• Member Since 17th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen April 29th

Zaralann


I came and I brought bad luck...

T

While I'm pretty sure that being transformed into a Hero from a Movie can be considered cool in more than one way, I just don't see it.
"This... is so wrong."

Being sent to a land where Myths and Legends come to life is not a fun way to die.
"Nice puppies?"

It's not Hell, and it's not Heaven, and I'm pretty sure that this isn't Nebraska!
"Oh, crap."

I'm not sure what happened.
"Thou vile beast, We demand to know how you appeared here!"
"You and I both, lady."

And apparently I'm not very good with first impressions.
"... She started it!"
"Thou deceiving mongrel, We weren't the one who started the battle!"
"You threw the first punch, I just returned the favor."


And even without interruptions by some assholes...
"You know what is the difference between us?"
"Oh, pray to tell?"
"I'm fireproof, you, not so much."

I feel that my goal to get home will be pretty hard to achieve, all thing consider.
"But that's impossible!"
"You know, I'm pretty sure that by now this word left my dictionary forever."


{Character-tags will be updated with the story.}
{Currently being Edited by The Snide Sniper.}

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 272 )

Hellboy huh?
*unfolds camping chair*
Please continue.

So this is set in the same univers as The black knight?
Will they meet someday?

Wow... nice Cadence pic. I don't see a lotta those 'round here.

4372288 that's why he wasn't incased in stone for the capital crime of not being a pony

oh and go over this again please, there's quite abit that the spell check wouldn't get since while the words are spelled correctly they are the wrong ones for the sentence

4372025 As you wish.:twilightsmile:
"In the land far far away..."
4372170 Each of my stories set in the different Universe, so no, they won't meet.:facehoof:
4372217 Hope you'll like what will come next!:pinkiehappy:
4372288 I really don't know why, she's a very flexible Character with a lot ways to incorporate her in the plot.:twilightoops:
4372373 Well, and the fact that the Time-Line won't let it happen.:twilightsheepish:

Somepony couldn't keep their hooves off the Bold button.

Okay you have my attention, but please work on your spelling and grammar. It's a good story, but the errors break immersion somewhat.

Ugh here you got My hopes up. I was thinking this was gonna be the REAL Hellboy. Turns out its just another costume party Joe (no offense). Can't even count the number of these things coming out. You need to make it clear this is not the REAL hellboy in a crossover. Welp maybe when I get over my disappointment I'll come back and read it. Until next time.

Interesting crossover idea, well written, great humor..... I will SO follow this fic!!

4372821 its on his page under "writing.progres" that none of the character are the actual characters, just people who gained their appearence and abilities. However i think that each of these stories.have alot of potentoal

4372995 Well, okay, but that sort of thing should be in the story description IMO. It's not right to require people to get information from the author's user page.

Of course, you could argue that it's not required, because you can just read the story and find out you got faked out and it's not the real Hellboy, but ... that's why I said "IMO" it should be in the story description, because faking out your readers in the story description is usually not cool.

4373237 I really didn't know that it will be that hard to understand that it's a Costume story, considering my other works.:applejackunsure:

4373267 And what if people are unfamiliar with you and your other works?

4373395 The the fact that this story is a part of this group.:facehoof:

4373417 That's not one of the top 6 groups. How often do you click on the "Show All Groups" link?

[edit: What the hell! FORTY THREE GROUPS.]

......let it begin

with a pair of wind of the same color on her back[/quote
Yah wind!

4373267
Moar!:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

That is all. Equestria is ours.~

EEEEEE!:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::yay::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::yay:
I SEE POTINTIAL!!:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:
Nice first chapter.
mustace on me :moustache:

4373443 1) Always.:ajbemused:
2) What the problem with the amount of Groups?:applejackconfused:
4373526 :raritywink:
4373529 Thank you. corrected.:twilightsmile:
4373554 And so many more to come! Writing Progress!
4373582 Thank you!:twilightsmile:

if this is before cadence gets engaged to shining and she somehow gets a crush on the main character i will laugh my butt off:rainbowlaugh: (in a good way)

4372484
Just a thought because he saw her on the convetion

4373584 Question; Who, or i should ask, what is the main character for your story I Am Hatred?
I can think of several characters that fit the "Hate-filled ball of rage" category.

OK well I read the first chapter, and it's a pretty good start. I liked the fight between Jake and the Timberwolf.

And I am curious, does this story take place in the same universe as the Black Knight, because they both use the same style of anthro ponies (having human forms but with a horn or wings

4373613 You'll just have to wait and see.:raritywink:
4373625 Oh, that little hint will be much more important in the later date, and not in these stories.:raritywink:
4373657 Look lower, there is a name and a link to Wikia there.:facehoof:
4373677 No, and I already answered this question. In this world they have tail too, while in The Black Knight they don't.:facehoof:
4373683 Writing Progress!

