When The Levee Breaks
"Come on Spike, hurry up!"
"Alright, I'm coming, I'm coming."
Spike wiped the sleep out of his eyes and crawled out of his picnic basket bed. His little feet trudged over to the impatient mare known as Twilight Sparkle.
"Ugh, remind me why we're going outside at 7 am again."
The purple unicorn rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Spike, I've been telling you about this for a week. For the first time in 600 years, Hayley's Comet passed over Equestria last night. You missed it because, according to you, 'comets are lame'."
Spike yawned and stretched his tail. "I stand by my words. Still, that doesn't really tell me why we're going outside."
She sighed. "Don't you remember, Hayley's Comet is said to cause strange magical phenomena seemly at random. The effects are completely unpredictable and we have to be outside to observe any changes to our surroundings. It didn't seem to negatively affect anypony last time directly, but that doesn't mean the effects couldn't be dangerous this time around."
"Ugh, Twiiiliiighttt," Spike whined. "The effects of Hayley's Comet are just a myth. What actually happened isn't even documented well. Can't we just leave it for now and check it out after I've had my beauty rest? A dragon's gotta look sharp."
Twilight narrowed her eyelids at Spike. "Spike, before Hayley's Comet, the weather managed itself and Princess Celestia's mane was pink. I'm not going to wait just because you want t-"
Twilight was interrupted by a loud beeping noise coming from her saddlebag. Using her magical horn, she levitated a small grey device out of the saddlebag. It showed a reading and an arrow pointing off in the distance.
She gasped. "My Magical Phenomometer is going crazy! I bet it has something to do with the comet." She examined the reading on the device. "I can't say for sure, but according to my Magical Phenomometer, whatever is giving off this signal is somewhere in the Everfree Forest."
"Come on Spike, hop on". She bounced up and down excitedly. "There's no time to lose."
Spiked decided to give up the farce. There was just no arguing with Twilight when she was like this. "Fine," he said pulling out a notepad. "But I'm gonna have to pencil in another nap on Wednesday."
Spike hopped up to ride Twilight (get your mind out of the gutter). "Off we go, Spike," she yelled, galloping off towards the Everfree.
"Phil, is everything alright? You've been staring off into space for the last two minutes."
What Phil said: "Hehe, yeah...absolutely fine...nothing wrong here."
What Phil thought: "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL?! SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE EARTH IS! JUST WHERE THE FUCK AM I? WHY AM I IN MY UNDERWEAR?! Okay okay, relax. Freaking out isn't going to get me anywhere, and I'm not sure I should press the planet issue any further. She might think I'm crazy, which I very well might be if this is all in my head. Just play it cool, play it confident play it-WAIT, SERIOUSLY, WHY AM I IN MY UNDERWEAR?!
"Umm...Custard, mind telling me why I'm in my underwear?" said Phil a little bit more abrasively than he intended.
She squeaked. "W-w-well, I had to take off the top part of your clothing because you were injured..."
Phil expression softened. He had completely forgotten she would have had to take off his shirt to dress his wounds. "Oh...yeah...sorry, I forgot you would have ha-"
"And I had to take off the bottom part of your clothing because...well...you kinda...umm...well...peed yourself."
Phil froze up. He felt his face turn 50 shades of red. This girl...err...mare that he had never met before was forced to take off his pee soaked pants. And without any hands, his Sherlock Holmes sense deduced she must have used the one other body part he knew that could grip wet pants: Her mouth.
Realizing Phil's distress, Custard Pie moved in to comfort him. "Uhh, don't worry about that, that manticore that attacked you sat on you pretty hard. You couldn't help that you...uhh..."
Her words weren't helping very much. "All you need to worry about is getting better," she said with a reassuring smile. "Are you hungry? I could go make you something, if you want."
Forgetting his urinated trousers for a moment, Phil realized that he, in fact, was quite hungry. He had never gotten his snacks back on Earth before he fell through his portal porch into pastel world.
"T-t-that would b-be nice," he stammered out. It was pretty rare to have a moment more awkward than talking to somebody who had to change your pee-pee pants. He had wished to keep the amount of people who did that down to his mother. And not even his mother did that with her mouth. Probably.
"I'll bring something up soon." She went to leave the room. She stopped at the doorway. "Oh, if you want to clean up, the shower is just a room over. Just take the bandages off and I'll redress your injuries when you're done."
"Thanks," he said as she left the room. "Clean up?" He thought. "Do I really smell that bad?"
Phil lifted his armpit and took a whiff through his nostrils. His armpit? Could be worse. The rest of him? Nothing but the pungent odour of pure, unadulterated urine.
He cupped his hand to his mouth to prevent himself from throwing up and sprinted to the bathroom.
Twilight and Spike were still hot on the trail of the magic signal. All Twilight could think about were the vast amount of possibilities that the comet's effects could have on the Everfree Forest. Extremely violent manticores? Living trees? Celestia-maned hydras? Anything was possible. All Spike could think about was his name. Why was he named Spike? Isn't that a dog's name? Why couldn't he have a cool dragon name like Thresher, or Alduin, or Stud Muffin. Maybe Twilight would let him change his name. Anything was possible.
"Hey Twilight, do you think I cou-"
"Look at this Spike! Something is different with the ground here."
Spike sighed to himself and got off Twilight's back to examine the ground with Twilight. The ground appeared to indented in a strange shape.
"It...looks like something fell here," said Twilight quizzically.
She looked up from the ground and examined the tree branches above the small crater. They were broken and limply hanging from small strings of wood. She realized they pointed downwards, leading her to believe her theory was correct.
