64: Mystery Skills by VelvetHeart
*****************
"The tribes are all equal." We assume this to be true, and in a way, they are. That does not therefore mean, however, that all tribes are the same. You have but to look at the distribution of talents among them: Agrarian to the earth-ponies, weather to the pegasi, and magic among the unicorns. You'll rarely find a unicorn with a flight-related cutiemark, or an earth pony with a magic cutiemark, let alone something as ridiculous as an animal-caretaking cutiemark on, say, a pegasus.
******
Commander Hurricane had been weathered and hardened by hardship and cold, but even she could feel the powerful glow of the sun deeply warming her muscles as she flew across the fields of Equestria. The earthponies had been busy; they'd done their thing, and the pegasi had done their thing, and the unicorns had topped it off in their typical showy put-the-sun-in-the-sky style. The end result was more plants than the commander had seen in a long, long time. Food. Finally.
A few quick wingbeats set Hurricane down near a large amount of the curious plants, long brown strands of material topped by little brown ovals. Food. Well, flying was appetite-building business, and these earthponies wouldn't miss a little bit. A quick bite was all it took - Crrrrnck!
"Ptui!" What was this?! This was the food they were growing?! She remembered these barely-edible little pebbles well enough, the earthponies used to weigh down their food tributes with entire bags of the stuff. Why were they dedicating so much land to this? It was an outrage!
Well, Commander Hurricane knew what she'd be talking about next time the tribe-leaders met.
******
The door opened with a soft creak, and the commander stomped in. Princess Platinum and her servant were already seated with the 'temporary' Earth Pony leader, Smart Cookie. In the midst of the table stood... something brown.
"Ah brought us somethin' tah eat," Smart Cookie explained, pointing at the curiously-fragrant item on the table. Every muscle in Hurricane's back went rigid in readiness when Smart Cookie drew forth a blade, but finally relaxed a little as the blade sank into the foodstuff, feeling a little guilty for already mistrusting her cross-tribal ally.
Of course, you dunce! It's too big to eat in one piece. Whatever it is, it needs to be cut, like a large apple!
Princess Platinum looked hesitantly at the supplied piece of brown, crusty thing with the soft, gooey innards, so Clover the Clever took it upon herself to sample a piece.
The enjoyment on the unicorn's face convinced Hurricane to finally try the strangely-shaped fruit, its sugary fragrance catching her nose just before she took a bite.
It was... like an apple! But even sweeter, and with a strange, sweet outer skin that was kind-of crunchy! Why had the earthponies never included any of these in their tithes?! Even Princess Platinum seemed to be losing some of her usual decorum in favor of slathering the general area around her mouth with the fruit's sweet interior.
"I'd mmfff mm," Hurricane quickly swallowed to clear her mouth. "I, Commander Hurricane of the proud pegasi tribe, hereby deman-" The commander bit off her word, clamping her teeth together. This was going to take some time getting used to, "I hereby humbly request that fewer fields be dedicated to that pebbly stuff and more to grow these..."
"Apple pies," Smart Cookie helpfully interjected.
"...these Apple Pies. I have never even heard of this fruit before!"
"Uh-huh... It ain' a fruit."
"Vegetable?"
"Nuh-uh."
"Then what is it?"
"Well, y'know..."
Moments later, Commander Hurricane was looking confused, Clover's eyes were sparkling, and Princess Platinum's expression was one of horrified shock.
"Impossible!" the unicorn princess cried out, "To warp the very nature of matter to change several foods into one, new food? Using the power of fire to transform without requiring a constant source of magic? How long have you been keeping this a secret?! No, we must begin trade talks immediately - the things we could learn... You should, nay, you must tell me where to find this pyromancer, this Bay King!"
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Saw this in the forum thread. Glad you got it added here.
3916013
I think that applies to all the things I wrote for the one-shots: They hit the forum first.
"What manner of mage are you, who can summon flame with naught but flint and tinder?"
He forgot the Author's note, though.
3916225
You forgot to include it when you PM'd the text.
I've added it now.
3916007 <----- This. Just, so much this.
That was so awesome!
3916577
I didn't forget it, actually. I didn't include it because then it would end up in the main body of the story since you'd be copy-pasting it.
Such silly ponies.
3916666
Look, we could back on forth on this all night and both end up looking like a pair of dicks so why don't we just say problem found - problem sorted?
Well if they are at least half the morons like they ancestors....
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
3916876
It may sound stupid to us, but that's because we're familiar with the idea. Cooking may be an entirely alien concept to those who were never involved with it.
Yes, unfortunately for the Earth Ponies, the unicorns and pegasi were mostly idiots. Luckily for the unicorns and pegasi, they never provoked an operational test all the other interesting little mechanical marvels the earth ponies created over the years, just in case. Things like the repeating crossbow and the ballista.
When you don't have magic or the ability to fly, you tend to get a bit more... creative.
and who is the mysterious Coo King ?! !
edit: mooh you need a woodden leg to find hin ...
Considering just how dumb the ponies are at times, this would come at no surprise.
HAH earth pony master race