My name is Reid X.P., and one day I woke up in a body that wasn't my own. That was a bit unusual. Even more unusual was the fact the body was pink. And female. I mean, I'd been a guy before!
Oh, also, I was apparently a pony.
Thus began my epic adventures with the body of Pinkie Pie, which would involve cross country trips, dancing librarians, and possibly the apocalypse. Trust me, waking up as a fictional character soon became the least of my worries...
Picture by Frankier the Seventy Seventh. Part of the Becoming Ponies collaboration.
Chapters (47)
I like it!
I approve. It seems Pinkie's random nature is leaking in though. Don't worry, brah we're all having this problem. For example, Twi-guy has Twilight's mind and Tara will occasionally slip into old english.
Sorry, I just went ADHD on you. Really great story so far.
AH YES, THESE AGAIN
1525557
Bro, calm down. It's just a story
1525557
And with that said, it's time for another rrrrrouuuuusinnng...
INKY ANALYSIS!
1) "We Need to Go Deeper... With Good Wood."
Ah, the joys of waking up.
First comes the slow, dreary process of shaking off my sleepiness and convincing my body it's actually awake. Then there's that desperate scramble to memorize what parts of my dream I liked and wanted to write down into a story. That's always fun. Oh, then I glance at the clock to see if I've woken up too early, again. Usually I go back to sleep after that but sometimes I just groan and kick off the sheets.
Alright, you have already made a clear and obvious error, in that you have forgotten the most chronic symptom of male awakenings. If you just groan and kick off the sheets, either you are that impressed with your morning wood you just don't give a damn, or you've got none to speak of. Or, perhaps, you are oblivious to your mandatory A.M. tent. I have already begun to lose belief in this story.
I brought a hand to my throat, before realizing that said appendage felt a bit off.
Much like your former male appendage, which apparently was never up.
2) Doctors Don't Know Shiznitz.
"Okay, that's a bit weird. As is my voice, apparently." I twisted my arm around to view it entirely, noting that there seemed to be a second wrist where my elbow should be... and that my elbow itself had moved up a bit. "So... forelimb designed for support. Quadruped? I'm just going to call this a hoof until another name presents itself."
"It's probably something other than a hoof, but, whatever--I calls 'em like I sees 'em."
Was I freaking out? Well... no. I'm a pretty chill guy when it comes to the strange and unusual, mostly because I myself am strange and unusual. I know, I know, it sounds sueish and cliche, but... yeah, as an Aspie I kinda had to focus on nonnormal things for most of my life. People were... disturbing. Most people. A few, though, they managed to connect to me in high school--
And here comes the info train:
-- Strange
-- Asperger's
-- People are weird
-- Yeah, I had some friends
With the thoughts connecting rapidly like that, you might wanna check to see how your ADHD's doing, too.
3) Fourth Wall? Puh-lease!
I'm sorry, you came here for ponies, not nostalgia! Unless you're a Dream Valley fan, in which case win-win!
"I'm telling a story. Please, have a seat."
4) Anatomy Class? I Skipped the Reproductive System that Day.
So I finished examining my hoof and decided that I should probably check on the rest of my body. Lifting my covers, I peered under; mmmmyep, I was pink and fuzzy all over. Cept for the tail, which was more of a tangled mess then anything and actually seemed to be fuchsia. And my cutie mark, mostly hidden by the green sheet and shadows. To top the whole thing off, I was wearing a blue circle-print pajama shirt and, I belatedly realized, matching socking cap.
I know you snuck a peak at Pinkie's Party Pie. Be a man and SAY IT! That's the REAL reason we are ALL here. Do not fail at giving this audience what it wants!
5) Will the Real Slim Pinkie Stand the Buck Up?
"But Reid," you're asking, "How did you have room to--"
Wait what? Who is Reid? I'm Reid! Reid X.P. at your service. Didn't I mention that?
LOL HERE'S MA NAME!
1525657
Let him have his fun. Trolls are adorable when they're young and only get dangerous after they get big enough to eat ponies.
No, I'm serious. I put a lot of thought into how trolls would work in ponyverse. They can only eat things that are still alive, so they have to swallow them whole. It's part of the life force vampirism magic thing they've got going.
Going to have to remember that one in the event of spontaneous fuchsia equine transmutation...
In any case, I'm certainly intrigued. Especially if Pinkie ended up with the narrator's body. Looking forward to more!
1525657 No. These are a cancer that afflict the site.
1525674 Ah, thank you
1525679
Well, that escalated quickly.
But nonetheless, I liked it.
I thought it was pretty well written, with only one mistake I could find with a comma.
Will favorite and track.
-ThatOneRandomPony (The one person that wrote the Octavia One)
This is so delightlfully... bland
I don't think I'll follow or like
The first chapter is... meh.
