• Member Since 27th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Prak


Writer. Editor. Reader. Reviewer. Gamer. Armchair mafia kingpin. Trans-dimensional yodeler. Cthulhu's unplanned 667th son. Grand High Muckymuck of the Mystic Order of the Defanged Gerbil.

E

When Canterlot pays the price for one of Twilight Sparkle's greatest mistakes, hundreds of refugees from the ruined city are stranded in Ponyville. Can the princesses maintain order in the overcrowded town, or will the combination of clashing cultures, Discord's antics, the machinations of a criminal mastermind, and outrageously bad luck send it spiraling into chaos?

Edited by ZealousHeretic.
Cover art by IJAB.

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 220 )

The Road to Tartarus is Paved With Parasprites

I'd know, too.

3266503
I hope you're not saying that my favorite sprite is just another piece of the pavement...

Unless you're sticking out a bit and everyone who walks by stubs their toe on you. That would be pretty awesome.

Possibly could that be one hundred and ten cornets close at hoof? :pinkiehappy:

3266636
You, good sir, have won my respect.

That respect will be instantly withdrawn if I find out you're thinking of the Broderick version though.

This is packed with stuff--plot points, jokes, characterization. Lots of good ideas here. Great material, but sometimes the presentation detracts from it. Sometimes you spell out the jokes, summarize things you don't need to summarize, use long sentences where short ones would do, or "tell don't show". For example:

"Yes, yes, I already know. After all that yelling earlier, you're a little... never mind. That joke's too corny even for me." Twilight had no idea what he was talking about, but she could see the other two alicorns breathe a sigh of relief. She would have to remember to ask them about it later.

One of her early lessons had been to never alter the way nature works. The old tale of Rising Tide came to mind. Rising Tide was a unicorn who found herself stranded on an island after her ambitious new boat design proved less than seaworthy. The island was not particularly far from shore, and boats passed by fairly often. She could have easily started a fire to draw attention, but she was too prideful hated to accept anypony's help with something she could do something on her own. She devised and cast a spell to attract all the nearby sea life to her, intent on riding a large sea turtle to safety. Her plan actually worked and she reached the shore, but and rode a large sea turtle to shore.

The spell had unforeseen consequences. While she hurried off to gloat about her b(r)illiance, the aquatic creatures stayed in the area, including dangerous fish such as sharks. The nearby village she had set sail from relied on seaweed harvests—a rare commodity in Equestria—for trading, and suddenly found the waters too dangerous to mine their precious resource work in had harvested seaweed, but now found the waters too dangerous to enter. The village quickly became a ghost town, and the waters they once harvested became known as the Shark Bait Strait. Considering how angry the villagers must have been, and taking into account the fact that Rising Tide was never seen again, her fate was probably the inspiration for that name Rising Tide was never seen again, and the waters the villagers once harvested became known as the Shark Bait Strait.

Cover art: You could take any number of backgrounds--Canterlot, or the show-opening scene of the mane 6--and photoshop parasprite vectors from deviantart in front of it, getting larger as they come towards the viewer. Or you could ask the artist to use this, found here:
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/006/d/b/parasprite__the_by_friendshipocalypse-d4lh9p6.jpg
It's not really what the story's about, but it's striking and clickable. At least until you get something else.

A picture of angry high-class unicorns crowded into a Ponyville bar, staring indignantly at the food, might be better. You could probably commission it for $30-$50 from a deviantart artist, depending on the artist. More ponies = more expensive.

3271313
That's some great input. I'll make a few tweaks when I'm able and be a little more careful in my editing from now on. There's really no excuse for missing some of that.

Unfortunately, I'm out of town on an overnight trip and won't be home until tomorrow night. All I have is my phone til then.

I'll definitely take your advice regarding cover art.

Hah! Really glad that you mentioned this story, it was well worth the read. Discord is probably one of my favorite characters when he is done well, and done well he was. Slightly controlled, still chaotic, and generally happy and silly. It's the perfect blend to make a really interesting character.

The Blueblood scene was priceless. I always like Celestia when people portray her as someone who is just so tired of it all. She doesn't hate people, she's just been around the block so many times it is all very bland. That and Blueblood being an entitled prick, while Celestia lives in a damn library.

I'm keeping an eye on this, it is a fun story that I think will have a lot to offer in the future.

-Lumino

3266652 There was no Broderick version. That's just a nasty rumor started by renegade Kodan aliens, disgruntled that their armada was defeated by a kid in an experimental Starfighter.

3288715 Oho. Another Robert Preston film. Nicely done.

Blue blood finding out he is poor can some please find a pic about that

http://pebblenator.deviantart.com/art/Parasprite-Token-1-327229127
If you wanted to use the art (or the whole template) feel free. I'd be willing to do a free piece of cover art for you, too, with the caveat that you get about what you pay for, especially in terms of promptness.

Also, Blueblood broke? Brilliant! And I've never heard Sarcastia before.

3292595 I'd be happy to take you up on that offer. I'd be much obliged if you come up with something a bit more fitting.

The moral of the story was that magic should never be used to change nature.

... yeaaa I can see it works in Equestria

Heh, there are times where this story reminds me of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

This is really funny :pinkiehappy:
Cutie mark crusaders and Princess Luna :derpyderp1: nope nope nothing can go wrong :twilightoops:

Another fun chapter. You are really beating on the 'Magic is Dangerous' cautionary tale. I wonder how it will come up again in the future?

Discord/RD prank wars? Sounds like a good time to me. :D

Also, I find the way you linked Luna up with the CMC oddly appropriate. It just sort of fell into place naturally, and I cannot wait to see where that little relation goes.

