Nobody's Fault But Mine
Nobody's Fault But Mine
Recap-
Long story short: Twilight catches Fluttershy/Custard Pie trying to kiss the mysterious creature/Phil.
Short story short: Twi, Shy/Pie, kiss, Phil.
I hope you're up to speed now. Moving on to the action.
Twilight was a smart mare. Her grades were the peak of perfection and her magic was unmatchable by anypony in Equestria, aside from the princesses. She was even good enough from an early age to be accepted as Princess Celestia's own personal student. Ponies would give their left forehoof to be able to comprehend the spells that she could do. However, there was one thing that even she couldn't comprehend. The scene that was currently taking place in front her.
Fluttershy was face to face with a creature she had never seen before, most likely the creature she had been after. This was strange enough as it is, but it wasn't the half of it. She had flat out walked in right on Fluttershy's attempt to kiss the creature in question. Fluttershy! The shyest, most timid pony she knew. The only pony she knew afraid of her own shadow. Fluttershy! She wondered if her tea that morning had been spiked with hallucinogens.
It didn't seem as though Fluttershy was completely aware of what she was doing either, as she snapped out of her romantic trance at the sight of Twilight. Her wings were outstretched or "erect" in scientific terms, and her cheeks were almost as red as Big Macintosh. She looked around wildly, searching for some sort of excuse for Twilight.
"Umm-I-oh-this is-uh-cause-well-umm..."
She looked back at Phil for some help. Unfortunately, Phil was still in a complete paralysis from what almost happened. Just like Twilight, he couldn't even begin to understand the situation, and his face showed it. Fluttershy's heart dropped. He wore an expression of pure confusion. She didn't know what to do in a situation like this. This sort of thing never happened with bunnies. Panicking, she did the one thing she did when things went wrong. She fled.
"*Eeep*" she squeaked, bolting upstairs. Phil heard a door slam shut and the quiet noise of someone crying.
Twilight looked between Phil and the stairs, wondering which issue she should address first. Needing some answers, Twilight chose the crying mare over the befuddled...thing.
"Please excuse me," she apologized, stepping over Phil to get to the stairs. Twilight trotted up the stairs to Fluttershy's room, still trying to get a hold on the situation. She put her ear up to the door and heard Fluttershy weeping into what she figured was a pillow.
"Uhh...Fluttershy, are you alright?"
"NO!" yelled Fluttershy through the door. "I-don't-know-what-came-over-me-and-I-tried-to-kiss-Phil-and-I'm-so-embarrassed-and-" she paused to breathe. "-he-didn't-want-to-and-now-he'll-hate-me-forever!" Fluttershy went back to sobbing.
Twilight huffed. Fluttershy didn't get like this very often, but when she did, consoling her was near impossible. "Is Phil the...never mind. Fluttershy, I'm sure everything's alright. He didn't seem mad, just...startled...kinda like me," adding in the last part discretely. "Just open your door so we can talk abo-"
"No!" she pouted. "I'm never coming out of my room again! I'll just stay in here and look after my animals from inside my room and never talk to anypony again and everything will be fine."
"Fluttershy," she whined.
"No!"
Twilight groaned. This was gonna be a long day.
Spike stood at the doorway to Fluttershy's cottage, not sure what to do. He had been beside Twilight throughout the whole scene, and witnessed everything. He wasn't sure what to make of it all, but he was tired and could think about it later. It was future Spike's problem. However, present Spike had his own problem; what to do about the stunned creature sitting on the floor in a towel. Through everything that happened, he hadn't budged an inch. He just sat there like a deer in the headlights. Did he say headlights? What are those, seriously, what even are those?
He walked up to and poked him in the arm. "Uhh...buddy, are you okay?"
What Phil said: "Oh I'm fine, just dandy."
What Phil thought: "Why me? Why me? Am I being punished for something? Is it because of the time I put a bike lock through my brother's ear lobe extenders? It wasn't my fault, those things were massive, not doing something with them would have been a crime of its own. Why did I have to make the one pers-err...pony that was helping me understand this strange world cry? And why did I have to make the one pony helping me attracted to me?! I didn't even put out! And not only does her head only reach my nipples, I'm not even her species! What does she see in me?! Wait, didn't she say something about owning other animals? Does she do that sort of thing with all her animals? Oh god, don't think about that..."
Spike broke Phil out of his train of thought. "Are you sure? You don't look very 'dandy'."
Phil looked down solemnly. "Ugh, to be honest with you, I'm not. Everything has been so confusing recently, and it's starting to get to me. I mean, look at me. I'm sitting here in a bath towel talking to a talking purple lizard right now and I don't really care all that much."
Spike looked offended. "Hey! I'm a dragon, okay? I'm just a baby still." His tone softened a bit. "And what do you mean by 'everything'?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Uhh, alright I guess. Well, could you at least tell me what you are then? I've never seen any creature like you before, and I was pretty sure I knew all of Equestria's sentient animals."
