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Writer. Editor. Reader. Reviewer. Gamer. Armchair mafia kingpin. Trans-dimensional yodeler. Cthulhu's unplanned 667th son. Grand High Muckymuck of the Mystic Order of the Defanged Gerbil.


A breakfast conversation between the princesses turns toward Celestia's long history of losing fights.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 237 )

Hah. Hah hah. Hah. Phew.

Dayum this funny. You almost had me at the end there, too.

Good job, Prak. :rainbowlaugh:

Manes #2 · Feb 4th, 2016 · · 1 ·

Still funny reading it a second time.:rainbowlaugh:


That was great. If Celestia was a character in an RPG, I imagine that she'd have super high Attack and Magic, but terrible Speed and Accuracy.

I'm also a fan of the poorly-edited cover image.

6902187 Hey, I'll have you know that's the pinnacle of my image editing skills!

But seriously, I thought it was funny, so I'm glad someone else saw it that way. I'll probably replace it soon, though.

Oh yeah. I'm also glad you enjoyed the story!

Oh no! Celestia's been Yamcha'd!

A quick little diversion, but entertaining none the less. It's been forever since you've written something (who am I to talk) and I missed your unique style of comedy.


6902285 Yeah, it's hard to believe I didn't post anything at all last year. Though in my defense, 2015 was a terrible year for me in pretty much every way.

Anyway, I'm working on a few things now, and if all goes according to plan, I'll post two more stories this month.

Any chance of you doing something soon?


I have owed a story to Siansaar for the past forever. I promised it and thought it out and all of the tough stuff, but every time I sit down to write something my motivation just dies. The idea is there, but getting into gear has been... difficult.


Yes, a tie is a step in the right direction...:unsuresweetie::facehoof:

I like this version of Celestia

Georg #11 · Feb 4th, 2016 · · 5 ·

To be honest, in the comics, she beats the tar out of the changeling queen repeatedly over the centuries. You know that phrase, "I'm going to hit you so hard that your grandchildren will walk funny." Well, she blasted the changelings so hard they still have holes in their hides, even today. :trollestia:

Could be a sequel in there?

Poor Celestia, someday someone other me will respect you.

Prak #13 · Feb 4th, 2016 · · 1 ·

6902802 I haven't read any of the comics since the early issues. I've always heard they got pretty bad, so I didn't bother keeping up.

6902805 Awww, I love Celestia, really. I only poke fun because I care. :raritywink:

Sorry this one didn't make it into the Writeoff! It was definitely worth a grin regardless. I've added it to this round's Writeoff folder, as we have precedent for "stories written to the Writeoff prompt that weren't able to be entered" to be listed there as well.

Clearly, now that Celestia's confidence is up, she should go fight Spike. :trollestia:

I love the biting humor throughout, and the ending was great.

6903004 Yeah, Celestia will fight Spike, promptly lose, and ruin Twilight's image of her.

D'awwwwww :rainbowkiss: Poor Tia.

6903004 Much obliged!

6903393 You're probably right. :rainbowlaugh:

I think I'm gonna like this one

EDIT: yep it was funny and worth the 3 or 4 minutes of my life it took to read this story

That was amusing. And different.
And that ending! :rainbowlaugh:

Saw the ending a mile away and it still managed to make me laugh :rainbowlaugh:

And people say alicorns are overpowered?

You clearly haven't read this story.

This was amusing.

Have a like. :pinkiehappy:

I love this idea! I'm going to have to keep it in mind.

Luna: Sister, it has occurred to me that thou require training. ... Ms. Pinkamena? Ms. Dash?

Pinkie: Oh boy OH BOY! It's cross-fanfic, fourth wall-breaking, MONTAGE TIIIIIME!

Dash: Joy... Now where's my hat? And would somepony bring me TOM?


TASK ONE: Field of Screams

*Montage starts half way through the linked portion.

6903813 As someone who is sir force and a flyer at that, I'm getting a kick out of the galm squadron patch.

Luna slowly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she said, “Calm yourself, sister. I apologize for offending you. I truly did not mean for my taunts to cut so deep.”

Yeah, no. After what she pulled, I call bullsh*t on this.

HA! What a great story, have a like and favorite you crazy writing fool!

The Minotaur thing I'm gonna side with Tia on, I'm not gonna hold that against her. The baby thing is silly, but it wasn't a 'fight'.

That being said, I saw the ending the moment Luna suggested a split. My first thought was that no matter who won, she still had a victory, but I realized how things had gone and, well...

Alondro #30 · Feb 4th, 2016 · · 13 ·

And how many victories has Luna had exactly? Or right, she was stuck in the moon for a thousand years. How convenient. :trollestia:

And when the changelings attacked, she was mysteriously suddenly absent. There was no trace of her when Discord showed up.

Gee, maybe her sister's loss record actually less pathetic than running away from every battle in terror, then showing up after everything's over asking "Hurr durr, I miss anything?"

