We arrived at the tent, with no drama or fanfare. Ginny and Harold were standing awkwardly off to the side; Ian, on the other hand/hoof/appendage, was kneeling down and clearly trying to talk with the self-imposed prisoner of canvas and zippers.
"I’m just a bit tired!" I should have pegged the voice immediately, but I was more concerned with the slightly panicked tone. "Stop bugging me already!"
Harold stepped forward. "Hey, Linda, we’re here if you need us." He patted the tent comfortingly, in an awkward attempt to reassure his friend; he got an aggravated sigh in reply.
I turned to my brother, a serious expression on my face. "Sitrep."
Ian's eyes ran over my PJs and stocking cap before focusing on my face with a flat expression. "Are you my CO now?" he asked.
"No, I just want to know what’s going on."
"Linda won’t come out of her tent." He shrugged helplessly.
"You could just open the tent..." Erishy offered. "It’s a tent."
Ginny rubbed her hands together nervously. "Yeah, but.... you know, if we just did that... it would kinda be making light of her problems, and, that’s not like nice and shit." She glanced away, trying to hide her face. "I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt her."
Erishy hmmd to herself quietly, examining the grass for a few moments. "...Hey Linda."
"I get that you’re going to say we’re all suffering through the same thing but can I have a few minutes to myself while I try to figure out how to WALK?!"
I scoffed. "In that small tent?"
"I wasn’t going to say that, good guess though." The pegasus looked up with a sly smile. "I wanted to tell you that you’re lucky to have both magic and wings."
"Wait, how would you--"
My eyes went wide as I belatedly connected the dots.
"Oh. Oooooooooooh." My smirk threatened to cut off my face.
"What?" Linda squeaked. "...No. Obviously not, this is just the voice of, um, an OC of mine!"
Erishy snorted. "I listened to 'This Day Aria' on repeat for three days, I could recognize that voice anywhere."
Ginny looked from the pegasus, to the tent, back to the pegasus, then back at the tent. "...Wait, are you saying she’s--?"
"NO! I mean, no! I mean, er, I--" Linda cleared her throat heavily, before speaking in a comedic parody of a deep voice. "I’m feeling light headed--"
"Try saying the word “perfect” without it being all sing-songy," Erishy challenged.
After a moment, the tent sighed. "...Okay fine, I’m her, what more do you want?"
"How many ribs do you have?"
Almost everyone present gave me a loud "WHAT?" in reply to my question. My brother merely facepalmed.
"Cause I totally have this theory that Cadance has a pegasus ribcage because she’s not actually an alicorn, just a winged unicorn--"
Erishy put a gentle hoof on my shoulder. "Not the time."
I rolled my eyes, but nodded. "...In all seriousness, why are you hiding in the tent?"
"I think that may be my fault," said Julien. Who had not been there a minute before. For an ivory unicorn stallion the dude is practically a ninja. "Also, good morning. It is hard enough to get sleep when my body wants to wake up at the crack of dawn."
"OH GOD HE’S HERE!" Linda whimpered inside the tent. "Don’t look at me I don’t even know you I don’t want this to happen--"
The stallion sighed, composing himself. "...Listen, Shining understands. He wants me to guard you with my life but he knows that you aren’t Cadance."
I nodded. "In other news I have eighteen pairs of ribs to Fluttershy’s fifteen."
There was a quiet moment.
"...okay, the part from Julien was comforting, but Reid what are you thinking?"
"I suck at actually comforting people so I’ll just go on a random tangent?"
"....fair enough..." Linda eventually conceded.
Julien cleared his throat. "Also, if you keep hiding in a tent, you’ll never realize that another Cadance just posted a picture of herself on Facebook. Raising a very interesting question: Which one is real." He gave the tent a very flat look.
Wait, what?
"I am pretty sure we have the real one," Erishy stated simply.
I recalled our earlier conversation about the nature of the multiverse. "Um, infinite realities being what they are, I have to indicate by default they’re both real."
"I think they mean who is the imposter," Ian explained.
"Figment could sniff them out." I turned to the stuffed dragon. "Right Figment?"
Figment said nothing, but his expression radiated confidence. It was so overpowering that everyone present took a moment to bask in his self-determination.
Erishy gave me something of an odd look. "....Aaanyway, I think we have the real one, because I haven’t felt any instant love for her, and a Chrysalis version of Cadance would be siphoning love away from others."
"Wait, is that how Changelings work?" Ginny crossed her arms. "I thought they just consumed the magical vibrations generated by love."
"I thought that they had to mask themselves," Harold proffered.
