Xenophilia: Shotglass Oneshots

by TheQuietMan

84: Just Dropping in by PhucknuckL

Just Dropping in By PhucknuckL
**************

"Well, I'm glad that day's over," Lero announced to his reflection as he finished toweling his hair off and hung the towel on the rack. He checked himself over in the mirror. "Time to grab a drink, flop on the couch and read a book for a while." Lero was struck with how much his body had changed over the recent months. Gone was most of the padding that his formerly sedentary lifestyle had provided him. Only to be replaced with a healthy amount of muscle growth.

All this manual labor is really paying off. He lifted both arms into a bicep flex. Lookin' pretty good there Lero my boy. If only the guys from the chess club could see me now. Lero dropped his arms and tensed his chest. I s'pose having to satisfy three different girls at any one time has had nothing to do with it? His brain may have initially objected to the idea of polygamy on moral grounds, but something a little further south extremely enjoyed the ego boost that came with.

Feeling rather pleased with the ruggedly buff rapscallion grinning back at him, Lero gave the mirror a twin finger gun salute with an accompanying wink and clucked tongue. He slipped into his comfiest sweatpants and T-shirt and headed down stairs. He swung into the kitchen and gave the newest member of his herd, Lyra Heartstrings, a peck on head at the base of her horn. Lyra paused as she stood on her hind legs washing dishes. A noticeable tremor started at the base of Lyra's tail and chased Lero's right hand. A hand that was currently in the process of dragging it's fingernails up her long sinuous back, it ended its journey by slightly tweaking her ear.

"Try as he might, Spike will never get that apron to look as sexy as you can," Lero purred into her opposite ear. Lyra's shoulders shuddered and she turned her head to kiss the lips of her stallion, only to find them missing. The accompanying head buried in the icebox. "I'm sure I had some left... Rainbow if you've drunk them all again I swear to Luna I'm gonna spank your ahh, one left. " Lero dragged a frosty bottle of cider from the box and lifted it to his lips. "Hello beautiful." Lyra mock scowled as Lero kissed the muzzle of the embossed Applejack on label.

"That's my kiss she's getting," Lyra pouted.

"Don't worry my love," Lero chuckled. "I'm sure I've got some more to spare." Lero waggled his eyebrows at her. "Join me in the library when you're done and I'll show you how many I've got, with the rest of the girls out of town, I'm all yours." Lero winked at her and disappeared out into the main room of the Golden Oaks library, he could be heard flopping down on the sofa and twisting the top of the bottle.

Lyra let out an exasperated sigh and returned to the dishes. He's lucky he's cute. With the thought of alone time with Lero, and a few titillating ideas on the best way to utilize that time, Lyra renewed her chore with vigor.

Just as she was finishing up, she was greeted to an odd site from out the window. A grey earth pony mare was trotting towards the library with purpose, she had the case of a cello slung across her back and a small brown paper bag clutched in her mouth. Lyra felt her eye twitch. Of all the times, she picks now for an impromptu practice session. Lyra magically lifted the apron over her head and hung it on the hook. With masked irritation, she trotted out of the kitchen and towards the front door. I finally have him alone, I finally have the chance to find out if he'd be willing to-

~Knock knock knock.

Lyra adopted trademarked enigmatic smile number four™ and opened the door.

"Hello Octavia, how are you this fine day? After a book?" Lyra added a little hastily, hoping this was going to be a quick visit. The grey earth pony lifted an eyebrow and crossed her eyes, using them to point at the bag hanging beneath her muzzle. Lyra's horn glowed as a matching golden aura surrounded the bag and freed it from her mouth.

Octavia Melody ran her tongue across her lips in an effort to replace the lost moisture. "Good afternoon Lyra, please accept my gratitude, and no, I will not be requiring a book at this time." Octavia's usual stoic demeanor cracked a little as she continued. "I was rudely accosted by that... that Pinkie Pie mare on my way through town. She shoved that bag in my mouth and told me I was to proceed here with all haste. Upon arrival I was to pass that to you, for you in turn to present to Master Lero. Although, how she knew it would be you that answered the door is beyond me." Lyra opened the bag and looked inside with a frown. "He's not to consume it, merely retain it. It's purpose will become apparent when the time is right." Lyra waited for clarification but none was forthcoming. "That was all she said. Not... Precisely the way she delivered it of course. I am merely paraphrasing. ” Octavia tapped a hoof on her chin. “Although... she did look off towards nowhere in particular, clutch her tail and mutter something about ‘twitching’ to herself before scampering off. She didn't even allow me the opportunity to refuse."

