Xenophilia: Shotglass Oneshots

by TheQuietMan

41: Fanfic by SpinelStride

Fanfic by SpinelStride

******************

"Hey! Lero! I hate you and I'm going to call you mean names like 'monster' and 'monkey' for no good reason!" said Honeydew.

"That's mean!" said Miss Cheerilee. "You shouldn't call anypony mean names and definitely not somepony who never did anything bad to you!"

"So what are you going to do about it?" said Honeydew and sneered.

"This!" said Miss Cheerilee, and she bucked Honeydew right in the face.

"Ah dunno, Scootaloo," Applebloom said, putting down the paper. "Ah think Miss Cheerilee might not like it too much."

"Aww, why? What's wrong with it?" asked the little orange pegasus. "She's totally teaching somepony a lesson! It's a great thing for a teacher to be doing!"

"I think teachers aren't supposed to buck ponies in the face," Sweetie Bell pointed out. "They might think she'd buck a student in the face too."

Scootaloo's face fell, and she tossed the sheet over into the corner, along with such opuses as 'Twilight Sparkle Turns Honeydew, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon Into Daisies' (rejected on the grounds that Miss Cheerilee had made them take letters home after their last creative writing effort's inclusion of the two bullies) and 'Princess Celestia Sends Honeydew To The Moon' (rejected halfway through writing because even Scootaloo admitted the Princess was way too nice).

"How 'bout this one?" Applebloom suggested, and began to read.

"Y'all are just a big ay-lee-yun thing an' y'all oughta get outta Ponyville!" yelled Honeydew. "It jes' ain't right, you gettin' in love with ponies an' not botherin' anyone!"

Lero looked downright sad. "Ah never thought of it that way," he said. "Ah'll jes' leave Ponyville furever, then, so's I don't keep botherin' ya."

"Now you just hold up!" said Time Turner. "That's a darn mean thing to say. Lero, y'all stay right here! I'm gonna go find when Honeydew turned into a jerk and keep it from happenin'. Ah'll be right back!" An' Time Turner jumped into his blue box an' it made that grindy noise like the time we went an' saw the Smooze, an' then it came right back an' Time Turner jumped out. "Never mind," he said. "Looks like Honeydew was jes' always a jerk the whole time. But you still don't gotta leave, Lero! I have a better way."

An' Time Turner bucked Honeydew in the face.

"We're not supposed to let anypony know about his box, Applebloom," Sweetie Bell pointed out.

"And he said the Smooze never happened after all, once we did that thing with the Rainbow of Light," Scootaloo added. "So nopony would get what we're talking about."

The bow-clad filly sighed and crumpled her story up, adding it to the pile. "Your turn, Sweetie Bell. Hope you got somethin' better."

Sweetie smiled and started to read.

"You horrible hairless monster!" said Honeydew. "You're so ugly you probably break mirrors when you look at them!"

"Why, I've never heard such a thing!" exclaimed Rarity, who was passing by. "Lero is a perfect gentlecolt and an absolute darling, and he looks positively smashing in the outfits I make for him!"

And Rarity bucked Honeydew in the face.

Scootaloo rubbed her chin. "Well... Let's put it in the 'maybe' pile."

Applebloom nodded. "That does sound like Rarity."

Sweetie Bell pranced gleefully over to add the uncrumpled sheet to the much smaller stack next to the discard pile.

Somepony knocked at the door, and then Spike came in. "Hi, girls!" he said. "Twilight said I could have today off and then teleported me out of the house, so I'm gonna have two or three days off before it's safe to go back in the library again. Can I hang out with you today?"

Scootaloo scowled. "What the heck is it with everypony this week? Rainbow Dash is at the library all the time too."

Sweetie Bell nodded. "And Rarity said I should go play with you girls, too!"

Spike and Applebloom shared a knowing look. One due to sharp draconic hearing and access to a fully-stocked library with access to the 'reserved' section, the other due to certain consequences of farm life.

"Let's jes' accept they're not gonna be payin' us too much attention for a couple a' days," Applebloom said.

"Totally not fair you two get it and won't tell us," Scootaloo grumped. "Some friends!"

"Yeah!" agreed Sweetie Bell.

"So, uh, what are you up to, anyway?" Spike asked.

"We're doing creative writing for school," Sweetie Bell said. "So we decided to do a story about Lero!"

Scootaloo nodded. "Yeah! We were in the market the other day and we heard Honeydew saying really mean things, so we decided to write a story where she learns a friendship lesson."

"Or gets bucked in the face," Applebloom added.

"Yeah, or gets bucked in the face," Scootaloo agreed. "Those ones are way cooler."

Applebloom and Spike coughed briefly and snickered, much to the consternation of the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders, but refused to explain.

"Anyhow! Y'all wanna join us, Spike? Ah bet you're real good at writin'," asked Applebloom.

"Sure!" said Spike. "Can I write one about Rarity?"

"Sweetie jes' did one," Applebloom said. "Sorry!"

Spike drooped. "Aww. Well, okay."

And they got to writing.

"Hey, Lero!" Honeydew yelled from her stand. "I'm not selling any melons to big ugly monkeys!"

"Why do you not like me?" Lero asked patiently, and came over. "Did I ever do anything to you?"

