//------------------------------//
// Royal Orleans 
// Story: Over The Hills and Far Away 
// by Anal Invader 
//------------------------------//


Royal Orleans


"Did I not tell you to stay out of trouble? How did this happen? I am simply befuddled!"

Fluttershy and Phil had travelled back to Zecora's hut in light of Phil's wound in order to treat it. Luckily, Zecora had all the necessary medical equipment, so Fluttershy was able to bandage him up right away. According to Fluttershy, the wound had been rather light, so stitches wouldn't be needed.

"We ran into some gigantic manticore looking for a meal," Phil explained. "Honestly, I think we were pretty lucky to get out of that situation with only this."

"But you had Fluttershy with you, right? Why did your meeting turn into a fight?"

Fluttershy looked down out of embarrassment. "Well, the manticore was blind, so when it attacked us, the Stare didn't work."

Fluttershy and Zecora continued to discuss what had happened, leaving Phil to ponder something that interested him, other than his sudden ability to lift things at a distance.

"I don't understand this at all. Before I lifted that tree up, I begged my powers to actually allow me to do so. Not only did they listen, they responded! Perhaps there's more to these powers than attracting ponies. If there is, I'm gonna try leaving it be. I've had enough weird stuff happening around me with coming to a different planet, and finding out I have messed up superpowers, and still not getting those snacks I wanted back on Earth to deal with these powers having some type of crazy auxiliary function. Now matter how cool that function may be. And how did it come about anyhow? Was it because there was blood touching me instead of water? That wouldn't make any sense though! There's blood running through my veins every second of the day! Come to think of it, there's water in my body as well. Maybe my power is skin based..."


"Well Fluttershy, at least you're okay," said Zecora. If you fear your safety, you're welcome to stay."

"No, no," she said, shaking her head. "We couldn't bear to trouble you any more than we already have. After all, this is our second visit in 20 minutes."

"Well then goodbye, my two friends. Take care this time, not to meet your ends."

"Yikes," Phil shuddered. "That was the definition of a creepy goodbye."

"Sorry," she chuckled. "It's harder to rhyme your sentences than you think."

Fluttershy grabbed Phil's arm and rushed him out the front door. "Okay-goodbye-Zecora-gotta-go."

"Where's the rush at?" asked Phil, closing the door behind him.

"Well, not to be rude or anything, but you kinda dragged me out of my house in the morning looking for a chemist even though I needed to feed my animals, so there's that..."

"...My bad, my bad. Let's go."

The two walked back to Fluttershy's cottage with haste, taking a different route this time to avoid a certain blind, unconscious manticore. Far enough out of sight, a concealed creature emerged from the shadows of its hiding place.

"Phil Phillips...what an interesting creature...you and I are going to have some fun together..."





Celestia sighed as she sat on her throne, looking at her overpacked schedule for the day. Giving Phil a helping hoof had eaten up a good portion of her day yesterday, leaving all the work she had needed to do yesterday for today. So far she had gotten through all her missed paperwork and gone through yet another meeting with the mayor of Manehattan, but her day-planner was still overflowing with assorted duties.

She looked down at the next item on her list. "Let's see here. Royal Daycourt, a proposal about reducing the lengths of proposals. Set to last around 4 hours...lovely..."

With the meeting not for another couple minutes, her thoughts drifted back to the events of the day before. More specifically, her thoughts drifted to that of the human, Phil Phillips. Even more specifically, that very same human grabbing her flank.

Celestia smiled faintly. "My, how many years has it been since somepony has done that? 400 or 500 if I'm not mistaken. Back before the law against touching the royal behind was put it, I'd have two or three ambitious ponies a week grabbing my flank. Those were the days; it was so much fun watching my guards force the pony to apologize to my face. Their faces always had a look that was somewhere between embarrassment and accomplishment. Then I'd pardon them and they would run off, excitedly shouting to their friends about what they'd just done."


Her smile dropped. "Then that law had to be put in because the guards were fed up with having to deal with the ponies who tried it." 


