Diverted from the tracks by VelvetHeart
**************************
"Fancy Dress! That makes an outfit combo!" Rainbow Dash cried out as she slapped her card down on the table.
"I guess that in a game, you are willing to put some effort into your appearance, Rainbow Dash," Rarity added with a titter, before drawing a card from the deck and placing it in the holder before her.
Twilight Sparkle let out a little squee of her own; "Oh, this is so much fun! Chatting and playing with just the girls again, now the stallions are out on their own thi--"
The door thumped open, admitting the familiar tall form of the only human in Equestria, who hesitated only a moment before joining the mares clustered around the circular table. "It didn't take as long as we thought it would. The wood just... popped right back into place, like it was never broken in the first place. Anyway, what are you girls playing?"
"Ehm." Twilight Sparkle hesitated only to have Applejack jump in, "It's Colt Gone Cold, a game. Y'see, it's about this here stallion, the hottest one in town, who suddenly became available 'gain. So in this game, you got to seduce the stallion into yer' herd before yer' opponents can. To do so, you draw cards and try to make these combos at the bottom here. Rarity there has a 'Perfumes' combo, which gives 'er points. If you get enough points, you win. Buuuut-"
"-your opponents can get special mess-up cards, which can break your combos or force you to throw away cards!" Pinkie Pie interrupted. "Waaait... we still have room for a player. Lero, join-join-join-join-joinjoinjoin!"
"Well, I suppose it's only an imaginary stallion." Lero sat down, and swiftly found himself with a hand of cards, completely ignoring the holder he was also offered. "Ok, I play this combo then. Cosmetics, with Perfume, Lipstick and... Nethergloss? What's nethergloss?"
Twilight Sparkle turned red in the face, prompting a guffaw from Rainbow Dash. It was Rarity who answered, however: "Dear, that's a cosmetic that's used to, ah, accentuate a mare's most-feminine features. It also comes in various flavors for the more, shall we say, active mares?"
"Y'all be usin' nethergloss then, Rarity?"
"Well, I used to." Rarity sighed. "Unfortunately young Sweetie Belle seems to have developed a crush on some colt or other and decided to help herself to mine. Poor filly never could do anything in moderation, she applied it like icing to her little 'cupcake'. What was left after that... well, I decided to let her keep it. A lady doesn't use a used stick of nethergloss."
"Ooh, cupcake!" Pinkie Pie bounced with enough force that the table trembled, "That makes me want a taste of-- of... why is everypony looking at me like- oh! No, I mean the tasty kind! I mean the jui- ack, that's even worse! I mean the kind that comes from an oven!"
"We were just joking, Pinkie." Rainbow Dash slapped two cards to the table. "It's not something I would've thought to use. Non-unicorns never have an easy time getting it to look right."
"Well, I can, and mine's special!" Pinkie added her interrupt card to Rainbow's combo, breaking it. "It's got edible glitter in and it tastes like strawberries!"
Rarity's eyebrow began to climb on a dainty journey into her maneline. Several other eyebrows around the table, perhaps inspired by this bold move, quickly began to follow. "Dear, did I hear you correctly? Do you mean you make your, ah, 'cupcake' sparkle?"
"Yepperoonie! At special parties it's great fun! Instant discopie! In fact, remember Vinyl Scratch, the DJ? She loved the sparkly stuff so much I had to pull her out from under the table so she'd remember to play for the wedding!"
Rarity's eyebrows completed the remainder of their journey in record time. "You wore sparkly nethergloss at the princess' wedding?!"
"Yep! How else did you think Twilight Sparkle knew which of the Pinkie Pies was a changeling and which was the real one? She peeked! And the smell of Twilight's tail-shampoo helped me, so I knew which one to use as a properly-mounted machi-nicorn!"
Twilight Sparkle's face was steadily going from a shade of lavender to a deeper purple. "So... how did you know which one was the real Rarity?"
"Oh, that was easy! Her nethergloss tastes like rasberries!"
Rarity's eyes bulged in a very unladylike-fashion. "Wait, THE FLAVOR?!"
"Besides," Rainbow said as she and Lero watched the group of mares go their own separate ways, "I like the term 'legpit deodorant.' it doesn't sound so frou-frou." The start from the man next to her cause Rainbow's head to snap to him in alarm.
"Y-you mean that WASN'T regular underarm deodorant?!"
OMG<OMG<OMG!!!!!
For some reason, I want to know more about this game of cards they are playing along with hearing more of this conversation....but that might just be me.
Actually, TQM, you can blame me if this bumps the rating up to "mature," since I gave him the idea to put it in the oneshots.
Leave the blanks. PLEEEEEEEEASE LEAVE THE BLANKS!!! it makes it so much better.
3195222
Indeed. If you've read it already, it's hilarious. If you haven't, I can only imagine it looks obscene.
(Full On George Takei Mode Activated) OH MY...
3195080 I sense great longlivety of this post.
Amazing chapter.
OMG...
This game sounds like ponified dating FLUX.
Could be fun.
I reiterate my regret that this was made into a card game. Part of me wants to see it made into a reality. The rest is horrified by that part.
...wait, how are they holding the cards?
3195743 Don't ask. It stops working if you ask.
the spoiler tags make it even better
I can only imagine the confusion the changelings had when that pink pony suddenly molested them, hit them, and then bounced off.
3195743
They have card holders on the table.
so they're talking about makeup for their coochie?
3196736
Welllll, I guess when you have your junk hanging out all day, and anyone standing behind you has it in close proximity to their head, I guess makeup on the behind wouldn't be that uncommon.
3196909 ugh just imagine the crowds
places like new york where people are should er to shoulder with each other
3197160
"Have you ever felt ashamed standing in crowds?"
"Y-yeah. Sometimes."
"Ever noticed ponies standing behind you wrinkling their noses?"
"Ah admit it."
"Felt worried that despite your hygiene, you may never stop your rump smelling like a rump?"
"Yes! It's true! It's all true-hu-hu-huuuuuu!!"
"Then introducing the new Perfume for Plots! Guaranteed to have your derriere smelling deri-lightful!"
3195743 They are using card holders, it says so in the story.
3196031 Especially with the white-on-black so they almost completely fade into the background, and it's more like the words just aren't there.
3197220
ponies maybe aware enough that they need to whipe but not ALL the smell is gone
3196433 Confusion sometimes is greatest weapon.
Can't say I care about the rating.
That was hilarious and something I could imagine actually existing/happening in our favorite fictional nudist colony.
3196031
3195222
I don't like them at all. He implemented them (terribly) without asking, left the punchline exposed, and basically ruined the joke.
Righty folks, joke's over, the spoiler tags are going. Seems Velvet didn't see the funny side. But, it is her chapter after all so out they come.
Let's have some Sesame Street instead.
3199132
Next time you feel like making 'Inappropriate Censorship' jokes, write something yourself. Don't ruin what others write to get a laugh. You're good enough to make your own jokes.
This is the only thing that flashed across my mind at that...
3208388
Or a magical explosion in your stomach.
3195080 Oh... That was good.
3197220 xDD oh god imagining that advertisement got me to bust out laughing xD
Rarity was a powdered jelly doughnut?
Hilarious!
I really wish this card game was expanded and better described. I want to see them play it in full.