I guess it's too soon to judge.
Its good in my opinion
So your an aspie that would mean you have Asperger's syndrome correct [Just between you and Me if that is the case we have something in common
I... had to downvote. And I'll tell you exactly why. This kind of conversational style with the reader-- Wait what? Who is Reid? I'm Reid! Reid X.P. at your service. Didn't I mention that?-- is something that might be funny at times but, when you're doing a whole big story, is like trying to write one handed. Not only will it set up for total confusion, but it just mucks up the regular flow.
Not to mention that the whole set up of what happens sounds, well, extremely bland. The combination of bland 'waking up' descriptions with jarring fourth-wall moments feels... well, it just doesn't work. Sorry...
I feel like I'm being talked to by someone that I don't know and don't have a reason to care about. I don't feel like I'm 'reading a story'. You know?
Good luck with your writing, anyways.
you're taking it suprisingly well...
Only noticed two glaring grammatical errors. Other than that, welcome to the group.
Faving for the purpose of tracking, will wait before choosing to upvote.
1525694 That may well be, but the front page refreshes quickly, and then you never have to see it again. Sure we may be a group, and that means there might be a few of these popping up every once in a while, but at least we're being honest about what people can expect. At this point you're kinda just flaunting the chip on your shoulder. Besides, this kind of story has been done well by Suomibrony and HoopyMcgee, do you hate them as writers? All this said however, I respect your decision to hate this type of work with a raging passion. Just ... exert that anger in some healthy manner, maybe write something gory to indulge your own fantasies? That's what brings people to write some of the stories on FimFiction, just to get an idea onto paper ... without the paper part.
1526526 It's not "Every once in a while" At any given time, there is at least one of these(at least when I look), and currently as I'm writing this, there are THREE of them. Yes, there have been good ones, but now it's the new overused trope. I'm sick of these things gathering everywhere.
And I give them all a fair chance. I read through them to decide if they are any good. This one was, well, ok. Not the best, but not terrible. Still, this trope revolts me.
1525679Whatever led you to believe I was a troll? No, I'm neither liking nor disliking this, because while it was well written, this trope is far overused. I'm not trolling you, I just don't like how this genre is everywhere now.
1526551 On the browse page, press filter, disable "human" category. Or filter based on rating, or views, or just, not click on every "brony becomes a pony" story. I'm not trying to be mean, you seem to be a fairly reasonable guy, with a decent sense in music. However, you gotta realize that reading every single fic as it gets posted is a ridiculous thing to attempt. People's preferences change over time, right now, this is an over used cliche, go ahead and use the search filters so you get adventure fics, or one-shot comedies, or FlutterMac shipping, find something that is relevant to your interests, if you ever feel like reading a "brony to pony" story, you can change the search filters, and with time, you can use the "top rated filter" to figure out which ones are worth your time. Or go to groups devoted to a specific trope, like "Brony to Pony", "X is a Changeling", "Stallion X plough's Mare Y's beanfield", or "Mane 6 have a tea party, shenanigans ensue" and ask what other folks recommend.
P.S. Do you want to move this to private messages?
1526615 The thing here is that good Humans in Equestria do show up now and then, but I don't want to miss them.
But I guess I'll try and ignore these from now on. But if I did that, I'd never get to have awesome conversations like this!
Oh hooo boy. Ya' know I actually planned to write being the brony turned Pink? But, I decided against it and wrote Rarity's since she's my polar opposite.
(Would love to read right now, but I'm going to leave soon.)
1526615
"P.S. Do you want to move this to private messages?"
farm4.static.flickr.com/3221/2985790482_b07e535074.jpg
1526639 Then it seems we have reached an agreeable point.
1527347 Seems it won't be necessary, great picture though.
1527388
When a pic is needed to illustrate a point for clarity OR hilarity, you must trust Inky.
You're welcome, bro. You... and everyone.
1527388 Agreed.
I'm sorry but... I can't say I'm finding this story very attractive at the moment. And this is in no small part because this has already been done, and been done better.
Hoopy McGee's Why am I Pinkie Pie?
It's a brilliant story and it's been featured pretty much every time it's ever updated. You might want to give it a read.
But honestly, the fact that it's been done before isn't the main reason that I'm not liking the look of this story at the moment. Mostly it's because it looks so very bland. There's little to nothing going on, and I understand that this is the first chapter of the story, but the character acts completely flat about, well, pretty much everything. He seemingly has no emotions or decent reactions to anything so far in the story, and otherwise takes everything in stride. Not only is this entirely boring and off putting, but it also doesn't make any sense given the situation. I'm sorry, but being a "pretty chill guy" does not give you an excuse to have practically zero reaction to becoming a pretty pink pony.