She sighed again. "It's not like I overly enjoyed somepony touching my flank, it's just it was the only thing anypony ever did that made me feel like a regular pony and not, Princess Celestia, Ruler of Equestria and Raiser of the Sun. That was sure a lot of words to chisel onto all of those statues of me. I was actually beginning to think my flank might have been diminishing in quality a little, but Phil was all over it last night, so I guess not!"

Celestia giggled to herself and stared off into space dreamily. "Wow, I think I miss him already; I wonder if he's thinking of me too...Oh look at me, thinking about Phil like a school-filly with a crush. To think one harmless night has got me this worked up..."

She looked at the clock then back to her day-planner. "You know what? I think I'm going to pay Phil-I mean Ponyville, a little unofficial visit. It's been too long since I've had a break anyway. I'll just set up my handy Celestia Blow-Up Doll to take my place for the proposal. The thing is more or less an abomination and the manufacturers of it were jailed for years, but did they ever make this thing look realistic. Nopony can ever tell the difference." 

Quickly setting up her replacement, she discreetly snuck out of the courtroom and flew off towards Ponyville.





"Ah, I didn't choose the bed life, the bed life chose me."

Phil lied back on Fluttershy's bed, taking a recommended rest from the small yellow pony herself while she tended to her animals. Although some rest may have been needed, he couldn't help but feel he was missing some sort of opportunity. After all, he was in a crazy land of mythological beasts and magic, and he was just lying in bed, not playing pranks on unsuspecting ponies. That was the real crazy thing. 

With a devious grin on his face, Phil stepped out of bed and tip-toed towards the bedroom door, only to freeze at the sound of someone knocking on the bedroom window, which was a little strange considering the bedroom window was on the second floor. He turned around to see the cyan pegasus, Rainbow Dash, knocking on the window, clearly waiting for him to open it.

"Oh look, the gay pride flag in the flesh," he said snickering to himself. He unlocked the window and opened it to the prismatic mare.

"Hey, Phil," she said eagerly. "Can I come in?"

"Well it isn't really my house, but I can't see why not. Come on in."

She flew into the bedroom and, without the prompt, made herself at home. "I heard from Twilight that you were staying here at Fluttershy's. What's up?"

"Just recuperating a little," he responded.

"Oh, that's too bad I gu...wait a minute...I've seen that look before! You were about to do something fun, weren't you?!"

Phil looked around suspiciously before leaning in close to Rainbow Dash. "...Okay, I was gonna do some pranking," he whispered. "But don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Don't tell anypony?!" she exclaimed. "Screw telling ponies, I want in. You're looking at the premier pranking pony right here, buddy! I came over here cause I was bored, and if you're pranking, then I want in."

"Okay, okay," he said, shrugging. "By the way, is there any reason you have to say anypony instead of anyone? They're synonymous, but anypony seems kind of exclusive. I mean, aren't there other sentient creature in Equestria?"

"Who cares, let's get to some pranking!"





Celestia touched down on the outskirts of Ponyville near Fluttershy's cottage as not to alert anypony. According to her student, Fluttershy's cottage was also where Phil was currently residing. She began walking towards the cottage, but stopped upon seeing a large sign with an arrow pointing down that read "World's Smallest Manticore".

Out of curiosity, Celestia approached the location the sign and looked down where the arrow was pointing to see a small woodland creature.

"This isn't a manticore," she said frowning. "This is just a bunny; who would actually-"

Celestia was silenced by a downpour of swampy water and ribbiting frogs, seemly falling from the sky. She looked up to see Phil and Rainbow Dash perched over the sign with two empty buckets in their grasps. Phil and Rainbow Dash, who were previously ready to burst into fits of laughter at the sight of their victim, instead felt their excitement drop into the pits of Tarturus when they realized just who their victim was. 

The Ruler of Equestria looked back and forth between the two pranksters and the slimy frogs entangled within her ethereal mane and to the two pranksters' surprise, started laughing hysterically. The terrified looks on their faces slowly shifted to looks of confusion. Did they not just drop frogs on her? Why was she laughing?

