In every world, era, and species, adolescents think they're the first to invent or discover whatever they come across. It's not hard to see why. In the flower of youth, every experience is new and fresh and exciting, especially the ones previous generations won't discuss. Not in polite company, anyway. Certainly not with their children.
Well, "exciting" isn't always the best word to describe those discoveries. Sometimes it's "horrifying." Especially when it involves certain alicorn princesses.
Rated Teen for discussion of topics that would be rated Mature. Also rated C for Crackfic. Graciously preread by Comma Typer.
Chapters (1)
That was funny!
Your older and more princessly Twi is excellent here, as is Luster Dawn in her near-breakdown state.
It broke me at mentioning of pony named Writing Desk.
Nice reference to Carrol.
"This shocks you? I thought a bookish, introverted young unicorn mare would definitely be into some sh
. Clearly you've never read the Epic of Gilgamane." 
Heheh, love this
11837082
This isn't the first time FoME has used that name for that canon background pony.
I'm a little impressed that she could be Twilight's student for so long without ever looking at the canonical supermodel that is one of her best friends.
Luster, if physical books on porn are making you this upset, don't go following Sunset Shimmer back to the human world. They have an infinite amount on little rectangular boxes.
Edit:
I can see Twilight meaning "insane" and Trixie reading it as "insight". Remarkable how often those words coincide.
i.pinimg.com/originals/88/5a/72/885a7297f2cd8305c29d0dc396c16aac.jpg
Good note!
ROFL!
These fun magical bits of Equestria! Like Twilight Velvet's weird market stuff!
...
And I initially thought it was some book that came out of an alternate universe, until it was revealed!
I also thought "Stars and Garters" was a new curse phrase!
...
Davenport had a kid! Huh.
...
Lol how she left that in instead of rewriting the letter or something!
...
Good lessons and stuff here! Sweet!
Honestly, this fic is one of the better ones that takes the innuendo and runs with it to the point of hilarious absurdity.
Excellent work, my friend. The one who gives the most f#$%s is the one who isn't getting the most f#$%s in literary format. Ah, the irony.
Honestly, this also works almost perfectly as an unofficial sequel to one of my old classics. Technically she lost her title to Tifa a few years back, so there aren't even any continuity issues.
Sir, I am shocked at the notion that there could be even erotica about certain famous ponies, let alone smut! SHOCKED, I TELL YOU!
As shocked as Captain Renault was to learn that there was gambling in Rick's Café Américain...
This was pretty funny and I do think it's kind of hilarious/a little in character that Twilight by this point is just "eh" about the whole pornography thing. Granted since MLP was an extremely child friendly show obviously that sort of thing is never gonna be mentioned, but let's face it, it probably did exist in one form or another and with the Elements being well known public figures well...I mean the internet is a thing for a reason.
Also the mention of how people were too terrified to do something similar with Celestia also makes sense since she was basically always all powerful while Twilight was originally just a normal unicorn before becoming a princess so others were less skittish.
And Luster, trust me, you're getting off easy. Be thankful Equestria doesn't have the Internet, that will scar you for life.
Oh God, this brings back memories
You've done it again, FOME, and with the funniest of prompts 
It's cool seeing Luster among her friends, her adventures in Ponyville, and the following insanity. I look forward to what else is in store for poor Luster.
Now you have me wondering whether he also has a child named Futon and whether they're estranged.
When Applejack and Rainbow Dash started dating, the former had to persuade the latter to stop looking to it as a source of inspiration/challenges.
That's very Twilight to interpret the text as an attempt at a biography.
Y-yeah. Some creatures.
missing a wasn't
Very amusing.
Welcome to the madness place Luster. Enjoy the spicy salsa.
Well this certainly gave me a smile, let alone a laugh or 2.
Lovely, fun story!
Everything turns to smut eventually. It's an unsaid rule of the creative process.
Luster is gonna really break if she finds the ultra-depraved smut. You know the kind.
Yeah this was brilliant! Immediately sharing with my friends.
Of course she's only going to read it. Twilight isn't a narcissist to get off to erotica based on herself. She's not Trixie after all.
Now I'm not really sure just what floats Twilight's boat to not be as crass about it but I'm sure it wouldn't involve any of her friends other than maybe a little "for old times sake" with some well written words involving Queen Solara Invictus and her loyal servant Evening Shine.
Thanks for the words Fan!
11837070
Writing late-stage Twilight was a fun exercise. The confidence she radiates after the timeskip was very hard-won, and it will take more than this to shake it. (Luster, meanwhile, got passed the torch of Twilighting.)
