Chapter 5
If You Can’t Take the Heat, You’re Not Wearing Enough Sunscreen
There are some lessons that every pony eventually learns: life isn’t always fair; you can’t pick your nose with hooves; there really is such a thing as too much cake. Celestia had learned all of these in her long life, mostly the hard way. However, there was one very important lesson that had eluded her, but which was becoming painfully clear:
Some days, it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed.
On most days, the thunderous applause from the crowd would be for her. She would be sitting elegantly, flanked by Twilight and Luna. Twilight would be staring at her with the purest of adoration twinkling in her eyes. Luna would be sitting stoically, the very picture of unreadable regality.
Why didn’t I just go back to sleep? Celestia thought as she tuned out the stomping of hooves. Her attention fell onto her sister’s beaming face as she soaked up the crowd’s adulation. Luna had even managed to usurp her position in the center somehow, and was sitting on the luxurious white cushion, as though she were the one who had single-hoofedly guided Equestria for a millennium. Celestia, meanwhile, was stuck sitting on the less comfortable blue cushion.
The next petitioner stepped forward and addressed the princesses. “Your Majesties, as you are certainly already aware, many of our families were separated during the evacuation of Canterlot.”
“It’s a shame mine wasn’t,” Celestia said. A moment later, she realized the entire room had gone silent. All eyes were on her. Oh no. Did I say that out loud?
The vacant expressions on most of the others ponies’ faces told her that they were too stunned to properly understand what they had just heard, but Twilight’s face was shifting from moment to moment, going through an entire spectrum of emotions that was likely to culminate in a panic attack. Luna’s, however, was simply growing darker by the second, and not entirely in a figurative sense.
After a polite cough, Celestia attempted to repair the damage. Taking care to keep her voice measured, she said, “Please pardon me. I was just trying to break the tension with a little joke. I apologize for my inappropriate timing.”
Twilight immediately shifted to a relieved expression and released the breath she had been holding. Luna raised an eyebrow, but nodded tersely, then turned back toward the crowd and put her smile back on. The tension shattered like glass on a rock, and the crowd went back to chattering.
Snippets of the crowd’s conversation reached her ears from time to time, whenever those children Luna had recruited weren’t screaming on her behalf. Unsurprisingly, some of the chatter was about her outburst.
“Never thought I’d see the day—”
“—such strange behavior—”
“—never behaved so inappropriately in Canterlot.”
“Now I see why my grandfather used to call her Princess Sarcastia.” There it was. And as usual, it spread like wildfire; one whispered comment was picked up by others, and their comments inspired others in turn.
With a soft sigh, Celestia stood up and slipped behind the stage’s curtain. The moment she was out of the crowd’s sight, she had to clamp her teeth together to squelch a scream of frustration. With her neck muscles still spasming, she started toward the back door, but had to restrain herself yet again as she nearly stomped on the wooden floor. Given her recent luck, the board probably would have popped up and hit her in the face.
When she made it to the door, she took a moment to compose herself before opening it. A few deep breaths slowed the motion of her mane back to its usual gentle flow and eased the tension in her muscles. The golden glow of her magic pushed the door open, and she stepped outside into the sunlight.
The heat almost pushed her right back into the town hall. Within seconds, she was starting to sweat, just like every other pony unfortunate enough to be out on the streets. A glance into the sky confirmed what she already knew; the sun was far too large in the sky.
Holding true to Luna’s promise, she gave it a nudge, accelerating it slightly to bring the day to an early end. The increase in speed would also have the effect of pushing it away from the planet slightly, gradually bringing it back to its proper orbit without further disrupting the usual tidal forces.
When she looked down again, a pink pony had appeared in front of her and was sitting on her haunches. The mare was familiar, but Celestia couldn’t quite place her. Aside from the dull, straight mane, it almost looked like…
“Hiya, Princess!”
“Pinkie Pie?” Celestia said cautiously.
“You betcha!” Pinkie said. She was smiling, which was nothing unusual, but there was something about it that wasn’t quite right.
“Can I help you with something, Pinkie?”
Pinkie shook her head. “Nope! You already have. I just wanted to thank you for giving me such a wonderful day! This weather is exactly what I needed.”
“You actually like this weather?” Celestia said, cocking her head. As she started walking toward the market, Pinkie stood up and fell in beside her.
“Yes indeedy. It’s sure to make everypony want to have a huge party later,” Pinkie said as she trotted toward the main road.
As Celestia’s mind started to process Pinkie’s words, the segment of it devoted to self-preservation recognized the impending danger, having experienced it the previous day, and pressed the big red alarm button, bringing that train of thought to a screeching halt. “I’m very glad that you’re enjoying it, Pinkie.”
“Ooh! There’s Applejack! I need to go make her want a party. Seeya later, Princess!” Pinkie shouted as she sprinted away.
I think I’d better take my walk in the other direction.
“Hi, AJ!” Pinkie shouted as she bounced toward a familiar apple-laden cart. Though its owner turned toward her, the two bored-looking unicorns standing behind the cart with Applejack barely took any notice as she came to a stop.
“Howdy there, Pinkie! What can I…” Applejack trailed off as her gaze shifted from Pinkie’s mane to her tail. “Watch the cart for a minute,” she said to the unicorns as she stepped out from behind it. “Is something wrong, Sugarcube? Ya don’t seem quite like yourself.”
“Don’t be silly, Applejack. Why wouldn’t everything be okay?” Pinkie said.
Applejack lifted a hoof and pointed it at Pinkie’s face for a moment, but then it drifted to the side and toward her hindquarters as her mouth opened and closed, searching for words. “I don’t suppose you got a mirror lyin’ around somewhere, do ya?” Applejack finally said.
“Of course I do,” Pinkie said as she grabbed Lyra off the street and pulled a small mirror from her mane. “I always keep a few stashed around Ponyville—”
“Mirror emergencies. Right,” Applejack said as Lyra bolted. “Now, just have a quick look at yourself and tell me if that don’t seem strange to you.”
Pinkie lifted the mirror and stared at her reflection. “What am I supposed to be looking for?”
“How about your mane? The last time it got like that was when—” Her comment was cut short as Pinkie shoved a hoof into her own mouth and blew. With a pop, her hair went back to its usual curly style.
“How’s that?”
“Uh… That’s better, I guess,” Applejack said.
“Great! So tell me,” Pinkie said as she sidled closer to give a conspiratorial whisper, ‘how much do you want a party right now?”
“I don’t reckon I’m in much of a partyin’ mood now. Sorry, Pinkie.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Pinkie said as she put a hoof over Applejack’s withers. “Things are bad enough right now that nopony wants a party.”
“Yeah, and I’m real sorry about that, Pinkie,” Applejack said as they walked back to the cart.
Pinkie picked up a particularly large, juicy-looking apple and bounced it on her head. “It’s okay, AJ. Everypony will want a party soon enough.” One final bounce sent the apple sailing back to the basket, neatly landing in exactly the same spot she had taken it from, but sporting one new addition: a red tack, driven neatly into the side of the fruit. The camouflage was effective enough on its own, but just to be safe, she made sure the apple landed with that side facing down.
“What makes you say that?” Applejack said as Pinkie picked up another apple, repeating the process.
“Oh, I just have a feeling that things will get a lot worse before long, and then everypony will realize just how bad they need a party.” Pinkie gave the apple on her head one last bounce, and it plopped back into the basket sporting another hidden tack.
“I dunno about that, Sugarcube,” Applejack said as she scratched the side of her head. “Seems to me things are startin’ to settle down a mite.”
“That’s not what my Pinkie Sense is saying.”
Applejack’s hoof froze at the side of her face. “Your Pinkie Sense is saying somethin’ bad will happen?”
“Uh huh.”
“Is it worse than a twitchy tail?” said Applejack, the sheen of sweat on her coat intensifying.