Lyra gave the slightly disconcerted mare a knowing smile. But then again, she always did. "Thank you for going to all the trouble of bringing it here Octavia. I have always found it sound advice not to ignore anything twitching on Pinkie Pie." Lyra closed the bag and motioned inside. "Can I offer you a cup of tea? It's the least we could do for your troubles," Lyra cheerfully yet reluctantly offered.

"I thank you for the offer, however I must decline, for I have a prior engagement that I mus-" Lyra felt a slight tingle at the base of her horn as Octavia cut herself off mid speech. She looked up to see the instrument laden mare's face twist into a slight frown.

"You felt it too didn't you?" Lyra knew the answer before she asked.

"Hopefully this shan't take long," Octavia sighed as she stepped into the foyer.

"I'll get my harp," Lyra's sigh was a little more pronounced as she realized what it was costing her.

"Hey Lyra who was at the d- Oh, hello Miss Melody, what brings you- oof," Lero lurched forward, spilling some of his cider as the brown paper bag sailed unnoticed through the air and landed on his stomach.

"This is for you," Lyra muttered as she threw the bag at him.

Lero picked up the bag and studied it. He could tell a bag from Sugar Cube Corner when he saw one as he unfolded the top and peered in. "What's this for? Not that I'm ungrateful Miss Melody, but why would you come all this way to bring me a... Urr, what's wrong with you two?" Lero looked quizzically between the two mares staring at him. Both had their eyes half closed and were gently swaying side to side. Lero reached forward and waved his hand in Lyra's face. "Lyra, hello Lyra?" No response. He clicked his fingers "Anybody home?"

"Don't eat it!" Lyra barked out as she suddenly jerked forward.

"I aah, wasn't going to just yet. Why, what's wrong with it?" Lero cautiously withdrew his hand and sat back on the sofa.

"Nothing at all," Octavia offered. "It's not yours though."

"Okay, now I'm confused. You bring me a gift of free food but it's not mine and I can’t eat it? Why, who's it for?" Lero looked from the bag to Octavia.

"That as yet we do not know. That what we do know is this, The gift is not intended to grant you joy through consumption, however by offering it to another, you shall find a higher joy in their enjoyment," Lyra added cryptically.

"Oh~kaaay, that was out there, even for you." Lyra playfully stuck her tongue out at him. "And I'm pretty sure you were supposed to prefix that with, Grasshoppaaaah," Lero emphasized the long soft vowel from the back of his throat.

Octavia and Lyra exchanged glances and raised an eyebrow each. "It's a human thing," was all Lyra could offer.

"Yes, well, quite," Octavia returned. "Shall we begin? I don't know how much longer I can hold off."

"Begin what?" Lero inquired.

"Sure thing, let me grab my clàrsach and I'll be right back." Lyra ducked down the stairs to the basement to retrieve her beloved instrument, leaving Octavia alone with Lero. Octavia shrugged off the case of her cello and began setting up. The whole time swaying to a rhythm that Lero couldn't hear.

"It's a music of harmony thing isn't it?" Lero laid back and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Does it have anything to do with this?" Lero hooked the thumb of his empty hand towards the bag.

"I honestly don't know, it may well indeed. But as of this moment I'm not privy to that information. I only know that Lyra and I are compelled at this very moment, by forces unseen, to play right here, right now, in this very room." Octavia raised herself up on her back legs and took her place behind her cello. Drawing her bow across the strings to punctuate her sentence.

"Okay, let me get this straight?" Lero pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. "The music of harmony wants both Lyra and yourself to play a duet for me. I'm just to sit here with a present for me from Sugar Cube Corner, which is not actually for me, but I’m just to hold it for somepony else, but we don't know who that is yet?" Lero released his grip and opened his eyes, looking to Octavia for validation.

"Correct," she replied as she dragged the bow across the strings a few more times while gently twiddling with the tuning pegs.

"Okay just checking." Lero sighed and took another sip of his cider.

Lyra reappeared from the stairwell to the basement, trailing her harp in her magic behind her. A chair, encased in the same golden glow, floated in from the dining room and settled itself beside Octavia. Lyra plonked herself down, sitting human style and without preamble, closed her eyes and began plucking strings with both hooves and magic. Octavia, also with eyes closed accompanying her.

Lero took a generous pull from his cider but couldn't swallow, a sense of nostalgia mixing with surprise flashed across his brain... Hey, I know this song, Lero was suddenly struck with a vision in his mind's eye of a young, naked, blonde, human woman. A woman who had no right being naked in the scenario in which she was featured. It wasn't sexual, it was just... Lero found he lacked the understanding and capacity to describe why she was naked. His mind was wrenched from the vision as he swallowed what felt like a solidified and sharp edged lump of cider, helped down with a few fist bumps to the chest. He coughed once and laid back to just enjoy the music being provided by the two beautiful mares in front of him. Slowly his eyes began to close.

