Tea For One
Tea For One
"So you come to me, seeking a potion, that will cure your lustful pony devotion?"
Phil sat cross-legged on the floor of a small alchemy hut. Immediately following his outburst, Fluttershy had led Phil to the closest thing Ponyville had to a chemist, which was the zebra of the Everfree, Zecora. Phil, refusing to go into detail about his problem, ignored Fluttershy's countless concerned questions on the way there, and had Fluttershy wait outside Zecora's hut so she couldn't hear what was being discussed.
"Well it isn't quite that black and white," he replied. "I had a power where I attracted ponies when I got wet, just by looking into their eyes. I was given a potion that was supposed to help, but all it did was make me attracted to them when I got wet. I don't know if you can cure my powers with potions or not, but can you at least make them normal again? I can't keep living like this."
Zecora scratched her chin as she pondered the new information given to her by Phil. "What was the potion you drank called? I must know, or this will remain unsolved."
"Oh, I remember hearing it," he exclaimed. "It was Ma...Mag...Magical Repressant! Yeah, that's what it was!"
"Ah yes," she responded. "That one is strange. It leaves the target of magic rearranged."
"That's fine and dandy, Dr Seuss, but is there something that fixes this?"
"Your problem has an easy fix. Just give me a moment to brew and mix..."
Zecora poured a light orange liquid out of a ladle she'd been mixing with into a wooden cup, and handed it to Phil. "I'm sure of this; there is no doubt. This special tea will sort you out."
He snatched the cup out of her hoof and swallowed it all in one gulp. His face contorted into an expression of disdain. "Bleh, that stuff was pretty nasty."
Zecora frowned. "But my dear Phil, it was but tea. It is as bad as any other tea should be."
Phil gulped, realizing he had just offended her tea making abilities. "Umm, then why was it orange?"
"You ask of why the tea was orange? Well this is because...it was made with...a..." Zecora scrambled to find something to rhyme with. Oh how she cursed that word for not having a rhyming counterpart."...door hinge?"
"WHAT?!" Phil immediately began wiping his tongue. "Why would you make tea with a door hinge?"
Zecora shrugged, going along with her rhyme. "Should it matter at all? Now you are cured. Know that before you call it absurd."
Phil sighed. "Well, whatever works I guess. Thanks, Zecora. You really helped me out here; and at no charge! If you ever need a six foot bipedal human for anything, I'm your man!" Phil got to his feet. "I really should get going though. I don't want to keep Fluttershy waiting. It was nice meeting you Zecora."
"Yes, as for our meeting, make that a double. As for your powers, take care to stay out of trouble."
"I'll do my best; catch you later."
Phil emerged from Zecora's hut, feeling as if he had just set himself back to square one. His powers were going to be back to their standard gig: making ponies moist and wanting. Why couldn't he have cool powers? Spiderman gets the powers of a spider, Mr.Fantastic gets the power to be really stretchy, and here he was, making ponies horny when he got wet. Well, at least it was better than Aquaman's powers. No powers were worse than Aquaman's.
Fluttershy immediately noticed Phil's presence and trotted over to him with her trademark motherly concern. "Phil, is everything okay now? I know you won't tell me what the problem is, but can you at least tell me if you're alright?"
"Everything's fine," he said reassuringly. "Oh, but my powers are back, so there's that."
"Oh that's gre-WAIT, WHAT?!"
"Woah Fluttershy, keep it down," said Phil, trying to shush her. "We're in the Everfree Forest, remember? If you're too loud, you might attract a monster or a dragon or a walking tree or something."
"Phil, a walking tree? Seriously?"
He shrugged. "I've been here for like two days and you expect me to know every animal that exists?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, you're right. That is expecting too much from you. How would someone from another world know walking trees only live in the upper half of Equestria?"
"Exactly my po-wait, what?"
Fluttershy was about to further elaborate on the subject, but found herself quite unable to as she dangled from the mouth of an enormous manticore by her tail. The beast had managed to sneak up on the two during their conversation and had immediately targeted the smaller prey.
"Fluttershy!" Phil shouted.
Fluttershy had a surprising lack of fear for her predicament. She appeared more confused if anything to Phil. Phil wanted to rescue Fluttershy, but couldn't see a way to do so. The manticore was almost twice Mr. Whisker's size and looked far more blood thirsty with its gargantuan teeth and blank white irises. What do?