“Yep,” said Pinkie, bouncing a series of apples off her head, inserting tacks into them assembly line style.
“What about that time your whole body started shaking and we almost got eaten by a hydra. Is it that bad?”
Pinkie leaned in toward Applejack until their muzzles were nearly touching. Her own eyes were narrowed dangerously, but Applejack’s were wide with panic. “Worse.”.
As Pinkie pulled back, Applejack started to sway, her eyes rolling slightly.
Bouncing away, Pinkie yelled, “See you later, AJ!”
Applejack found her footing again just in time to grab Pinkie’s tail between her teeth. “Wait a cotton pickin’ minute there, Pinkie! Where in tarnation are ya off to now?”
“I have to go back to Fluttershy’s. I left my favorite blowgun over there.”
“Ain’t that kinda unimportant right now?” said Applejack, scratching her head. “If something bad’s gonna happen, you need to warn everypony.”
Pinkie grinned and said, “Oh, don’t worry about that. I plan to visit everypony in town today!” As Applejack breathed a sigh of relief, she slipped away.
As the sounds of a hundred angry animals waging war on her lawn drifted in through her bedroom windows, Fluttershy frantically flipped through the pages in her book. “Don’t be shy; look… No. When somepony tries to block… No, that won’t do either!”
As page after page flipped, the violence outside continued to intensify. “Cut in line; I’ll take… No, they’re not cutting in a line. When your kids fight or pout… No, they’re not my…” Halfway through turning the page, Fluttershy stopped. “Well, I suppose they are sort of like my children. Let’s see. ‘When your kids fight or pout, put them in time-out.’ But how—”
Fluttershy’s eyes lit up as she glanced out the window and spotted Freefeather’s cart, still piled high with various crates and cages. “That’s it!”
Using flying skills that would impress any drunken albatross in the world, Fluttershy dove through her window and sped toward the cart. In moments, she had hitched herself up to it and started dragging the heavy load around the cottage, grunting and straining her muscles with every step. Halfway there, she stopped when she spotted a vaguely familiar pony shoving a carved and polished stick into a knothole in a nearby tree. “Pinkie?” she said timidly.
“Hey, Fluttershy!” Pinkie Pie said in her usual exuberant voice, despite her coat being a couple of shades darker than normal and her mane being nearly flat. “What’s up?”
Instead of replying, Fluttershy pointed to the dust cloud full of screaming critters. “Oh,” said Pinkie. “Looks like you’ve really got your hooves full. Need some help?”
“Actually, that would be a big help,” Fluttershy said as she wiped the sweat from her brow. “Could you help me get this cart closer to them?”
“Okie dokie lokie,” Pinkie said as she merrily fell in behind the cart, pushing while Fluttershy pulled from the front. Having an extra pony to help out sped up the task, and the cart was soon parked beside the wild ruckus.
“Fracas!” said Pinkie.
“What did you say, Pinkie?” Fluttershy said as she removed the harness.
Pinkie skipped around to the front of the cart. “Don’t worry about it. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I know what a fracas is,” Fluttershy said quietly.
Pinkie stepped close to the noisy cloud of flying fur and poked a hoof at it. She jerked it back as a stray claw sliced a lock of hair from her fetlock, watching in silence as the tuft of pink vanished into the dome of swirling debris. “So what now?”
“I don’t know,” said Fluttershy. “Iron Will had some slogans that I could use, but I just don’t know. What if they don’t forgive me?”
Pinkie laid a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder and looked into her eyes. “Fluttershy, trust me. It’s for the best. The normal you is the pony these animals deserve, but you’re not the pony they need right now. They need a new Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy closed her eyes and nodded. When she opened them again a moment later, they were clear and focused. “You’re right, Pinkie. If New Fluttershy is what they need, that’s what I’ll become!”
“Attagirl! Go get ‘em!” Pinkie said as she withdrew her hoof and stepped aside.
Without a moment’s hesitation, Fluttershy stepped toward the cloud and jammed her hoof inside it. She yanked it back out a moment later, holding a crazed squirrel with half of its fur missing. It struggled in her grip until she raised it to her face, but the ferocity in her eyes paralyzed it. Still holding the petrified critter, she marched to the cart and tossed it unceremoniously into one of the cages, then slammed it shut.
Behind her back, Pinkie’s smile morphed into a sinister grin.
As she returned to the melee, a spider monkey dove from a tree branch, then emerged from the cloud a moment later, holding an irate racoon. It held the racoon out to Fluttershy, who snatched it up in her hooves and glared it into submission, then shoved it into another cage.
When she returned to the battle, the spider monkey was straining to hold a wallaby for her. One stare later, another cage was occupied. Fluttershy and the monkey—occasionally aided by Pinkie, who was wielding an oversized butterfly net that had been hidden somewhere in the chicken coop—removed the unruly critters one-by-one, and the dust cloud steadily dwindled.
At last, they finally reached in and grabbed the last two animals, a plucked buzzard and its chicken adversary, from the cloud, which dissipated completely by the time they had been imprisoned.
Fluttershy slapped her hoof against the monkey’s hand as they looked at the occupied crates atop the cart. “Thank you so much for all of your help, little friend,” Fluttershy said.
The monkey nodded at her, then blew a raspberry at the caged critters.
Fluttershy turned to face Pinkie, who was emerging from the chicken coop after stashing her net. “And thank you for all your help too, Pinkie.”
“No problem! Now, how about we go into town to celebrate your victory?” Pinkie said. Her grin didn’t quite match up with the way her eyes were narrowed, but Fluttershy shook her head and disregarded it.
“Sure, but I need to get an envelope first,” Fluttershy said as she trotted toward her cottage.
Pinkie fell in beside her, the spider monkey riding on her back. “Oh? Who ya mailing?”
“Iron Will. Since his lessons turned out to be useful after all, I really should pay him.” Fluttershy went into the cottage, leaving Pinkie outside to play with the monkey. When she returned, carrying an envelope full of bits under one of her wings, she found Pinkie putting a bandolier on the monkey. It was covered in pouches, and knowing Pinkie, they were all filled with ridiculous items of questionable usefulness.
“Okay, Pinkie. I’m ready to go now.”
“Great! I was just teaching this little guy a few tricks he’ll need to know while we’re in town,” Pinkie said.
“Oh, goodness!” Fluttershy said as they crossed the bridge over the stream outside her house. “I need to say goodbye to Angel Bunny. Which cage did you put him in?”
Pinkie tilted her head. “What are you talking about? Didn’t you get him?”
“No.” Fluttershy looked back at the battlefield, then to the cages, and finally back to the monkey on Pinkie’s back. “What about you? Did you catch a white rabbit?”
The monkey shook its head.
“Oh no…” Fluttershy took flight, her forgotten envelope hitting the ground with a clatter, and rushed over to the cart. By the time Pinkie caught up, she had already counted the animals in a quarter of the cages. “Pinkie, go count the chickens and the animals in the pens.”
A few minutes later, the count was in and the numbers were tallied. “So it looks like we’re eight animals short,” Pinkie said, staring at a piece of paper covered in incomprehensible doodles. “Where do you think they are?”
Fluttershy’s eyes narrowed as she walked silently toward the battlefield. On the other side, several sets of tracks led away from the cottage and headed in the direction of the town. She growled and stomped on one of the rabbit tracks as Pinkie and the monkey walked up beside her. “They escaped”—her eyes narrowed and her voice fell to a dangerous whisper—”but we’re going to find them.”
Angel’s world had become one of flying dirt, unrelenting noise, and frequent pain. The brown rabbit had wasted no time in jumping onto him as soon as the battle began, but after exchanging a few blows, he lost sight of her amidst the turmoil. From there, it became a constant effort to stay away from the claws and teeth of the larger animals.
By the time he spotted the brown rabbit again, he was almost unrecognizable. Much of his white fur was gone, and the rest was covered in detritus. Her eyes passed right over him before she moved on to kick a squirrel in the face. When it fell on its back, she hopped onto its stomach and continued to pound on it as Angel hopped toward her.