I think this is the most fun I have ever had reading a scene with Blueblood in the forefront. You really just have to love to hate the guy.

All in all, another excellent chapter. I eagerly await seeing more. :D

-Lumino

The setup was flawless. The delivery, impeccable. The payoff, better than he ever dared to dream. The look on Rainbow Dash’s face cycled between confusion, rage, sorrow, shame (probably at being fooled) and finally settled on something cold and focused. He had expected screaming, but what he got was much better.
“You realize this means war, right?”

3295399
Yep, the wording on that had the wrong connotation. Hopefully it works better now.

3296940
As a big fan of Douglas Adams, I'll take that as a huge compliment.

3301365 3301391
I'm glad you're enjoying it.

3301443
Don't get too comfortable with your expectations. There are still some pieces which haven't entered the board yet.

3301885
I find that a little more appropriate when applied to Fluttershy's story. Watership Down, anyone?

3301921

The other lesson ‘Never delve into mysteries which are beyond your comprehension.’ isn´t exactly appealing to me, at least.
All our modern knowledge over the world was never gained by giving up and accepting the unknown was beyond our mind´s reach.

3302021
The story is presented as a fable, and fables often have messages which are irrelevant in modern times. It is intentionally written to sound like an archaic concept.

“I wish my wife was more like you. She doesn’t even…”

Don't give up, Fluttershy. Maybe they're in a flexible marriage. That's an awful lot of stallion for just one mare...

How long before the whole town itself goes up in flames?

I'd say, given the length of each episode....

10 MINUTES

3302074

Accepted. By the way, are you going to give Blueblood some character development or are are you merely give him the standard "conga humilliation" to our amusement :pinkiehappy:?

3303953 I think it's for the best that I withhold that information.

3305864 It should not surprise you to hear that I was wearing a combustible lemon t-shirt when I thought of that.

Oh my lord, this is brilliant. You have set a fair number of chaotic threads that it can only end in disastor. Please give me a moment to savior the chaos.

Mmmmmm... numnumnumnumnum...Ah.

Let's see what we have here.
Really, Celestia, you're inflicting Blueblood on the the Apples? :ajbemused:
What did they do to deserve that?

Ohh... looks like Rarity may have the beginnings of a sweatshop. Free employees! :duck:
And Twilight is stuck with the Princesses as roommates. Yeah.... that's gonna grow into an argument real quick. You may like them now, Twi, but living someone is a lot more stressful in small tree versus a castle.
Expect relief not to arrive for a while. Equestria's lack of quick mass communication is a problem.

:pinkiecrazy: Yeah... good luck with the whole patience thing, Pinkie. Tell me how that all works out.

:yay: Forever alone. Poor Flutters, all the good ones are taken. Oh, great. Even the Canterlot animals are a-holes!

:rainbowhuh:... Discord, you bastard!

:raritydespair: ???? Satin, you bitch! Well good luck getting a permit from the Mayor!

:scootangel: Cutie Mark Crusaders, Royal Assistants, YAY!

Christ, and Pinkie broke the princesses. Let's hope the Crystal Empire gets their messages soon. There are so many ticking time-bombs in Ponyville right now, it's not even funny....

Okay fine. It is funny. It is very funny!

CUTIE MARK SKY DESIGNERS :trollestia: all hell breaks lose nice knowing ponyville.

This is missing about 500 upvotes. Seriously, this is fucking brilliant.

3489580
Glad you're enjoying it. I'm also glad you waited til after I had finished my revisions on the first couple of chapters to read it. I cleaned up a lot of little issues earlier in preparation for the release of the new chapter. Unless something goes terribly wrong, it will be posted tomorrow.

I was so excited when I saw a favorite had updated.

Then I remembered I had seen this chapter already, and that made me sad.

Then I decided to read it again, and that made me happy again.

Like I said earlier, what I really like about this story is how everyone seems to be important to the story. Nopony seems tacked on or a diversion, we are just seeing all the lovely chaos that is building. I think it is funny how everything is coming towards a boiling point at once. One more full day of build up left, and then everything is going to explode in pandemonium 'Best Night Ever' style.

denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1295_u6QAK.gif

Keep up the awesome work;
-Lumino

3492647
Oh, I wouldn't count on another full day passing before all hell breaks loose.

Wow, I love how all these substories are developing. Celestia's arc is very interesting as is Rarity's. I wonder what Silk Satin's problem is. Must be jealousy of some sort.

Blueblood is about to get his butt kicked, and, Pinkie, this is a bad idea.

3492786
Poor Angel has clearly never heard of the Unspoken Plan Guarantee.

3492720
It surprises me (in a good way) to hear that you're finding Celestia's arc particularly interesting at this point. I've dropped a few hints about where it's heading, but nothing solid yet.

Ok :derpytongue2:
Rainbow Dash your doomed :rainbowhuh:
Rarity GO GO GO GO GO GO DESTROY HER :raritystarry:
Fluttershy just do what you normally do :fluttershysad:
Applejack win the war from Blueblood :ajbemused:
Twilight take revenge on the war of pillows :twilightsmile:
and Pinkie Pie make the new ponies miserable driving them out of town :pinkiehappy: for you have the full support of every pony already in town
Lastly Luna use the full power of the fully armed and operational Cutie Mark Crusaders :scootangel: there will be no mercy

3493418
Don't take anything for granted. There's a lot more chaos yet to be unleashed.

Comment posted by Lorthalis of Crows deleted Nov 19th, 2013
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