Awakening Pink

by Masterweaver

Identity

I turned to the pegasus and took a deep breath. "Alright. Fine. Scared. Accepted. Moving on to more important matters.... ERISHY?!?"

She put up a warning hoof. "Hold on."

"Really?!" I gave her a look of disbelief. What could possibly be more important then Erishy?!

"Scared can't be just moved past. I know that as well as just about anypony else. You have to understand your fear and confront it. You aren't allowed to deflect to me." The pegasus pointed at my chest firmly. "You are scared, because you don't want to let Pinkie in."

"Oh, so now you're a therapist," I growled. "Fair enough. Yes, letting Pinkie in is dangerous. Just like letting Fluttershy in is dangerous. So I reiterate: ERISHY?!"

She gave me a hurt look. "I'm your friend. Or, half of me is Pinkie’s friend. The other half fancies herself a therapist but knows she couldn't cut it. I... I gave in. I was scared, and alone Pinkie. I mean... Reid. I needed Fluttershy to help me, so I let her in. It didn't hurt."

I brought a hoof to my face; clearly she didn't understand the problem here. "Alright, let's try this from another angle. Who were you? Before this."

A few of the birds that had been knocked unconscious by Ginny's fangirl squee flew up into the branches.

"...Take your time," I added helpfully.

The yellow pegasus hid her face behind her mane. "Who was I? Before I let Fluttershy in you mean? A scared girl named Erica. I had been lonely all my life, and I had spent so much time giving my own happiness to others that I forgot how to be happy."

For the briefest of moments, I caught an expression of pain on her face.

"I was kind to the point of hurting myself. But then Fluttershy showed up in my head. I showed up in hers. Either way I feel better now. It's like the pony part of us knows what the human part needs, and they complete us." She looked up at me with a warm smile. "I sound like a nutcase, don’t I?"

"Yeah but so does everyone.... So Fluttershy knew what you needed?" I considered her words with caution; perhaps the fusion hadn't been as permanent and harmful as I had thought.

"I am Fluttershy, and Erica. That's why I choose a new name. But it's more like the pony just is that missing piece. It wasn't a conscious decision to comfort Erica, that's just who I am. Pinkie is happiness and laughter. I'd say you need that pretty bad."

I didn't really want to consider that possibility. So, after a few moments of thought, I decided to change the subject. "Here's a random question. Back when you two were dreamfasting, what did Erica look like?"

Erishy gave me a confused look.

"Oh wait, you don't know what dreamfasting means. Dream talking. That... sort of thing." Honestly, the Dark Crystal was a classic...

She brought a hoof to her chin. "...Depended on the time. She looked human in ones where she was scared or confused, like Fluttershy when she was embracing it."

"Pinkie told me that I looked like a pair of hands," I explained. My eyes drifted down to the bands of rubber and pencils I called fingers. "I... want hands..."

"Well. If I was going to guess, and I am not qualified in the least for this, but I would say you were trying to take control. You were scared of losing control. Hands gave you control over your life."

I stared at her for a full fifteen seconds.

"...Pfffffthahahahahahaaaha! Sorry, sorry, I get what you're saying but.... 'A wise man does not plan. A wise man steers.' Control is not something I'd ever want. Too much paperwork."

Erishy chuckled. "If I can get you to laugh. It doesn't matter if I am wrong. But if you didn't want control, why not let Pinkie in?"

"Actually..." I mulled over how to appropriately explain what I meant. "...Do you remember your face? I'm totally going somewhere with this."

The pegasus shrugged. "I remember I had blue green eyes, blonde hair, and I don't like my nose. I remember what I looked like in a mirror, both as Erica and as Fluttershy." She poked her muzzle for emphasis.

"Yes but do you remember your face? How it felt? Because..."

I glanced away, ashamed.

"I don't think I ever learned how mine felt...."

Erishy gave me a look of pity and sadness. "Reid... This isn't forever." She stepped closer. "This is only until we beat Discord. After that... we will deal with whatever comes then. Together. okay?"

"....yeah. That..."

Part of me just wanted to dismiss it right there, let her think she'd done her job, but something deeper stirred and caused me to look her in the eye.

"Who is Reid anyway? I think that's the question here."

After a moment, though, I turned away. "Sorry, that's a tangent. Maybe we should head for the tents."

Erishy walked up, stopping me with her hoof once more. "A good friend of mine once said, that You are whoever you want to be. If you want to be Reid, then you can be whoever you think Reid is. If you want to be a mix mash like I become, then do that. It's up to you."

"But who is Reid?!" I cried out in frustration. My body twirled around so I was facing the Pegasus once again. "You know what I do all day? I write. I draw. I MAKE. And everything I make has a self, a backstory, sometimes eons of it! I have made nations, worlds, species, families, wars, peace, stars, magicks, dragons, and things that the english language has NO NAME FOR! And every single one of them..."

I shook my head, trying to start again.

"I mean... That's what I do. It's all I do. I... I don't even dream normally. I just use it to plan out more stories. And if Pinkie comes in, all that's going to survive... but I don't know where I will be because I don't know what I am."

Erishy pulled me close. "Reid. Ask Pinkie. Close your eyes and ask her. She is in your head. Ask her who you are."

Obediently, I shut my eyelids.

***

I found myself... well, my hands on a felt stage. The curtains were drawn as I looked around, and I could hear various rustlings in the wings.

"....Um, Pinkie? You here?"

There was a sudden buzz, like wires snapping together. "Ha! Got the sound system working!" Pinkie emerged from behind the curtain. "Oh hey, you're here! I'm almost done, why don't you have a seat?"

I glanced out at the empty theater. "So.... I understand this is a metaphor, but shouldn't the audience be here?"

"They already are." She shoved me off the stage. "Quick! Before we dim the lights!"