When he was close enough, he lashed out with a kick, but the brown rabbit saw it coming in the nick of time and rolled off the squirrel. The two glared at one another as the battle raged around them. A shriek from the dazed squirrel signaled them, and they both charged. They each planted their legs in preparation for a flying kick, but were cut off when a wall of yellow appeared in front of them.
The pony leg thrust itself directly between them and felt around for just a moment before grabbing the squirrel and yanking it out of the cloud of swirling debris. A moment of silent understanding passed between the two rabbits, and they both hopped to the edge of the battlefield. They poked their heads out just as a cage door was slamming shut.
The yellow bird pony was stomping. Her eyes were frozen in a perpetual glare. It was like she had been replaced by a completely different bird pony. Angel had only seen her like that once before, the time he had pushed her too far with his demand for that delicious-looking salad.
As she approached the cloud, he pulled his head back inside and stepped back several paces. His gaze crossed that of the brown rabbit once more, and understanding again passed between them; their fighting had created a far worse enemy than one another.
Suddenly, a much larger animal appeared in the midst of the melee. The monkey glanced around briefly, but its eyes locked onto the brown rabbit. It grinned at them, showing its canines too clearly to be a benign gesture. Suddenly, it charged forward, screeching.
Angel acted instinctually, rushing forward and knocking the brown rabbit out of the monkey’s path. It swiped at the air where the bunny had been, then skidded to a halt and turned around. It snarled at the two rabbits and took a step forward, but it was interrupted when a raccoon came flying toward it, hurled by some other critter. The monkey caught it, but couldn’t let go because the raccoon immediately started clawing at it. Growling softly, it was forced to retreat with its new prize.
They had to leave. Between the bird pony and that monkey… and now apparently something swinging a huge net, there were too many threats to overcome. They were all going to be captured and imprisoned if they stayed.
With a nod to the brown rabbit, Angel took off toward the other side of the battleground. As he dodged through the fracas, his fellow bunny in tow, he occasionally caught the eye of another friendly animal and signaled for it to follow. The brown rabbit did the same.
Finally, the two rabbits—accompanied by a cat, a chicken, a possum carrying a lizard and a field mouse on its back, and a bat—burst out of the debris cloud and scampered away from the scene.
Several minutes later, they gradually slowed to a halt and took shelter in an empty hollow at the edge of the woods to rest, halfway between the bird pony’s nest and the nearby pony hive. Angel hid behind a small bush at the edge and kept his attention focused in the direction of home.
The sounds of battle had faded into the distance, or perhaps they had simply been quelled by the bird pony and her allies. Thankfully, there was no sign of pursuit, so their escape had probably gone unnoticed. His attention was soon drawn by a thumping sound behind him.
The source of the sound was the brown rabbit, tapping her foot on the ground. Angel sighed, then turned around and slowly hopped toward it. In a move that completely failed to surprise him, the brown rabbit shoved him when he got close.
Angel regained his balance and stepped toward her, standing taller than his usual posture, but she recoiled. He stopped, and she slowly leaned in again, then nudged him more gently. Following her lead, Angel allowed himself to be turned around. In a move that did surprise him, the brown rabbit turned around and started sweeping the dust off him with her own filthy tail.
Angel stood still for a couple of minutes, allowing the other rabbit to clean him, while the other animals made peace with one another and enjoyed the temporary reprieve from the stifling heat. While he enjoyed the feeling of having his coat cleaned, the possum and cat sniffed at each other. The lizard and mouse sat side-by-side on a fallen branch. Nearby, the chicken was trying its best to hang upside down like the bat, but it had picked a weak branch in a small shrub for its experiment, so it was really just doing a headstand.
The tranquil moment ended, however, when voices reached Angel’s ears. The brown one had heard them too, and they both moved slowly to the edge.
In the distance, the yellow bird pony was marching along the treeline, followed closely by a pink pony he didn’t recognize with a monkey riding on its back. The bird pony was stopping every few steps to stare at the ground for some reason. The brown rabbit’s whiskers twitched and her foot slowly thumped against the dirt while they watched until, finally, Angel’s patience broke. He turned around to kick her overly energetic foot, but stopped when he saw what was under it.
A footprint.
Every step they took was leaving them, and the bird pony was following the trail.
Angel grabbed the brown rabbit and pulled her deeper into the hollow, then got the attention of the others. To show them the problem, he walked around in a circle while the brown rabbit, who was blessedly quick on the uptake, followed his lead and drew a crude picture of a pony, then traced a line from the pony to each of Angel’s tracks. One by one, understanding dawned on the faces of all the other animals.
All except the chicken. She was a little dense.
Following Angel’s lead, the group resumed its trek toward the pony hive, this time moving inside the treeline. Going through the brush made the journey slower, but it would slow down their pursuers even more.
As they traveled, the group found its rhythm. The bat scouted ahead and signaled the clearest path. As obstacles were encountered, the lizard and mouse made use of their size to find the best route through thick bushes and brambles. The rabbits and chicken were guided and protected by the superior muscle of the possum and cat. Angel, meanwhile, used his knowledge of the area to ensure that they kept traveling in the right direction.
They were nearing the edge of the pony hive when a screech from above drew their attention. The monkey had caught up to them, and was hanging from a branch high above their heads. Angel looked around at his comrades, but the only one who could even reach the monkey was the bat, and it wouldn’t stand a chance in a fight. There was only one sensible option.
He ran.
The others were right on his fluffy tail as he crashed through the brush, leaving a trail of dirty white hairs behind him. The monkey followed behind them, effortlessly moving from branch to branch and screeching at the top of its lungs. The sound of pony voices on their trail drew inexorably closer.
The brush came to an end as the animals emerged into an open field. The hive was nearby, but the ponies were faster, so the animals sprinted for all they were worth, the larger and faster ones carrying the ones who couldn’t keep up. Angel chanced a glance behind him and saw the monkey climbing down from the tree and jumping onto the back of the pink pony as it emerged from the woods. The yellow bird pony was only a step behind, and immediately took to the air to give chase.
She was too far away, though. The animals were too close to the hive and the many hiding places it offered. They passed the first nest and darted around the corner, breaking the bird pony’s line of sight. Other ponies scattered as they stampeded through, zigzagging between nests of varying sizes and shapes.
At last, Angel spotted a suitable hiding place: a small barrel with its lid slightly ajar. He hopped up to the top and helped the others, one at a time, to get over its lip and slide down inside their wooden shelter. Finally, when all the others were inside, he slid the lid into place to complete their concealment.
He had made it just in time. Mere seconds later, he heard the voice of the yellow bird pony and her friend. They passed right by the barrel, and the voices faded around another corner.
They couldn’t stay, however. The barrel was cramped, so they wouldn’t be able to rest there. Angel and the brown rabbit leaped up together and kicked the lid, which flew off with a pop. The two bunnies perched on the top and reached down to help the others climb out, but they all tried to leave at once. Their weight concentrated on one side, the barrel toppled over, spilling them all onto the street.
Angel dusted himself off and started running again. Thankfully, after passing by only a couple of other nests, Angel spotted a familiar face: the white horn pony with purple hair. It was talking to another white horn pony Angel had never seen before, this one with a red mane. It didn’t matter, though. Calming the yellow bird pony was far more important than whatever they were talking about.
Angel had nearly reached her when a demonic voice sent a chill down his spine. “There you are!” The yellow bird pony had spotted them and was bearing down on them again, and the monkey was now riding on her back with a net in its hands.
The ear-splitting cacophony of half a dozen sewing machines faded into a blessedly low roar as Rarity stepped into the sunlight and closed the boutique’s front door behind her. It was still sweltering, but with the sun’s trajectory angling back down toward the western horizon, heralding the impending nightfall, the shadows were lengthening, providing a bit of relief from its rays.