"I thought they were ugly," Jacqueline stated plainly.
The pegasus raided her hoof. "I happen to be half Fluttershy. I know exactly how they feel. You suddenly become attracted to them when they use their power."
"I thought they were pretty cute," I muttered. Honestly, carapace-covered quadrupeds with those adorable insectile wings, what was there NOT to like? "I have a Changeling OC, from the tribe of sorrow...."
Erishy pulled me out of my musings with a poke. "Hey, she is sad. Get in there and give her a musical while I go get everyone breakfast."
I took a moment to examine the tent. "...I dunno, I don’t think this is musical number kind of sad and I’m still in my PJs."
"PJ’s make everything better." She turned away with a flick of her wings. "Getting food now." Ginny and Jacqueline started after her.
"Then why don’t you wear them?!" I protested feebly.
"Because they are itchy on fur!" she shouted back.
Yah know, I don't think Shy was ever a morning mare before. I mean she always had Angel brew her this really hot cup of tea before she did anything with the animals and I mean really hot like it melted the tablecloth once--
I snorted, shaking my head. "I get it." Harold gave me a curious look, but I just shrugged. "Sorry, thinking out loud."
My mind went to the task at hand. I weighed the element of laughter in my hooves, trying to determine what exactly would comfort Linda in this situation. Well... what was she afraid of? Losing herself, falling in love with a man she'd only just met, the whole pony thing.... oh, and Chrysalis, that was probably a big one. Well, I could do something with that last one.
I scrabbled at the tent zipper for a few seconds before Ian, helpfully, opened it for me. Then I chucked in my magic bling.
"OW! What the--?" Linda rubbed her head, wrapping a hoof around the golden object and bringing it to eye level. "Wait, is this the Element of Laughter?"
"Yeah. And Shy has the Element of Kindness. And to my knowledge Chrysalis has no changeling army, or supercharged love magic." I stepped in with a shrug. "So basically the tables are turned and stuff like that."
"She also is probably a human, just as scared as we all are."
"WAAAA!"
Linda's wings flared in a panic as she shut her eyes, swinging away from the source of the new voice. I looked over to her other side, raising an annoyed eyebrow. "Okay seriously, I’m the teleporting one, how did you get in here?"
Julien grinned. "Literal teleportation. I am a guard with guard magic. and a unicorn. You'd be surprised how many attack spells an Equestrian guard is taught."
"Five?"
He smirked. "Six."
I nodded, tapping my chin. "Oh, right, the Harmony number, should have spotted that."
Linda, meanwhile, was clutching her head and rocking back and forth gently. "I’m not looking, I’m not looking, I am my own mare--WOMAN! My own woman!" It... wasn't pretty, but let's be honest, any woman having a breakdown isn't pretty. Especially if they're a pretty pink pony princess.
Julien seemed to take the rejection with a fair share of amusement, though I noticed a tinge of bitterness in his voice. "Never thought I would have women desperately trying NOT to fall to my handsome charms."
"...Yeeeeeeeah not touching that one." I coughed gently. "Anywho. Linda, you have to look at him sometime. Better to do it when you’re prepared. Julien no sudden kissing to mess with her," I added as an afterthought.
"I’ve known her less than a day. Sorry, but I’m not that type of stallion."
Well, at least he was decent about the whole debacle.
The pink pony princess put her forehooves against the ground and took a deep breath. "I... am in.... control." She let her eyes slowly open, glancing first at her own hooves then turning to her left.
I gave her a gentle smile and a reassuring pat, pointing across the tent. "He’s over there. Just turn your head to the right. Sloooooooowly....."
She nodded, taking another steadying lungful of air. "I... am in... con..."
When she caught sight of Julien, her voice trailed off. Her wings, already flared wide out of fear, tilted in and up ever so slightly.
A tense silence filled the moment.
"...damn."
My ears pricked forward at that resigned statement. "What?"
"I hate to say this, but it’s something we both agree on."
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." I had to take a breath for a second. "...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?"
"....he’s totally smoking hot."
The white unicorn facehooved.
I considered her words. "The punster in me wants to go pyro... But more importantly, can you control your urges?"
"I..." She nodded, glancing away from Julien. "Yes. Yes. I’m okay now. He is hot, and this is a fact, and it is not effecting my decision making process."
The unicorn smiled, standing up. "Okay, good. Now I’ve got to start taking down our tent." He walked out of the tent a bit too casually; I noticed that, perhaps, he may have been showing off his flank or it could be an accident. Probably was an accident, to be honest, but that didn't stop Linda's wing from jerking just a titch.
I gave her a look.
