75: The Mystery of the Disappearing Lero by Goat Licker
The Mystery of the Disappearing Lero by Goat Licker
*******************
The door shut, and the three gasped in horror.
“He’s gone!” Dash said. She knocked on the door. “Can he get out?” She reached out a hoof and grasped the handle. “It’s locked!”
Lyra leaned close to the door. “Lero? Can you hear us?” She pressed an ear to the door. “What’s going on in there?”
“That’s it!” Dash said, pushing herself into the air with a mighty flap of her wings. “I’m knocking the door down.”
“Wait!” Twilight said, curling a hoof around Dash’s leg. “The door might hit him!”
“Argh!” Dash shouted. “What are we going to do? Can’t you magic it or something?”
“L-let me think of something!” Twilight said, as Dash settled down. “Hold on.”
Twilight moved to the end of the room and dug through her saddle bag and pulled out a six sided dice, each side having some sort of message written in red ink. “I call this my rubrics cube,” Twilight said. “It helps me plan when I don't know what to do.”
“Don't explain, just throw it!” Dash said.
Twilight tossed the dice, and it landed on ‘make a flowchart’.
“Okay,” Twilight said, rolling up imaginary sleeves. “I just need some paper and ink, and we'll have him out in no time!”
The doorknob jiggled, and Lero pulled open the door. He frowned at his mares.
“Seriously, girls? I just had to use the bathroom.”
Dash rushed him, holding his body tight with all four legs. “Don't leave us like that!”
Lero felt Lyra’s magic cradle a particularly sensitive part of his body, and Twilight’s magic grasp another particularly sensitive part of his body. He could identify the magic without looking at the color, as magic always gave off psychic impressions – Lyra’s magic was freshly cut cucumbers, drizzled in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, with a pinch of dill crumbled on top, all on a white porcelain plate. Twilight’s magic was a cozy chair and a warm blanket on a cold winter’s night with a good thick book and a cup of hot cocoa.
“Let one of us go with you next time,” Twilight said, as her and Lyra’s magic began pulling him toward his bed. “We didn't know what happened to you!”
“Or keep the door open so we can see you,” Lyra said, as she crawled onto the bed.
Heat season is stupid, Lero thought.
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Yes, poor Lero... oh how you must suffer so.
5119710
Before you say such things in derision, imagine the chafing from using it so often. He's got, like, two hours per 24-hour day to rest for a week or so. It's no picnic, just saying.
Think of the fluids intake required! The incredibly high-energy diet!
It's not like he can cheat like the ponies and suck energy out of the latent magical field to keep up, after all. By rights they should have him hooked up to IVs of glucose and Viagra round the clock.
Heat Season: What's The Matter, Tough Guy? I Thought Every Guy Dreamed Of This?! MWAHAHAHA!
(and given that the mares wouldn't be much better afterwards, I'm wondering how the hell Equestria's enemies haven't taken the opportunity to stroll in during the recuperation period afterwards. I guess all the menopausal mares fight them off?)
(Of course, you don't invade DURING heat season. Getting between the mares and their stallions at that time ... an attempted griffon invasion during a heat season shortly after Luna's banishment led to the only crime against sapientkind ever committed by Equestrian citizens.)
Him saying 'Heat season is stupid' had less to do with cooling his mares for a week, and more to do with how they were affected by heat. It was causing them to be needy and unthinking.
5119710
Don't bash it. I would actually find scary the concept of having to go through two weeks of that. Every other idiot boy out there would march into it with a huge grin, but plenty would consider joining a monastery after that. Between flagging physical stamina, poor rest and your willy just wanting to fall off, the pleasant activity drops to a chore by Day 3, and nearly a torture by Day 5 or 6.
5120188
Yeah, I like it.
5119938 5121127 - It was just a joke...
5121917
Never forget:
There is no inflection on the internet, so any bias formed (such as by the fact that you're on the internet, and derision and scorn are the base assumption because they're the most common vocal attitude) will take precedence.
The internet is, unfortunately, not a good place for reasonable debate.
It's been awhile since we've had some one shots. I love these little stories.
5119710 5119938 5121127
I don't remember if it was here or somewhere else, but didn't one of these stories say Lero would drink Potions of Stamina and the like so he wouldn't die and all that during Heat Season?
5125866
I think the Stamina potion was mentioned by AnonPonyDashie on the original story.
5125866
I wasn't talking about endurance, I'm talking about friction burns.
Repetitive Stress Injuries.
Rugburn.
A general soreness of the loins, even.
5126513 Ahh, okay. Wasn't sure.
5126701 Magic healing from Twi or Lyra, or else an HP pot to alleviate those burns.
If not those, then he could just tell them he's hurt, we've seen that protective instinct burn through the heat before.
5126712
I certainly hope so... assuming they hear him under the pile of mare-ness.
That said, he'll stop needing them after a few years with the girls anyways, if only from getting used to it.
5126718 Eeeeyup.
5126754
'That which does not kill you only makes you stronger'
Addendum:
'With the notable exceptions of debilitating injuries, debilitating diseases, poisons, amputation, partial-digestion, durian fruit, and tapeworms.'
5126786 Also exceptions: Torture, psychotherapy, having a limb amputated, using your privates as piranha bait.
5126817
I already mentioned amputation
5126820 And yet you missed such things as evisceration, political assassination, Hero Complex, and Shitty shitty gangbang.
5126879
Pfft, evisceration ALWAYS makes you stronger afterwards. And political assassination usually results in political death, so nothing of value is lost.
Hero Complex is a great place to go, and is always helpful. I don't see what your problem with that place is.
And for the last...
Your sphincter might get stronger from fighting it off.
5119938 With this season he don't need to do any exercises, after going through such thing on a regular basis is enough physical exercise he will need... and a good potions from good ol' Zecora.
5126886 Nah, if anything it should be a Hero Simple.
5129436
But Hero Complex is so much bigger; you can have an entire party there! Hero Simple is a weak gametype.
Also, I think we've stopped merely 'mixing' out metaphors, and are now blending them with extreme prejudice.
5129438 Preju(d)ice? In my mixed beverages?! I think not!
I like afterjuice, myself.
5130852
Okay, we need to stop, or the puns will last forever.
i.imgur.com/5ChZdz0.jpg
5130869 But, as a (former) baker, I must make puns! They sell buns, and buns accessories!
Wow, thank goodness he didn't go in there with the intention to read a magazine. Those mares might have blown up the house.
5119710 Indeed. Three females to whom he is attracted desperately craving sex with him. Repeatedly. Such a terrible burden he bears.