As she walked, carefully weaving her way through the crowds on the street, the noise from the boutique disappeared completely into the distance, only to be replaced by dozens of whining and moaning voices.
She skirted around the edge of a particularly large crowd, all of whom were complaining about the weather to anypony who would listen, as though the rest weren’t also feeling it. The fact that they were crowded together, consolidating their body heat and blocking any breeze that happened to blow through the town, couldn’t have been helping matters. Still, misery loves company, and company was the only thing the overpopulated town had in abundance.
Despite the streets being packed, most of the shops were closed. Mister Breezy’s store had sold out early in the day. All the restaurants were out of food. Even Quills & Sofas was shut down for some reason. The only one Rarity passed that was still open was the joke shop, which didn’t have a single customer.
The crowds started to thin out as she left the town square, and the path was almost completely clear through Ponyville’s most affluent neighborhood. As she walked past the row of large houses, pleasant breezes escaped from some of the open windows, accompanied by the roar of Mr. Breezy’s most powerful—and expensive—merchandise.
A small, polite cough drew Rarity’s attention back to the road in front of. Standing in her path was none other than Silk Satin. “Excuse me,” said Satin,”but you are in my way.”
Rarity’s gaze locked onto Satin’s eyes as her hoof, frozen in mid-step, slowly lowered to the ground. “No, I am quite certain that I am on the correct side of the road,” Rarity replied, a hint of a growl in her voice.
Silk Satin’s eyes narrowed. “I beg to differ,” she said, punctuating the statement with a stamp of her hoof. “Perhaps you failed to notice, but there is no correct side of the road in this backwards little dump you call a town.”
Rarity took a step forward. “Ponyville may not be as glamorous as Canterlot, but the rules of common courtesy still apply.”
Satin narrowed the gap between them even further. “Not as glamorous? This town is a slap to the face of the very concept of elegance, much like those dishrags you call clothing.”
“At least I can conduct my business without resorting to petty thievery!”
Fire flashed in Satin’s eyes as her pupils constricted. She prodded Rarity’s chest with one hoof, driving her backwards as she screamed into her face, “How dare you? You have no right to accuse anypony of thievery after what you did to me.”
Rarity only gave a little ground before catching herself and planting her hooves firmly once more. “Whatever are you talking about? What have I ever stolen from you?”
Satin’s eyes narrowed again, but she withdrew her hoof. Her voice was almost a whisper as she said, “You really don’t know what you did to me?”
“No. I haven’t the faintest idea.”
“Well, let me enlighten you.” Silk Satin took a deep breath, but the words died in her mouth as another screaming voice rang through the empty street.
“There you are!” The voice belonged to Fluttershy.
Rarity spun around and saw her friend swooping down toward a group of fleeing critters. For some reason, a monkey was riding on her back, holding a small tree branch like a lance. Pinkie came bouncing around the corner a moment later, but instead of following Fluttershy, she approached the pair of unicorns.
“Pinkie! What’s going on? Why is Fluttershy chasing those animals? Why is your hair…” As she stared at Pinkie’s flat hairstyle, Rarity tried to take a step back, but just bumped into Satin. “Oh dear.”
“What’s wrong, Rarity?” Pinkie asked.
“Pinkie, dear, please tell me your hair is like that because of the weather.”
Pinkie blew a lock of hair out of her face. “Yep! You guessed it. See?” She shoved a hoof into her mouth and blew. With a pop, her mane inflated to something resembling its original style, but it immediately started to droop like a dying flower.
“I see… Anyway, I’m terribly sorry, Pinkie, but we were discussing something rather important.”
“Oh? Were you confessing to stealing supplies from each others’ shops?”
Silk Satin shoved Rarity aside and stepped toward Pinkie. “Wait a moment! You mean to say that she’s the one who stole my supplies?”
“Ooh! There’s a big crowd over there. I wonder what they’re talking about. See you later, Rarity!” With that, Pinkie bounded away toward the gathering Rarity had previously passed by.
Rarity had only just finished picking herself up after taking a spill from the shove when Satin reappeared in her face. Dust cascaded from Rarity’s coat as she stumbled backwards. She looked around for Pinkie, but the only pink mare in sight was off in the distance, trying to force her way into the large group of ponies—which had at least doubled in size since Rarity passed it—and that one was well-dressed with an elegantly-styled mane.
“How dare you?” screeched Satin. “If you think you can get away with stealing my supplies—”
“Your supplies?” shouted Rarity, suddenly finding her footing and pressing back against Satin. “You’re only saying that so nopony will believe you stole mine!”
“That does it! I’m going to make sure you’re out of business by the end of the week. When I’m done with you, you’ll be begging for bits on the streets!”
“Bring it on, you gaudy, tasteless hussy! I don’t need those things to beat you.”
“Hmph,” they both said at once as they turned their backs to each other and started the march back to their respective shops.
“I can’t believe those blank flanks have a princess on their side now,” Diamond Tiara groaned as she trudged down the road leading back into town.
“Yeah, and they totally don’t deserve it. All they’re doing is yelling,” said Silver Spoon, stumbling along on three legs while she used the other to remove her glasses and wipe the sweat from her brow.
“Hurry up!” Diamond Tiara shouted over the thundering of hundreds of hooves. “You’re slowing us down too much. That crowd is gonna catch up.”
“Okay.” Silver Spoon put her glasses back on and chanced a glance to the rear. The herd of tired, irritable parents and their equally unpleasant foals was closing in on them.
With all four legs back on the ground, Silver Spoon accelerated to a canter. Once the pair had distanced themselves from the tide, they slowed down again. “That was too close,” Silver Spoon said as they approached the town square.
“Thanks to you,” Diamond Tiara replied. “Don’t forget it was my idea to run for it when Cheerilee dismissed everypony. If not for me, we’d be stuck in that herd with all the losers.”
Silver Spoon sighed, but held her tongue.
The duo rounded the last corner on their route, still leading at least half of the ponies from the school, and started the walk past the row of houses that ended with their own homes. They had barely taken a few steps, however, before they were forced to slow down by a crowd of ponies taking up most of the street.
Their slight hesitation allowed the throng to catch up to them, and before they could react, dozens of ponies had filed around them and begun to march through the narrow space remaining.
“Just great,” Diamond Tiara muttered. “I guess this means we have to push our way through. Come on, Silver Spoon.”
With Diamond Tiara in the lead, the pair pressed into the milling crowd. “Hey! Watch it!” Silver Spoon yelled as a sweaty tail flicked into her face. Diamond Tiara pushed too hard on a unicorn’s legs and was nearly crushed when the mare shrieked and toppled over.
The pair screamed in frustration at the same time as their efforts to pass were continually stymied, but they weren’t loud enough to be noticed over the chatter. “It’s no good, Diamond,” said Silver Spoon. “We’ll never get through unless somepony can get their attention.”
Diamond Tiara snarled through gritted teeth. “Well, unless you can be as loud as the Cutie Mark Goof-saders, that’s not going to happen.” She tried to throw her hooves into the air, but wound up smacking the legs of two adults. “It’s so unfair! Why do they get to hang out with Princess Luna instead of us?”
The chatter died out. Suddenly, instead of being pushed backwards, the legs of the crowd started to push the two forward, bringing them to a stop in the center of the crowd. While they stood in the center, fidgeting under a dozen gazes, hushed whispers started sweeping through the crowd. As the murmuring reached the outskirts of the group, the ponies passing by also stopped and joined the crowd.
“Do you two fillies know Princess Luna?” asked one of the mares.
Another mare, a local earth pony, said, “Were you at court? Can you tell us what exactly happened there?”
The questions started to flood in after that: two, three, four, and even more at once. The fillies’ ears rang as the full force of the crowd’s collective vocal ability was directed at them. Without even realizing what they were doing, the duo sank lower and lower, until they were flat on their bellies with their hooves pressed down over their heads in a desperate bid to block out the cacophony.