"No," admitted Honeydew. "You're scary and different and I don't like that."

"I'm sorry I'm scary and different," Lero said. "It's the way I am. I can't help not being a pony. I'm trying to be good even when ponies aren't nice to me."

Honeydew looked down. "I know, and I know I'm a bad pony. But you're scary and different!"

Lero held out his hand. "If you let me be your friend, I won't be scary anymore, will I?" he asked.

"I guess not," Honeydew said, and put her hoof in his hand for a shake.

"Well, maybe Miss Cheerilee will like it," said Scootaloo doubtfully. "But it just doesn't have that kick to it. Where's the action?"

Applebloom frowned, reading it. Something was kinda off and she wasn't sure just what.

Sweetie Bell's eyes were watering, and she rushed over to hug Spike hard. He yelped and fell over backward.

"Hey! Sweetie Bell, what's the matter!" he exclaimed.

"P... ponies were mean to you like that?" she asked in a very small, wet voice.

"Never!" Spike said. "In Ponyville."

Applebloom came over, eyes wide. "But... ponies were like that in Canterlot? Y'all lived there before you came here, right?"

Spike averted his eyes. "Well... maybe. A little. A lot. Okay, yeah, a lot of Canterlot ponies were a buncha big snobs who either thought I was a pet or a danger, but not all of them! Some of them were nice. Donut Joe was never mean to me and the guards always helped."

There was a brief but heartfelt moment for Cutie Mark Crusaders Dragon Huggers. Only Applebloom checked her flank afterward.

There came another knock on the door. Applejack's voice came through. "Applebloom? Sweetie Bell? Scootaloo? Spike? Y'all in there?"

"We're here, AJ!" called Applebloom. "There somethin' wrong?"

"Nah, jes' checkin' up on y'all," she said back. "Not doin' anythin' that's gonna catch on fire, even if y'all weren't bein' extra-careful, right?"

"We're jes' doin' some writin'," said Applebloom. "Tryin' to write a story about Honeydew learnin' a lesson about not bein' mean to Lero."

There was a pause, then Applejack's voice came back. "Done one about me teachin' her some honesty yet?" she asked.

Applebloom swallowed, then shook her head. Even though the door was still shut. "Ah thought y'all might not like that too much?"

There was another pause. "Well, jes' so y'all know, Ah lead with the right rear hoof. Stay outta trouble!"

And they got back to writing.

Comments

[Grahf]

Nice ending, that sounds like AJ

[Isumo1489]

Note to self, AJ has yet another kick mark in her poll, raising her way to the Best Pony slot in my book! As is, Cutie Mark Crusaders have made me shed Liquid Pride, and Spike is best dragon...no exceptions!!

[warpd]

Then AJ bucked Honeydew in the face.

[Aru]

Nice ending. I adore girls solution to the Honeydew problem.

[Mike Teavee]

Love it all! I love all the bucks to the face, (especially Rarity,) I love Time Turner's trying to go back in time but finding she's just been a bad seed, I love Apple Bloom writing it so they ALL have the accent, and I love: "Hey, Lero!" Honeydew yelled from her stand. "I'm not selling any melons to big ugly monkeys!"

These girls really do know how to consider their options! Well done!

[Kaille]

Oh, CMC, never change.

2969551
I think she should have withheld the jaffa cakes from Lero, not melons.

[RaptorCalloftheShadows]

2969474 Leading with the rear-right hoof, so it would seem. :D

[Skyler Walker]

Ha, not bad.

Still waiting for one of these stories to see Honeydew get some sort of comeuppance.

Or a buck to the face.

[cunning_linguist]

At least they were being realistic. Of course Lero would never buck anypony in the face, what with his frail, non-pony legs.

[SpinelStride]

2970925
Spike writes everyone's friendship reports. He knows that bucking someone in the face isn't how you make friends, and that making friends is the best way to get rid of enemies.

He's also probably aware of the market incident, and thus aware that Lero would go for the throat with his hands, not buck her in the face, anyway.

[FanOfMostEverything]

2970925
Now chokeholds, on the other hand. Or both of them, really...

[Hypastpist]

its like

...and bucked her in the face

is akin to

and they all fucked

[BenRG]

Everyone ultimately writes from their own point of view and in their own voice. There's no way of escaping that, really.

[Rikmach]

2973499

I get the impression that "Bucked in the Face" is the Equestrian equivalent to "Boot to the Head".

[Pvt PartyPooper]

Honestly, this was way more fun than any "proper" comeuppance for honeydew would ever be.

[Lainofthewired]

"Applebloom and Spike coughed briefly and snickered, much to the consternation of the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders, but refused to explain."

Yo dawg. Consternation is alarm, dismay and confusion, and I'm assuming you wanted to say something akin to chagrin or annoyance.

On another note, I favorited this shiet

[TheQuietMan]

2988708
In context "consternation" is still a valid word choice, so that's probably what the author meant to use.

[Nexidava]

2971075

What u did thar. I see it.

[Jack Ass Knife]

2970925 Frail? FRAIL? Biiiiiitch, you don't even KNOW.

[Genesis1212]

bucks, bucks to the face for honeydew xDD

[Solid Punch]

Story 41 was really funny! Reminds me my first fanfics...

[dlazerous]

hoof to the head.