//------------------------------//
// Intermission Chapter: Tangerine 
// Story: Over The Hills and Far Away 
// by Anal Invader 
//------------------------------//


Tangerine


"Stop."

The voice of Discord rang from the intercom all throughout the staircase. Phil, eager to complete the remaining challenges as fast as possible, stopped impatiently. 

"Discord, what is it?" he asked rudely. "I'm going to the next challenge, just like you wanted."

It's not that," he replied. The author just said he wanted to do...a filler chapter."

"What? Why the hell would he want to do a filler chapter? That lazy shitstain finally completes a chapter after a month and then he wants to do a filler chapter?"

"I know. What a poor excuse for a human being."

"Discord, shut up, you're not even one creature entirely, let alone human. How are we even supposed to do this? Is it happening in here?"

No, he says we're going to be taking it back to Ponyville for this one for the fans who although liking the story, don't like this particular arc."

Phil looked around in mild confusion. "Well, how does he expect that to happen? A majority of the main characters for this are in this tower."

"Through the magic of scene change of course."

"...I need a vacation."





"Hello everyone. My name is Phil Phillips. I am the second child of the Phillips' family, and by some ridiculous circumstances, I was sent to a completely different world than my own."

"Phil!" Twilight Sparkle repeated for the third time. "I'm trying to talk to you here. You aren't monologuing again, are you?"

"I now reside in Equestria, a land filled with vibrant colours and magical talking ponies, such as the annoying, nagging purple one beside me." 

"Hey, you're thinking rude thoughts about me, aren't you?! No, you totally are!"

"Until recently, I had been living comfortably out of the kindness of one of these ponies, however, it has been brought to my attention by a certain unicorn that I have not been pulling my weight around here. To correct this, I have graciously decided to assist an associate of my landlord with some of her work to gain some extra coin."

"Phil, would you stop pouting and walk on your own already? I don't want to have to levitate you all the way to Applejack's farm."

Twilight and Phil were both on their way to Applejack's farm. It was Applebuck season, and for once, the Apple family realized their farm was too big to buck on their own and decided to hire outside help. That outside help was Phil, who, due to a few choice comments from Twilight like "you're lazy", and "stop mooching off of Fluttershy", and "are you stealing the library's food?", was now on his way to help buck trees. 

The two arrived at the gates of Sweet Apple Acres just as the sun began to rise, bringing an orange pony into visage.

"Applejack!" called out Twilight.

"Hey there, Sugarcube," she called back. "How's the mornin' treatin' ya-oh mah sweet Celestia, what is that?"

Twilight set Phil down on the ground. "Your help."

"What's my name, fool?!" Phil asked the orange pony, his eyes snapping awake. "Oh, sorry about that, I'm just not used to being awake right now. Is the sun even supposed to be that low in the sky?"

Applejack looked over at Twilight as if pleading this to be a joke, but Twilight just gave her a big brimming smile.

"Have fun you two," she called out, galloping as fast as she could back into Ponyville.

Applejack put up a polite smile and held out a hoof to Phil. "Hi there, partner. Mah name is Applejack, and Ah help run things here at Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight tells me you'll be helpin' me out today. Ah hope ya don't mind me askin', but who and what are ya?

Phil yawned. "My name's Phil, I'm a friggin fairy princess, and it's great to meet you. I want to make this as quick as possible, so let's go buck some apples...whatever that means..."

She struggled to keep her polite demeanour at Phil's attitude, but she managed to keep it up. "Oh...well now that we're introduced, why don't Ah introduce ya to mah family?"

The two walked over to an open area where three ponies were setting up a cart. "Hey everypony, come meet the new guy!" yelled Applejack. The three ponies came over with a touch of nervousness adorning their faces. "Everypony, this here is Phil. Phil, this is mah family; this is Big Mac, Applebloom, and Granny Smith."

Phil stared at the ponies for a moment, making them a little uncomfortable, before speaking up. "You're all apple colours," he pointed out. He looked over at Applejack. "Why aren't you?"

Applejack's left eye began twitching as she struggled to remain polite. The pony Applejack had just introduced as Granny Smith covered her mouth with a hoof and chuckled. "Ya' hit a nerve with that one, sonny."

A vein on Applejack's forehead began to bulge. "Ah keep tryin' to tell everypony, ORANGE IS AN APPLE COLOUR TOO-woah, easy there, Applejack. We don't wanna repeat of last Thursday..."

An awkward silence followed her outburst.