"I must say, you two," she said between laughs. "I've seen many pranks in my years, but this was the last thing I expected. A bucket of frogs? You two must have a gift for that kind of thinking."

Rainbow Dash and Phil looked at each other, still not sure they were in the clear.

"If it's any consolation, Celestia," Phil started. "You're not the only one we got with this. You're number four so far. You should have seen the look on that mailpony's face."

"You should have seen the looks on your faces!" she bellowed, still laughing. "You both looked like you thought I was going to banish the both of you on the spot!"

"Hey, no fair!" Rainbow piped up. "I really thought that was gonna happen!"

"Oh come on," the Princess said playfully. "You drop frogs on my head and I'm not allowed to mess around with you a little bit?"

She looked down, embarrassed. "Umm, point taken I guess."

Celestia's horn shone and the countless bouncing frogs in her hair and on the ground were levitated back into their respective buckets. With another flash of her horn, Celestia was completely clean and glistening in the sunlight.

"Oh come on!" Phil exclaimed. "That's just cheating! How come your hair looks even better than before?"

She smiled sheepishly at his comment. "Because I'm worth it. Now I'll forget about what just happened and let you continue under one condition."

"What?" The pranksters asked in unison.

Celestia pawed at the ground softly. "You let me help."

Rainbow Dash struggled to keep her jaw off the ground. "Princess, you want to help us prank? Don't you have royal duties to take care of?"

"As of now, they are in capable hooves."





Daycourt Proposal

A blue stallion in business attire walked between various graphs depicting similar information. "Now Princess, you see, as represented by these three pie charts and two bar graphs, that reducing the amount of visual information one can show during a proposal can significantly increase..."

As the stallion continued to drone on, two of the members of the royal court talked quietly amongst themselves.

"Celestia is in a good mood today it seems," one pointed out.

"Yes," the other agreed. "She seems to be positively brimming with curiosity about this proposal."

"Yes, but I do wonder just why her mouth has been so rounded this whole time. Chapped lips perhaps?"

"Do I look like a lip doctor to you? How would I know?"

"Yeesh, you're so defensive, Warrant. Lighten up a little, will ya?"

"Whatever...jerk..."





"So will you let me join?" she said, giving them both the biggest puppy dog eyes she could muster. "Please?"

The two shrugged. "Well, I can't see why not..."





An elderly stallion walked through the outskirts of Ponyville, admiring the beauty of the day. The butterfly were gliding, the birds were chirping, the flowers were blooming, and oh, what was this?

"World's Smallest Manticore?" he read slowly at a distance. "Well why don't I have a looksie at this."

Walking over to the sign, he saw the small furry creature below it. "My oh my, manticores are just getting smaller and smaller, aren't they? In my day, they were bigger than cities! No, countries! How can you even call yourself a mantic-"

A familiar load of frogs was dropped onto his head by the pranksters behind the sign. The three, seeing the elder stallion covered in frogs, burst into laughter. The elder stallion, had a somewhat...different reaction.

"THEY'RE BACK! THEY'RE BACK I SAY! THE SECOND WAR OF AMPHIBIANS HAS BEGUN! EVERYPONY FIND A LILY PAD AND A FROG CANNON!"

The stallion ran off towards Ponyville with remarkable speed for a pony of his age. Celestia sighed and shook her head remorsefully. "Oh dear," she said with a worried expression. "That pony must have been part of the War of Amphibians that happened 60 years ago."

Rainbow Dash looked up at the Princess with concern in her eyes. "But Princess, I thought there hadn't been a war in 1000 years in Equestria."

"Yes, well although called a war, it was really a method of relieving tension between rivalling towns. The disputing townsfolk gathered in a swamp and fired frogs at each other until everypony gave up. It actually did relieve that tension, but the sheer amount of falling frogs were engraved into some pony's minds, so many of the participants are traumatized in the presence of flying amphibians. Quite unfortunate, really."

Rainbow and Phil tried to look as sorry as possible before erupting with laughter to the point of rolling on the ground. Even Celestia couldn't help but crack a smile at the spectacle. 