“I say! Please be quiet for a moment!” said a new voice, ringing out loud above the din. The brutal onslaught of incalculable decibels lowered to whispers. Diamond Tiara removed the hooves from her head and opened an eye to peek at the source of the voice.
The stylishly coifed mane of dull pink she found herself staring at was familiar, although she was wearing a different dress over her pink coat, and practically glowing from the reflections of the sunlight off the diamonds she wore around her neck and in her hair.
“Now then,” the snooty-sounding mare said, “what were you girls saying about Princess Luna?”
Diamond Tiara looked away from the radiant pony. “It’s nothing, ma’am. Really.”
“Yeah. We just want to get home,” said Silver Spoon.
“Of course, but please, do tell us a little about Princess Luna and these other ponies you mentioned, won’t you?” The rest of the crowd murmured in agreement.
“Well… I guess we can,” Diamond Tiara said. “We were just upset because,”—she paused for a moment as a wry smile formed on her face—”these three ponies who call themselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders are monopolizing all of Princess Luna’s time and keeping her away from all her other subjects!”
The crowd gasped.
Following Diamond Tiara’s lead, Silver Spoon added, “Yeah, they’re horrible ponies. They don’t have cutie marks, so they’re jealous of everypony else, and they want us all to suffer.”
The crowd gasped again.
The pink mare, however, simply smirked. Raising her head to address the crowd instead of speaking to the fillies, she said, “And that’s the sort of ponies Princess Luna associates with? She must want us all to suffer as well!”
The ponies in the crowd took a moment to breathe deeply and recover from their previous gasping, then gasped again.
“Scandalous!”
“Does she really think she can get away with this?”
“How is that any worse than Princess Celestia trying to cook us all, though?”
“Maybe that’s just Nightmare Moon’s new strategy!”
“That can’t be right! She’s raising the moon early tonight to help us!”
“You want to trust her over Princess Celestia?”
“You want to trust Princess Celestia when we’re all getting sunburned because she messed up?”
“We should confront them both and find out who’s turned evil for ourselves!”
The rest of the crowd roared its approval, and the entire herd stampeded away toward the town hall.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon stood in the abandoned street, staring blankly at the dust cloud rampaging through the streets. A chuckle behind them alerted them to the presence of the last remaining pony, the pink mare who had started the whole thing. Grinning from ear to ear, she said, “I can’t believe everything is working out so well. This party is going to be the best one ever!” With a giggle, she bounced away, bits of costume jewelry falling away with every hop.
“Was that Pinkie Pie?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“I don’t know,” Silver Spoon said, shaking her head. “I didn’t see anything.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right. We were never here.”
“Thy petition is denied,” the Cutie Mark Crusaders shouted. “We see through thy plan for those cows, and We are disgusted by it. Begone from Our sight at once!”
“Wait. What plans?” Scootaloo asked. Luna scribbled another note and levitated it over to her.
Sweetie Belle craned her neck, trying to get a look. “What’s it say?”
Scootaloo sighed. “It says we’re too young to know that.”
“Awwwww,” said Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.
“Trust me, girls,” Twilight said, holding a hoof to her mouth and gulping occasionally to combat her nausea, “you really don’t want to know.”
Luna giggled silently as the herald called for the next petitioner. However, as the sweaty unicorn stepped forward to present his case, Luna’s attention was drawn to her teacup—which was actually Celestia’s teacup, if one were to insist on factual accuracy, but Luna was drinking from it—which had begun shaking. As she lifted it with her magic to keep it from falling onto the floor, the other ponies in the room noticed the windows starting to rattle. The rumbling of hooves could be heard outside, getting louder by the second.
She scribbled another note and passed it to the Crusaders. “Please remain calm. We shall investigate this disturbance Ourselves,” they yelled.
As she stood up, the doors were flung open and the guards posted outside were pressed indoors by a horde of irate unicorns, a few earth ponies scattered among them. The rest of the room quickly devolved into panic, and the guards were just looking from side to side, unsure of which problem to address.
Twilight called for order, but her voice was lost over the yelling, screaming, and wailing that filled the room. In typical Twilight fashion, however, she learned from her mistake quickly and handed a note of her own to the fillies.
“Be still!” they shouted. It captured the attention of the entire room and silenced the mob almost as effectively as Celestia or Luna could have done it.
Luna looked to Twilight and cocked her head. “Well, it works for you and Celestia,” said Twilight, shrugging. Luna smirked and nodded, then picked up her own note pad.
“What is the meaning of this intrusion?” the Crusaders yelled, reading Luna’s next prompt.
“Your majesty,” a Canterlot mare said as she stepped forward, practically spitting the title, “we are here to speak to Princess Celestia concerning your blatant disregard for the needs of your subjects!”
“Please explain thy...” The fillies trailed off as they stared at the paper.
They whispered back and forth for a few seconds before Apple Bloom turned around to face Twilight and whispered, “What’s this say?”
“Grievances.”
“Ahhhh,” said the Crusaders. “Please explain thy grievances.”
The protester rubbed one of her ears and glared at the three fillies before responding. “You have been ignoring the most faithful of your subjects in favor of—”
“Wait a minute!” shouted another unicorn, this one a stallion. “She does not speak for all of us, Your Highness. My complaint is against Princess Celestia!”
Luna facehoofed as the two protesters started shouting at each other. Within moments, they were joined by others, and the entire room was filled with angry voices again.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were shrinking back against the stage, their hooves over their ears to block out the noise. Twilight’s head was jerking back and forth; random locks of her mane were popping up again, and the corner of her mouth twitched in sync with her brow.
There was only one thing to do in such a situation. Luna sat up even straighter, squared her jaw, took a deep breath, and scribbled a new note as she slouched and sighed.
Find Celestia.
As she read the words for the third time, Twilight’s twitching came to a stop. With a nod to Luna, she stood up and trotted out of sight, then broke into a gallop on her way to the door. She was nearly there when she stepped on a loose board. She shrieked as her hoof fell through the floor. The remaining breath was knocked out of her when she came crashing down on her barrel as the other end of the board rose up to say hello, face to face.
She picked herself up and set the board back in place with her magic while rubbing her bruised muzzle. While she cast a spell to secure the board in place, a particularly loud voice made its way behind the curtain. It was a mare screaming, “Did you hear that? She sent Princess Twilight out of sight so she could do away with her!”
The argument became even louder. Twilight hesitated, glancing back and forth between the curtain and the exit, but eventually chose to leave. When her magic pushed the door open and the heat flooded in, her sweat glands preemptively leapt into action and coated her with a glistening layer of moisture before she even stepped outside.
She pressed herself through the door and looked around. The sun was on its way down, but the temperature was still oppressively high, making it a chore just to breathe properly. Sighing, Twilight looked up at the sky. The search would be so much easier from up there, she thought, but the air is probably too thin. Just to be sure, she made a few experimental flaps with her wings, but she couldn’t get enough lift to take off.
Setting off down the street at a trot, she glanced to and fro, her vision lingering on any white pony who looked larger than normal. The first one looked promising, but as she approached and the heat distortion faded, it turned out to be the local DJ, who was dealing with the weather by wearing a second pair of shades over her usual ones.
“Hi, Twilight,” said Vinyl. “Need something?”
“No. Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you. I’m just looking for somepony.”
“No problem. Seeya later!”
Twilight watched for a moment as Vinyl meandered away in the direction of the market, leaving a trail of sweat on the ground that evaporated within seconds of her passing. She sighed again and kept looking around. After a moment, she spotted her next prospect, a light-colored pony with visible pink and blue in her mane. She called out to her, “Princess Celestia!”
The other mare turned and looked at her, then trotted forward. As she approached, however, her form became clearer.
“Are you okay, Twilight?” said Bon Bon.
