• Member Since 26th Sep, 2011
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FanOfMostEverything


"[FoME] manages the impossible combination of being an actual legitimate nerd while staying unabashedly pleasant." —Aragón

T

After a few moons in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle has confirmed that everypony there is indeed crazy. But it's a fun kind of crazy, one she's come to appreciate.

She's much less appreciative when it comes to madness waiting for her back in Canterlot.

Cover cobbled together from this vector and this site for escape rooms. Rated Teen for Lunar ribaldry. Preread by Speckle.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 108 )

But what about the horrors beyond the veil?!

This was lovely.

Luna nodded. “Soþ.”

I giggled.

"That’s beautiful, but it’s also the biggest pile of horse hockey since the Stallion Cup finals.”

Pandering to Canadian readers I see.

Shining cleared his throat. “It really isn’t, Dad. Specialist de Corps?”

I read it for the plot puns.


Good horsewords. To quote a friend, thank you for it :derpytongue2:

why is there a star trek reference

A nice, wholesome character piece with bits of fun lore sprinkled in, per your usual. I was not expecting a Krastos mention here.

She actually remembered the names of some of the ponies she passed by. Moreover, she cared that she could.

The implication of these sentences is horrifying, yet also present in canon.

I want to be ready for the Running of the Leaves.

Because medalling off of book learning is too silly, apparently.

“Sorry it took me so long! A. K. called in a favor from college, and…"

Makes sense, given that the two are the same pony in at least one worldline.

"You know, after this whole ‘friendship student’ thing, you might have a future in diplomacy.”

“Probably a bad time to tell her about the engagement.”

More jokes about things that technically haven't happened yet, because why else would you set a story in the early seasons?

Quite fun; thanks for writing! :D

This is such a good story! I love the detail you put in around the translation spell and the purpose to Luna's star movements.

Dang I remember one or two other “Luna imprisons Twilight’s dad over a fight about the stars,” fics but they were published years ago and I can’t for the life of me recall the titles or authors.

Oh well this is a fun take on the concept.

Here’s some food for thought canonically most of the rest of the world doesn’t know that the Sun and Moon are controlled at this point in the timeline. For example in the Movie the Storm King is surprised when he discovers he can move them after taking the sister’s powers. So while pony astronomers at least have the comfort of knowing how this is happening and who is responsible the other species of the world don’t.

This was absurd in the most wonderful way possible, especially Luna and Night Light's banter about the arrangement of the stars.

Hopefully Luna keeps Aldebaran nice and hidden. No need to potentially have ponies draw Hastur's attention.

Breddy good stuff. The casual reference to such existential terrors as exist behind the curtain of night, that pleased me greatly, so it did.

This story rocks my socks! :yay:
I'm so glad and honored to have been a part of it: thank you so much :raritystarry:

Great little story, though I don't quite understand the ending. Can anyone explain why that sentence caused Twilight to panic?

10549602
As a Canadian reader, I've never been able to figure out why we have so many teams in someone else's "national" league.

Luna snorted. "Is lèse-majesté no longer a crime?"

Twilight shook her head. "Not since Celestia passed the Give Myself a Sense of Humor Act of 726."

The fiend!

10549665
"Droit du seignur" is the supposed legal right of medieval nobles to have sex with any subordinate women on their wedding nights, prior to their actual husband. In reality, it almost certainly didn't exist at all in medieval Europe (at least, not legally- the story probably originated from rapist nobles, of which there were plenty) and probably didn't exist in the handful of earlier cultures that had similar legends with similar origins.

I like this one. I noticed you actually have an explination why Nightmare didn't speak like Luna, she never shared the knowledge of modern Ponish with Luna.
And Luna has a point about the "Funny Guy" in the unit, they get scary when they get serious and if you break the jester your almost as badly screwed as when you break the nice one. Of course pushing the Berserk Button never ends well.

One of favorite short fics involved Carmel pushing Twilight's Berserk Button, destroying a library book, she got so angry she gain temporary omipresence to yell at him.

10549681
I was under the impression the "national" in NHL originally referred to Canada even though the US outnumbers now? But the only sport I have any interest to is competitive fanfiction, so what do I know

Was this originally a Q&S speedwrite??? I swear to god I've read this before.