11837082
I write these stories to entertain people. The oblique references are part of how I entertain myself. I'm people too, after all.
11837090
Poor, poor Luster is an interesting case. When you're so isolated in your own little corner of academia that you manage to miss the monthly meetings between your teacher and the Grand Council of Friendship, that implies a very sheltered state of existence. As the introduction states, Luster's first few months in Ponyville were a series of variably unpleasant wake-up calls.
And yeah, she's definitely never come across sacred prostitutes seducing and civilizing beast-pony demigods.
11837109
She wasn't even aware that former supermodel was coming to Canterlot on an at-least-monthly basis. I'm not sure if Luster had even seen Fluttershy in person before "The Last Problem."
11837127
Yeah, the Internet is definitely NSFL. There's a reason Twilight and Sunset have been slow-rolling the worlds' integration.
(Also, I was going for "insufferability.")
11837133
Hey, the point stands about real friendships coming from the fictional ponies, including the part about kids owing their lives to the fandom! I've seen some of them.
11837136
"Oh, my stars and garters" is an expression of astonishment going back centuries.
11837157
I hadn't initially planned to reference it, but once I remembered the line, I knew I had to work it in somehow.
11837191
The reference to Twilight's former position was entirely deliberate, yes. Whether a Bitalian senator now holds the title is a matter outside the scope of the story.
11837240
Your winnings, sir.
11837257
And yes, Twilight's had a lot of time to come to terms with the idea of ponies finding her... let's say "attractive."
Well, I would hope it's at least a little in character, or the joke doesn't really work.
11837306
Oh no, I'm going into that family drama. That's even worse than when Davenport's sister Boxspring left home to realize her dream of running a store that sells mattresses and medical supplies.
"Sugarcube, I don't bend that way. Pretty sure nopony can."
"That's quitter talk!"
And yes, viewing the books as speculative fiction/alternate history was part of how Twilight coped with their existence.
11837529
Glad to know it worked better than I thought.
11837999
I can neither confirm nor deny whether Twilight's own contributions to the genre are a state secret, or indeed if they even exist.
Hell of a funny story, even if I'd like to see you write some lurid details.
11838042
Thank you!
"No, creatures' gratitude looks more like free quills - and sofas, no matter how often you try to tell Davenport that you have all the furniture you need, thank you - , the friendship of several wonderful mares, and the occasional proposal of marriage. Which I suppose does overlap with this, though it's more the proposee treating themselves as the piece of meat... but I digress. No, this sort of thing is more an occasionally annoying side effect. The real rewards are much better, as you'll find out sooner or later."
“The Give Myself a Sense of Humor Act dates back to The Stars are Wrong”
I knew I had seen that before! Nice callback. Nice story. Nice.
No doubt the first book off the first pony printing press was full of religious prose titled The Princess Celestia.
Soon followed (at night) by a second book titled The Princess Asset, complete with imagined anatomical drawings.
Ugh, more Season 9 crap.
11838353
You should contact law enforcement in your area and report whoever it is who forced you to read this.
"Honestly I was so used to it that it was almost sad when that famous bunny cop from the big city surpassed me. I don't think she's dealing with it as well as I was, though."
yeah i see what you did there.
---
Good story!
That was a true delight from start to finish.
A love letter to the fandom!
Perhaps Luster Dawn might be even more shocked at the development of metafiction parodying all that erotica about her mentor.
Is this a reference to how Twilight Sparkle was at one time the most posted character on a certain r34 imageboard? I gather that she has since been dethroned (haha) by Tifa Lockheart.
11839307
Nope, Judy Hopps.
(and Renamon, for some reason)
Tifa ain't even in the top 10.
I see this as Twilight not making the same mistakes as Celestia. By refusing to make herself untouchable by ponies, probably saved herself a lot of trouble and sexual repression by not burning the porn.
I'm laughing so hard at this, though I can't recall where that actually almost happened in the show.
Nice end to the story.
I see what you did there.
I like this one compared to my own, involving Tempest and liked to think that this is a nice way to see if from the younger point of view. One one hand, those who idolize you can be triggered by someone defaming you. On the other... you shouldn't be surprised that your teacher is considered hot at one point.
Was expecting the punchline to be that Twilight privately funded publication.
11839332
The power of furries eh.
There are so many, many, wonderful things about this story, but I will always have a place in my heart for Namepending Castle.
That is correct!
No seriously THAT IS TRUE IRL!
11840583
I know
We are awesome!
I love how casually Lovecraftian your vision of Equestria is.
Well that's one way to get ponies not to treat you like a god I suppose. Funny story.