//------------------------------// // 1000 Vignette Mares - Chapter 1 - Good Honest Ground // Story: 1000 Virgin Mares, 1 Frickin' Badass Dark Overdude, Infinite Facehoofing // by Pen Mightier //------------------------------// 1000 Vignette Mares - Vignette 1 - Good Honest Ground Time: End of Day 1, shortly after the Overdude escapes from Maud and her MLP Place: Living Area Dormitory Block D, Eastern Tower 'Chrysallis' Applejack gave a long yawn wide enough to sink the Titanic in a sea of deathly sleepiness. "Gee, Applejack, some things ya don't need ta share, ya know." Her little sister, Applebloom, shared a long, wide yawn of her own as she struggled to keep up on her much shorter legs. "Now ya gone and set me off too!" "Everything sets ya off, Applebloom." Applejack replied half-mindedly, mind barely registering anything else as she trudged towards where her little group of friends had chosen to stable together. It was some place called a 'Darn Ornery Toy', or some weird alien thing like that. At least so far it looked like a regular old inn, if somewhat fancy-schmancy with all the high vaulted crystal walls and elaborate engravings in the pillars and ceilings. She was secretly hoping the walls won't get any taller than this, seeing as she was already getting altitude sickness just looking up at the dizzying heights of the long endless crystal corridors. She's an earth pony. Earth ponies like the ground, and hate being reminded that there was anything beyond good honest earth. While they did like their closed spaces nice and roomy to avoid the claustrophobia common to all ponies, they begin to feel uncomfortable when the ceilings get any higher than a barn. These darkened corridors, now, they had long since made barns look like outhouses. She wasn't one to complain, but she didn't quite feel at home here. Everything from the artificial feel of the soft fluffy sky blue carpeting of the living area to the coldness of the crystal that lined every single surface, nothing felt natural, nothing felt alive. Okay, she did feel the warmth from the pulses of light coursing through the walls and ceilings. She like all ponies could sense the powerful magic, even if it was just as a niggle, but there was outlandish 'magic' and there was good ol' honest mother nature. Then there was the matter of them being so far away from their family they might as well have been banished to the moon. From how unnatural the night sky looked with all the waving shimmering colours hanging up there, she could almost believe it. She looked down at her little sister who had rushed ahead to greet one of her fellow fillies further down by the end of the corridor. Applejack might survive as a runaway refugee, simply living wild in the wilderness, living off the land. But what of Applebloom? Life as a runaway was about as safe as bucking horse chestnut trees. She deserved a good, stable, and above all safe life, with good food and clean water. Applejack sighed. This was for the best; she knew it well, but why was this uncomfortable feeling eating away at her core? If only good ol' Granny Smith were here to give her some timely advice. If only Big Mac's reassuring smile were here to tell her everything would be alright. If only Carrot Top and her... actually, no, Carrot Top can stay where she is, far far away from her. She is far far away, right? She was quite certain the silly filly was anything but a virgin. Hay, the turnip seed probably wouldn't know what a 'virgin' was if one was bucking her up the backside. No. No! Applejack wasn't homesick. She decided when she escaped the inquisition with Applebloom that she would not drag those two into this mess. 'Ah can't bring 'em anymore trouble. These are mah problems ta carry meself.' She thought to herself angrily as she caught up with Applebloom. "Whoaaah..." Applebloom gasped, eyes wide in awe as they were drawn towards something above them. Applejack followed her gaze upwards. She quickly regretted doing so. Up above the interior of the Eastern Tower, stretched like the gaping maw of a tatzlwurm, were galleries. Galleries upon galleries spiralled above them, borne by magnificent crystal pillars and buttresses. Bright aurora light and moon silver spilled through the gigantic crystal skylight in the ceiling so far above Applejack almost felt herself falling towards it. The sight of the occasional pegasus flying up there, no doubt inhabiting the higher parts of the tower, did not help. Applejack fought to keep control of her breathing. She scraped her hooves across the soft carpet, as if trying to dig them