Phil felt his laughter tug at his wound from earlier in the day, but was having too much fun to care. "TRAUMATIZED! OF FLYING FROGS! HOLY HELL THAT'S RICH!"

Celestia too was truly was having fun, but knew it would need to come to an end. "Phil, I'll admit that was quite funny, but I think we need to get out of here. With all that stallion's shouting, ponies are going to be over here wondering what happened."

"Oh, damn you're right," he said, calming down. "Guess we have to stop then. I've fulfilled my pranking itch anyway, so I'll be good for a day or two."

Rainbow had finally stopped laughing. "Hey Phil, wanna go do something else then? I've got the day off cloud duty and everypony else is busy."

"I'm probably the least busy creature in Equestria, I'm up for whatever."

Celestia fidgeted nervously, feeling anxious. She knew as a Princess, she wasn't quite suited to simply spending a day with ponies in public. "I suppose that concludes pranking for today then. I thank you for allowing me to join in. I haven't been able to do a good prank in quite a while. I should be heading back to the castle then. Goodbye you two."   

She turned to leave, but stopped at the sound of groaning from Phil. "Aww," he pouted. "You haven't even been here for an hour and you have to leave already?"

Phil's protests reminded her of why she had come to Ponyville in the first place. Somehow, he was managing to pluck all of her right strings, but she knew she couldn't simply walk with them in Ponyville without causing a ruckus. "Well, I could stay for a little longer, but the town would be in an uproar if I were to walk around with you without prior warning. What would we do?"

"How about I answer that one for you?"

The trio whipped their heads around to the source of the voice that had intruded on their conversation to see an odd dragon-like creature with mismatched body parts and large yellow eyes.

"Discord," said Celestia, suspicious of his actions. "What exactly to you mean by that?"

Discord looked offended. "What, no greeting, Celestia? You wound me, you truly do."

"Don't play games, Discord, I know you're up to something. You may be rehabilitated, but I know when you're planning something."

He clicked his tongue. "My, my, Celestia. There's no need to get so worked up. After all, It's quite breezy, and you wouldn't want your skirt to be blown up, would you?"

"What are you-AHHH!" The Princess let out a very un-princess-like shriek upon discovering that she was in fact, wearing a skirt, with a matching school-filly sailor outfit accompanying it.

The remaining creature proceeded to have differing reactions to said outfit.

Discord howled with laughter.
Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth angrily at Discord.
Phil stared a little too long at Celestia in the sailor outfit.

"Discord!" shouted Rainbow Dash. "What the hell do you think you're doing to the Princess?!"

Discord bit down on his lip to restrain his laughter. "Why Rainbow, there's no need to get your panties in a knot!"

"Oh, you did not do what I think you-OH, DISCORD!"

She too, looked down to see she was now wearing a pair of pink laced panties.

"Don't look so mad, you two," he said, conjuring up a camera. "This is going to be on photograph after all."

"Enough!" commanded Celestia. "Why are you doing these menial things?!"

"I'm ever so glad you asked, Celestia," he said, practically beaming. "Why, it's so I can blackmail the three of you into playing a little game I devised. You see, it's been quite boring around here since my rehabilitation, but ever since dear old Phil came along, it's been more chaotic than ever! So I whipped up a little game for my amusement, based around his powers of course. Now you two don't need to play this game, but then these photos would be in every newspaper in Equestria by tomorrow. What do you say?"

Celestia closed her eyes, fighting a mental battle with herself to decide which decision was worse, but ultimately knew which one it would have to be in the end. "...Discord, if we play your game, you'll destroy those photos?"

Discord squealed with delight. "You have my word, Celestia." He snapped his finger-things and a pure black door appeared out of thin air. "Now just step through here and we'll begin shortly."

The two mares reluctantly stepped towards the door, while Phil remained where he stood. "Umm, do I have any say in this by any chance?"

"Nope," they said in unison.

He huffed. "Didn't think so."

The door opened and the three unwilling participants stepped through, oblivious to just what their minds, and bodies, were about to experience.