“Yeah. Sorry about that,” said Twilight, her head hanging low. “I’m just looking for Princess Celestia. Have you seen her?”
Bon Bon’s eyes shot open, despite the sun looming large in her field of vision. Spitting the words as quickly as her mouth could move, she said, “Oh no. Is something wrong with Princess Celestia? Did something happen to her? Did somepony hurt her? Has she been banished to the sun or imprisoned in the moon? Or banished to the moon and imprisoned in the sun?”
Twilight waved her hooves frantically. “No! It’s nothing like that! It’s just—”
“Hey, what’s going on here, Bon Bon?” Lyra said as she trotted up beside Twilight.
Twilight turned to her and said, “It’s nothing. She just thinks—”
“We’re doomed!”
“We’re not doomed, Bon Bon,” said Twilight, but her voice was too muted by the hoof in front of her, busily pressing an indentation in the shape of a horseshoe into her face, and the sound couldn’t carry above Bon Bon’s wailing.
Other ponies started to gather around them, drawn by the racket. A dozen conversations battled for attention.
“—say we’re doomed?”
“Celestia’s missing?”
Twilight’s brow started twitching.
“—imprisoned her somewhere!”
“Princess Luna must have turned back into—”
The twitching spread down Twilight’s cheeks, infected her lips, and laid claim to her neck for good measure.
“—anypony possibly save—”
“We’re all doomed!”
When her facial ticks reached unsustainable levels, Twilight’s patience snapped. She screamed and ran in the opposite direction. Houses and shops flashed by in her peripheral vision, but she stayed focused on what was ahead of her, dodging ponies and other obstacles in her path as she sprinted aimlessly. Finally, when the homes and storefronts had given way to market stalls, she stopped and took several deep breaths, slowly calming herself down.
Suddenly, she caught sight of a large white mare just down the street. All her efforts were undone in an instant as she gasped and ran toward… Vinyl Scratch. Again.
“Twilight? Are you following me or something?”
As Twilight screamed and ran off in a different direction, an old cautionary tale of magical misuse flashed through her memory.
* * * * *
Once upon a time, there lived a Unicorn named Sage Pearl. She was a young mare, but wise beyond her years. Being a generous and compassionate soul, she chose to offer her wisdom to the earth ponies, and so she settled in one of their villages. Because she was wiser than their oldest sage, they honored her by making her the town’s magistrate.
One day, two of the farmers brought a dispute before her. They each had a claim to the same herd of cows. She listened to their arguments for hours on end, patiently taking every fact into account.
At last, when the farmers had finished presenting their cases, she told them she would need a full night for her deliberations and sent them away until the morning. All night long, she worked, toiling tirelessly for the sake of her beloved peasants, until the finally found a solution that should make everypony happy.
In the morning, the two farmers returned. “Before I give my verdict, do you acknowledge my impartiality in this matter,” Sage Pearl asked them in the proper manner of Unicorn courts. They both nodded their assent. “Furthermore, do you swear to abide by my ruling?”
“We do swear, Your Honor,” said the earth ponies.
Sage Pearl stood up to address the entire court. “Very well,” she said. “I have reached a verdict in this dispute which should satisfy both parties and provide them with equal benefits. By Unicorn custom, I now bind you to this decision.” Her spell took hold within the two earth ponies, ensuring that they would obey her instructions forevermore, until either one of them perished, or until her own life ended.
“It is my decision that you”—she pointed to the first farmer—”shall retain possession of the entire herd and shall oversee their care.” Appreciating the wisdom of her decision, the earth pony shouted joyfully.
“It is also my decision that you”—she pointed to the second farmer—”having an equal claim, shall share in the bounties of the herd. All the milk produced by the cows, which your neighbor shall gather each morning, will be delivered to you immediately.” Appreciating the wisdom of her decision, the earth pony shouted joyously.
However, the first farmer became displeased upon hearing that his neighbor had been treated so fairly. He protested the verdict and proclaimed its unfairness to all who would hear.
“Good farmer,” said Sage Pearl, “you have agreed that I am impartial, and you have agreed to abide by my decision. By the magic of the Unicorn race, you are bound to this verdict, and it is bound to me. You will be compelled to abide by it until any one of us perishes.”
And so the jealous, foolish farmer strangled the life out of wise Sage Pearl.
Wise little Unicorn, remember the tale of Sage Pearl, and know that your lessers will not appreciate your wisdom. Use not your magic to guide the path of those who do not know reason, lest their foolishness destroy you.
* * * * *
When Twilight finally caught her breath and regained her senses, she looked to the sky once more. There’s no way I can find Celestia down here. If only my wings were strong enough to fly in this weather. She looked at the wings on her back and flexed them a few times while she pondered her circumstances. Wait a minute! I may not be able to fly today, but I know somepony who should be able to do it!
Once again, Twilight sprinted through the streets of the town. The difference this time, however, was that she was running toward something, not running away. In a few minutes, she arrived at her destination at the town’s edge.
Rainbow Dash’s cloud home was right where it was supposed to be, but for some reason, there was a mass of cotton candy on the ground next to it, oozing—and occasionally sputtering—brown fluid. Twilight shook her head at the sight, but otherwise ignored it.
In a flash of violet light, she disappeared from the ground and popped back into existence on Rainbow’s front porch. Grinning widely, she took a moment to poke and prod the cloud under her hooves before knocking on the door. Finally, when she was finished having her fun, she approached the door, raised a hoof to knock, slipped into a giggling fit, and flopped over onto the cloud to enjoy the feel of it under her back and wings.
Finally, Twilight got it out of her system and returned to the door. She knocked and waited. There was no answer.
She knocked again and waited. Again, Rainbow didn’t answer, so she yelled, “Rainbow, are you in there?”
After calling out several times, Twilight growled and kicked a stray bit of cloud. It popped like a balloon and dissipated into the sweltering air.
“Well, if Rainbow isn’t here, I’ll just have to find another pegasus,” Twilight said to no one at all. Her horn ignited as she channeled the energy for another teleportation spell, but moments before releasing it and returning to the ground, she spotted the other clouds in the sky above Ponyville, strategically placed by the weather patrol in an attempt to mitigate the heat. She changed her target at the last possible second and appeared on another cloud.
“Maybe I still can’t fly, but for right now, this will do just fine.”
Rainbow Dash sat stock-still in near-total darkness and silence. The only sounds were her own shallow breaths and Tank’s occasional noises. The only light was a tiny sliver of sunlight penetrating a tiny peephole in the closet’s door.
The air in her lungs froze as a knock at the front door resonated through her house. The rotor on Tank’s back started to spin, but Dash blocked it with a hoof and hissed, “Stop that. We don’t want him to hear us.”
Tank blinked at her.
“Of course it’s him. Who else could it be?”
Tank tilted his head.
“Twilight? No way. She’s busy doing princess stuff with—” Another knock resonated through the house, and Rainbow silenced herself by covering her mouth with both of her front hooves.
The obstruction removed, Tank fired up his rotor again and hovered toward the closet door. Before he could push it open, however, Rainbow leaned forward and caught the spinning blade in her teeth.
Spitting him back onto the floor, she whispered, “You can’t go out there, Tank! Who knows what Discord will turn you into. We’ve gotta stay here ‘til he goes away.”
Tank started to roll his eyes, but stopped halfway after a few seconds when Twilight’s voice echoed through the hallway. “Rainbow, are you in there?” He tilted his head again.
Rainbow Dash shook her head. “It’s not really her, Tank. Discord’s just trying to trick me into coming out so he can destroy my house like I wrecked his.”
Tank opened his mouth to make a sound, but Rainbow pressed it shut again between her hooves. “No. We’re not going out there, and that’s final. Now be quiet and wait.”
Amidst the clouds hanging over Ponyville, offering patches of shade for those fortunate enough to squeeze into them, one didn’t fit in. While most were white or various shades of gray, it was pink. Also unlike the other clouds, no ponies were taking refuge under it. The few who had tried were rewarded for their bravery with a brief shower of scalding chocolate milk.