"So this place is called Equestria," Phil said to himself. "Pff, figures there aren't any other people here. I'm what you would call a human, and from what I can guess, you've probably never heard of me before."
"Yeah, I haven't heard of a 'human' before. How did you know I wouldn't have heard of you before?"
"I'm too underground Just a feeling I got. By the way, the name's Phil."
The dragon gave him strange look. "Fill? Fill what?"
"Phil Phillips. Nice to meet you."
Spike snickered. "Phillips? Like the screwdriver?"
Now Phil was offended. "Fine, what's your name then, smart guy?"
"...Spike."
Phil snickered to mimic Spike. "You're making fun of me for my name? Isn't Spike a dog's name?"
"Curse you, Twilight," he thought. "Whatever, what are you doing at Fluttershy's house anyway?"
"Flutterwho?"
"He raised an eyebrow at Phil. "Fluttershy, y'know, the mare that just tried t-"
Spike was interrupted by the sight of Twilight dragging the mare in question down from upstairs in a magical grip. Fluttershy had her hooves covering her eyes in a fetal-like position, while Twilight looked frustrated on account that Fluttershy could put up a good fight when she wanted to. The unicorn levitated Fluttershy back to the ground and motioned her over to Phil.
"Uhh...Phil was it? I think Fluttershy has something she'd like to tell you."
She trembled and took her hooves away from her face. Her eyes were bloodshot from her short crying session. This was a lot more obvious because of Fluttershy's massive eyes. Sniffling, she shakily stood up.
She opened her mouth in an attempt to say something, but the only noise that came out was a faint *eep*.
Twilight huffed yet again. She was being forced to do too many things today she didn't want to do. "Allow me to paraphrase for Fluttershy. She's sorry for trying to...y'know. She can't explain why she did it, but she hopes you'll forgive her." Fluttershy gave a quick nod at the end of Twilight's speech.
"Oh, are you apologizing for what happened before? Forget about it; water under the bridge as they say."
Fluttershy piped up. "You're...you're okay with it?"
"Well you did save my life, so a little error in judgement is no big deal. But more importantly," he said, turning to Twilight. "Who are you and what was it that you were doing with your horn?"
"My name is Twilight Sparkle," she said formally. "And what you just saw is magic."
Phil gave a small laugh. "Wow, magic, why am I not surprised? Even magic exists here. Just one more question. Who's Fluttershy?"
After Twilight lectured Phil on the importance of learning a mare's name before you seduce her, Twilight figured out that Phil, in fact, was the creature she had been searching for. Phil was hesitant at first, but eventually told Twilight about his world and the hell of a last day he had. Twilight was going to have one doozy of a letter to the Princess after this.
"Wow, so you really come from a world where the only sentient inhabitants are human?"
"Yep."
"And Hayley's Comet really opened a portal from your front porch to Equestria?"
"Probably."
"And Fluttershy's been taking care of you ever since?"
"Twilight, we've been over this twelve times now, yes to everything!"
"Okay, okay, one more question."
Phil was getting irritable. She had been at this for the last half hour. He didn't even get to eat his pancakes cause they were forgotten about on the stove and burned. Rest in peace, you beautiful flaps of batter.
"Have you seen or felt any lasting effects of the comet on your body?"
Phil thought about it for a moment and realized he had forgotten about something completely. The tingling sensation. It was barely noticeable when it was there, so he didn't notice when it stopped. Getting up, Phil looked around and located the nearest shiny object he could find. He saw a vase that would do nicely. Phil put his head close to the vase to see if his irises were still illuminated. He couldn't see anything in his eyes, and there wasn't a glare on the vase so it was safe to assume his eyes were back to normal.
"Uhh...do you think you could take a look at Fluttershy's vases later, Phil? I was kinda in the middle of asking you a question."
"That's just it, I remember before when I got into the shower earlier, my skin went tingly and my eyes were glowing. None of that is happening anymore for some reason."
Twilight jotted a few notes down on a notepad. "Interesting...did either of those things happen to you before you got in the shower?"
"Not that I recall."
"Hmm". Twilight thought about it for a moment. "I wonder, was it purely coincidental, or did something about Fluttershy's shower cause you to display the side effects of Hayley's Comet?"
As Twilight goes back into thought, let's bring the story back to Fluttershy. Fluttershy was usually a very calm, kind patient mare. She nurtured critters, small and large alike, and did her best to be as nice to everypony as she could, but she wasn't feeling particularly kind right now. Nor happy for that matter. Phil had brushed what she did off as an 'error in judgement' and said nothing else about it. Sure, she had wanted him to overlook it, but not ignore her completely to talk to that Phil-stealing mare, Twilight Sparkle-
She mentally chastised herself. Twilight was her friend, she shouldn't be thinking about her like that. But she couldn't help it. Watching Twilight and Phil talk was bringing up an emotion Fluttershy didn't have much experience with. Jealousy.