“Oh.” Twilight let herself relax and put thoughts of having to debug that monstrosity of a heuristic thaumic process aside. It had seemed like the best option after Princess Celestia told her Luna could barely understand modern language, smiling and nodding her way through her first Ponyville party. Still, even Twilight had thought the thing looked horrifyingly complex when she'd suggested it. “Good.”

Ah, yes. People still use this no longer canon thing I see. I'll never understand why, since Hasbro murdered it, for all of our benefits, with Season 7's finale.

Hell. Season 4's premier showed Luna didn't talk like that.

10549722
Upon actual research, the NHL existed before the four American teams of the "Original Six" joined. While that means you aren't technically wrong, the fact is that it's been a de facto US league for longer than it's made sense to say "World War One" (there wasn't a World War Two to compare it to until over a decade later).

10549799
Technically correct is the only kind of correct :twilightsheepish:

10549699
Ah, I get it now. Thanks!

10549788

because evidence before hand showed she did

10549600 10549633
If Luna does her job properly, they won't show up. Though their influence might be felt in an unusual spike in monster attacks and world-ending crises for the next several years. If it gets really bad, she may have to stage an "abdication" to go deal with the problem directly, but it that doesn't very probable at this point in time.

10549602 10549681
Always fun to see which throwaway gags people latch onto. :derpytongue2:

Addenda for Herald:

Because medalling off of book learning is too silly, apparently.

And if the book learning recommends getting some practice in before the race? Twilight only said she'd never run a race before, not that she hadn't prepared for the Running.

More jokes about things that technically haven't happened yet, because why else would you set a story in the early seasons?

Because this scenario wouldn't make sense any later. If Night Light felt this strongly about the topic, he'd want to address it ASAP. The dramatic irony's just a bonus.

10549605
Why not? Given the astronomical focus of the story, it felt somewhat appropriate.

10549614
Inspiration struck as I was coming up with horrific constellations. I'm not sure whether Krastos or Grand Pear is Shatner's greatest gift to this fandom.

10549625
Thanks! Asking how things work and why people do them can lead in all kinds of interesting directions.

10549632
... I'm going to blame Season 1 vibes for not considering the global perspective as the stars shift. Goodness, this became all kinds of terrifying. Given all the dread omens coming out of Equestria beforehand—everlasting night, shifting stars, strange auroras—much of the planet probably saw Twilight get her wings and assumed she was the harbinger of the end times.

10549635
The less said about the nice folks at Carcosa General, the better.

10549641
As I've said before, eldritch slice of life is a rich, untapped vein of narrative potential.

10549662
Thanks for taking the time to look it over. :twilightsmile:

10549727
Apparently others have covered the concept of "Luna imprisons Twilight's dad" in the past, but I haven't posted this particular iteration anywhere else.

10549788
I have to appreciate this comment coming from someone whose bio reads "Show canon only matters if you let it."

10550031
That's the politest murder I've ever seen.

10550031
I avoid writting in that way, and am glad Hasbro abandoned the idea, becuase it's so hard to understand what Luna, or anypony who might talk like that, is trying to say. Luna Eclipsed made it work because Twilight translated it for everyone (in show and for the audience.)

Stories that do this seem to assume there's a Ye Olde Word dictionary next to the reader. It doesn't even make Luna sound majestic or regal. It just makes her sound too dumb to get with the times.

Which is even worse here since Twilight provided Luna with something to help get her wording up to modern day usage.

I appreciate Night Light's fervor, and the fact that this was the second story in the feature box today with Luna involved in legal shenanigans :trollestia:

"Well, what do the nobility use for concubines these days?"

:rainbowlaugh:

----

that monstrosity of a heuristic thaumic process aside.

So, mind magic? Dream learning? Well, so long as it works!

----

Oh hey! Practical Problem!

Remembered because I'm planning to use Gedankenexperiment soon... And it's a cool name.

----

How did the horrors not descend after a millennium of being unchanged? I guess Nightmare Moon set them on a trigger or something?

Thankfully, to see the Horrors, you need the most powerful and sophisticated telescopes and observatories.