She noticed. "...don’t you dare."
A small snicker escaped my lips.
"Don’t you even dare." Linda finally regained control of her wings and clamped them down tightly. "Reid, don’t even think about it."
My face split out in a wide grin. Like, super wide, Cheshire cat wide.
"You know what, I’m out of here." Linda stood, stepped out of the tent, and promptly tripped over her own legs.
Julien gave her a concerned look as he stopped folding his own canvas house. "You okay?"
"Aside from the stickers on my snout? Yes." Linda's voice was utterly deadpan.
I couldn't help myself. "It onleeeeeeee, takes, a moment..."
Linda groaned. "Oh noooooooo..."
Julien sighed and shoved an unshorn blue hoof over my mouth. "No. Sorry, I know its funny but we have enough issues right now." He stepped over to the pink pony princess, helping her up and using his telekinesis to pluck the small thorny seeds off her face. "Try walking small steps first, it’ll be fine, took me an hour or two."
"And count your ribs," I added jokingly.
Linda shot me an annoyed look as she began a slow, methodical trot. "Ignoring you now."
A mischievous giggle was my reply. "Fair enough, I’m going to go pester Erishy."
I started off in the direction of the cars, our two human companions following me. Then I realized I'd left the element of Laughter back in the tent; with an embarrassed chuckle, I went back to get it, and realized I should take Figment along too...
By the time I arrived at the parking lot, Erishy was already buckled in and trying to start the car.
I heard Jacqueline's voice as I came within earshot. "...so I’m sure I could design something for you with the fabric in the van." She was leaning against the open driver's door with a gentle smile..
"I... What do you mean? Would it be black? I like black. And green, well I like green a lot more now than I did before, or do I like black more than I liked green?" Erishy shook her head, confused, and glared at the steering wheel. "I HATE KEYS!" She pounded the wheel in frustration, producing an angry honk.
Jacqueline winced, but to her credit she didn't back off. "I could do black vines on a green background, if you like it. Or vice versa. Or, you know, one of each."
"She totally could, I looked over her deviant art. Have you seen her Nightmaren outfits? Top-notch!"
Jacqueline gave me a thankful smile. Which, honestly kind of annoyed me, I mean, I don't praise things that aren't praiseworthy so why should she be thanking me for praising her good work? But you know, humans. I'd long ago accepted that they were just weird.
I took a moment to examine the inner workings of the vehicle, noticing the metal rods that went up from the pedals and ended in little platforms just under the pegasus's hooves. "So I take it you’re going to drive this car?"
She blinked, glancing at the steering wheel, then the seat belt, before giving me an embarrassed look. "Um... I would really like to. I really want tea for some reason, and I’m hungry. But I can’t get the key to work."
I told you Flutttershy needs tea.
I rolled my eyes.
My brother, helpfully, reached in and started the ignition. "So now that we have four ponies, what’s the plan? Pony per car?"
"Maybe pony per car not counting drivers?" I offered. "I need to get dressed first anyway."
"We are just going to a fast food place to grab breakfast." Erishy waved to the shotgun seat. "Get in."
"What, without getting dressed first?" I cried in shock. "Here, Figment knows what I like." The dragon flew from my hooves into the seat next to the pegasus. "See you when you get back!"
Erishy stared at Figment for a bit, clearly unsure if she wants such a bastion of masculinity riding in her car. Eventually, she shook her head and glanced at the humans around us. "You all coming along?"
Ginny almost darted forward, before suddenly glancing back at the campsite where Julien was helping Linda master the art of quadrupedalism. "I--uh--ye--ma--" She clenched her eyes shut, bouncing on her heels in desperation. "GnNNNNNNN!"
Jacqueline grinned and patted her on the shoulder. "I’ll stay here and help Linda out."
"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" The fangirl gave her friend a brief hug before practically diving into the car.
Ian shut the driver's door and walked around to the other side, rolling his eyes. "I’ll come too."
"I’ll stay and protect the ponies," Harold offered. "And Jacqueline of course."
His fellow cosplayer gave him a knowing smile. "You are the perfect gentleman."
With all that sorted out, I spun on my hooves. "Well, I’m headed to the Pinkiemobile to get changed."
"Why do you wear clothes as a pony?" Erishy asked. "It’s so weird."
Because they gave me a sense of identity? Because I come from Texas and the weather this far north was chilly? Because I was still a tad uncomfortable switching out my sets of equipment? Because the juxtaposition of pony and clothing was humorous and therefore assuaged most of the jester urges that came from Pinkie Pie?
"Pockets," I explained over my shoulder.