• Member Since 10th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

naturalbornderpy


Just a nice, polite Canadian.

E

After storming into Princess Celestia's personal study unannounced, Twilight Sparkle soon learns her yearly battles against the forces of evil are a little more scripted than she'd thought.

And this year, Princess Celestia might've just outdone herself.

Now with a youtube reading! Here!

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 218 )

This was so funny. And that ending. You got my two pony waifus into thatsituation.

I really like it :trollestia: I knew she was a troll but I never imagined it going this far

Interesting. I like it. :twilightsmile:

I can't imagine that this episode is going to have anything resembling decent pacing. It'd take hours to get all of the necessary set up in, it's going to be a total flop.

Now let's wait for that finale to roll out, and reveal the TRUE TROLL OF THEM ALL - Celestia's Mother's mother's mother's mother's mother's father's mother's mother's mother's MOTHER, THE ALMIGHTY TROLLESTIA THE FIRST!!!

Oh my god. You magnificent bastard.

Does this mean Luna took a 1000 year vacation just to set up Nightmare Moon? Or was she just locked up in her room all along playing video games in secret?

6390529 Luna takes setting high scores very seriously.

6390529

I don't think you understand the scope of a Celestia production as funded by The Canterlot Society of the Performing Arts and the Lifelong Friendship Institute...

Luna had never left. She and Celestia have a decent handle on the generational gaps between Elements of Magic and so Luna preemptively went on a long sabbatical. The entire populace got in on the act, returning records of Luna to their proper hiding places and then pretending to forget about the second Princess. When Rainbow's rainboom presaged the return of the Element of Magic and allowed for its identification, Cadance was called in to watch over the nascent Element, ensure that proper secrecy was maintained, and give Luna enough time to return and reprise her role. "Nightmare Moon" has actually been "redeemed" 8 times over the past 1000 years.

This sounds expensive

Oh-ho-ho my god, this is just FABULOUS!!!

I've always been a fan of these "behind-the-scenes" stories and this one was excellent.

Then Twilight participated in it, and Celestia thought she had finally achieved her life's goal. She had elevated another to princesshood, staged the most wonderful story ever, and gave Twilight all the benefits of her own early years as an alicorn without that messy "real risk of dying" business. It was perfect.

And then, at the climax of the season finale, Twilight deliberately ruined the entire thing--not just messing up the show, but awfully, horribly, in a publically degrading way that wounded no small number of others, "villain" and "friend" alike. Because, you see, Celestia forgot that Twilight has never been a very stable pony--and although that has been improving, Celestia had done a wonderful job of absolutely destroying every last pillar of her.

I... Jesus, lemme take a small look at what this would mean.

i.imgur.com/3cM9IUY.jpg

Twilight may have been an awful friend, but she fully tossed aside her remaining relations with those in Canterlot to go chasing after Nightmare Moon--and thought she was making a friend by helping Luna connect to the townsponies, when Luna had faked the Nightmare Moon issue and was behind that ostracism in the first place; to say nothing of what she inflicted upon the entire town with the false nightmares of the Tantibus. She learned that Celestia sent Gilda to bully Fluttershy (seriously, who bullies Fluttershy!?!). She discovers that Celestia's behind both the Ursa Minor attack and Trixie's little "episode" with the Alicorn Amulet, both causing vast amounts of damage and causing an unknown number of nightmares (and the Amulet incident, at least, would have caused some hell of a lot of traumas. Slavery ain't nice). She arranged to have Twilight's friend kidnapped by Diamond Dogs. She deliberately ruined the Gala the six had put so much of their hopes on. She was responsible for violating the minds of not only Twilight's friends, but Twilight herself, with the release of Discord--to say nothing of all the other ponies he screwed over.