Always figured Mom would be the one who ended up in here.

Y'know, that's entirely fair.

Lots and lots of gold in this story. Thanks for fishing this one out of the pile for us!

10550020

I'm not sure whether Krastos or Grand Pear is Shatner's greatest gift to this fandom.

If memory serves, Krastos is from NPR, with help from Bill Clinton.

So that should greatly simplify the decision.

I've never minded Luna's archaic language... if it's done well. Many people do bungle it, though. It's like they've never read the King James Bible. Or Shakespeare. Language changes over time and Princess Luna is a thousand years behind the times. I'm just glad in this story she's had some spell slinging to make it easier for her to adapt. Imagine her only being able to speak to Celestia and two or three scholars of Old Equestrian. Of course one of them might be Daring Do which would make things infinitely better or worse depending.

Gotta side with Night Light on this one. Sure, some elements may be un-explainable, but on the whole you can understand something even if some things elude you. She used Pinkie Pie as an example, but if Pinkie Pie kept changing personality and color and shape every day, then would she still be Pinkie Pie? Would Twilight still want to hang out with her? There is a reason Twilight won't hang out with Discord and is still uncomfortable around him, because having no reason or order causes discomfort. The only times she tolerates him is when he isn't being chaotic, or has kept it to a reasonable small level that doesn't impact much. She sure as heck doesn't let him change the buildings and streets of Ponyville on a daily basis. So in short, Luna can change the sky nightly to her whim, but the question is should she. And if she wants ponies to actually study her work on more than a superficial level and appreciate it beyond that it can look pretty, then she shouldn't.

Twilight shook her head. "Not since Celestia passed the Give Myself a Sense of Humor Act of 726."

I'm surprised it took that long, honestly.

10549788
10550105

Ah, yes. People still use this no longer canon thing I see. I'll never understand why, since Hasbro murdered it, for all of our benefits, with Season 7's finale.

Um, in what way did they "murder" it? By having other characters not talk like that? Characters who were in vastly different circumstances and went through only-vaguely-similar experiences? Like, at most, it may raise a few questions, but it's hardly "murder". Not to mention that that word heavily implies they actively disliked it and specifically chose not to do it, when there's no reason at all to assume that.

Hell. Season 4's premier showed Luna didn't talk like that.

Er, what? That... What are you talking about? So, she didn't talk like that at a later point in the show... therefore she never talked like that? Do you also disapprove of showing baby pictures of Twilight as a unicorn, since later seasons clearly show she had wings? Heck, that'd almost make more sense, since a mode of speaking changes a lot easier than a subspecies.

I'm sorry, but if a previously hat-wearing character shows up bareheaded, that doesn't mean the hat is retconned out of existence. Frankly, given what happened on Nightmare Night, I think Luna would naturally make it a priority to update her speech patterns. I'd say that's the kind of change that can be accepted without seeing it. And since this story explicitly takes place before such a change, it makes total sense she'd talk like that here.

I avoid writting in that way, and am glad Hasbro abandoned the idea,

derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/2/4/1952920.gif

becuase it's so hard to understand what Luna, or anypony who might talk like that, is trying to say. Luna Eclipsed made it work because Twilight translated it for everyone (in show and for the audience.)

Really? Because ignoring that most of it's fairly easy and that in many well-written examples, there is an explanation, either from another character or the narrative, the fact is that it's very rarely a problem to work it out from context. Like...

Luna looked around, taking the gloom and dank that permeated the cells. “Aye, Our Sister has alerted Us to such. And the state of the gaol made it more than clear that it has seen little recent use. But We cannot allow your sire’s offenses to go by with naught but a slap on the pastern.”

Okay, so it you're not familiar with "gaol", I can well understand that that might seem a little jarring, as it no doubt is to the other characters. But, well, given that the preceding statement told us she was looking around at the dungeon and the word she used is clearly referring to something that's been long-neglected, like the dungeon, it's... really not hard to figure it out. Don't get me wrong, it is easy to screw that up for a sub-par writer, along with many other difficulties to it, but I hardly think that's an inherent problem to the idea.

