• Published 6th Aug 2017
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Robot Pony - Dreadnought

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The Tragedy of RainBow - Act I

The Tragedy of RainBow
by William Neighspeare

ACT I, SCENE I
A desert place.
Thunder and lightning. Enter three Witches

Apple Bloom
When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

Sweetie Belle
When the hurlyburly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.

Scootaloo
That will be ere the set of sun.

Apple Bloom
Where the place?

Sweetie Belle
Upon the heath.

Scootaloo
There to meet with RainBow.

Apple Bloom
I come, Graymalkin!

Sweetie Belle
Paddock calls.

Scootaloo
Anon.

Enter Anon

Anon
You call for me?

Scootaloo
Nay. We need you not now.

Exit Anon

ALL
Fair is foul, and foul is fair:
Hover through the fog and filthy air.


Thunder. Enter the three Witches

Scootaloo
A drum, a drum!
Rainbow doth come.

ALL
The weird sisters, quite the band,
Posters of the sea and land,
Thus do go about, about:
Thrice to thine and thrice to mine
And thrice again, to make up nine.
Peace! the charm's wound up.

Enter two pegasus mares, one blue and one yellow

RainBow
So foul and fair a day I have not seen.
Twenty percent cooler this day should be.

Flutter
How far is't call'd to Crystal? What are these
So wither'd and so wild in their attire,
That look not like the inhabitants o' the earth,
And yet are on't? Live you? or are you aught
That pone may question? You seem to understand me,
By each at once her chappy hoofy laying
Upon her skinny lips: you should be fillies,
And yet your beards forbid me to interpret
That you are so.

RainBow
What the buck did you just say?

Flutter
Oh, um, I just remarked that these three don't look like they belong here.

RainBow
Then just say it. Geesh. I can't understand you when you go all soliloquy on me.

Flutter
Uh, RainBow, it wasn't a soliloquy, it was iambic pentameter.

RainBow
Soliloquy, iambic pentameter, rhyme and time. It's all the same thing. I'm not doing it anymore.

Flutter
We're sorry for going off track. You fillies please continue.

Apple Bloom
All hail, RainBow! hail to thee, thane of Griffon!

Sweetie Belle
All hail, RainBow, hail to thee, thane of Canter!

Scootaloo
All hail, RainBow, thou shalt princess hereafter!

Flutter
Witches, why do you start; and seem to fear
Things that do sound so fair? I' the name of truth,
Are ye fantastical --

RainBow
Cut it out Flutter.

Flutter
Could you please tell me what my future is?

RainBow
Better.

Apple Bloom
Hail!

Sweetie Belle
Hail!

Scootaloo
Hail!

Apple Bloom
Lesser than RainBow, and greater.

Sweetie Belle
Not so happy, yet much happier.

Scootaloo
Thou shalt princess, though thou be none:
So all hail, RainBow and Flutter!

Apple Bloom
Flutter and RainBow, all hail!

RainBow
You're saying I'll be Thane of Griffon and Princess? Awesome!

Witches vanish

Flutter
Uh, RainBow, we already have a Princess.

RainBow
Oh, yeah. Don't tell Twilight.


The Royal Castle of Canterlot
RainBow
To kill Twilight or not to kill Twilight, that is the question.

Enter Lady Rarity

Lord Rarity
Are you going to kill Twilight or not?

RainBow
I don't know.

Lord Rarity
But I want to be a prince!
Wait! I'd be a prince?

RainBow
Well, yeah. I'm a mare, and you're my spouse, Lord Rarity.

Lord Rarity
I'm a stallion! Me thinks I need my fainting couch.

RainBow
But what about my problem?

Lord Rarity
Oh darling, just do the deed. It would be - how do you say it? - "real cool."

RainBow
Okay.

Author's Note:

I don't think Shakespeare would mind a take on his classic MacBeth. Besides, he wasn't known for historical accuracy - MacBeth actually ruled for a long time in Scotland and wasn't the villain he is portrayed as in the play. Also, Romeo & Juliet was based off someone else's work, so he also did is own version of other people's stories.

A few notes on this and following chapters. I had considered writing the entire thing in iambic pentameter, but I quickly discovered that I suck at it. Plus, it sounds really outdated - Rainbow didn't want to memorize all those confusing lines. Also, I chose not to write it out but leave it in play format - if I had to suffer through Romeo & Juliet, MacBeth, and Julius Caesar, then you should have to suffer through it as well!

Finally, I wrote this as part of my "Nightmare Night" story, only to realize that I had way more chapters than I could publish. So, enjoy as part of "Robot Pony"!

Dreadnought

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