A Hellboy crossover? Color me intrigued...

4373690 oh yeah, forgot that little detail. I actually kinda like that the universes won't clash.

And so the plot begins, it appears the poor not-so-heroic red man will have quite the wild ride in equestrian.

Well then... this certainly is looking interesting. And was that the girl dressed as saber alter in the beginning?

'At least I'm not the worst case, that girl in the black armor looked ready to collapse.'

I'm hyped for this story, keep goin and stay golden^^

4373584 Well, it's an awful lot of groups to wade through. Even if I had Shown All Groups, I doubt I would have read every single item on the list without already having a particular reason to do so. If you compulsively do that for every single story you read, I guess it's natural for you to assume that everyone else does it. However, now you know that we don't. So, if you wish your story description to actually aid potential readers in understanding what your story is about, you might want to consider making that change I mentioned.

Oh hey, look, a Hellboy crossover! Sweet, I always loved the comics, and I'm sure this story will truly stick to his character and just how awesome he is!

After reading.

...Son of a bitch. This isn't Hellboy. It's just some random, uninteresting douchenozzle dressed up as Hellboy, then ending up in Equestria to change into Hellboy. Except, here's the kicker, he isn't Hellboy! You literally have a Hellboy crossover without Hellboy in it. Just... just why?

Okay, sarcasm aside, dear god did you jump the shark on this one. For starters, the fuck is with that title? I have no fucking clue what [UHC] stands for, and neither do you ever point it out in the story. Just stick with a goddamn title that actually makes sense.

Next up is the description. Oooooooh boy, the description. From the first look, I'm guessing the black text is the narrator, the red text Hellboy uninteresting human OC #8474759374, the light blue text Celestia maybe, the darker blue but extremely hard to tell from the other blue text is Luna, and I think the pink text is Cadance. Overall, it tells me absolutely nothing about the story, what I am to expect from it, and frankly, I am surprised it passed moderation in the first place. Like, seriously, how did it pass moderation? :rainbowhuh:

Now, onto the story itself. Your pacing is like a Hotpocket. Cold, then lava, then cold again, with bits of cold thrown into the lava for good measures. To summarize, your pacing goes from bland and slow as fuck at the beginning, then speeds up and slows down like a car getting thrown around in a Kentucky derby through the middle portion, to only end in a slower than you can possibly imagine ending for the first chapter.

Also, for some reason, your extreme use of the bold button for the story is like an addict on crack. Kinda alright at the beginning, but then its reduced to a slobbering, drooling mess at the end. And boy is this story a mess. I can't even count the amount of spelling and grammar mistakes I spotted. Seriously, I don't care how, but get a goddamn editor. For your sake and the readers so they can actually read the story.

To sum up this comment, the title and description didn't make me want to read the story, the LoHAV aspects of the story didn't make me want to read the story, this being a Hellboy crossover that doesn't even have Hellboy in it didn't make me want to read the story, yet I still read the story. Masochism shall be my downfall one day, I just know it. But yeah, seriously... get an editor, please. For god's sake, there's dozens of groups on this site specifically for that purpose.

Also, don't include pictures of what the characters or weapons look like at the end of the story. It's your job as a writer to describe and give them life in the story, not for some picture to do it. Got it? :scootangel:

4373710 :twilightsmile:
4373719 :raritywink:
4373728 Thank you!:twilightsmile:
4373908 Believe me, it was the best what I could come up with.:facehoof: I suck at descriptions.:fluttercry:
4373937 Glad to deliver.:twilightsmile:
4373983 1) Writing Progress!:facehoof: Please enlighten yourself about story classification.:twilightsmile:
2) I really don't like to ruin the whole idea of actually writing the story by spoiling the plot in the description, so I made a 'Quote-Description' so people will have enough information about the situation, but not enough to guess the plot or the direction in which the story will go. The point of the sotry is to be interesting to read, and I'm sure that you won't be interested with the 200K story with already known final.:facehoof: The less information and pieces of plat can be picked up from the description, the better!:pinkiehappy: And about moderation, I saw at least ten stories with far less... informative descriptions than mine, and I didn't see anyone complaining.:rainbowderp:
3) Can you please elaborate? I'm not sure what are you talking about.:applejackconfused: You mean how the speed in which the scenes are changing?
4) I know, I know, but considering that I'm from Russia and English is only my second language, I'm doing pretty good.:pinkiehappy: I will look for an editor, but it will probably take time.:facehoof: About my use of Bold letters, it's a bad habit that developed while I was posting on the FanFiction, and it's really hard to get rid of it.:twilightblush:
5) Well, considering that LoHAV's reputation was soiled due to the horrible stories without a future, plot or actual reason for existing and only about 1,2K words long, I understand why it made you want to walk away.:pinkiesick: And yes, I'll try to get myself an Editor.:facehoof:
6) Ehem, I'm not that good with describing and actually lack some word in my vocabulary for it, so...:twilightblush:

"My name is Hellboy." I really didn't want my real name to be even mentioned when someone will talk about this mess.

