• Member Since 10th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

naturalbornderpy


Just a nice, polite Canadian.


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Wednesday, 26th: Autumn Paradise started work on the farm today. I think she'll fit right in.

Wednesday, 26th: Autumn Paradise started work on the farm today. She seems a little tense, but does she ever know her way around an apple tree.

Wednesday, 26th: Autumn Paradise started work on the farm today. She says she's spent the last two days here, but I don't remember seeing her at all.

Wednesday, 26th: Autumn Paradise started work on the farm today and wouldn't stop crying. She says she can't find a way out.

Edited by spigo.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 111 )

Time Loop story?

That was... don't think I have words.

Ending up in a hell like that, and still having enough hope in you to spend one last day like that? :raritycry:

Don't even remember last time it happened but I'm quite a bit misty eyed right now. Thank you.

Wow... Nice take on a time loop... Incredibly sad, but still...

This is why I don't read these!
They get me to tear up everytime!
Dam you!

Great story btw

You've already stolen my attention, now your after my soul!!! The story, while very sad and ALMOST caused a man-tear, was very good and a nice take on a time-loop. Good job and I look forward to your next work.

Amazing work. I had recently tired myself of the time loop genre through over saturation, yet you provided a new perspective and story that I had not seen in my searches. Bravo.
Though, the immediate plothole I found. That or it's just not clear.
The reason the princesses are unable to help is because there's never enough time for them to find a solution in a day, no? Could she not tell them to prepare notes she could bring back, so they could continue the next Wednesday? Could she not bring anything back? Considering she is aging, that would mean she is not physically resetting. So, if information was bound to her being in some way, would it not be retained next Wednesday? Or were the princesses not able to come up with a solution in her lifespan, so she gave up on them? That doesn't really fit with the 'they gave me hope I would come out' if that's the case though.

That was absolutely beautiful and an incredibly unique take on the time loop story. Bravo.

That was a good story. Favliked even though I'm not a fan of Time-loop stories.

Also you never explain why she ages in the time loop and why she is in the time-loop to begin with. But I guess for the purpose of exploring the aging time loop it doesn't matter?

6051280 Basically an excuse to explore that type of loop and all its setbacks. Sometimes things just happen. :applejackconfused: Thanks for the like!

6050855 Thank you very much for saying so! :pinkiehappy:

6049947 Thank you! I'm not always so depressing. (I used to be.) I'd like to call this type of story (and more specifically the ending) a bittersweet one. But, truthfully, that's all up to the reader how they want to look at it.

6049586 Next story won't be so sad. Well... until later chapters, perhaps. :unsuresweetie:

6049445 Thanks for reading some more of my stuff! You should've known from the ending of "Unmotivated" that I like to hurt people...

6049361 You are welcome! Thanks for reading.

6050409 It's a little unclear, but I believe Autumn eventually gave up finding a solution using Twilight and the other Princesses because each new day Twilight and them would tell her they'll find a solution and she has nothing to worry about. Hearing such confidence, Autumn would start to hope again and that hope would chip away with each unsuccessful Wednesday with Twilight.

Autumn can recall all the past Wednesdays, but never write something down without it vanishing the next day. She could tell Twilight how far they got the previous day and what worked and what didn't, but even some of that unicorn magic might be above Autumn's head, being an Earth pony. The time spent to explain the situation (and depending on how much Twilight interrupts), as well as travel time and whether they need to hunt down a new book or spell or whatnot all add up to why it's so difficult to find a solution in just twenty-four hours.

Another way of looking at it is that if Autumn kept asking Twilight for aid, she would've eventually made it out, several decades older. In this case, she gave up and decided to spend her time doing what she wanted to in the loop.

A second way to look at it (and more bleak) is that the loop cannot be broken no matter what. At one point, Autumn calls her ordeal "a dirty game that doesn't play fair". Meaning that the loop itself may change the solution and only add more obstacles until the day runs out and she needs to start anew. Kinda sad.

Anyways, thanks for reading and commenting!

I can't remember reading anything like this here. Though I'm sure it's been done before I definitely enjoyed this iteration. The pacing was good and the flow of the story was perfect.

Nice job :ajsmug:

6051881 Thank you very much for saying so! And, yes, time loop stories are quite popular here... :trixieshiftright:

6051706 While I get your experimentation I really don't get the concept or excitement out of time-loop stories. There's a ton of reasons why I consider those stories bad because they tend to leave a lot of questions un-answered. Like what does it matter that the one experiencing the time-loop dies? I mean if the time-loop continues why should it stop at death? And why wouldn't someone notice that a tennant aged 20 years in a day? Except if she lives in a house all by herself.

