.
If it's a case of his hormones getting the better of him, he had numerous opportunities to mess around with willing mares. Granted, he has reasons for not doing so, but if he was THAT weak, Pinkie Pie all but throwing herself at him should have gotten to him A LOT sooner than a sleeping mare who TRUSTS him to sleep in the same room. The implication here is that if a man is horny, and he's in a room with a sleeping, defenseless female, that he will be weak and take advantage, and frankly, I resent that implication.
What's more, this particular twist on the narrative is even more unfortunate, because like others of its genre, this story is driven by Nondis' interactions with the ponies, and their relationships. As the reader, I need to be able to empathize with the main character in a much deeper way than the other characters. With his actions in this chapter, again barring explanation (as I've said previously, I'm reserving judgement until some better understanding of the situation can be garnered) I have more or less lost all ability to sympathize with Nondis, and that kills a story like this. He isn't a weak man who needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps, he's a criminal who should be prosecuted and punished accordingly.
His mental state might explain his situation to some extent, but it does not excuse it, and lacking anyone else to focus on, my sense of immersion in the story has been shattered.
But again, I suppose we'll see.
Wait a minute, so he's suddenly become a rapist? I don't like where this is going ...
And all the respect I had for him is gone. I will now have no qualms is Spike and/or Shining decide to him what the Pie sisters did to Caramel
1) i don't think twilight has any legitimate reasons for treating him like she does. He has gone through a lot because of her and she gets mad at him for one mistake. Kind of wrong in my eyes.
2) if he has to look for a place to live, they are not doing their initial jobs by protecting him.
3) ya, nondis is screwed. Sure he got too into the moment, but i can't help but continue to think, as ihabe the last several chapters, that if i were him, i would have left ponyville within the first few months. Considering the situations he has gotten into, i would prefer living on the streets.
Is he finally going to explain himself to the others? About what they are doing to him?
And I suggest that you post the next chapter quickly. You might lose alot of people/ upvotes because of this chapter alone.
Oh crap, he done for now.
Um... what did I just read? I don't like where this is going...........
I just... where did that even come from? I'm so confused. So far he's been a misunderstood good guy and now... I don't even. I'm just... I'm going to give it another chapter but... really. That's just so far out of left field I don't know that to say.
Damn. Talk about one of the most fucked up ideas, to ever come from Nondis. Here's hoping to this being a bad dream, I really, really hope it is.
SIK EM, SPIKE!
Did someone else write this then publish it as the author as a prank?
i.imgur.com/P6pO6v1.jpg
In my opinion, this story went from first to worse cause of that ending.
I'm really hoping for a good explanation as to why Nondis just suddenly broke character like that. Sure, not a lot has been going his way and it alludes to that, but for him to just break like that is.. weird? Unsettling? I'm still not sure what to think.
I'm guessing it might have something to do with Twilight and part of the reason she's trying to hard so ignore him, but it's gonna be real hard for him to make this up to everyone. It just seems really weird to me that Nondis would just suddenly do something like this without some kind of outside influence.
I'm hoping things get better.
You done fucked up now!
Very nearly dropping this story here. I'll give the next chapter a shot, but if a reasonable explanation isn't had, I'm outta here. This was quite disturbing to read.
Excuse my language but... WHAT IN THE NAME OF CTHILU'S BALLSACK JUST HAPPENED? Seriously, at this point Nondis should realize all the shit he's gone through and just fall on a sword.
xcdrew.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/aint-nobody-got-time-for-that.jpg
oh and that ending nondis is a compelete mess I pity him very much
Thank god I read the authors notes. I was about to freak the hell out trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.
4801732 You posted that over 14 Weeks ago so I'm guessing you've figured it out by now but read the author's notes. I just about had the same reaction as you did until I saw that something in the author notes had a spoiler tag over it and I decided to see what it said.
He's about to get what he deserves.
i.imgur.com/Bok2NWy.gif
I was screaming at my iPad "Don't do it you jackass! Stop! She will wake up damnit! WHAT DA FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAN!?! I told you she would wake up...." Lol.....I need a vacation from fanfictions...
Reads all comments: Notes that none even mention how Shinning got less then a month of boarder patrol has punishment for attempted murder of Nondis.
Suspects author did this on purposes.
Wha-why the fuck would he do that?!
Oh yes, now In remember why I stopped reading this in the first place. It was too awkward to handle.
why did this chapter have such a shit end? seems out of character, PInkie just got done telling him how the main 6 would kill a guy. and whats he do 2 weeks later molest the kung-fu, magic useing, emotional mare.
http://8fb80e.medialib.glogster.com/media/e890087ea91621aa0be37945fc826d3d03836ca092a57c1ec7941eeab4a97d89/genius-meme.png
I couldn't stand the MC in the beginning because he was too much of a beta faggot. Then he started being less wimpy after his encounter with Caramel, and I started to like him. But now he's a rapist, so I can't invest my interest in him or his future. Maybe if he had gotten away with it I could have appreciated his descent into malignant deviancy, but I can't even do that. What the fuck are you doing, OP?
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It better be, otherwise: what a moron. Well, there goes any respect I had for him.
Security indeed. That was full on unwelcome molestation. Hormones cannot be blamed.