And your character is described as being a "pretty weird guy" but we don't get to SEE this trait at all. This is one of those cases where "Show, don't tell" comes into play. You can't just tell us that 'he's a weird guy.' You need to SHOW us how he's weird.
I'm sorry, but at this point, all I really know about the character is that his room is cluttered (which could be telling of some things, but honestly is too vague to really derive much from) and he's not meant to be a female pony.
This story needs to expand on a lot of things. It needs to tell us a lot more about the character, and it needs to make him act like a human being rather than a robot. At the moment he's rather "BEEP. BOOP. PROCESSING SITUATION. BODILY STATE IS PONY. ALTERING STATUS AND PROCEEDING WITH MORNING ROUTINE. BEEP."
A human being would not act so blase. I understand that a lot of people think it's cliche to have a "freak out," but when something of this nature happens, it's rather required, unless the change was a voluntary one. Because it's the human reaction, and anything less feels cheap and unbelievable, unless there's a decent reason for it.
For example, to bring up "Why am I Pinkie Pie" again, there was a decent reason for the character to act in the way he did. His behavioral patterns were replaced by Pinkie Pie's when he ended up in her body, and thus, he did freak out, but he freaked out in a "Pinkie Pie" way, which ended up involving a lot of cheerfulness and hijinks rather than screaming, crying, panicking, and so on.
Unless you have a decent reason for him not to freak out (and no, being 'chill about weirdness because he's a weird guy' is not sufficient), then a freak out is rather required. Otherwise, he just doesn't come across as human.
The best thing about writing a freak out, by the way, is that it is in times of chaos that our souls are laid bare, to be overly poetic about it. Seeing his actions and first thoughts and assumptions during the freak out will do a lot to help us see what kind of person he is. Other good things that could help us discover more about him is to describe more about his room, what kinds of posters he has, what kind of food is in the fridge, and other little things like that. There's just so little going on here that the story just isn't interesting.
Anyway, that's my look at this first chapter. My suggestion would be to go back and really spruce this up, paying close attention to how your character acts and comes across to the audience.
I like the new developments! can't wait for the inevitable glomping I shall receive!
Fingers...We all miss them my friend.
Oh dear, things just got more awkward...
1527530 I think it's because his higher brain functions have changed, due to being put in Pinkie's (his counterpart's) body. Seriously, why don't many people understand that?
1529549
That's what Dusky said. And yeah, it's been done... that's why I'm doing it differently.
1525557 I know this type of thing where people comment this
QUICK! DUCK IN COVER HES A GOT ANTI AIR! (This Means troll alert if you have'nt noticed)
1529562
Ah. *nods* That makes sense.
Freaking out Pinkie Pie and/or overly enthusiastic Pinkie Pie is too mainstream.
- Should be lose.
Also, Fausticorn, I like it.
Lastly, the MC's name is freaking creepy rare, I've only ever met three other people with the name Reid before, spelled exactly like that. And I have a photographic memory for weird crap like that.
Unique. Pretty sure this is the only brony to also be an artist.
My favorite chapter so far! can't wait for us to meet up! or for our timelines to synch lol. Either way.
My problem with this fic is that the second chapter seems a bit too rushed, and we aren't really told anything about what the news said. But other than that, it's pretty good.
Wow, posted my comment, and this new chapter was posted. Perfect timing. Well, this chapter is really good. Your character's family doesn't react all that strongly, but I think that is more realistic than over reacting, since they probably are barely believing what they are seeing, and I perosonly never react strongly to anything abnormal.
Call me crazy, but this character seems a little sue-ish… yes I realize this was mentioned, but I can't find any character flaws aside from a slight ego and smart-Alec sense.
...Well, I know that you/Reid is rather random, and an aspie (As in aspergers' syndrome, which I also have, by the way), but is there anything else you didn't tell us about him?
Seems A.S. is a lot more common than I thought it was.
Glad to know I'm not the only one.
1535010
A large portion of the aspie community is misdiagnosed. I was diagnosed as an aspie at the age of 8, once I moved out of my parents house and started living on my own I saw 4 different psychologists, not one of them thought I matched the description. I don't mind though, I have a great deal of sympathy for aspies because of it and they are great creative company.
edit: Also, forgot to say, your writing style is getting better and better, can't wait for the epic meetup!
My brothers an aspie, but not a Brony.
Nice chapter!
yay
1534956 I'm an Aspie as well [Small world eh?]
The pony fanfics have really made me appreciate having hands. We tend to take them for granted.
I think he needs to meet the Fausticorn and not meat her, unless you want a cupcakes crossover.
Well, I was never diagnosed but my school years sucked big time, so either aspy or just Twilight level nerdy.
Liking the story so far.
Oh, hey. Look! I'm not the only one that took a traveling buddy with them!