"Pretty cool huh?" Came a cheerful voice from right behind his head.

"Aargh! Pinkie what are you doing here!?" Lero sat bolt upright, clutching his chest and spinning to face the intruder.

-No Pinkie Pie.-

Maybe I just imagined it. Lero relaxed a little and turned back to the musicians.

Pinkie Pie inexplicably stepped out of nowhere from behind Octavia. The pink mare carefully picked up the grey mare while she continued to play and moved her about half a body length to the left. Octavia didn't seem to react at all, she didn't even miss a beat.

"Pinkie what are you do-" Pinkie cast him a stink eye, silencing him. She made a swiping motion across her face. It happened so fleetingly that Lero wasn’t 100 percent sure, but later he would swear, he saw the flash of what appeared to be a metal zip close across Pinkie’s muzzle. Lero shook his head in order to clear the vision. Pinkie silently moved behind Lyra, who also appeared to make no reaction as Pinkie dragged her chair backwards a few feet. Lero just stared as Pinkie Pie silently moved to stand in the middle of the room between Lero and the two other seemingly oblivious mares. She spun around slowly on her axis, sniffing at the ground like a dog looking for a place to lay down, various parts of her anatomy jiggling and shuddering. Her mane appeared to move on it's own accord. Her front cow-lick bending back on itself and rummaging around in the rest. It withdrew a piece of white chalk and drew a large X on the floor. It flicked the piece into the air as she stepped forward and caught it in her mane, the rest of the billowing pink curls swallowing it again without a trace. Lero just sat there perplexed as she sat back on her haunches and held up her forehooves. She appeared to be framing an unseen picture, staring at an arbitrary spot high on the wall. Lero turned to follow her line of sight to see what it could be that entranced her so. Nothing at all seemed to stand out. Lyra and Octavia continued to play as a shaky Lero turned back to ask Pinkie what was going on.

Pinkie Pie was gone.

Lero lifted his hand to his face to take another swig of his cider, a very big swig of cider. An empty hand met his face."Dammit Pinkie Pie! That was my last one." Lyra cracked open an eye at him. She found her Stallion with his head buried in his hands muttering something about: Physics, chalk, zippers, and hair just can't do that. She softly closed the eye and continued to play.

The music of harmony giving her no other option.

Lero may not be directly affected by the music of harmony but he can certainly appreciate the soothing effect of two of the most beautiful sounding instruments ever created. Especially when those same instruments are being played in ensemble by two of the most gifted musicians ever to walk on four legs. His mind was calming faster than it usually did after dealing with Pinkie. Lero relaxed his posture, linked his fingers together, rested them on his stomach, and laid back. It's just Pinkie being Pinkie, he thought to himself. She has a special deal with the laws of physics. They turn a blind eye in exchange for a few cupcakes offered up in sacrifice now and again. Lero's mind was clear and his heart rate lowering and he felt truly peaceful.

That's when she arrived.

Not through the door, mind you, because that's not how she did things, but straight through the wall. In precisely that same spot that Pinkie pie was framing earlier. She tumbled end over end, flinging parchments and letters in every direction. Lero curled himself into a protective fetal position, covering his head with his arms, as his once soothed ears were assaulted with a cacophony of smashing and crashing. when the noise stopped all that could be heard was the dulcet tones of a cello and and the accompanying harp.

Lero unfolded himself and stared incredulously at Lyra and Octavia. They hadn’t seemed to have reacted at all. They still had their eyes closed, they were still playing their instruments, still continuing the same song, as if nothing had happened.

"My bad," a familiarly apologetic voice floated up from the floor.

Lero cast his eyes at the figure sprawled on the floor, perfectly obscuring the chalk 'X' Pinkie had drawn. He was greeted with the sight of a blond tail resting between two grey pegasus butt-cheeks adorned with seven white bubbles apiece. The front end turned to face him, golden eyes simultaneously looking at him, and the somewhat large hole she had just created.

"I umm, I have a Letter for Twilight Sparkle," The mail-mare pulled the one remaining letter from her satchel with a wing and passed it to Lero.

Lero sighed for the umpteenth time since leaving the shower. "I guess I know who this is for now." He picked up the bag and upended it's contents onto his other hand. He held the delightful smelling banana and walnut muffin for his new guest to take a bite.