Anyway I am not gonna bother you too much about this... You really don't deserve it being a good guy and all. But I just don't get the excitement and the concept of a time-loop, and why usually one or two people get excluded from its effects. *shrug*

In any case well done on the story, at least you did something new. *shrug*

6051740 Ah, makes sense. Though I did mention, she's not physically resetting, right? So, if she were to cut her tail, it would stay like that next Wednesday, no? So, if she were to write something on her body, would it not stay there? Of course, that's not practical for all the information they would research, and taking in the 'playing dirty' bit, I guess the loop could only keep the changes it decides (Like her aging).

Finally got the time to read this. As with all of your stories it has that ineffable NBD shine.:pinkiehappy:
The thought occurs. What if Twilight cast her spell that let her Autumn go into her own past? Now aside from the possibility of collapsing the time loop, if let's say, Autumn from Wednesday 124, went back to Wenesday 123, then convinced that Autumn to go back to Wednesday 122, and so on and so on, etc. When Wednesday 2, convinced Wednesday one, to go back would she go back to Tuesday? And if she did, and convinced Tuesday Autumn NOT to go to Ponyville, then that particular set of Autumns would be free of the loop.
Which of course means that she never was in it, never went back to get herself out of it, and therefore caused an entirely NEW set of Autumns to do the same thing in another branch of the multiverse. Who then got herself out if it, made another branch, ad infinium...

NBD? Why'd you fill the multiverse with Autumn Paradises? Where am I going to put all my stuff now? I barely had room for all those monkeys randomly typing up my Hamlet play as it was... (For even a one in a trillion chance of success, there would need to be 10 to the 360,641 power of universes made of atomic sized monkeys). And now all these ponies show up and keep trying to ponify the whole thing... Fine! Have it your way, I'll go back to writing my pony stories... grr. :facehoof:

6057076 it's definitely the type of story that I could've stretched out to a 100k and told from Autumn's POV with all the many ways she deals with what's happening. But... I really didn't want to do that. This is more of an experimental story that leaves a lot to the imagination.

I have a shine, do I? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Meaning all my stories read the same? :trixieshiftright: (Only kidding.)

6060179 Lol. Perhaps I should have said...

A dark and nebulous aura clings to thy every word, infusing them with meaning that silently enters the readers mind through their eyes. Eyes made wide from a psyche that has been disturbed in ways heretofore unknown to the innocent reader.
Oh what mysterious power dost thou wield that compels thy victims ever forward through the virtual landscapes conjured by your dark imaginings? Shall we call it Desire? Temptation? Kevin?
Yeah, that works... let's go with Kevin... :raritywink:

But (mostly) seriously. A worthwhile experiment. As to the shine I mentioned, that would be your ability to draw people into the perspective of your main character. This was most noticeable with Please Open the Door, and Dinner With the King, but you could still feel the touch of dawning horror as Autumn came to understand the full implications of her situation. You and Alfred Hitchcock would have got along fine.

6060348 Remind me to get you to write my obituary for me. People will think I'm a lot more important than I am. :rainbowlaugh:

DF

I've never seen quite this take on a groundhog day loop before. It's awesome.

This...!
I really liked this. I can't even articulate my current emotions that the tale has instilled within me!
Seriously, maybe I should read more time loop stories. I'm glad this was my first!

6101351 Ha! And here I was trying to write a story unlike most timeloop stories. Anyways, glad you enjoyed it with all its many feels.

Ah a nice twist on the old "Groundhog's Day" idea. Though usually the person (or pony) in question doesn't still age despite the day repeating. The outsider's perspective is actually quite unique and this really is a heart-wrenching piece, especially since we seem to have no idea why this happened to Autumn and that she never managed to escape from the loop. At least the ending is sweet, if sad. Nice job, NBD.

I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed this fanfic. It was beautifully written and well-thought it. The story itself flowed better than some books I've read. I've never actually seen Groundhog's day, the closest was a Supernatural episode based off it (It was a great episode, admittedly), but this story has put it on my list as something I need to watch.

This is brilliant. Haven't seen it written from that perspective yet either... very, very good.

6106310 Thank you very much for saying so!

6105840 Truthfully, I wasn't trying to create a story like Groundhog Day, although any time loop story is sorta a Groundhog Day type story. Funny enough, my editor mentioned Supernatural as well, although I've never watched the show... :unsuresweetie: Thanks for commenting!

6104845 The first draft had no bittersweet ending, actually. It ended with Applejack continuously wondering where her worker was and us never knowing what happened, beyond Autumn's final conversation with her. After sitting on it for a while, I thought something a little more uplifting might fit better. Although it still remains a very, very sad story.