Atop the cloud sat a throne made of a thousand horns and antlers, all held together by melted marshmallow. Upon the throne sat Discord. In his paw, he held a bucket, from which his talon grabbed fistfuls of peppermint popcorn as he watched the ponies going about their business through a pair of 3D glasses.
Their shouts filled the air from one end of the town to the other. He watched as a green pegasus shoved a red unicorn into a mailbox and slapped a stamp on her flank. A few seconds later, a gray mailmare arrived, stuffed the unicorn into a bag, and trotted away.
In the distance, guards were shoving a horde of ponies out of the town hall. Another crowd had gathered in the market, surrounding one particular stall. An orange pony stood in front of it, shouting something back at them and waving her hooves, but they were slowly pressing in toward her, and she was giving ground. Two other ponies were cowering behind the cart.
Even Fluttershy was contributing to the madness, swooping through the town in pursuit of a group of animals with a monkey riding on her back.
To his side, a flash of golden light heralded the arrival of a guest. “Good afternoon, Celestia,” Discord said as he took off the glasses and shoved them up his own nose.
“Hello, Discord. Would you mind a bit of company?”
“But of course! Have a seat and enjoy the chaos! It’s much better than that boring view from your balcony in Canterlot.” Discord’s throne slid to the edge of the cloud, making room for Celestia, who sat down on the sticky surface without a second thought. Instead of talking, she just stared into the distance, frowning.
Discord tired of the silence in less than ten seconds. “I hear you’ve been shirking your duties and hiding from Twilight. Can’t say I blame you, really.”
Celestia gave a half-nod, followed by a shrug. The frown never left her face.
“She was here looking for you a few minutes ago. She said there’s an emergency, and she’ll be waiting for you at the library.”
Celestia’s eyes narrowed, still focused somewhere in the distance, as she muttered, “I’m sure it’s nothing Luna can’t handle without me.”
“I don’t know about that. After all, even I never considered using the sun to bake all of Equestria at once!” he said, sneering. She still didn’t respond to his taunting. “So… Is there something you wanted?”
“I just needed a break”—she sighed—”and as sad as it is for me to say this, you’re the closest thing to a sane pony left in this town.”
Discord grinned and gestured outward at it. “I know! It’s delightful, isn’t it? All these ponies spreading so much chaos, and all I have to do is sit back and watch it happen!”
“I’m glad you’re in such such good spirits,” said Celestia, her head hanging and eyes half-lidded. “We both have the same problem, but you seem to be handling it much better than me.”
Scratching his head, Discord said, “Pardon me if I’m being dense, but I don’t see how any of this is a problem for me at all.”
Celestia looked up at him with her head cocked, and her eyes opened wide. “Really? You haven’t noticed yet?”
“What could I have missed?” Discord cackled madly for a few seconds, then turned back to Celestia and grinned at her. “Your little ponies are creating as much chaos as I could do on my best day, and they’re doing it all on their own!”
Celestia’s lips curved upwards tremulously, managing to form a half-hearted smirk as she said, “That’s the problem.”
Discord scoffed. “You’re not making any sense.” He scratched his head again for a moment, then popped the antler from his head and scratched his back with it.
Sighing, Celestia said, “You’re partially right, Discord. There’s as much disharmony out there”—she gestured at the town—”as you’ve ever dreamed. However, just like my problem is that the ponies down there don’t seem to need, or want, my help anymore, yours is that they didn’t need you either.”
The pair fell into an extended silence as they stared out into the mayhem together; Discord stood at the edge of the cloud, stroking his beard, while Celestia pawed at the cotton candy with one of her hooves.
It was Discord who broke the silence. “If the ponies can cause so much chaos on their own, there’s no need for me anymore, is there?”
“No.”
Discord’s gaze hardened and his jaw set. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Celestia, but I won’t accept it.”
Celestia stood up. “Discord, wait. You can’t ju—”
Her voice vanished as Discord appeared on the ground. The nearby ponies all gasped or screamed at his appearance, and he took half a step toward a group of them before something crashed into the back of his head.
“Oops. My bad,” the gray mailmare said as she picked herself up. Discord stood up and watched her as she wobbled through the air and landed next to a green pegasus mare. “This was marked ‘Return to Sender.’ Sorry.” She reached into her sack and pulled out a red mare with a big “RTS” sticker on her flank.
The pegasus’ eyes flew open and she flapped her wings, but she couldn’t get any lift and was helpless when the red unicorn fired a spell at her that made all of her feathers fall out. With a “Hmph,” the unicorn stomped off.
Nopony was even looking at Discord anymore.
He walked through the streets, getting no more reaction than a few apprehensive stares, until he found himself in the marketplace with a horde of ponies stampeding in his direction.
At the front was Applejack. Even though she was pulling a large cart laden with bushels of apples, she was still managing to outrun the two unicorns behind her, and they were outrunning the mob chasing them. Discord stepped aside to let the stampede pass.
In its wake, when the ponies couldn’t be seen through the dust cloud they left in their wake as they sprinted toward Sweet Apple Acres, Discord looked around. The ground was covered in hoofprints and the smashed remains of apples that had fallen from the cart in Applejack’s hasty retreat. One, however, had remained completely intact.
Discord picked it up. The apple was large and perfectly formed, its skin a flawlessly uniform shade of red. It was perfect.
He tossed it into the air and caught it in his mouth. He bit down and savored the juices as they flooded to every corner of his mouth. Every chomp of his teeth rewarded him with another explosion of flavor, until…
Discord’s eyes bulged. He spat the apple out, spraying bits of fruit all the way across the street and onto a wall. With a wince, he stuck his tongue out and stared at the big red tack piercing it. He reached up with his talon to remove it, panting and grunting as the metal spike slid out of his flesh.
When it was finally free, Discord pulled his tongue out and tossed it aside. A new one instantly grew in its place. He tossed the tack into his mouth and bit down on it. As it crunched between his teeth, he looked around again.
After swallowing, his face fell. He slouched down and sighed. “She was right. I can’t bring chaos and disharmony if everypony else is already doing it.” As he walked away, he slowly shrank to the size of a foal. “I guess this is what it feels like to be downsized.”
“All right, y’all, I think it’s clear,” said Applejack. She was breathing heavily, but her unicorn companions were hardly staying upright as they gasped for air.
Primpernel looked up from her red hooves and said, “Do you really”—she paused and took another deep breath—”think they’ve stopped following us?”
Applejack removed her hat to wipe her brow after unhitching herself from the cart. “I reckon so. We were droppin’ apples behind us the whole way, and we can’t shake ‘em when we’re leaving a trail like that, so they must’ve given up.”
“Thank Celestia!” Brass Belle said as she collapsed onto the dry grass to catch her breath and watch the ground try to soak up drops of her sweat before the sun could evaporate them. While she languished, Primpernel squeezed the moisture out of her hair and worked toward the hopeless goal of getting it back into presentable condition. Applejack walked around the cart, inspecting it for damage.
“All right, gals,” Applejack said after a few minutes. “That’s enough of a break. Let’s get movin’ before we lose the light.” She pointed to the sun, which had nearly reached the horizon. Around them, the shadows had lengthened. The temperature was already starting to drop.
The unicorns groaned and muttered complaints, but they fell in line as Applejack resumed the march to the house. Passing the time in silence, they trudged down the dirt path until, at last, the farmhouse came into view. They had just finished putting the cart into its shed when the sun set and the moon began its trek across the sky.
Once they had all taken a turn in the outdoor shower and rinsed the sweat from their coats, the trio walked into the house. Big McIntosh and the rest of the guests were all sitting at the tables or milling about in the next room. The table had already been set, but Granny Smith was still cooking.
