Do not ask how I unconsciously managed to stuff an entire pillow into my oral cavity without ever noticing. I don't know how it happened. All I know is that I had to pull the thing out with my hooves and hope like heck the hotel didn't raise the cost of the room because of the pony spit. After all that had happened the day before, I decided to start my day off right: With a nice warm bath in the hotel-provided restroom.
Insert cartoonish failure at bathing here. This is not something I even want to talk about.
Eventually I dragged myself out of the tub, shivering and covered in soap suds, electrical burns, and more then a few bruises, some in places that are impossible to have with human anatomy. I shook myself dry, doggy style; I just wasn't in the mood to try something as fiddly as toweling myself off. Then I gave one last glance to the mirror to ensure I wasn't straight-maned or anything before trotting out into the still-dark main bedroom.
My brother was still sleeping in the pre-dawn dark, so I decided to just get dressed; after that, I pulled out my iPad. After all, I hadn't checked Erica's messages since yesterday, and she was... I dunno, maybe I was just feeling the "This is somepony who understands" vibe. I opened a reply to my previous comment.
I saw a horse. SO WEIRD. I could understand it but it just knew the most basic stuff. Asked me what herd I belonged to or something but I don’t have one so it just trotted off. I have a feeling they aren’t any more intelligent than dogs. Anyway I wrecked my car and a friendly car repairman is fixing it, letting us stay here while he does. US! I didn’t tell you, my friend who I am traveling with woke up as Shining Armor. Hoping to be leaving here in a day or so and head towards Kansas City. DON’T TRY DRIVING.
Shining Armor? Really? I tapped my chin, considering how to reply to this new information. In the end, I just shrugged it off; aside from not driving, there didn't seem to be any major bits of advice or anything that affected me yet in there.
Still, I opened up a reply; the talking horse, at least, deserved some acknowledgment.
Your horse talked? Wow. Mine just gave me uncanny valley twitches....
I thought back to my dream and the whole felt pony interaction. Very briefly, I considered just telling her about it, but I decided against it; Felt Pinkie had been right when she said I didn't want to worry Erishy. Maybe I could kind of hint at it though...
....Maybe it's because you're the Shy one. Or maybe it's because I'm trying to avoid the Pink one's influence. I thiiiiink the unique powers of the individual pony become accessible the deeper you sink into the body's personality. You're still you, right? Rephrase: Rough guesstimate, how much is You and how much is the Shy one?
My eyes drifted to the calender in the corner of the room. I snorted, remembering a bit late that Discord had shifted some records around for his own inscrutable purposes. Well, best to use that against him!
Also, happy Marsday! On this day two thousand and five hundred years ago, the god Mars declared war on the gods of Egypt. Or at least that's my excuse for the new name. Discord can easily be encapsulated by logic and harmony, the show just has it a bit more literally. Search "Smile Smile Smile in G Major"
I furrowed my brow. No, the first one of those videos had that hideous evil Pinkie image, and this was Fluttershy's counterpart I was talking to. My hoof tapped the delete key until the last sentence fragment was gone.
Search "Best Pet Win in G Major" for a perfect example.
Was there anything else I should tell her about? Oh. Oh yeah...
In other news, I acquired a group of cosplaying stalkers yesterday. They're actually fairly nice, aside from the whole fan thing, and I kiiiiiiinda sorta maybe might have possibly promised them that when we met up you would pose for pictures with them. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry....
I paused in my typing to open up a new tab and do a quick google search.
Though to be fair, there's that pic of me cuddling Figment in bed that went viral. Pinkie has good taste in PJs.
May the force be with you!
With that, I seen the message off through the magic of the internet. The sun had finally begun to rise, light slithering through the blinds as I carefully assembled my saddlebags and their contents. Ian sat up slowly, stretching in the morning light. "You're up early... I guess some things never change."
"That's me, perpetual insomniac! I hibernate on weekends though."
"It is so weird to hear Pinkie say that." He blinked away his sleep as he swung out of bed, dusting off his clothes. "I'm going to go take a bath, then we should be ready to go."
"Don't forget, we're going to go eat at IHOP!"
"Pinkie Pie at an IHOP." He snorted. "I don't see how that could possibly go wrong."
"Oh don't jinx it. I can see a number of ways. Rabid bronies, burnt pancakes, the wrong syrup, somebody accidentally serving me coffee..." I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, I am ready for anything."
***
Oh how wrong I was.
***
Very slowly, I slid my tongue up my face until I had gripped the pancake. Then I brought it carefully into my mouth and began chewing.
With my vision no longer blocked, I took in the situation. Jacqueline's fork was hovering inches from her mouth, frozen in shock as the syrup slid down her form. Ginny had put a comforting hand on her shoulder, while Linda had buried her face in her own palms. Harold and Ian stood of to the side, cautiously watching the unconscious man that lied shirtless between them. The breeze whispered through the shattered window, twitching a few of the wires on the now partially crushed mechinism laying on the ground. In the corner, a policeman slowly lowered his gun as the gazelle he had been covering chose to take the time to nom on some hash browns.
The manager was halfway out of his office, horror on his features.
I felt my tail twitch and quietly slid to the side. A toaster landed next to me and caught fire.
Finally, I swallowed and cleared my throat. "I think it would be best if we packed up this breakfast and ate it on the road."
The manager nodded, slowly. "It's... it's on the house." The gazelle paused to glance at him before returning to the hash browns.
I nodded at him. "Thank you for being so gracious. Come on, peeps, let's move out."
We maneuvered around the assemblage of pony plushies on the floor, getting the take-out boxes and... really, you had to have been there. I'm pretty sure there's a video on youtube somewhere, go google it.