Robot Pony

by Dreadnought

Celebrity Deathmatch

"Good Evening and welcome to Celebrity Deathmatch!" said the smiling announcer. "I'm Johnny Gomez, along with my partner, Nick Diamond."

"Hello, and boy have we a fight for you tonight," said Nick.

"Yes, we sure do. Last Sunday's slap heard round the world was just the opening shot in this fued," responded Johnny. "At first Chris Rock took it on the chin -"

"Literally."

"- and turned the other cheek -"

"LIterally."

"- but now he wants to stand up for himself against Will Smith."

"Yes, we are shattering viewership tonight with this fight," added Nick.

"And in the left corner is Will Smith, who has a long resume of fights."

"You're right. From battle aliens in Independence Day, to homicidal androids in I,Robot, to vampires in I Am Legend, to supervillains in Hancock, to aliens again in Men in Black, he has certainly seen his share of fights."

"And let's not forget his role as Muhammed Ali," reminded Johnny.

"That is one actor I wouldn't want to tangle with."

"And in the right corner of the ring is Chris Rock, who - let's see - played a zebra in Madagascar."

"I think this fight is pretty much decided," responded Nick.

"And we now go live to the floor with referee Mills Lane."

The referee said, "I want a good, clean fight. Let's get it on!"

"And Will Smith is going for Rock," said Johnny.

"He's slapping the comedian again," responded Nick.

"I make these look good!" shouted Smith.

"And Rock responds with a swing and a miss!" announced Johnny. "Now Will Smith punches Rock in the gut!"

"Welcome to Earth!" shouted Smith.

"It seems he's just using lines from his movies," added Nick. "Take that one from Men in Black."

"That last one was from Independence Day," corrected Johnny.

"Of course."

"Will Smith delivers a couple of quick punches to Rock, who now is laying on the mat."

"I am the greatest!" cried Will Smith.

"Well, this match looks like it's over before it really began," lamented Nick. "Will Smith is now celebrating before the crowd."

"Wait, Chris Rock is getting up. Will Smith has his back to him and doesn't see him coming!"

"Wow! What a great hit! Smith is down! I think he's knocked out!"

"You're forgetting I was in Leath Weapon 4!" cried Chris Rock.

"And this fight is over. What an ending," said Johnny. "Well folks, that's it for this match. Good fight, good night."

---

An hour later....

The man smiled as two figures approached his table. "Welcome, welcome!" he beamed. "Please take a seat."

Will Smith sat down on one side of the table, and Chris Rock sat down on the other.

"That was a great fight!"

"We did good, mister producer?" asked Chris Rock.

"Yes! Celebrity Deathmatch is back!"

"Can we change now?" asked Will Smith.

"Of course," answered the producer.

A flash of green flames later and two insectoid creatures sat with the producer.

"I'll make sure your checks are deposited in your accounts," he said.

"The money is appreciated," said one creature.

"But it's really the love of the audience that we need."

"Just keep fighting like that, and you'll get all the love you could ever want," assured the producer. "Now, about next week's fight. I had this in mind." He slid a photograph onto the table. A flash of green flames later, and we was joined by President Vladimir Putin and President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. "We'll smash records again!"

TV STATIC