Derpy Hooves lifted herself from the floor, using her wings to brush dust and wood chips from her coat with a well practiced air, she closed the distance to Lero and, with a large smile, took the proffered pastry from his hand. "Thank you very much Mister Lero, I just love making deliveries to this place." her wandering eyes closed in bliss as she mumbled her appreciation around the half masticated treat in her mouth.

Lero turned his head and examined the fresh destruction to the library wall. "And we just love having you drop in."

Comments

[PhucknuckL]

Cheers for this Whispers. I'm honoured you found it worthy.

[Aunoraux]

[Mike Teavee]

First it was sweet and romantic, then it got weird and surreal as the "music of harmony" kicked it, then funny as Derpy made her appearance and it all made sense. Bravo, PhucknuckL!

[Brony Soprano]

Well done. Strange in places, but well done.

[Mortal Kombat]

I miss lero story's

[PhucknuckL]

6918630
Why thank you Mick. Warm's me cockles to hear praise from one such as yourself.

Cheers also 6919171 6919247, and 6918576... that was amusing yet oddly disturbing.

Now please. Mick, Whispers and any other of you Xenoverse heavy weights that might see this. I wish no slight against any of you real writers and the great work you blokes put out, but most of the stuff coming out recently set in the Xenoverse have been a bit dark, or morose. The last couple of chapters of Divided Rainbow have been fairly dramatic as it starts to wind down. Don't get me wrong I love it all, just... I dunno, I just wanted to see something' a little lighter I s'pose. So I figured I'd try my own hand at somethin' fun, somethin' with no flamin' point, somethin' with no clear direction until hindsight connected the dots. My only hope is there are at least a few blokes out there old enough to get the Kung-Fu reference.

This oneshot is in no way intended to be taken seriously. I still cant remember how I found it, but as soon as I heard the song I knew I could use it to attempt to write Octavia into a oneshot with Lyra. It started out all serious but when I realised how little sense the Miley Cyrus video clip makes, and let's be honest, how little sense she makes as a sheila. I knew which route I had to go. So Derpy became the end focus. And you cant write pony shenanigans without including Pinkie Pie. But if I'm only gonna use her to fill a plot hole(no pun intended)(okay maybe a little,) the least I could do is buy her a drink.

You have mates,
PhucknuckL

img12.deviantart.net/8a49/i/2016/040/e/c/cover_art__by_phucknuckl-d9r5w4w.png

[Brony Soprano]

6920849 I agree there should be more lighthearted stories in this 'verse, and note, I never said weird was bad.

[PhucknuckL]

6920888
No wuckas mate, I never took it as such, It was supposed to be weird. I love weird.
I'm Australian.

[Zer0prototype]

This was quite a good little chapter. I always feel like Lero's herd needs to develop the romantic relation with Lyra more.

[Aunoraux]

6920849

My only hope is there are at least a few blokes out there old enough to get the Kung-Fu reference.

Don't worry, it did not go unnoticed, or unappreciated.

[Brony Soprano]

6920927 I thought Australians were more into beer. And poisonous things.

[PhucknuckL]

6921244
Good to know, as I probably chuckled a little more than is culturally acceptable at my own joke on that one.

6921396
And those two things in combination, (Which, coincidently I do enjoy,) could easily be construed as weird.
Have you ever stopped to consider what the mane six would be like as Aussies? I have...

[Coranth]

He was greeted with the sight of a blond tail resting between two grey pegasus butt-cheeks adorned with seven white bubbles apiece.

"I want dat ass, and I want it NOW!"

[Mike Teavee]

6920849

Now please. Mick... and any other of you Xenoverse heavy weights that might see this. I wish no slight against any of you real writers and the great work you blokes put out, but most of the stuff coming out recently set in the Xenoverse have been a bit dark, or morose. The last couple of chapters of Divided Rainbow have been fairly dramatic as it starts to wind down. Don't get me wrong I love it all, just... I dunno, I just wanted to see something' a little lighter I s'pose.

Well, I suppose I can only speak for myself and my own story... but first: don't worry, I'm not taking any offense. Second, I will admit that "the last couple chapters of Divided Rainbow have been fairly dramatic," but that's because we're approaching the story's big finale. There's certainly nothing WRONG with wanting something lighter; the Xenoverse is vast enough to include all sorts of emotional tones!

[TheTownCrier]

[mycarhasaMoustache]

its a nice change to see something added to the Xenoverse that isnt Depressing, Massively dramatic or makes no sense.
I enjoy a bit of light hearted entertainment every now and then, Something that seems to be becoming few and far between in the Xenoverse.