I stood up, rolling my eyes, and slumped into a front row seat. "So I guess you heard that whole thing in the real world."

"Well, duh! They are my ears, you know. You're just borrowing them." She glanced around as the light's began to fade away. "Oh no! I have to get into position. Just sit right there, okay, you're going to love this."

I watched as she jumped backstage. All right, what was she planning...?

Suddenly the spotlights snapped on, and the curtains were thrown back. Pinkie Pie was dressed in a surprisngly Michal Jackson-esh outfit, white hat, cane, jacket, and pants, standing centerstage.

"Well who are you you ask? That's a riddle that's hard to solve!

Getting a cutie mark is eas-ee-er and doesn't have so much thinking involved

But if I know something it's this: you gotta start straight from what you do

So let's go deep into your psyche to figure out what's yoooooooooou!"

She started to bob her hips to the beat of the song from nowhere. Around her, felt versions of various creations I had thought up began to form one of the world's oddest kicklines.

"I see that you like to make, now why do you think that is?

You don't seem to want the fame of the big old show biz.

I see that you like to write, stories of every type and kind

This is quite indicative of a very creative mind...."

Suddenly she leaned to the side and twirled the cane.

"But you already knew that, so we'll go deeper still

This self discovery is always quite a thrill!"

As she went back to the original up and down bouncing, I took a moment to examine the kickline. Was that... Cerissa? The spider woman I made just to see if I could?

"When you create, you feel this joy, this esoteric glee

Even if it's nothing anybody else will see

You make and alter and change and shift, always working on your art

Face it, Reid, whatever you do, you're a perfectionist at heart!"

And then she went with the cane twirl again.

"But you already knew that, so we'll go deeper still

This self discovery is always quite a thrill!

At this point, the kickline broke apart and paired up for some square dancing. Pinkie changed her motions, too, opting to pump the cane up and down.

"Why do you worry so much about things no ever sees?

Why does a simple penstroke bring you to your knees?

Because these thing you make, they are your only friends,

You've never learned how to to make real face-to face friends!"

"You just rhymed friends with itself. And I already knew all that."

Suddenly, Pinkie was right beside me, leaning in with a friendly smile. "But don't you see? it's not true! It's all your favorite lie

You lock yourself away so that you'll never have to cry

You're a warm romantic heart in a fortress of self fear

Because sometimes you think you won't like what you hear."

"Okay, so I have issues. How does this help me with my identity?"

"Auntie Pinkie wants you to understand, you really gotta start

from that thing you hide away, that over sensitive heart.

In your time away from people, you think, you plan, you dream.

And once, every so often, you show off your latest scheme.

You're a philosopher, a scholar, but that's just what you do.

You can put on any mask at all and none of them are you."

I slumped in my chair. "So I'm a void."

"No!"

"But you just said--"

Pinkie jammed her hoof into my... well, she blocked me talking. "Listen carefully.

A jack of all trades and master of none

Is often better then master of one.

A man who always wants to help out

will not of his prowess always shout.

You're practical because you love.

You know what it takes to go beyond and above.

You are always exactly who you need to be.

And right now, you need to be me."

"...so what are you saying? If I let you in..."

She jumped back onto the stage, leading my creations in a conga line over a wild set. "I'm not going to lie, you'll like parties more, and maybe chocolate too

But no matter what I have in store you will always be you.

All that you have ever lacked is a way to empathize

And that's the big thing that you'll gain if we synthesize."

The centerstage started to lift, Pinkie riding on the top of a spiral platform.

"Who are you? You are the dancer, the carver, the singer, the man

You adapt to anything, you never need a plan

And once your heart comes out of this paranoia cage

You will at last be able to with other folks engage."

Suddenly, the pink pony jumped, sliding down the platform on her knees as fireworks went off in the background.

"It's a risk, but you can take it! After all you have before.

Every time you wrote or acted, that's what's now! In! Stoooooooooooore!"

I considered her musical number very carefully. "So... just because my whole life is a collection of masks and assumed roles doesn't mean I'm not a person?"

"No less then anybody else!" she confirmed. "Plus you can be more then a cog in the machine this way."

After a moment, I brought my hands together for a round of applause. "I think I understand what you're saying. Thank you, Pinkie."

"Well, it's the least I can do." She winked. "You should probably open your eyes now."

Comments

[ParaDox Derpy]

images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111008163523/mlpfanart/images/0/04/Derpy_Hooves_Derelle.jpeg

OMGITUPDATEDWHATTIMEISIT!

truly amazing work, this is why I love you.

[TonydBrony]

*Slowly claps* That was amazing. I have no words for what I read. All I can say is; my jaw dropped from the emotional tow of this chapter. Bravo, Reid. Bravo.

[spetsnaz pinkie pie]

T-that was so beautiful *sniff*

[Galaneth]

There goes the last nail of the proverbial coffin of me not being able to see anyone else write as Pinkie in the PonyEarthverse.

[TundraStanza]

Chapter 15:
I'm seeing a character that's like Rise Kujikawa.
Just because he has multiple sides to him, he doesn't need to find his true self. Because in fact, he is all of them and more.

[Red Bomber]

1559740

That's the first thing I thought of when I read the song too. But I'm still too afraid of them.

[Tjprower]

Hmm... can someone write a musical accompaniment to Pinkie's song? I'm having trouble figuring out the rhythm. Great lyrics, though.

[SecretiveExplosion]

2443006 Seconded. I decided to read it as a poem about a verse and a half in, less jarring.

[R4skall]

2858217 thirded
>
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||
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>

[Icthelight]

"a cog in the machine" I'm SO letting Manlyderp know about this. He'll be ecstatic even though it was probably un-intentional

[Pinklestia]

Well, that's so Pinkie!

[sorenxoras]

This chapter has caused much distress.