Does he:
A: Charge the manticore
B: Sing a song
C: Insult the manticore's weight until it develops an eating disorder
D: Make a terrible movie reference
Answer: D
"Hey, Fur-For-Brains!" he yelled at the manticore. "I'm here to kick ass and rescue Fluttershy, and I'm all out of ass!"
The beast eyed him with a look somewhere in between contempt and boredom. Quickly ignoring Phil, he tossed Fluttershy up in the air and opened his jaw upwards, intent on catching her in it. What the beast failed to recognize was the wings Fluttershy had located conveniently on her back. Instead of dropping into its mouth like an obedient dinner, she quickly fluttered her way back over to a very panic-stricken Phil.
"Holy crap," he said, breathing heavily from the situation's tension. "I thought you were actually gonna die."
"Phil," she said, ignoring his comment. "Please stay back while I reason with the manticore."
"Are you crazy?!" he exclaimed. "What could you possibly do against something that big?!"
Again ignoring his comments, she trotted up to the manticore, her attention focused on it and it alone. "You leave my friend and I alone right now, Mister."
The beast took a step towards Fluttershy, accepting her words as a challenge.
"I mean it," she growled. "One more step and I'll use The Stare on you. Don't think I won't."
The manticore, taking it a step further both literally and figuratively, encroached on Fluttershy and stuck his face into hers in an attempt to provoke her.
"That's it, Mister!"
That's when she used It. The one thing in Equestria that could stop even a dragon on a dime and cause him to scream flamboyantly out of fear. The one thing in Equestria that would inflame an animal's primal senses and tell them, "Ay, yo! We gotta get the hell outta here!".
The Stare.
However, despite being feared throughout the land by even those who did not truly know about its existence, the manticore wasn't fazed in the slightest. Its eyes weren't even really looking in her direction. It was like it was...oh.
"Umm, excuse me, Mister Manticore, sir? Would you by any chance happen to be blind?"
The beast let out an earth shaking roar, nearly blowing Fluttershy off her hooves.
"...There isn't any way we could work this out over tea, is there?"
The manticore went to make a move on Fluttershy, but by that time, Phil had seen enough. Mustering up all the strength he could, Phil delivered a powerful kick to the monster's jaw, knocking it back a step.
"Yeah! How do you like them apples? Want some more?"
The manticore almost instantly recovered from his blow and swiped one of its gigantic paws at Phil. Apparently the manticore, did in fact, want some more. Its razor sharp claws grazed Phil's chest, leaving a set of three shallow scratches.
"Ahh!" he screamed in pain. "Watch it! This is my only shirt! Not to mention my only chest."
As Phil's words left his mouth, he felt a familiar, almost nostalgic at this point, tingling feeling throughout his body, indicating his powers had been activated.
He feverishly searched his body for the reason. "What?!" he yelled, still looking. "When the hell did I get water on me?"
As Phil searched himself, the beast reared up for another attack. "Damn!" he said, diving under a claw swipe. "The only liquid on me is blood. This power is water and blood activated?"
It took a few seconds for the manticore to locate Phil again, due to his lack of sight. Using the time given, Fluttershy galloped over to Phil to check his condition.
"Oh my! Phil, you're bleeding! The manticore must have scratched you! Are you-"
"Careful," he whispered. "This thing is probably using his hearing to find us. Also, my powers are up and running so you might want to take off. It'll be safer that way."
"I-I can't do that! You're injured and in danger! I could never leave a friend in need like that!"
"Fine, fine, but stay back for now. I've got a plan I want to test. If I use my powers on that thing, it'll probably stop trying to kill us. There are...other consequences to that, but as long as were not going to die, I can think about those later."
Phil crept up until he was about ten meters from the manticore and shouted. "Hey Fuzzball! Have you...uhh..read any good Braille recently...y'know...cause you're blind?"
The author apologizes to any blind people who were offended reading this...if there were any.
Whether it offended the beast or not, it certainly got his attention. It let out a blood-curdling roar and charged at Phil, who was waiting, looking the beast straight in the eye.
"Alright, now it should slow down and become infatuated with me-"
To Phil's surprise, the beast pounced onto him, pinning him to the ground. From the way the manticore displayed its teeth, Phil could tell his powers weren't working. Then, it hit him.
It was blind.
