• Member Since 11th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 19th, 2020

naturalbornderpy


Just a nice, polite Canadian.

T

There is a house unlike most.

A house that holds a curse few know even exists.

If four ponies enter within its walls, only three may leave.

That house is me. And today I want to pass on that curse.

Now with a reading! HERE!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 52 )

Aww yeah!! :rainbowdetermined2:

Going to savor this one ...

Creepy... Interesting story, but not my cup of tea so to speak. Did give me a bit of help on horror writing though, which I needed badly I think.

Here's a video that sums up just how scary this fic truly is:

LOOK AT THAT WEIRDO DANCING!! Creepy, or what...

Very interesting story mate. Nice job. Have a cookie.:twilightsmile:

Love the creepy atmosphere and the ghost's point of view.

Hooves down one of the best ghost stories there is on this site. :twilightsmile:

I should have listened to Norm Abrams when he said This Old House was screwed.

img2-1.timeinc.net/toh/i/g/11/tools/07-crew-favorites/08-TV-tools.jpg

(For you youngsters, he was the host of This Old House on PBS. They renovated old houses)

I like the lore of this.

When I wake, I effortless feel every inch of my being:
[…]
Without much though, […]

I think you meant effortlessly and thought.
--

Melancholy? Scary? I’m not sure how to describe it, but it’s definitely well-written. Have a :heart:

Nice. I really thought he was going to do it.

I liked the horror angle of this story, and the ending the most. No one is really deserving of death, and it takes a big leap to judge others deserving of death.

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7135759 Thanks for saying so. :twilightsmile:

7135554 It's definitely not my usual style.

7135266 I had no idea that show existed at all. :applejackconfused:

7135129 Hmm. And here I was expecting more hate on this story. Looks like we can still get darker! :pinkiecrazy:

7135109 :pinkiehappy: Mmm. Good cookie. :flutterrage: More cookies!

7135099 Dark stories aren't very popular on this site. Either are horror stories. Only a small demographic for brutal filly murder, I guess. :rainbowlaugh:

7135082 I had the oddest notion you'd be here...

7136836 Probably wouldn't go that far for horror, but it did give me some tips on it like I said before.

I love house of leaves. Did you read it? It is Rad.

Every time I wake, I wonder if I’ve lost enough humanity to finally perform the deed.

:trixieshiftright:

Not really gory.

This reminds me of a short story I read as a kid, where a group of kids dare a boy to stay in a haunted house for a few hours. The boy makes a deal with the haunted house and asks that it instead takes the three children who dared him. When the trio enter the house to see if the boy chickened out, the boy had already left and the house now had three souls instead of one.

FYI, you mentioned the house’s “humanity.” There are no humans in this world.

Points for atmosphere and setting.

7138082 That sounds like a good story. Gore wise, I'm not big on buckets of blood unless it's for comedic reasons. Still, a pony was decapitated, another had most of their bones broken and left to bleed out, another starved to death in a closet, another drowned in a tub. Felt gory enough to me to warrant the tag.

Yeah, no humans in Equestria, but I wasn't about to write "pon-anity". Maybe I'll rewrite that bit to make it fit better. Thanks for the comment! :twilightsmile:

I suppose the house can't commit suicide somehow? By burning itself down, for instance?

With such a cursed history, one would have expected Ponyville citizens to have done something about it.

Why do I think of Monster House when I read this?:rainbowhuh:

But this was a good read. Bravo.:heart:

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Come on house, you wussed out! :rainbowhuh:

Looks like somepony needs an exorcism.

Why your darkfics are so great?

I'm not even a big fan of horror stuff but your work always impressed me.

7143420 Hopefully because it's what I started in and what I'm passionate about. It's only too bad that dark/horror stories aren't so popular here. Comedy sells pretty well.

Although, I am very happy to have a small audience that likes it when I cut loose every little while. :pinkiecrazy:

Thanks for the comment! :pinkiehappy:

Perhaps I would trap them, have them stay. There would be the issue of food and water... bother...

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I wonder if there is any actual way to ponify the word "humanity" while still retaining the weight of the word. It seems incredibly hard. Maybe using a word like "compassion". Like as the colt's sense of compassion. But, that word does have more weight than humanity. Quite difficult.

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Most authors just use 'equinity'.

Finally got around to reading this and I'm glad I did. Very good stuff and you actually had me worried. See, I had my own little idea for what you were going to do once you mentioned the curse. I love little stories like this. Makes me wonder if you've read some other really good stories in this same style and atmosphere that are on here. Like say Babytails for one.