"So..." Big Mac said, trying to clear the uncomfortable atmosphere. "We gonna buck or what?"





"I'm just supposed to...kick it?"

Phil and Applejack stood in front of one of the many apple trees needing to be bucked for the day. Applejack nodded, then silently approached the tree and delivered a heavy blow to it with one of her back legs. A multitude of apples fell from the tree into pre-placed baskets sitting at the trunk.

"Just like that," Applejack told him. "Just copy how Ah do it and ya should be able to get some apples after a couple bucks."

"...Am I missing something here?" Phil asked with a deadpan expression. "How am I supposed to copy that? I don't even have front legs."

"Well ya' have those front hooves on your shoulders just sittin' there doin' nothin'. Why don't ya use em for somethin' useful?"

"Don't mock the usefulness of arms! They are useful...just not for this..."

She sighed. "Well, give it your best shot anyway; Ah'm sure it can't be that bad."

Rather than think or have common sense, Phil lifted his leg and swung it into the tree. 

In Phil's defence, he was only rolling on the ground in pain for 10 minutes.





"Alright, so ya can't buck trees, but ya can still carry back the apples Big Macintosh and Ah buck, right?"

Phil shrugged. "I can't see why not."

Picking up a couple baskets full of apples, he lugged them over to the barn and placed them in a neat pile. He groaned and walked back over to grab some more baskets.

"This is gonna be one long day."





5 Hours Later

Phil put his back up against one of the empty apples trees and wiped the sweat off his brow. His muscles were aching from the long day's work and he felt a break was in order. In his peripheral, Phil saw Applejack approaching him, most likely to congratulate him on what a good job he did.

"What are ya doing?" she asked.

"Why, taking a break of course. It's been near 5 hours since we've started, I think I've earned it."

"Phil, it's been 20 minutes since we've started, and ya have only carried like, 8 baskets of apples to the barn!"

"9 actually."

"Ah don't care! We still need ya to help."

"Oh come on, Apple...pony. Just let me lie against this nice, cool tree for a little while. Ah, this tree is nice; I like this tree. I'm gonna call it...Spruce Springsteen."

"...Phil, that's an apple tree...not a spruce..."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeesh, sorry I'm not politically correct with my tree puns."

Phil suddenly felt an incredible amount of malice being directed at him. "Phil," she said, veins bulging in her forehead. "Ya better get up right now, unless ya want yer head to be a part of that tree. Am Ah makin' myself clear?"

"...Yes ma'am..."

"Good. Now get back to work; we ain't payin' you for tree humour."





After an actual day of work bringing apples back to the barn, Phil retired beside the large pile of apples he had created. The rest of the apple family went back inside, but Applejack stayed outside to give him his pay. With a bag of bits in her mouth, she approached Phil.

"Good work today, Sugarcube," said Applejack. "Ya did better than Ah expected ya would. Here's yer pay then; 20 bits, as promised."

"Thanks," he replied, trying to knead a kink out of his back.

"Ya look hungry, Phil." she observed. "Would ya like to try an apple or two from the pile? I guarantee, they're the best apples in Equestria!"

"Sure, why not?"

Phil took a bite into one of the apples. Applejack always took a great deal of happiness away from watching a new customer try one of her apples for the first time. The faces they made while declaring the Apple family's to be the best in existence were priceless. She prepared for his reaction with a smug look on her face.

Phil slowly swallowed the chunk of apple, taking in its taste. "It's...it's..."

She chuckled. "How is it?"

"It's...it's...it's pretty good, I guess."

Applejack was stunned. "P-Pretty g-good? 

"Well yeah," he continued nonchalantly. "Your apple's good, but it isn't spectacular; little too sweet for my tastes."

"Apple...isn't...spectacular...? Those words...is it even possible to use them in a sentence like that?"

Phil began laughing nervously. "Uhh, Appleback? You okay? You're starting to look a little crazy."

"...Eat another."

"Wha-"

"Eat another!"

"Applerack, really it's fi-...what are you doing...?"





Big Mac paced his house, waiting for the last member of his family to come back inside. "Golly," he said to himself. "What is takin' that mare so long?"

Growing curious, he left the house to check on her. What he found was Applejack and Phil, but what he hadn't expected to find was Applejack attempting to shove a pile of apples into Phil's mouth.

"Eat my apples! They're good!" yelled Applejack.

"Mmmmmphhmhp," replied Phil in kind.

Big Mac sighed. "Ah swear, if everyday in applebuckin' season is like this, Ah'm sellin' the farm..."