into the ground for support. Oh, these crystal mountain demons and their crystal Tartarus, why all this... all this... allness. "Hey, Applejack, ya okay?" Applebloom's voice pulled her back to the ground where she belonged. "Ya don't look so good." "Ah'm... Ah'm A-okay, Applebloom." Applejack muttered, pulling her hat low to blinker herself from the sight of the lofty tower above. Ignoring that, the center of the massive circular tower was actually quite pleasant, even for an earth pony like herself. Perhaps especially so. A set of steps led down before merging seamlessly with an indoor garden bearing grass, trees, miniature hillocks, even a little multi-tier waterfall leading into a stream that wound around the garden. The whole indoor paradise was lit up by crystal lanterns lining the pathways and the occasional crystal obelisk standing proud in the gardens. It filled the tower with the soft scent of dewy grass and night orchids, everything Applejack could ever want. "Oh, there's Fluttershy." Applebloom said, pointing at the butter-yellow pegasus standing at a little bridge over the babbling stream set amidst the garden. The pegasus seemed to be in deep conversation with a little flock of creatures floating about in the air around her, glimmering softly in the dim light. It wasn't difficult to pick out Fluttershy. There weren't many other ponies here in the Eastern Tower. Most ponies had chosen to join their respective tribes in their own towers. The Eastern Tower was the one tower as yet 'unclaimed' and had, in the short few hours since they arrived, became the defacto tower for those who wished to not align themselves with any one tribe. "Hello, Fluttershy!" Applebloom cried, running up to her. "E-Eeeep!" Fluttershy leapt a good ten hooves into the air. Her panic seemed to double as she realized she had another ten hooves to fall straight down into the stream below. Her little wings flared out as she flapped them in a futile attempt to gain purchase. Despite that, she still fell just as helplessly. Applejack winced as a quiet little splash claimed Fluttershy's flightless form. "Fluttershy, ya okay?" She asked, quickly cantering down to the stream's edge. "O-oh, I-I'm a-alright, I think." Fluttershy murmured, meekly. "I-I'm s-sorry about that." Such was Fluttershy, perhaps the only pony in the world who would apologize for being sent flying into a stream of cold water. "Sugarcube, if anythin', Applebloom here owes ya an apology." Applejack said as she helped pull her friend out of the stream. "Ain't that right, Applebloom?" She gave her little sister a look. "U-uhm... sorry, Fluttershy. Ah didn't mean ta scare ya like that." Applebloom said, apologetically. "It's alright." Fluttershy smiled, shaking her hooves dry. "Thank you, Applejack." She murmured as Applejack pulled her by her hooves out of the stream. "Um, Applebloom, I thought all the fillies had their own room?" "Yeah, but Applejack wouldn't let me join 'em." Applebloom muttered, kicking a hoof despondently. "Ya can sleep with me perfectly fine like." Applejack declared. "Ah mean, how am I supposed ta check up on ya if yer all the way up there?" "Maybe by not checking up on me every three minutes?" Applebloom muttered her suggestion. "Well, we've got plenty of room, so I'm sure it won't be a problem, I think." Fluttershy said. She gave a quiet sneeze that sounded more like a soft, slow 'Hashuuu'. "Let's get ya dry. Where'd Twiligh' say we're stablin' tonight?" Applejack asked, looking around. "Why'd this place hafta be so huge-like?" She muttered. "Oh, it's right this way." Fluttershy said, "I can show you, if that's alright with you." She turned to lead the way. "I agree, this place is so scary big it's actually scary, you know. But it's also... friendly?" "Friendly?" Applejack frowned. "How can this place be 'friendly'?" "Umm... I don't know. I just feel it, it's like... what I imagine visiting a grandmother would be." Fluttershy said as she led Applejack and Applebloom towards a set of stairs. Applejack glared at the stairs apprehensively. She finally sighed before allowing Fluttershy's words to distract her as she reluctantly began climbing. "A grandmother...?" Applejack's frown thickened until it threatened to inundate her eyes. She tried to imagine how this place was in any way like Granny Smith. It's... ancient? It doesn't listen to anything she says. It won't do anything she wants it to do. A little cranky, perhaps. And... drafty? "You know, she'd be looking forwards to finally meeting you, but... she doesn't know exactly what to prepare. So she makes