The mood in the house was somber at best. Most of the guests were silent, and what little conversation was being had was conducted in whispers. Big Mac gave Applejack a terse nod as she walked in, but went back to glowering at Blueblood. Blueblood smirked at him and turned to Applejack, wriggling his eyebrow suggestively.
Applejack ignored him and stepped into the kitchen. “What’s goin’ on out there, Granny?”
Granny Smith was standing on her hind legs in front of the stove, stirring the contents of her largest pot. She turned her head to look at Applejack, gave a completely insincere smile, and said, “Never you mind that. Nothin’ at all is wrong. They’re just hungry, is all. Now take this here stew out there and have yourself a seat.”
Applejack grimaced and walked over to the stove, but she didn’t pick up the pot. “Granny, I know you’re lyin’ to me. What’s really going on here?”
Granny Smith looked her in the eyes and set her jaw, but her composure snapped like a twig when Applejack narrowed her eyes. With a sigh, she said, “I’m sorry, Sweet Pea. It’s that Blueblood feller. He’s got everypony all worked up.” Applejack nodded, but waited for her to continue. “He’s been sayin’ some right awful things about ya to everypony, trying to get Big Mac to hit him.”
“And Mac ain’t done it?”
“Nope.”
Applejack picked up a large potholder and slung it over her back, then lifted the pot of stew onto it. “That’s mighty fine of him and all, but why would that stuck-up prince want Big Mac to hurt him?”
“Because if we hurt him, he can take away our farm.”
Applejack stumbled over her own hooves and turned back around to face Granny Smith. “What the hay do you mean? How can he do that?”
“I don’t know. It’s some law about attackin’ royalty.” Granny shooed her toward the dining room. “Now hurry up and get to the table with that.”
Applejack didn’t budge. “Granny, this is too important to be worryin’ about supper.”
Granny tried shoving her directly, but Applejack didn’t budge. “That ain’t what I’m concerned about! You still got that—”
At that moment, the heat from the pot on Applejack’s back worked its way through the potholder, past her coat, and into her skin. With a high-pitched yelp, she bolted toward the living room, then realized she was going the wrong way and turned toward the kitchen, then finally to the dining room.
“In here,” Granny cried from the doorway. “And slow down! You’re spilling it!”
As Applejack reached the table, Big Mac ran into the room and lifted the pot from her back. He set it down on the table and looked her in the eyes. Applejack nodded. “Eeyup,” he said, then walked back to the living room to collect the others.
A few minutes later, the ponies were once again divided among the two tables along racial lines, with one exception. Blueblood had joined the Apples at their table.
Smiling his bowl, he said, “This looks positively dreadful.” Using his magic, he lifted a spoonful of the stew to his mouth. As he chewed, he shuddered dramatically. “My stars! It’s worse than I dared to imagine!”
Applejack looked around the room, but none of the other ponies had anything to say, instead choosing to eat their stew in silence. After another bite, Blueblood continued his mocking, staring directly into Applejack’s eyes: “I daresay the only thing in this room that tastes worse than this stew is your unwashed—”
Granny Smith stamped her hoof on the table, rattling all the bowls on it.
Blueblood glanced at her and smirked before continuing. “Well, I suppose such topics do make poor table conversation. Of course, they need to be mentioned, even if the timing is poor. After all, with such poor hygiene, you’ll never even find another miserable dirt pony who would marry you.”
That was the last straw. Fire flashed in Applejack’s eyes as she stood up and ran around the table. She had nearly reached Blueblood when a wall of red obstructed her path and she ran into her brother’s side. “Move, Mac,” she said as she picked herself up off the floor. “I don’t care what he does. I ain’t gonna let him say those things!”
“Eenope.” Big Mac turned to face her, and time slowed to a crawl as his front hooves planted on the floor and his hind legs coiled up. When he thrust them outward at Blueblood’s face, the prince’s oily smile started to falter. Those hooves were almost as big as his entire head.
The sound when they connected was deafening. When the body slammed into the wall, every picture on it fell to the floor, their glass shattering upon impact. Every knick-knack on the shelves was sent flying, all the breakable ones smashing at various places around the room. The pony slumped on the floor did not move.
But it wasn’t Blueblood.
At the last moment, the gray stallion who had never revealed his own name leapt into the path of the kick and shoved Blueblood aside, taking the full force of the impact in his side.
Nopony moved.
The Apples were all staring without even blinking. The rest of the unicorns twitched uncertainly, but didn’t move. Even Blueblood was frozen by the scene. The first one to snap to her senses was Cirrus, followed closely by Primpernel. They rushed over to the gray stallion and started prodding him to check the extent of his injuries.
After a long moment of silence, Cirrus wiped her brow and said, “He should be okay. He’s just knocked out. Maybe a couple of cracked ribs, but nothing life-threatening.”
“You…”
The others turned to Blueblood. “Y-you brute!” His normally white pace was flushed deep red, well on its way to becoming puce. “Had that hit me, I might have been killed!”
Big Mac narrowed his eyes and whispered, “Eeyup.”
“Mac, now’s not the time,” Applejack said. “We’ve gotta get him”—she motioned to the unconscious unicorn—”into a bed upstairs.” Mac nodded and trotted over to help Hammerspark pick him up, then disappeared up the stairs with his cargo.
As the others stared at the empty staircase, Blueblood cleared his throat. Applejack opened her mouth to yell at him, but he spoke first. “This changes things, you know. I certainly cannot allow myself to be struck by that brute now that I know what a barbarian he is. Therefore, I will allow you the opportunity to surrender peacefully.”
Applejack’s face turned a shade of red to match Bluebloods from moments before. “S-s-surrender?” she yelled. “Why the hay should we surrender to you?”
Blueblood’s face had returned to normal, but his arrogant smirk was gone. His eyes were narrowed and his mouth was set firmly. His posture was as straight as ever, but he looked directly into Applejack’s eyes, rather than down his nose at her. “Because if you do not do as I command, I will take this land by force.”
“And just how do you reckon you can manage that?”
Instead of responding directly to her, he barked a command to the others as Mac and Hammerspark returned. “All of you, outside now.”
The remaining unicorns filed out the door in single file, their heads hanging low and their steps heavy. Garden Melody, Touching Prose, and Hammerspark filed out behind them. The only one to remain was Cirrus Edge.
Blueblood barked at her: “I said to get out, cripple!”
“No.” She stood her ground and stared him in the eyes, her good wing outstretched and her bad one straining against its bandages.
“Suit yourself. You’ll regret your decision soon enough.” Blueblood turned and followed the others through the door, into the yard.
Mac walked over the Applejack and Granny Smith. “AJ, what’s goin’ on?”
“I don’t know,” she said, her voice catching in her throat. “I just don’t know.”
Cirrus walked over to one of the windows. “They’re surrounding the house.”
Applejack walked to the window and sighed as she watched the other ponies spacing themselves out around the house. “So it’s a siege.”
“Eeyup,” said Big Mac, standing by her side.
Granny Smith hobbled over to the window to join them. “Can we beat ‘em, ya reckon?”
“I don’t know, Granny,” Applejack said. “Even if we do, we can’t hurt Blueblood or we’ll lose the farm.”
“Eeyup,” said Big Mac.
“Besides, all we have are the three of us and Cirrus.” Applejack turned to face the pegasus, but she wasn’t by the window any longer. She called out, “Cirrus?”
In the darkened guest room on the second floor of the Apple family home, Cirrus Edge looked out the window. Below her, the unicorns and earth ponies under Blueblood’s command had positioned themselves to act as a barricade. Every exit from the house was covered.
The only way out was to fly.
She bit down on the knot in the bandage on her wing and tugged on the loose end. The whole thing unraveled immediately and fell to the floor. Cirrus flexed her wing and gave it a few experimental flaps to limber it up, then slowly pushed open the window.
Nopony spotted her leaving, and within seconds, she had completely vanished into the night sky.