Look, here's the thing (and the reason I felt moved to make such a long comment, sorry about that): I actually agree with your statement about canon - you shouldn't let it control you or your writing if you don't want it to. There are plenty of canonical things I don't like, think around or edit out in my own headcanon and don't acknowledge in my writing. But at the same time, when I see people who do acknowledge and write about it, I don't think they're dumb for doing so, I don't assume anyone else must automatically agree with me and I certainly don't tick them off or sneer at them solely for not conforming to my preferred interpretation of events. You hate Luna having spoken in Early Modern English for a time? Great! Discount away! I you want to, please write another version! But don't look down on people who don't just because they don't feel the same way about it.

Okay, taking everything said in my previous comment (separated to give my comment on the actual story proper focus, sorry if that's not how you're supposed to do things) into account, I have to ask.

“Yes, sir.” Specialist de Corps pulled a slide whistle out from somewhere and provided his own soundtrack as he descended back into the starry void.

“You recruited a party pony?” said Twilight.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2020/5/18/2352138.jpg

Like... the way Twilight's sentence is framed, it's like we're supposed to automatically know what she's talking about, but... huh? Is "Party Pony" some official new subspecies or class of pony? Are "Party Ponies" everywhere in Equestria? Did Pinkie undergo mitosis?!

I mean, don't get me wrong - if this idea is a creation of yours, I'd love to hear about it, but... it's really not the sort of thing you can just explain with an offhand remark like that.

Luna looked around, taking the gloom and dank that permeated the cells. “Aye, Our Sister has alerted Us to such. And the state of the gaol made it more than clear that it has seen little recent use. But We cannot allow your sire’s offenses to go by with naught but a slap on the pastern.”

:rainbowlaugh:
[anatomicalGeekery]A "rap on the pastern" is arguably more appropriate, as the pastern is more-or-less analogous to the knuckles.[/anatomicalGeekery]

She flicked that ear and, in a mutter that carried halfway across the room, said, "Well, what do the nobility use for concubines these days?" After another whisper, she rolled her eyes. "Oh, very well, restitution in bits it is. Next case.”

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Twilight shook her head. "Not since Celestia passed the Give Myself a Sense of Humor Act of 726."

Goddammit, FOME. You're killing me here.

The acoustics of the old tunnels carried a particular phrase to the siblings with perfect clarity: “And so, by delayed droit du seigneuresse—”

My sides have joined Luna's stars. I hope she does something aesthetically pleasing with them.

Bravo, sir.

To tell the soþ, I really liked this one. I can always appreciate some nice early Luna characterization, and the author really had some fun with it here.
The problem with being a scientist is that science is always upending itself, and sometimes those concepts and theories you've spent all that time invested in will become obsolete overnight. Interesting to see that idea applied to astronomy. It's a logical take on how Luna's powers work and was fun to read about. Nice work.

Luna nodded. “Soþ.”

Wait, you can do a thorn on this site? How?

The acoustics of the old tunnels carried a particular phrase to the siblings with perfect clarity: “And so, by delayed droit du seigneuresse—”

Wait, so since they are a matriarchal society, would that apply for stallions about to be wed rather than mares? ...Also exactly why was Luna discussing that?

Of course I could go into a long rant about how that practice probably never existed, but that's beside the point.

Personally my assumptions have been that Luna can only control the planets, not the 'fixed stars'. The latter are shown as being motionless even while the Sun sets in show, fairly consistently (also showing their planet does not rotate very quickly).

I adore everything about this story. In particular I love that you used a thorn in "sooth!":pinkiehappy:

This was absolutely fantastic, hilarious and somewhat heartfelt near the end. Also your right Nightlight does deserve more love. My boy raise two powerful unicorns and a dragon, dude must have the patience of a saint, which he put to good use in Luna’s court right here.
It’s nice to see more Sparkle family, they are always a treat to read. Nice work

Luna is my favorite princess but in this instance I kind of have to agree with Night Light on this, Luna moving the stars is not a good thing and the fact she is doing it without any warning can have potently disasters consequences. She really should stop doing it.

This was fantastic and utterly hilarious. You really captured the ridiculousness of the situation perfectly without exaggerating the characters. I love how Night Light is just as stubborn as his daughter when it comes to the observable world.

Excellent work!

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