With the Canterlot Wedding her own family turned against her. Celestia manipulated Twilight's friends into abandoning her and provoked Twilight to almost insane levels of hate for somepony she thought she loved. Then Twilight's brother, of his own free will, forbade Twilight from attending the wedding, and Twilight was subjected to the the fear and terror of her capture by Chrysalis... and the knowledge that she, in rage, almost killed the actual Cadance. Oh, and Twilight has to live with the knowledge that every single person she knows in Canterlot worked together to make this fake war for her--either that, or Celestia was just fine dragging unknowing, perfectly vulnerable civilians into it. She made Twilight learn to draw upon and wield her own hatred in the form of corrupt dark magic, and subjected her to traumatizing nightmares courtesy of Sombra's spells. She needlessly threw Twilight out to be attacked and near-violated up by the Plunder Vines and cragodiles. She put out snake oil medicine that could have gotten ponies killed, nearly destroyed a lot of Breezies by trapping them in a world too dangerous for them, rigged what should have been a fair competition, injured a Wonderbolt to force Rainbow Dash to make a decision, and put pressure on Pinkie that she knew would drive the mare to fall into a deep depression.

Either Celestia drew the whole nation into her deception, or she went ahead as sicced Tirek on the rest of Equestria to power him up, taking the magic and destinies from millions of ponies in a way that looked really painful. Then Celestia destroyed Twilight's beloved home (lucky Twi remembered that Owlowscious was inside), and for a time at least forced Twilight to live with the knowledge that she may well have damned the entire world by giving up everything to Tirek. And since Tirek is apparently not in Tartarus anymore, it seems that the whole magic-chest-Rainbow-Power thing was made up, and Celestia gave Twilight a giant, cold, empty castle that is a blemish on the view of Ponyville to "replace" her destroyed home. She then arranged to Twilight's cutie mark to be stolen and for her to be subjected to attempted brainwashing and indoctrination.

Except for Spike and the rest of the Mane Six, her life has been a lie--and even those friendships, save for Spike, have been caused by events that never happened, poor fools who watched a television show and thought it was the truth. Her relationship with Celestia has been manipulated and controlled to make the stories the Princess wants to write; her friendship with Luna is based entirely upon lies; her brother and Cadance have lied to and emotionally wounded her while playing the loving family; the experience that led her to genuinely (on her end) befriend Discord and that taught him to be good was just another game on his part; she and her friends have been subjected to pains and borderline traumatic experiences, all at the knowing hooves of the pony Twilight trusts the most. A pony who's got a spare Twilight on hand to help plan out her manipulations better.

Even if Twilight only thinks about half of these, she's going to completely snap, possibly violently. At the barest of minimums, she will feel betrayed far beyond anything she's ever experienced before and her ability to trust will be forever harmed, and she'll likely second-guess everything that she's learned through what she thought were her own deeds). I mean, this goes so very, very far beyond a betrayal of trust that I can't even find words for it. Benevolent motives and a lack of malicious intent on Celestia's part do next to nothing to mitigate this.

Aha! I knew Derpy was Twilight's greatest villain this whole time. It's too bad muffins are her greatest weakness.

6390466 so you're saying that celestia's true name is trollestia the tenth?? I can believe that.

6391402 Bravo! The only thing I'd say is that Celestia stated that most of the in-between episodes were genuine, and not something she'd faked up. But I agree, this would do a perfect job of utterly ruining Twilight's ability to trust and believe in anyone shy of the Mane Six and Spike.

6391402

Well, if we're going that far, why should we not go all the way?

Assume that Spike and the Mane Six were also in on it, Twilgiht is adopted and her parents and brother knew (and Celestia or Luna is her real mother or something, or she's just some foundling somepony located) and that Twilight's entire life has been a lie.

And Twilight snaps and goes completely evil... Which was Celestia's entire plan all along, because she's been so successful in converting all the evil people that latent evil is floating around and eventually will cause untold damage if not coelessed and sealed away. And in order to draw out all the latent evil into one place, the best way is to utterly break somepony from the highest to the lowest (because rate of change of good=>evil is important), and this sort of betrayal does the job best. Celestia tried with Sunset, but Sunset snapped much too early! So, Twilight. Who literally never had a chance from birth.

So when Twilight dons the alicorn amulet, seeking to gain the power she could not because the Elements of Harmony were a lie and summons every iota of evil from throughout the land, instead it sucks her and all the evil into her own personal prison dimension where she remains in impotent rage forever (no matter how much she hattes and screams and rages and draws on her power an intellect to break free, she always fails) - just like all of her predessors - while the rest of Equestria carries on blissfully unaware, aside from the large cast of actors in the fake town of Ponyville.