everything warm and tidy, and has everything ready to offer you. And all the time she's watching you, hoping for your approval. At least... that's what I think, I think." Fluttershy said. "It's that sort of kind, loving, honest feeling." "Really?" Applejack looked around. She hadn't thought of it that way. It was true; the place seemed as if it had fallen head-over-heels giving them absolutely everything they would need, from helping them fight off the inquisitors, to feeding them, and now giving them a roof over their heads. "An 'honest' feeling, huh?" Maybe. Just maybe. "It's... like him, you know." Fluttershy said, with a little smile. "A little big. Also a little scary. And maybe a little crazy." She said as they reached the first gallery overlooking the impressive garden. "Just a little?" Applejack's eyebrows were now weight-lifting with her hat. While she was ready to give the place a chance, she still had a lot of reservations about the dude person. She wasn't sure what was bugging her about him, but she'd darn well find out. "Well, you know, you have to be crazy to want to help us." Fluttershy pointed out, matter-of-factly. "Umm, I know you're very very nice, Applejack, but... would you face a big meanie-face god of everything for the sake of, well, insects? N-not to say insects aren't worth saving—I love insects, and, um..." "Ah get yer meanin', Fluttershy." Applejack sighed. "And no, ta be honest with ya, Ah wouldn't. At least not against Ah-whats-it. Too much fer the likes of a hayseed like me. And Ah can't help but question, 'why' he would." She muttered. "Well, perhaps, maybe, possibly, just because he wants to be, um, nice?" Fluttershy suggested, meekly, stopping in front of one of the many doors lining the gallery. "He's awfully honest in everything he says and does; maybe a little too much." She gave a quiet giggle, "So, maybe he's honestly, um, nice?" "Someone nice to ponies." Applejack muttered again. "Huh, sure. That'll be the day." "Maybe today is the day," Fluttershy said, pushing the door open. "Holy apple cores..." Applebloom murmured, gazing into the room beyond. It was a little carpeted sitting area featuring a few comfortable-looking seats coloured in various soft hues of blue and lilac. The main feature was the merry crystal fireplace in one corner, blazing with a soft yellow crystal magic fire. But their eyes wandered little, choosing instead to focus upon the figure perched on the centre couch in a nest of parchment. A number of broken quills lay discarded and forgotten on the battlefield. Their last standing brethren was scratching furiously across a roll of parchment taller than Pinkie's imagination. "Twiligh'...?" Applejack called out to the figure orchestrating the quill's last stand in her violet magic. "Oh, hello, Applejack, Applebloom, Fluttershy." Twilight said without looking up. "One moment, I'm almost done timetabling everypony's potty breaks to ensure efficient use of our outhouse facilities as well as guarantee safety in numbers while travelling to and from the outhouses at all times of the day while making allowances for emergency usage, all while safeguarding productivity within the Empire. I've discovered experimentally that if I limit everypony to 5 strains it allows almost complete voidance in 95% of cases while ensuring efficient use of time. Now, I'm trying to decide whether to use the old-fashioned door-knock or use the Palace's sound-projection magic to announce everypony's names in turn." Twilight rattled off in one breath. "Oh, I gave you the golden hour, by the way, Applejack: 3.43 AM and 25 seconds, you get a whole 13 minutes and 42 seconds to yourself." "Gee, thanks. Mighty generous of ya." Applejack's eyebrows were now at risk of ripping itself free of her forehead and flying off to obtain sentience in another plane of existence. There was a rather gurgly noise of water flushing down a hole from deeper within the little apartment. The familiar form of Pinkie Pie slammed open a door. "Ducky's found Marelantis!" She declared, before slamming the door closed once more. Another ominous wet flushing noise echoed from within. "What?" Applejack's eyebrows ascended to that magical place where good sarcastic eyebrows go, namely the inside of Applejack's hat. "Pinkie Pie discovered this thing called the 'toilet' in there." Fluttershy said, pointing a hoof at the door. "It's like a chamber pot, but with a hole at the bottom." "That's mighty useless fer a chamber pot then!" Applejack pointed out. This place was getting weirder and weirder, much too much for poor Applejack. "Well, it