Spike grabbed Twilight's tail to grab her attention. "Uh, Twilight? Are you sure this is the spot? I don't see how something falling has anything to do with Hayley's Comet."
"I'm sure it is, this is the spot my Magical Phenomometer is reacting to. My Phenomometer is never wrong; I made it myself, and tested it in over 30 situations. Something must have happened here and it's our job to figure it ou-Spike! Are you even listening to me?"
He wasn't. "Hey Twilight, check out these weird paw prints. Do you think that these would have anything to with your UFO(unidentified falling object)?"
Twilight held out on reprimanding Spike; that could wait until later. She inspected the ground for these fore mentioned paw prints. They started near the crater and went into the trees.
"I'm not sure Spike, let's check it out."
The two purple inspectors followed the trail of "paw prints" into the trees. They noticed another trail of paw prints go into the woods as well. Perhaps chasing the crater-creator? The kept walking until they came across a broken root.
Spike scratched his chin in thought. "The paw prints end here. What do you think happened to this thing?"
"I'm not sure, Spike," she said noticing the light trail off to the side. "But I intend to find out! Let's follow that trail!"
Spike put his hand in his palm and sighed. "I don't get paid enough for this."
Phil turned on the water to the shower. The shower was smaller than he was used to, but that was to be expected considering the size of Custard Pie. He stripped himself of the urine stained underwear he had on. They stuck to him as they came off his hips. TMI. He'd have to see if she had some bleach or ammonia or something. Phil normally didn't clean things, he just dirtied them. Things seemed to clean themselves for him(his poor mother), and why change the system if it worked. However, he was adamant on cleaning his underwear himself. Custard had cleaned enough of his urine for one day.
He stepped in the shower and felt the lukewarm water hit his skin. He let out a deep sigh of relief. After the incident with Mr. Whiskers, a nice shower felt wonderful. He reached for the soap on the ledge of the shower, but stopped suddenly. Something felt wrong. Well...less wrong, but different. His body was tingling. Ever so slightly, his whole body was tingling. He couldn't explain it. His injuries were fine and the water didn't seem any different than normal water. Phil decided that it was harmless and he couldn't do anything about it, so he would just ignore it and clean up.
He finished washing up and put on the nearest towel. It actually covered him quite nicely if he did say so himself. And he did. He looked around for another towel to dry off, but he couldn't find one, so he let himself drip. Turning to his right, the first thing Phil noticed was small mirror on the wall. The second thing he noticed was his eyes. More specifically, his irises. They were glowing a bright blue, causing a slight glare on the mirror.
"Damn it, I have enough weird shit happening around me, I don't need my body acting up t-"
A vicious growl emitted from his stomach. "Ugh, I really don't care anymore, I just wanna get me some grub. I am one hungry hungry hippo."
He left the bathroom in the bath towel and looked around for Custard Pie.
"Phil, is that you?" Custard called up. "I'm just down the stairs. The food is almost ready; I'm making pancakes."
Phil licked his lips. "Yes, pancakes! I'm coming, Custard!"
He practically floated down the stairs after catching the scent of the pancakes. He got downstairs to see Custard with the handle of a pan in her mouth. She placed it down on a stove and looked over at Phil.
"Phil, I tried to tell you before, my name is Flu...tter...buah." She trailed off at the end of her sentence. She didn't care. She was too busy staring at the full form of the creature standing before her. His well-defined muscles. His beautiful, luminous eyes. His wet, furless skin. He was absolutely irresistible. She couldn't take her eyes of him, and Phil was starting to take notice of it.
"Uhh...what were you saying?" He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. "And why are your wings doing that?"
Phil's last comment snapped her out of her lustful trance. She looked back to see her wings outstretched and lightly throbbing. She went into a small fit of panic and attempted to push her extended wings down with her hooves. Try as she might, her wings stood rigid.
"I-I-ah-oh-this-err-umm...oh...my."
"Phil raised an eyebrow at her. "Okay then...you said you were making pancakes, right? Mind if I have one? I'm starved."
Custard's eyes lit up in realization. "Oh...well, first, I need to redress your w-wounds, if that's okay with you..."
Phil looked down disappointedly. "Oh yeah...right..."
Custard walked over to the counter beside her stove and grabbed the gauze off the counter top.
"C-could you j-just sit down for a m-moment," she stammered. "It will make it easier t-to bandage your ribs."
He sat down on her floor and watch Custard curiously. She came over to where Phil was sitting and sat down behind him. She reached around with gauze in her hooves(how is that possible?) and touched his ribs. She started feeling them to see where he was injured. Phil thought her hooves lingered on his chest just a little too long, but he figured it was a medical reason. He knew as close to nothing about first aid as possible, so he decided not to say anything to avoid looking stupid.
She finished rapping his ribs and moved on to his ankle. Coming into view, Phil noticed her wings still outstretched, as well as her cheeks flushed a deep red. while she rapped the ankle, he briefly pondered how he could see her cheeks redden through her fur.
"A-all done," she said. "Say Phil," she said taking a step towards Phil. "I've never seen a creature with such a...defined muscle volume such as yours."
It was Phil's turn to blush. "Well...they're not that defined. It's probably just because I don't have fur like other animals."
"...I think they are."
She took yet another step towards Phil putting their faces mere centimetres from each other. This caused Phil to crawl back slightly out of surprise. "C-Custard, w-what are you doing?"
She closed the distance created by Phil. Saying nothing, she stared into his eyes. Those beautiful eyes. She couldn't control herself. She leaned in, their lips coming closer and closer and...
Custard's front door burst open. Twilight Sparkle shot in with a serious look on her face.
"Fluttershy, are you okay? Have you seen a crea...ture? Am I interrupting something?"