Until another thousand or hundred or twenty or so years pass and Celestia has to do it all again with some other poor sap...

Take over

For a moment I was thinking that Derpy was going to become Empress Muffin Hooves and take over Celestia and Luna.

This was so amazingly funny I will think of this all day.

Thanks. :pinkiehappy:

And the thing is, I could see Derpy doing this with the hugest smile. She's helping!

I just wonder how the rest would react to this.
[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A1u7XJL3oSo]

Well then. Trollestia, you be trollin. :trollestia:

I love you. Have my babies :P

6391735

You went a lot more dark than this story seems to intend. Twilight isn't actually a sacrifice, she's a crucible. Once thoroughly infused with essence of evil, that's when Twilight's friends and family are brought in and the princesses access the Elements again to blast her. See, the friendship thing is true, and so is the magic of it, and the whole process is designed to coalesce the ambient growing evil into a single, accessible vessel. Then the Rainbow Friendship Canon transforms said evil back into good and Twilight is cleansed. Everyone else she knows and loves is there to comfort and support her.

Every alicorn before her has gone through this same process...

Celestia did back in the time of Discord. Luna did in the time of Nightmare Moon. Cadance is actually the witch from the story - ponies have stubbornly gotten that history wrong. And now Twilight. (I'm sure there are other similar alicorns out there that we just don't know about.)

this made me smile. and laugh when celestia tried to kiss chrysalis

6392065

Oh, I know!

I was just pointing out if we were going to extrapolate beyond the story like dragonjek said (I.e., where Celestia is not merely responsible for the end-of-level, sorry, season bosses, but everything and treat it a touch more seriously), then there's no need to bother holding back; if you're gonna go to that level, you might as well do the job properly!

:pinkiesmile: Somehow I can imagine this happening.

Trollestia has reached level 100. She has 252 EVs in hilarity and holds a Celestianite.

This was a treat! I love the concept here.

Have a like and a fave.

6391666 Yeah, but she also has all the villains working for her, which suggests to me that she meddled into the episodes with a bad/bad-ish guy. It isn't really that much, so the "most" still applies.

6391735
Oh my god yes this is amazing.

This... would explain A LOT...

Dear lord, it's more plausible than any other explanation... :twilightoops:

Trollestia is a Magnificent Bastard Mastermind... :trollestia:

6391735 BUT!!

(Alondro condenses all the bad grimdark plots into one abomination...)

Celestia's plan fails when a human lands in Equestria from a random portal wearing a Darth Vader mask (yes, the portal was wearing the mask... don't ask why. Magic. STFU.) and breaks all the magical laws and stuff because humans and Twilight breaks out and slaughters all the ponies everywhere for betraying her and eats Celestia's heart and Luna's heart and Cadance's heart... and then gets really bad indigestion for a while... then goes on to eat lots more hearts (and have lots more diarrhea)... until alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the ponies are dead and then makes out with the human because ponies find humans totally hot. the end.

Because dark = AUTOMATICALLY BETTER!!

:trollestia:

I did not like it. I loved it!

This is an interesting concept that I think would make a great series. Twilight having to come to terms with her fake life and having to lie to her friends to keep the farse up also some akward moments when she has to aid the villians and confuse her friends. This has amazing potential as a series. If I wasn't obvious enough... PLEASE SOMEONE FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY MAKE THIS A SERIES. I'm done now.

Awesome stuff!

All the lolz that has ever been lol'd :trollestia:

We've already done the "problems in Ponyville are solved in 30 minutes (mostly)" in Slice of Life. Why not?

Also, Derpy Sparkle Best Pony.

I can totally see this happening... BEST EPISODE EVER!

As a fan of your stories, is the chapter a reference to your story "An End to all Villains?"

--SYA, The Horse

Snerk, twas good.