6107679 It is certainly sad, but I like my sadness in certain flavors.

When something sad happens in a story, I like there to be something to take from it. Like, say, a reflection on the harshness of life or contemplating the fragility and flawed nature of people, or ponies in this case. The original ending you described wouldn't have made me sad because I would probably have been like, "Well, this is just cruel and meaningless for no reason. Meh." I think it would have actually taken me out of the story to have it go on repeat forever and signify nothing. As it is, it's still tragic and lacks an explanation for why she's stuck in this situation (though I am not saying it needs one), but NOW the story shows how our poor protagonist at least made a go of making the best of her one-day prison. Much sadder and more poignant this way. You made the right call.

I have to say, this is definitely among the best timeloop stories on the site.

6142767 Thank you very much for saying so! I honestly didn't think this story would do as well as it has. :pinkiehappy:

That was good! A very interesting take on an old idea.

Oh, man. The idea seems so obvious in hindsight, but I've never seen this take on a timeloop before, and you did such a beautiful job with it. I feel bad that I missed this when it first came out. Definitely one of the best Fimfic timeloop stories.

6324419 Thank you very much for saying so! I've only read a single time loop story before and had the idea to try it this way. Still not sure if it's been done before. Glad you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

Not today.

That was a truly excellent story, second-best time loop fic I've read.

OMG IS SHE QUANTUM LOCKED? I DIDNT EVEN READ IT YET :D

6406124 Thank you very much for saying so! :pinkiehappy: What was number one, if I may ask? Hard Reset?

6408707 Haven't actually read that yet. No, Number One is The Best Night Ever

And now her body keeps looping forever, then her bones, then the dust and atoms that make up her body... because quantum temporal cycling don't exactly care none about whether a pony's alive or dead!

From a scientific standpoint, this is why endless time loops occurring to an individual is impossible. As they respire, they'll gradually be replacing their loop-locked atoms with non-locked ones... which will be lost with every loop... and eventually they'll lose so much mass they'll just die and then the decaying body will shrink via the actions of microbes until nothing's left.

But if she stopped looping when she died... that implies very specific rules were placed upon her by an entity of some sort...

I blame Discord.

AGH! THE SADNESS ;0; THIS SOMEHOW REMINDS ME OF WHAT HAPPEND IN DEAD MONEY

Wow! Incredibly unique! As you say, so few time-loops are shown from the outside. I love how the reader has to fill in the gaps from AJ's monologue. My one complaint is that the final scene is a bit too quick. Throw a few more lines in there showing a graying mare. Maybe show a day or two of panic-stricken twilight failing repeatedly.

Just suggestions. Still a great story any way you slice it.

6439793 Did you mean expand on the final scene between Autumn and Applejack? Or add a few more journal entries involving Twilight and Autumn?

Either way, I left the first chunk of the story as perhaps Autumn's first few months in the loop, if not only a few weeks. Then when it cuts to an older Autumn on Applejack's farm and their big discussion about life afterwards, it's more of an impact because the reader finally understands she was aging the whole time. Or at least that's how I thought it would work.

But, yes, some things could've been expanded on or elaborated more fully. Thanks for reading and for commenting! :pinkiehappy:

Don't apologize for the "sads." They have made me feel good in a way that few "happy" stories could.

6442463 Thank you very much for saying so! :pinkiehappy:

Very interesting, I quite enjoyed it.

6453717 Thank you! :twilightsmile: Glad to hear it!

6453761
You know what this means, of course.
....
Read all your stuff!!!:pinkiecrazy:

6441614 To me, the fact that she was the same pony (but aged) wasn't a surprise (to me as a reader), so the interest is in seeing how the characters deal with it. My thought was simply that it'd show more of her character, if we saw those middle-aged years, even briefly. As I said though, just a minor suggestion. It's still great as is.

Not many time loop stories on this site, and this one was definitely one of the ones that actually stands out. Most of 'em don't even end with the character's death, instead playing out like Groundhog Day; however, the best unique quality is, as said by others, the fact that it's told from a different perspective. Gotta wonder if you'll do this again, honestly... Can't really find stuff this thought out in time loop stories, now can ya?

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

The journal format really drags this down, but the concept is brilliant and the ending breathtaking.

6457376 Thanks for the review and recommendation! :twilightsmile:

You think a standard first-person or third-person from Applejack's POV would've worked better instead of the journal? Maybe so. Also, are you the same person that read this story for EQD? Their comments were basically the same.

6455767 I highly doubt I'd try a similar story. I wrote everything I wanted in this one, so anything more would probably drag. And if it was longer than a one-shot, that might get pretty depressing, pretty quick. Unless it had one of those... you know, upbeat endings I've heard about but never tried. :twilightoops:

Thanks for reading and commenting! :pinkiehappy:

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