“You mean the time I kicked your flank all around the Everfree castle until you ran to the Elements? They did all the work for you. When it was just the two of us, I was winning.”

*Alondro slaps Luna IN THE FACE!!!* BS. Celestia wasn't even firing back. You hit her directly with a Nightmare Death Beam and it only stunned her for a few seconds. She went to the Elements because they wouldn't outright kill you, unlike you were planning to do to her!

Yeah, I remember details, beeyatch.

Besides, Tirek curb-stomped everything. Ponies, griffons, Discord... you name it. In the end, his defeat fell to another Deus Ex Rainbow Laser and NO ONE was powerful enough otherwise. So, yeah... Luna's being a complete ass when her flank's been handed to her by 6 untrained mares she didn't even have the brains as NMM to just flat out murder like any half-competent villain would have done.

Well until the show can say otherwise, your story is just as valid as everyone else's ideas of Celestia.

6903922 Speaking from my experience with my two siblings, you're absolutely right. I'd say something similar in that situation, and I'd be lying my ass off.


Okay my opinion, and it's probably going to be the unpopular one here so I'll be prepared to get lynched for it but...

We have yet to see Celestia really WIN a fight in the show and that's annoying enough as it is; we don't need to see this type of Celestia in fanfiction too. Even though it's done for comedy, it still really doesn't do it for me. Sorry. :unsuresweetie:

Basically, I don't like how Celestia is portrayed here, or how she's been used in canon in dangerous situations, almost at all.

6904015 That could be worth exploring. Perhaps someone will take the idea and run with it. Personally, I'd love to see it happen, so if someone does it, I hope they tell me.

bwahaha, I can totally see this being true

You glorious bastard, you.

Alondro #37 · Feb 4th, 2016 · · 14 ·

6902187 The only thing Luna's good at beating are foals' bad dreams and... herself.

She hides in her mind making up nightmares to torment herself like a little goth kid obsessed with self-mutilation and Nine Inch Nails.

So pathetic... I can see why she went Nightmare Moon with such a frail, unstable ego. :trollestia:

“Oh, come now, Luna. I don’t lose every fight.”

Celestia is Prench?

I know some people prefer to see Celestia portrayed as a badass

I like both headcanons. Badass Celestia is fun, but so is inept Celestia. A lot of people say Luna is weaker than Celestia but I like things the other way around. Celestia is just better at diplomacy and has dumb luck.

Celestia slammed her hooves down on the table and leaned forward, rising well above Luna’s head. “I’ll have you know, that colt went on to become Captain of the Guard!”
Luna closed her eyes and calmly sipped her tea. “And his most well-known contribution was the addition of doilies to the tables in the mess hall.”
Fire flashed in Celestia’s eyes, but by the time she began her retort, it was already dying. “I’ll have you know those doilies were very…” Her voice trailed off, but Luna leaned in and went for the kill.
“Very what, sister?” asked Luna. Celestia’s mouth tightened into a line straight enough to use as a ruler. “Very... powerful? Useful? Hygienic, perhaps?”

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A DOILY!! It's right up their with pommel throwing!


As one of the oldest members of the Solar Empire, I have come to serve notice on you:



And here we are again, with me agreeing with you. Wonders never cease!

I like this portrayal.

Celestia might be able to negotiate up and down the block, but Luna is the muscle.

This is why they need each other.

Besides seeing what was coming it was good!

Lets be real, Celestia goes to the floor as much as Worf from star trek TNG.

Actually, he didn't do anything to the griffons if you'll remember correctly. We were shown him draining the magic from Pegasi, Unicorns, and Earth Ponies, but not from Zebras, Minotaurs, Griffons, Dragons, Yaks, etc.
It makes me wonder what exactly would have happened if the ponies would have been smart enough to realize "hey! He's never shown the ability to drain the other races of their magic! If we all die, they'll be screwed, so it's in everyone's best interest if they help!"
Now, changelings he might be able to drain of their magic. But only because they're similar to ponies. :scootangel:


Glass Canon. Excellent at high power artillery magics. The problem is Melee range...

6904054 Holy fuck bro can you chill? What's with you and the "beyaatch" "bullshit" and other things. Does it really bother you that much?

Gotta giver her some credit, she technically didn't lose that last one. :rainbowlaugh:

6902187 The highest attack by a mile, but low luck, defense, health and accuracy.

Emperor #49 · Feb 4th, 2016 · · 1 ·

Celestia should've gone out and fought Tirek right away.

As soon as he sucks away her magic, he also takes her 'talent' with it, thus making him prone to being beaten up by a newborn filly.

So...I see 22 comments all praising this story for being funny? Or something? I...don't see it. What I do see, however, is Princess Moon Butt talking smack to the ruler that stayed sane for the thousand years that she had to rule ALONE because Luna couldn't handle the fact that ponies needed to sleep.

The biggest :yay: in the fandom
King of Kings

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