This is beautiful. You have to wonder, exactly how much of this was fake? Was Cadence and Shining Armor in on it as well? Anyways, this is great! :3 :yay:

6392995 I would say yes, but not as enthused about it all as Celestia. :trollestia:

6392979 Thank you! :pinkiehappy:

6392965 Yep. I had no idea what to call the new finale so I just changed that old title. I really thought no one would catch on to that... :unsuresweetie:

6392960 Maybe as a last episode. One that receives wildly mixed reviews. :rainbowlaugh:

6392849 I agree! Derpy in a purple wig sounds adorable, especially reading such epic dialogue in that cute voice of hers. :derpytongue2:

6392751
6392602
6392564 Thank you! :pinkiehappy:

6392547 Thank you for saying so! Turning this into a series would be... interesting, to say the least. Would Twilight take on more production roles? Would she try and fail at creating a new villain to teach valuables lessons? Perhaps the horrible "Overdue Library Book Monster"?

6392527 She is one wise, wise mare... full of lies and deceit. :trollestia:

6392252 Thank you very much! I will take them willingly. :twilightsmile:

6392213 She's had thousands of years to perfect her craft. She's practically unstoppable.

6392174 So can I... :trixieshiftright:

6392113 I'm glad! Thanks for reading.

6392029 All right. You just gotta find me first and lower your expectations. :ajbemused:

6391923 :moustache:

6391891 I think she would absolutely love it. Center of attention for a few hours; free snacks; epic battles with historical creatures. Too bad Twilight keeps on showing up to fight the bad guys and taking her spot... :fluttershbad:

6391867 Thank you for reading! :raritywink:

6391807 It's all in the works. Alongside the muffin-muffin recipe. The muffin with a smaller muffin inside of it.

6391485 Don't fret. She'll enter muffin rehab on tuesday; become a Princess by friday. :rainbowkiss:

6391402 This comment honestly makes me want to write a second version of this story--the dark and tragic version. Right after the mane six were born, Celestia visited their parents and asked for them to be included into the new Elements of Harmony. Everything since that day has been properly calculated and planned out by Celestia, so that when her and her sister pass away, Twilight will be able to protect the world from whatever nastiness comes about.

Now the only question is whether we go dark or super dark. Were the villains just actors? Or were they their real selves, fooled and tricked into attacking at the wrong time and thus easily defeated?

A sad story... but perhaps an interesting one. :coolphoto:

6391343 I've always loved me some behind the scenes. Favorite part of LOTR? The special features.

6391256 :yay:

6390878 Wait until the tourism profits from the Crystal Empire. Or the DVD, Blu-Ray sales off the upcoming special. Or the merchandise from the upcoming battle. T-shirts, action-figures, trading cards, posters, ect. And don't forget the upcoming 6-disc autographed boxset of "An End to All Heroes". Celestia will make her money back. :twilightsmile:

6390529 I would say vacation. Although, perhaps a vacation spent in a bedroom with a TV and a videogame system.

6390466 Not until chapter 934. Where it's revealed who's really in charge of everything.

6390415 :moustache:

6390362 The table read alone took three and half hours. If we include extra battle scenes or improvised scenes featuring Twilight and friends, we could possible break this off into six or so hour long parts. Basically, a mini-series of epic proportions. :eeyup:

6390344
6390284
6390283 Thank you! :pinkiehappy: By the way, who were the waifus? :rainbowderp:

now a fan of most everything's picture makes sense

Ha ha ha haaa....HAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!:rainbowlaugh:

By the gods, this was hilarious. :raritystarry:

Also, it's 'warm acquaintance', not 'warm acutance'. Unless Chrysalis was talking about a warm photoshopping, or something.

Not sure if I should be amazed at this fic or scared that it actually seems plausible. :twilightoops:

Fantastic work, either way.

I wouldn’t go as far as to use the term ‘friend,’ but rather ‘warm acutance.

acutance? Auto-(non)correct of "acquaintance" ?

Since her and I already dealt with them thousands of years ago, we kinda had to improvise a bit

- Since she and I

We've also visited Tirek during his time in rehab and helped plan out Trixie's wedding to herself.

She and her clone? Kinky :)

Sorry. This was a very bad idea

LIES

This is gold :rainbowlaugh:

Just... just take the glowing green thumb up and go.

That was honestly hilarious.

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