• Published 4th Sep 2015
  • 9,993 Views, 217 Comments

Princess Celestia Plots Out The Season Finale - naturalbornderpy



After storming into Princess Celestia's personal study unannounced, Twilight Sparkle soon learns her yearly battles against the forces of evil are a little more scripted than she'd thought.

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Bonus Chapter: Sponsored by Diamond Bucks

As another comet sailed overhead and slammed into the ground creating an instant crater, Twilight Sparkle finished off her second bag of chips and got started on her third.

Clearly uninterested, she watched as Applejack lassoed a retreating changeling and pulled him to the ground, hogtying its legs together.

Applejack shot her an icy look. “Really, Twilight? More chips? Don’t you think you could pig out some other time—like maybe when Equestria isn’t under attack by every single villain we’ve ever faced, all at once!?”

With her horn, Twilight levitated another potato chip to her mouth, before taking a pull from her pop. She didn’t even waver an inch when another comet (made from cardboard and other lightweight materials) nearly clipped the tips of her mane.

“I’m sure everything will work out fine, Applejack,” she said tiredly. “Always has before, hasn’t it?”

Applejack held her hat to her chest. “You may be right about that, Twilight, but this here just seems so much bigger than usual. And darn confusing, too! I have no idea who’s on our side or who’s trying to kill us or steal the Crystal Heart or what anymore!”

Twilight belched loudly, before muttering, “…just wait until you get a load of next year’s finale.”

Underneath a sky of swirling crimson-colored clouds, King Sombra appeared between the pair of mares. He laughed deep within his throat—the same laugh Scene Break had been practicing on all afternoon.

He sneered at Twilight. “So comes your end, Princess! Any last words before you join that traitorous draconequus in the pits of eternal darkness?”

Twilight rolled her eyes and brought a hoof to her ear as someone spoke to her.

The line is: no more words, Sombra, only one last sightthe sight of your true self.

It was Celestia again, feeding her her lines. Too bad Twilight had gone off the script hours ago.

Twilight shook her head. “I’m not saying any of that.”

Then she retrieved from her saddlebag a circular golden mirror, which she held up to King Sombra weakly.

By the sight alone, Sombra shrieked, bringing both hooves up to his cheeks.

“No! Not the Mirror of All-knowing Truth!” he yelled, elongating each word out with a dramatic flair.

Twilight nodded a single time. “Yes. Exactly what you said. That.”

A bright beam of light shot forth from the small mirror, enveloping Sombra’s entire body as he writhed around and screamed. When the light faded away, Sombra laid motionless on the ground, his dark coat miraculously now a pale blue and his horn no longer red and curved.

Rainbow Dash hovered overtop of Twilight.

“Jeeze, Twilight! What’d’ya do to the guy!?”

Twilight angled the Mirror of All-knowing Truth to skim the note card taped to the bottom.

“The mirror gave Sombra back his soul—the one that was cursed and blackened centuries ago. And I’m sure some other things too… whatever.”

Fluttershy went to stand over the unconscious Sombra.

“I hope he gets better soon,” she said softly. “I can’t imagine losing anyone else today, not after Discord sacrificed himself by giving over his life energy to the Tree of Harmony so the cloud of poison joke wouldn’t overtake Canterlot and kill Celestia and Luna that would’ve eventually paved the way for Chrysalis to take over again and turn the whole pony population into bland tasting cantaloupe.”

Rarity put a hoof on her shoulder. “I think you’re getting the facts a little wonky here, darling. It was actually Tirek that wanted Canterlot again, but had used a fake Chrysalis to make it look like it was her all along.” She blinked a couple times, before staring at the rest of them. “Right? That’s what happened, right? We’re all on the same page? Oh, why does this battle seem so much more difficult than usual?”

Twilight loudly munched on another chip. “Fifth anniversary, probably.”

Rarity turned to her. “What was that?”

“Nothing. Never mind.”

Celestia spoke in her ear again:

Make sure you mention Diamond Bucks while you take a drink from your Diamond Bucks cup.”

Twilight tried to speak just out of the side of her mouth.

“Why should I do that?” she grumbled.

Because this finale, we’re sponsored by them. Also, it’s the next plot point.

Exhaling loudly, Twilight took a white Diamond Bucks cup from her bag and pretended to take a sip. She sighed contently.

“Sure do like me some of that Diamond Bucks coffee,” she said flatly. “How I got it in the middle of an active battlefield is beyond me, but, hey, here it is!”

Pinkie Pie bounced next to her. “You got a Diamond Bucks coffee too!?” She flipped her mane around so a matching white Diamond Bucks coffee tumbled out. “Aren’t they just the best? Especially the double-chocolate mocha latte supreme with extra whipping cream and extra chocolate shavings! Now on sale for only three bits all this week!”

Twilight frowned and hissed into her earpiece.

“You never told me Pinkie Pie was in on all this!”

She’s not,” Celestia answered. “She just really likes that place for some reason.”

Rarity flicked a bit of her burnt mane from her eyes. “As much as I like a nice espresso as much as the next mare, I don’t think now is quite the time to grab one. Also, what coffee shop in Equestria would stay open during all this?”

“Maybe mine would.”

All six of them turned to find Discord, clad in a barista’s uniform and holding a tray of steaming coffees. Instantly, Fluttershy flew to him and gave his side a squeeze.

“Discord! I knew you weren’t really dead! Or had actually betrayed us for the eleventh time in just a single day for no good reason!”

He absently patted her on the head. “That’s very nice of you to say, Fluttershy. And while it is true that I should very well be dead and in the ground, I came back for one very specific reason.” He took a deep breath and gave a pause. “And that is… to tell you… that…”

Then he froze in place. And stayed like that.

Twilight whispered into her earpiece again. “What’s he doing!?”

Waiting out the commercials… also, selling the cliffhanger like a boss.

Twilight mashed what chips remained in her bag between her hooves.

She said to Celestia: “I am so co-directing next year’s finale! Hope you got your dancing shoes ready, Celestia, because we're going musical!”

Author's Note:

All right. No more. I promise. I had one last idea of Twilight asking for 20 percent of merchandizing profits and then demanding a Spike action figure with interchangeable mustache alongside the other characters, but... meh.

Here's two clips to best sum-up this odd fic. Thanks for all the thumbs, favs, and comments.