Phil would have facepalmed in light of his own stupidity had his arms not been pinned to the ground by the gargantuan creature on top of him. His powers couldn't work on something that couldn't see him.
Phil's heart rate sky-rocketed as he felt the adrenaline flowing through his veins, responding to what he expected to be his imminent death looming over him. Despite that, he couldn't feel fear. It wasn't that he wasn't scared, it's just that his body didn't seem to let him. Rather than feel fear, his body began exerting intense pressure on his eyes. It felt as though his body was trying to channel all of his adrenaline through his eye sockets.
The manticore leaned in, its jaws ready to snap his neck, when suddenly the pressure on Phil's eyes was released. As a result, something about the manticore changed.
It began to float.
Now, having approximately two to three days worth of experience with magic and its abilities, Phil was clearly a veteran at seeing things being inexplicably lifted off the ground. However, this particular case shocked him, mainly for two reasons.
The first reason was that he didn't see any magical aura surrounding the manticore, which was something that was present on every occasion of a spontaneous lift-off. The second, was he was fairly sure he was the one lifting it off the ground. He shifted his eyes away from the creature, to which the creature followed his line of sight. Turning his head every which way he could, he found the manticore would still remain in his visage.
"Hah!" he laughed. "Serves you right for scratching me! I bet it's going to scar too. You can just stay up there until you're ready to come down and apologize to-"
The monster suddenly dropped from his floating position to the ground. Having only been about four meters off the ground, the beast took virtually no time to recover, and began furiously searching for Phil. In the manticore's frenzied state, it managed to find him in a matter of seconds, and charged the moment it knew where he was.
"Uh oh."
Phil managed to duck another swipe just in the nick of time. The swipe, just missing Phil, obliterated the trunk of a tree behind him, causing it to tumble down. Realizing he didn't have much time, he jumped back from the sightless manticore, creating some distance between them.
"Damn," he said in awe. "That lion thing must lift or something. I really can't be hit by one of those paws or I'm going to end up like that tree...wait...the tree...shiver me timbers, I've got another idea!"
The monster turned to Phil and roared right in his direction. It didn't need to find him this time, because it already knew where he was. Just as it was about to charge, the previously idle Fluttershy began flying circles around the manticore's head.
"Youwho! Mr. Manticore, I umm, bet you can't catch me."
With Fluttershy in the mix, Phil now had all the pieces required to make his idea a reality. "Fluttershy!" he called out. "Could you keep distracting him? I just need a little time."
"Umm, Phil, I don't really think I can-"
"Thanks, try not to die!"
With his powers still active, he focused on the fallen tree that lay on the ground, trying to remember what sparked that floating power he had done before.
He stared at the tree with all the might his eyes had. "Come on, tree," he said desperately. "Fly! Just fly! Wingardium Leviosa! Hocus Pocus! Come on powers, if you're going to do anything for me that doesn't involve pony fucking, do it now!"
"If you insist..."
Responding to his pleas, a large pressure build up quickly formed in his eyes, and expelled itself just as quickly, lifting the tree in the air.
The manticore, closing in on Fluttershy, turned at the noise of rustling behind him to better hear what was happening behind itself.
Phil rearing up and placing the tree above the monster, quickly launched it down with a flick of his head.
"Goodnight! Sleep tight! Don't let the bedbugs bite!"
The tree came crashing down on the manticore, blasting its face into the ground and completely shattering the tree to smithereens.
Fluttershy's jaw hung loosely as she witnessed the act that happened before her. "P-Phil, what was that?"
Phil sat down and breathed a sigh of relief. "The power of imagination."
"...Please tell me you're joking."
"...Maybe a little."
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Awesome
Although I had hoped for Zecora to have a bigger part. Maybe later, huh?
2558259 Her part isn't over by a long shot
If Phil had died, I would have nominated him for a Darwin Award.
Did he has some new kind of Sharingan? Men it will be very inconvenient is latter on he will be able to read minds without control…oh and read Celestia mind
"If you insist" Don't tell me his powers have somehow gained sentience. That or his conscience has split.
2558259
Well, he is bleeding heavily in the middle of the Everfree.
Different powers for different liquids?
great chapter!
i.imgur.com/PKUBEnH.gif
Probably going to go to hell for laughing at this
Lust imducing powers and (now) telekinetic powers.