kind of connects somewhere else." Fluttershy said. "But, where? Ah wanna be certain where mah business goes, if ya know what Ah mean?" Applejack protested. "A good mare knows where she leaves her business, that's what mah gran' always says." "Marelantis...?" Fluttershy suggested, uncertainly. "Ah certainly ain't lettin' this Marelantis fella toy-let around with mah doo! There's common decency, even if it ain't so common 'round these parts. And little fillies too!" Applejack grumbled, getting ready to stomp over to this 'toy-let' thingy-ma-bob to show it what's what. That was until her quest was interrupted by the door opening and slamming very violently behind her. "Quick!" A voice rasped breathlessly from her hindquarters. "Hide me!" It panted frenziedly. "Oh, hello, Rarity." Fluttershy said, recognizing the familiar alabaster form of her friend, Rarity. "Whoah, there, sugarcube, yer lookin' mighty frazzled up. Watcha got after ya, Cerberus? The tax-stallion?" Applejack asked. "Worse." Rarity breathed, eyes wide as the gates of Tartarus. She opened the door just a fraction to peer out. "By Ahuiz- His Dudeness! She's found me!" She gasped, dashing forwards before pushing the couch bearing Twilight up against the door. Twilight, seemingly oblivious to being used as a doorstopper, simply carried on scribbling. "I, I need to get out!" Rarity rasped, eyes flitting around the room wildly. "Ms. Rarity." A soft, disembodied voice came from beyond the door. "E-eeeeeeep!" Rarity's skin turned two shades paler from the pure white she already was. "I-I'm not here!" She called out. "Then this is me thinking. To myself." The monotone voice outside said. "I understand. Your apprehension that is. About being left aside. I know. Because I understand rocks. That is how rocks feel. If they can feel. But they can't because they're rocks. And it's hard. Being a rock. So, I'm happy to involve you. Actively. For you, Rarity, I can be like a divergent fault line. I can go. Both ways. All the way. Metaphorically speaking. Because that was a metaphor. A romantic one. About me being flaming bisexual. Without actually flaming. Because that was figurative. In short. I can be very bisexual for you and him. I hope my speaking dirty and romantically pleases you. I mean 'dirty' in the sexual sense, not the filthy sense. But it can be in that sense too if that turns you on. At least sufficiently to get you to share your bed with me. For coitus that is. With him, but possibly with you too. A very big possibility." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Rarity screamed. "Please, somepony! Anypony! Get me out of heeeeere!" She pleaded hysterically. "Pinkie found a way to Marelantis?" Applebloom suggested, pointing at the toilet door. "Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou, Applebloom!" Rarity scooped the little filly up and gave her a tight squeeze and a wet kiss of thanks. Applebloom quietly decided to make sure she called use of the bathroom next. "Applejack, I entrust this to you." Rarity said, handing Applejack a little black orb of light. "What do Ah do with this?" Applejack asked. A few slow, but heavy thuds sounded on the door behind them. "Hide it. Eat it. I don't care. Just don't let her get it!" Rarity said, eyes widening as she watched the door bow inwards, its hinges creaking under whatever monstrous force was forcing it from the other side. "Gotta go! Ta!" She bounded over a chair, dashed for the toilet door, before disappearing inside. "Excuse me, darling! Got a date in Marelantis, like, right now!" "Oooh, you're dating ducky? I didn't know that!" Pinkie's voice sailed out from behind the door. "Right this way then. Oh, and I'd hold my breath if I was you. The first steps a little bit of a doozy." Applejack looked between the door, the black object, back at the door. She finally shrugged, pushed Twilight's couch aside, opened the door, before tossing the orb outside as hard as she could, right over the gallery's railing, into the indoor garden below. There was a loud 'ow!' from somewhere in the distance followed by 'The great and powerful Trixie only accepts tribute in the form of gold and hot-looking fruit! Trixie does not accept... whatever this strange glowing testicular object is. Hey, you, gray mare over there! Do you know what this i-... wait, why are you looking at Trixie that way? No, stay back! Get away! Umm... please?' A loud flushing noise ,followed by a louder gurgle, filled the room as if punctuating the night's events. Applejack shut the door. The rest of the night passed relatively uneventfully.