[PhucknuckL]

6922967
Mick me old/young mate, I hope I'm not comin' across as a bitchin' wanker. I have thoroughly enjoyed every part of Divided Rainbow. You gave me one of my all time favourite Spike chapters. I think I've said as much before? You just keep doin' what you're doin' mate, and you'll have an avid reader to the end.

6923376
Bumperpubes here gets me. Although this thing doesn't make any sense until "she arrives" and you click the song link. Tryin' to interperet the video clip for Lero's thought processes for the song drove me flamin' bonkers. I'm not a bright spark, and in the end I thought; "Fuck it" and gave him exactly what I said to myself when I first tried to write it.

I've had this kickin' around for flamin' yonks tryin' to muster up the balls to submit it to Whisper's to publish. After the British ball bag got me bawlin' me eyes out when he published a certain chapter in Further Tales. (He knows the flamin' one, the galah, in his defence though, he did warn me it was comin' eventually.) That galvanised me into action. I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of him. Tidied up this piece of mindless guff a bit more and left in his hands, just wanting to bring a bit of frivolous nonsense into the Xenoverse. And if I got at least one laugh, case in point.
6923290

That was good enough for me.

You have mates,
PhucknuckL

[Pvt PartyPooper]

Man, that much work to set up a dumb joke is wonderfully pinkie.

[Flutters Is Shy]

Allright Warpd, time to come back and give us another Mithril chapter. Also nag nag nag nag naaaaaag!~

[Bahamuttone]

Hmm it's a bit annoying that there is no real standard continuity... it's jarring getting new foals popping up randomly... I think it's mainly because I'm reading everything at once...

[Aunoraux]

8198318
If you're selling any massive quantities of precious metals claiming they came from asteroids, there will be even heavier scrutiny.
First off, how the HELL did you manage to track down so many unrecorded meteors landing on Earth?
It can't have come from just a single source, because then it'll be investigated as some "find of the millennium", and eventually someone will notice "Hey, there are NO recorded near-earth-objects that would have gone unnoticed... Therefore, it's physically impossible that this came from space. Let's dig deeper into this obviously bullshit story!"

There are numerous organizations that track all objects that land on earth. If you start claiming that you got these metals from a meteor, that'll work about as well as "My dog ate my homework". NO one will buy that blatantly false statement, which will again lead them to believe that you're smuggling stolen property, or the metals were mined in some third world country by forced labor in death camps.

Additionally, even if everyone on the planet who ever took notice was so utterly retarded that they BOUGHT that story, SOMEONE would question why the FUCK you were stupid enough to melt it down for the precious metals?
A single google search about meteors will tell you that larger (anything the size of or bigger than a golf ball) meteors START at being 5X more valuable per ounce than even the most precious of metals that could be extracted (barring the discovery of new element(s), which is insanely unlikely).

Melting down meteors for money via selling the raw materials is like saying "I have $10 million dollars (US) worth of quarters... why don't I melt down the coins that are worth 25 cents each and sell the copper at 3.5 CENTS per coin?"

You'd have to be utterly retarded to even CONSIDER it, UNLESS you were lying. Again, leading them immediately to the assumption that you're smuggling.

Literally EVERYTHING about claiming you got it from a meteor is nigh-infinitely more difficult to explain, and will see more scrutiny than saying you mined it, and falsifying the evidence to claim you'd mined it is going to be a VERY long and difficult process in itself.

[Midknight Defender]

8199950
That’s only because of humans’ silly focus on rarity. The moment humans develop a ship RC drone app genetically engineered flying space monkey draconequus that can pluck them out of the sky at will, they will become mere historical curiosities.

Kind of like how diamond prices are falling now that we can make synthetic diamonds like Henry Ford and his Model Ts. Or how pearls used to be so valuable you could trade a couple strands of them for the title to a ginormous building, but now they’re cultured and farmed and so common you wouldn’t be surprised to see people buying them in pictures on People of WalMart.

Also, you completely missed the part where my answer was intended to be silly. You need to let the power of the Pink One into your heart; let the silliness flow forth!

...there’s caaaaake. And it isn’t a lie. Or a space rock.

I could make space rock candy if he likes!

Wat?

[Aunoraux]

8214102
You’re right, I did totally miss that you were trying to be silly.
My bad.

[Midknight Defender]

8214143
Trying. Ouch. So cold, much crush!

[Aunoraux]

8215420
Well, generally on this site, if a comment doesn’t have an emoticon, picture, or a “/s” on it, I find that it’s meant to be taken at least mostly-serious.
Again, my bad on that. Sorry.

[The Dimension Traveler]

10527396
I know, I am such a FOOL!

[KjDubya]

#84 Just dropping in, followed the link, perfect song lol👌