Hm, interesting. There wasn't too many funny bits in this chapter but still great.
Didn't Phil actually take a potion that enhanced his powers from Celestia?
If so, wouldn't Zecora's potion would be rendered useless since it was created to cure Magical Repressant?
If not, I need to read the previous chapters...again.
2558534
I can see it now..
Phil: FLUTTERSHY. I MUST SAVE EQUESTRIA. PISS ON ME SO I CAN ACCESS THE NEEDED POWERS
FS: B-But Phil I-
Phil: THERE'S NO TIME. PEE ON ME NOW.
Oh God.
He stared at the tree with all the might his eyes had. "Come on, tree," he said desperately. "Fly! Just fly! Wingardium Leviosa!
Hocus Pocus! Come on powers, if you're going to do anything for me that doesn't involve pony fucking, do it now!"
The Wingardium Leviosa made my day.
2559809
Oh myyyyyyyyy,
A plot? THIS story? Holy shit truly nothing is impossible
Anyway i love it and You definitively have my attention on this
2559809
or he could carry a canteen and not have to get piss on himself
Why!? Why is this the end?!?!
Awesome story, bro. Can't wait for more!
2591455 Then you shan't wait for more! Expect an update in the next three days or so
2593589 I'm so looking forward to it!
I need more... I've been following this for a while now and part of me thought at the begining I was going to be disappointed. But I happily say I was wrong and read this fic as a guilty pleasure. Keep it up Anal Invader.
2607281 You sir, have some harmless guilty pleasures. Know what mine is?
...Twinkies...don't tell anyone, k?
2607961 I'm a girl, not all of your audience is male you know.
Part of me would like to see the equestrain mailmare meet phil...
2607982...You're fucking with me, right? A person of female gender is reading the words of my story and enjoying it?! Well cover me with spaghetti and call me a meatball, that's fucking incredible. Sorry for assuming, it's just that I'm fairly sure I haven't encountered one single girl on this site until now
And everyone's favourite mailmare might be in here sometime, just depends on popular demand or if I'm running out of material.
2608037 I figured the name would be a dead givaway... :P
2608159 Yes, but you forget to consider the fact that I'm an idiot. It's an important fact
And what did your deleted comment say?
2608214 it said the same thing but with a typo, this phone won't let me edit them out so I had to delete the comment and cut/paste edits :P. Also, I'm curious as to where to get the pony emoji heads for my comments.
Are you working on the next part as we speak? I can't wait to read it.
2608295 Need to be on the site online to use them easily I think. And speaking of that, yes, so to bring you more chapters, I must go. Anal Invader, out.
I couldn't find a video that exactly fit what I wanted. So you'll have to put up with:
well that was a um... unexpected turn of events
Are there any words that rhyme with orange?
Orange has almost no perfect rhymes. The only word in the 20-volume historical Oxford English Dictionary that rhymes with orange is sporange, a very rare alternative form of sporangium (a botanical term for a part of a fern or similar plant). Silver is another word for which it is almost impossible to find a perfect rhyme: the only candidate is the rare word chilver, which the 20-volume Oxford English Dictionary defines as 'a ewe-lamb' (i.e. a female lamb). Both orange and silver do have half-rhymes, though: the Oxford Rhyming Dictionary gives lozenge as a half-rhyme for orange, for example, and salver as a half-rhyme for silver.
What's the difference between a full rhyme and a half-rhyme? A full and stressed rhyme (e.g. hand / stand) or even an unstressed rhyme (such as handing / standing) contain vowels that are common to both words, while a half-rhyme like orange / lozenge or silver / salver has obvious differences between the vowels in certain syllables. The technical term for a half-rhyme is 'pararhyme'.
...
No id did NOT just look that up after the zecora thing and copy/paste it here to look smart! How dare you suggest that!
... ok i admit it you`re right... but it was interesting wasn't it
Wait, what was that last part about sexual partners? You haven't even bought me dinner first! Anyway, damn right OP has its uses. Why would so many people use it so much?
Are you kidding? This story has several plots. One sat on his face last chapter, and he smacked another several chapters ago, and was slapped by the tail of another plot in the chapter following THAT chapter.
2558534
They should splash him with hot sauce next.
Two blind jokes in a row! That's hilarious!
So is it his imagination making all the mares hot for him.
Wait how do blind people read a book or on the interest
7308369 special books and audio books