...That's actually the most logically mundane reason I've so far heard for a dude transformed into his costume using the name as well. :rainbowderp:

Bravo!

4374126
Oh wow, a blog explaining the title. Totally not a contrived way for the typical reader to understand from the merest glance at the actual story itself. Here's a tip, and please, try to listen to it. The typical fimfic reader doesn't give two shits about a blog linked to a story they can't even understand the title from. Which is included in the author's notes, actually. Which means they'd have to read the entire fucking first chapter just to understand what the goddamn title means. Do you see how utterly stupid that is? Do you? Explain it in the description part of the story, link the blog in the description, or better yet, not include it in the first place, but the way you're doing it now is completely asinine.

Now, for this...

I really don't like to ruin the whole idea of actually writing the story by spoiling the plot in the description

31.media.tumblr.com/a1c2e3110568bf2953ba8507c67d619d/tumblr_n3euq5A5gd1smcbm7o1_500.gif
That is the exact fucking purpose of a description. To tell what the story will be about. So people will actually read it. Do you fucking understand what I'm telling you? The description is used to tell the plot of the story to the reader so they'll actually read the fucking story and not skip over it because the description is a bunch of dialogue that shows us not a fucking clue about the story itself.

As for the scene changes, I was being generous there in my critique. Understand this, please, so I don't have to repeat myself. Your descriptions of events are bland and boring. They make the pacing go on forever. Get some better vocabulary, I beg of you. Then whenever something interesting happens, it speeds up the story and practically skips over any portions that could be interesting. Dialogue is definitely your crux, since there was barely any in the story. Your action scenes are just as uninteresting as the description scenes in your story. You don't explain enough of what is happening, while for description scenes it takes you forever and by the time you're done I'm already bored out of my mind. So please, get an editor to help you out about this.

Also, I don't care if English was your 27th language. That's no excuse for sloppy writing, when you can easily get an editor to help you out. Don't make excuses, actually do something about them.

And then, to finish it off, there's this...

Well, considering that LoHAV's reputation was soiled due to the horrible stories without a future, plot or actual reason for existing

That's only part of it. Even if a story does have a plot, that doesn't mean it won't be shitty. Which this story is turning out to be right off the bat. For Christ's sake, dude, you made a Hellboy crossover without an actual Hellboy character in the crossover! I can't possibly think of any plot that can save a fic like that. Good luck to ya, but really, the reason people despise LoHAV stories is because they're crossovers, minus the stuff that made crossovers enjoyable, and instead replacing it with an uninteresting human who is just like every other OC out there.

Which is basically this story right here. :facehoof:

Hellboy RULES!....OOOORAHH!:moustache:

Fu- I- fuck!

SKIN PAINT!? IN THE OPENING SCENE!?

I thought we killed the crappy LoHAV cosplayers!:raritydespair:

Aaaaaaaaurgh:fluttershbad:

It's like the white whale, it just won't die!:raritycry:

*Edit*

Jesus Christ it's in about thirty groups! Bloody hells bleeding bells!

4373690
Any chance you'd do one for Asura from the game Asura's Wrath, or Demon King (Kishin) Asura from Soul Eater?:unsuresweetie:

What dos the [UHC] stand for?

Big Red in equestria, let all hell fire rain, I will be watching you so ever closely. "MANIACAL LAUGHTER!!!":pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

Just that description dialogue is so in-character I love it! :rainbowlaugh:

aaaand into the pile it goes!

4374551 It means "Unsung Heroes Cycle", basically its one of the 4 classifications of the stories the author makes, it's on his front page

4374959 but it's not in the story description. You know, the place where you describe the story.

That's bad.

Gonna echo the "this is not a helpful story description" sentiments. From the description and the picture I'd think it's just a Hellboy crossover, and if I were a Hellboy fan I'd be rather annoyed to click on it and find that it is, in fact, not actually a Hellboy crossover.

I suggest simply editing the story description so you have a note as to what your story is. Which is what the description is supposed to do.

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