Anyway, as for what I was cooking up in my brain. See, once the house realized Diamond Tiara was who he "intended" to kill. I saw one of two things happening. The more he thought about it the more he knew she'd would be cruel in her killing and regretfully knew one of the other fillies would be more like him. So he wound up taking one of them instead, since it was still the only way. Either that, or one of them would save her at the last moment and die in her stead, and he'd pass on with remorse and guilt that would slowly fade.

7172245 Those two endings of yours are better. That's why I hesitated posting this story because it sort of just... ends. Still, glad it's out and done with so I can stop thinking about it. :twistnerd:

Heya! Loved this story and thought it was told from a very interesting perspective. The dilemma of morals from the spirit's point of view made it even better. Wonderful work! I put a radio play of this story together with VAs and music, the works. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did putting it together! ^_^

7195401 Wow. :twilightoops: Definitely the best audio reading I've ever received. Thank you so much for making it. I will make a blog post for this today. Very, very cool.

Well....this sure is different. What with a horror story being from the POV of the monster instead of the victim.

And......While. I'm glad the fillies survived, I feel bad for the house......kinda sucks

Set

Reminds me of the haunted house movie with the 3 kids and the old man

Aw, I kinda felt bad for the spirt that inherited the house... But then again, I'm not too surprised. It was an awesome story though, I'd say 9/10. Now I'm gonna spend the whole night reading the rest of your awesome stories! :twilightsmile:

7823711 Have fun! :trollestia: Although there's quite a few of them! And some bad ones... :unsuresweetie:

7823778 I have the whole night ahead of me! Or at least till 2 AM... If I'd read past then, I would tiredly read a fic, blink and forget anything I've read :derpytongue2: Luckily it's just late evening though :pinkiehappy:

What is it with people hating Diamond Tiara? It has gone from the nonsensical to the sick to the farcical. Did the elementary school mean girls laugh at your pee-pee or something? Who holds a literally childish grudge that long. It like an incel blubbering about Stacey and Tiffany taking football star Chad. Get over it.

Again? AGAIN? STOP MAKING ME CRY YOU ASSHOLE! I always cry at the end of your stories :fluttercry:

The house spared Diamond Tiara. Good house.

Equinity (dunno if it is the right word) because humanity it is when there is human you know

I still like this story. It is a good and simple ghost story that knows what it is. Nothing complex or hard to understand - just the old ghost of a child who can't bring themself to pass on a child's curse for fleeting feelings that echo dusty memories.

Every time I wake, I wonder if I’ve lost enough humanity to finally perform the deed.

Words like 'humanity' combined with the more clinical voice of this story really sap the Pony-ness that contributes to the atmosphere. So many unique things could have been done with the perspective and idea - just writing things a bit more differently - that could have made this so much more chilling and unique. I'd love to see a slightly more extended redone version of this with more polish and consideration put in to create a more dastardly tale, because at is the prose is... well, in need of a pick me up. The first person however, really acts as such a great element that I was glad to see included.

It was a nice story, and enough to get a like from me, but a lot here is also in need of some TLC, if you'd ever like to look it over again. I really, really liked your idea, though! Fimfiction needs some more ghostly things!

Thanks for writing!

8847267 Yeah, I think I'm more of an "idea" guy and not quite the execution guy. I'm not the worst writer, but I'm definitely not the best. I wanted to be in film before I wanted to write, so my work might read more like screenplays than anything.

Regardless, if anyone wants this idea, they can have it and run with it. I'm just not sure how much "bigger" or "longer" you could make it, but... I guess that's why I'm not writing it.

Thanks for the comment and for giving it a look! :twilightsmile:

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Hey, no problem!

I'm more writer than film person, so maybe I could figure something out at a less busy time.

God this was both creepy and a bit depressing to read. I don't know why but I felt a bit sad.

A nice and unsettling story. Creepy and one that made me think and wonder as to the fate of those that entered the house, as well as the spirit lingering within. Only a slight gripe to use the term 'humanity' for a pony...perhaps morality, or something else instead, but it is a nearly petty gripe for the excellence of the story as a whole. Well done, well done indeed. :eeyup:

That was an unexpected ending. Thought the house would take Diamond Tiara, the end. But nope. Its oddly satisfying. No need to take a life. Yet.

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