Deciding she wanted in on the conversation, she filled up(or Philled up if you like puns) a glass of water for Phil as an excuse to talk to him. She walked into the living room, edge of the glass in mouth.
"Phhil, woulb vyou lke fome vwat-" Fluttershy stopped as she tripped over a carrot lying on the floor, causing the water in the glass to find its way into Phil's face.
Phil wiped some water off his face. "Well...I would've wanted some anyway."
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I'll go get you something to dry off." Fluttershy flew into the kitchen looking for a towel.
Phil looked over at Twilight who was trying to conceal her laughter, but ultimately failing.
"Oh laugh it up, Miss Twilight. Real ni-"
He went silent, looking surprised. Twilight took notice.
"Uhh, Phil, is everything alright?"
"The tingling! The tingling is back! Right after Fluttershy threw that water in my face, the tingling came back."
Phil got up from his chair and went back over to the shiny vase. His eyes were aglow again, shining just like they did when he got out of the shower.
"My eyes are even glowing; does it have something to do with water?" He thought out loud.
"That would certainly be a strange side effect," Twilight added. "Hayley's Comet was said to have strange effects on ponies last time I came around, so this was to be expected. At least it doesn't appear to be dangero-ah-buahh..."
Gazing into Phil's eyes, Twilight trailed off. She was mesmerized; she couldn't look away or even think about anything else. What was her name again? She didn't know why she didn't see it before. He was gorgeous! More gorgeous than any stallion or mare she had ever seen. And she had to have him.
"Uhh, Twilight, weren't you saying something?"
"Oh...yes! I was just saying how uhh...the effects could be dangerous, so I'll have to examine you. Yep, that's what I have to do!" She giggled nervously at the last part.
Twilight got off her chair and hopped up onto his. She sat her rump down right on Phil's lap, something Phil wasn't entirely comfortable with.
"Ack, T-Twilight, there isn't much space on this chair, can you get up?"
"Don't worry," she said playfully. "I'll try not to take too long." She flashed him a seductive smile. "I just have to check your body to make sure nothing's wrong with it."
Phil worried. Phil worried a lot. He was getting a majorly bad vibe from this situation and he was vaguely aware that the only thing separating Twilight's rump from his family jewels was a bath towel. It wasn't particularly thick either.
"Hmm, I really can't tell conclusively. I think this calls for a little 'experimentation'". She wrapped her hooves around Phil's neck and stared right into his eyes. Her eyes were hungry, just waiting for something, or someone to devour.
Phil panicked. "Nopenopenope! I'd really rather not!"
Twilight put her tongue to the bottomed of his neck and slowly trailed it up. Phil couldn't see any way to escape.
"Is this really how it ends?" Phil said dramatically.
"TWILIGHT!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
Both Phil and Twilight turned to see an enraged Fluttershy clenching her teeth in anger.
"O-oh, Fluttershy!" Twilight said nervously. "This...isn't what it looks like?"
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the water.....
Looks like "Want it/Need it" is back. D*mn comets, they just have to interfere with your love life.
I hope this doesn't happen to one of the princesses. If it does, he's screwed.
to turn into mare magnet, just add water. its going to suck for Phil if he goes out when it rains.
Soooooo that's what fluoride in the water does.
And that was how the human named Phil became Aquaphobic.
2345494
I hope it does. That's gonna be hilarious.
You know, if the right one walks in, they could make a shit-ton of money.
4closurefraud.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/shit-hitting-the-fan.jpg
oh yeah, this is getting good, mare fight next chapter, yay!
2343861 Let the nostalgia flow through you! The next few chapters will probably use the more obscure zeppelin titles. And to be honest, I have no idea how to include Kashmir
Perfect!
I actually pronounce phill as pill to stop confusion xD can't wait for the updates
2348960 it's comments like yours that help speed up chapters. Expect an update by tomorrow
Why licking WHY TVILIGHT Dx
Don't look into his eyes! You will want to uncontrollably rut him into the ground!
I thought I was crazy......
hmm glowing eyes... hes a member of Soldier!
Phil's thoughts: what the Hell is going on? Must... turn off... swag
2697322
me: what's the tracker say about his swag level? you: IT"S OVER 9000!
his eyes are glowing? he's going super saiyan!!
Bah ha ha ha, definitely a poor bastard... I really don't need to say it... But I'll do it anyway! Funny as hell.
beautifully busted
Twilight make exit stage left, And run like hell!!
God things are getting awkward and heated
5654863 saw that coming.......ill get some popcorn for something tells me it'll get more interesting
2345488
It's like Ranma 1/2, but instead of transformation or it only affecting Kuno, it's EVERY female.
5808281 spike is so used to this shit he doesnt care anymore
Phil-stealing mare. That's just hilarious. Sweet, sweet jealousy!
The puns! I love it!
BWAHAHA! Very convincing, while you are sitting in his lap!
I can now see why Angel seems to hate the world with a passion. Beware the quiet ones, indeed...
At least she's not packing a suitcase...