Have you ever woken up somewhere you don't recognize? I have, once before. This time was not all that different. Headache? Check. Dry mouth? Check. Upset stomach? Check. Hooves? Uhm, that one is new.

Hi, I'm Bruce and I'm 32. Currently, I'm in a light blue Earth Pony foal's body no one has ever seen before. The rest of Equestria thinks I'm 9 and something really traumatic happened to me. It doesn't help I swear like a sailor and I could really go for a smoke right about now. I just hope that the Everfree Forest, rampaging monstrosities, evil dark abominations against God and the Cutie Mark Crusaders don't kill me before I have just one last drag.

Oh, and ponies are hella creepy when you really think about it. Geez.

A little comedy side project. EDIT: HAHA Main project. More characters to be added if I get that far. Categories might be refined as I write. Entire thing is unplanned except vaguely. Don't Expect excessive cursing to be written out, just hinted at. Oh, and as the character is a 30-ish year old in the body of a 9 year old, sexual jokes might exists but sex itself will not occur.

Special thanks to user Momomojito for the awesome-tastic picture! First fanart, I'm so HAPPY. I've gotten more since then! I should collect it all here. Collected!

"Ponykind must have run out of colours when they finally got to this pony. Everything from his mane to his ass was all seven colours of gloom and doom. He was so dark and brooding he probably ate glittery emos and shat vampire bats.” - Quote of the Week

1000 years the ponies have prayed for a saviour to deliver them, whether it was their long lost sun goddess Celestia, or even Nightmare Moon, maybe even the chaos lord Discord, anypony! After suffering under the yoke of a tyrant god for so long, they decided any saviour will do, even a dark demonic overlord. One unicorn sorceress finally decides to take matters into her own hooves. She sets out to the frozen ruins of a long lost Empire in the Crystal Mountains bearing a grand sacrifice of 1000 ponies in an attempt to summon the dark demonic overlord of the Crystal Empire.

When the dark ritual turned up a blank, the universe decides to shuffle in the next best thing. Will he rise up to the expectations of his newfound flock? He'd better, and quickly, for the tyrant god's inquisition is out to get him and the 1000 'blasphemers' involved in his summoning. With a nation to build and an evil tyrant god to fight, never has there been a taller order to fill. But it's alright, he's a dark demonic overlord, right? He quickly finds that with some smokes and mirrors and the help of 1000 very magical ponies, anyone can look the part, even an entirely magic-inert pizza delivery dude.

Now a long-haul fic! Many thanks to everyone who convinced me to make this a reality!

Many many thanks to the Editing team, Dumbgamer99, Not A Hat, and Brad The Brony. Be sure to thank them by checking out their pages!

Our lovable number one overdude assistant, Crystal Heart, now has a musical theme, aptly titled 'Dual Core A.I.', kindly provided by AdmiralTigerclaw! Epic now comes in an entirely new flavour! Many thanks!

Somebody kindly messaged me and told me I should announce here that the story was featured from 27 - 30th of April. I completely missed that but many thanks for making that possible, everyone!

Cover Art: Placeholder drawn by me. Will be a background for a full cover at some point.

Phil Phillips isn't your everyday slacker. His life practically redefined relaxing and his antics practically redefined ridiculous pranks. One day however, life decides to give Phil a taste of his own medicine when the effects of an ancient comet send him to the magical pastel world of Equestria, but not without consequences. The after effects of the comet give him an odd, unwanted power. Whenever Phil gets wet, he becomes an irresistible mare magnet! Can Phil survive the onslaught of horny mares?
Not a self insert.
Takes place immediately after the events of "Keep Calm And Flutter On."
Side note: All chapter titles will be Led Zeppelin song titles. Because fuck you, that's why. All rights reserved.

Most folks in town know about Longbow, even if not many really know her. She's somepony parents teach their foals to avoid. Everypony understands that she's dangerous.

Everypony except Twilight, who just moved to town.

Supplier of trashy romances... RainbowBob
Sounding board... buckweiser
Free idea fountain... Maskedferret
Veteran who understands... Biker_Dash

Turned into a Pokemon, John, a International Police officer, find himself in a world of Ponies.
However none of his skills will prepare him for what he has to face. For a darkness looms all around the Crystal Empire, and it is up to him to both save Pokemon from this new world... and to save the world from this Darkness.
This story is a spin off to the "A New World, A New Way" by zeusdemigod131

Please leave a like if you enjoyed my story. It really helps my progress.

Chapter 1 to 11 Pre-read by: Dragaen

Everypony remembers Tirek, the infamous, magic-stealing monster that walked Equestria all those years ago. However, few remember his brother, or the sacrifice he made to secure the future of ponykind.

Spike on the other hand remembers Scorpan quite well. Far more than he should, in fact. When memories from the distant past begin to emerge, memories of Scorpan and a dragon that looks uncannily similar to Spike, he has many questions, and very few answers.

Why does Spike have memories of a time eons past, and more importantly, why does the name ‘Scorpan’ sound so familiar?

Special thanks to Marshal Twilight for helping me touch up the story and plot, as well as editing.

Wanted: Porter, assistant, jack-of-all-trades, minion. Applicants should be strong, loyal, pain tolerant, cold tolerant, unambitious. Must be capable of following simple instructions. Ideal applicant should be of low to average intelligence and mildly deformed, but exceptions will be made for extraordinary candidates, with extraordinariness to be determined by employer. Must be willing to begin work immediately.

Remuneration will be in the form of room, board, and insight into the true nature of the cosmos. Extremely generous bonuses up to and including subcontinents may be awarded if merited and if circumstances permit. Interviews for the position to be conducted at 108 Haybale lane at 10:00 AM sharp on 4/7. Applicants are expected to be punctual.

—The Dark Lord Sassaflash

Editing and indispensable writer-prodding by The Masked Ferret

Alone, a young timberwolf must try to survive in the wilderness. Survival above all else. That was what his mother taught him. But when he encounters 'monsters' that could apparently 'gobble him up in mere seconds', he begins to doubt everything he knows about the world.

What happens when something crafted by a creature with no real care for material things is taken from him? Nopony else knew the answer either. But they found out. Oh... They found out.

Rated 'Everyone' because EVERYONE needs a good knock in the teeth!

Enjoy!

Featured on Equestria Daily April 2, 2015! *face melts*

Equestria is dead. The sun and moon have stopped, and the planet is in ruins. The xenos that built the civilization are gone, their works in ruins. Investigating the planet, Interrogator Kylara makes a surprising discovery, one that might hold the key to what happened to this once-fair land - and what might be done to stop it. A Warhammer 40k crossover.

Now featured on Canterlot's Finest and Equestria Daily

Also now featured on TV Tropes.