Chapter 10 - OverCame, OverSaw, OverConquered. Not Necessarily in That Order
“Um, perhaps do whatever Ms. Twilight is doing?” Dinky had somehow managed to wiggle her ears free of my hooves to offer her suggestion. I looked between Dinky and Twilight. How the burning ballsacks did I miss that?
Good thing I had my Dinky-Hat of Perception +20 equipped. It is also a good thing to know that wearing her as a snuggle-battery still gives me the bonus stats.
"Twilight, you are a mare, right?” I asked, demonstrating my Overlord-tier powers of perception.
“Wha-wh-what are you suggesting?!” Twilight sputtered, looking the very picture of pony indignation, or an exploding tomato, or both.
"I am suggesting that either you're so celibate you make bricks look like sugar-rushed rabbits in heat, or you swing so hard for the other team that a ball of yarn's probably straighter," I said, giving her a suspicious look.
"What?" Twilight blinked. "No! I'm not a filly-fooler or anything! That'd be blasphemy!
An abomination unto Lord Ahuizotl! I don't want to be executed!" she gasped.
'Filly fooler'? Huh, interesting. Just what isn’t blasphemy in this world ruled by this big dick in the sky? I have a feeling even ice cream’s probably too hot and racy for them.
"Ms. Twilight, could Dinky please take that?" Dinky asked politely like a good little filly before swiping the clipboard Twilight had floating in her magic. "Ms. Twilight, why is your horn still glowing?" She pointed out Twilight's glowing horn with all the innocence of a teddy bear, a quietly ticking one.
"Uh, um..." The older unicorn took a flustered step backwards. It took me a moment to understand what Dinky was getting at. I had gathered that unicorn horns sheds more sparkles than Tinker-Belle while they're spell-casting. I had assumed Twilight had hers lit to maintain the levitation spell she had on the clipboard. But with the clipboard securely in Dinky's hooves, It was interesting that Twilight’s horn still glowed. This suggested two things: that Twilight could juggle multiple spells and that she was craftily sneaking one on me.
"So there is magic strong enough to resist my Over-pheromones." I gave her a long, thoughtful look. "Looks like A-Wee-So-Much's empire won't be falling to an Over-Orgy-pocalypse; at least not anytime soon," I sighed. Then again, probably best I didn't give Sunset any ideas. Knowing her, she'd probably strap me to a rocket, launch me straight at their capital and watch the sexplosion. "So, what is it? Did you replace your blood with liquid nitrogen or baby shampoo or something?”
“Um, well..." Twilight fidgeted nervously, giving me a watery smile. "Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"
"Fine, hit me with the bad news." I braced myself. I felt something tense up sympathetically under my rear, causing me to jump a little in surprise. It looked like I didn’t need Twilight’s help finding any bad news, I found one sitting under my bum. It was my tail, and it appeared intent on violating me as it moved about with a mind of its own.
Twilight didn’t seem to have noticed my expression of shock and horror, however, seemingly too busy fidgeting nervously while avoiding my gaze. “So I may or may not be casting the ‘Better-Outside-than-Inside’ spell on you,” she began. The local spell-naming vernacular really leaves little to the imagination. I really gotta find out what their Viagra spell is called.
Yes, Ms. Purple-Smart, I obviously fart weapons-grade aphrodisiacs. “And what exactly does this spell do?” I asked, eyebrow cocked and loaded.
“Remove any gas that isn’t air outside.” Twilight was clearly looking away. She wasn’t even trying anymore.
So this is the 'bad news'? “Aaaand where is this ‘outside’?” I pursued.
“The…um…ventilation system thing?” Twilight’s lips were quivering dangerously. “I thought it was a good idea at the time!” she cried, defensively. Ventilation ducts: The death of all evil overlords.
Face, meet hoof. You’re both fucked. We’re all fucked. Metaphorically and—quite soon—literally. “So we’re pumping my weapon of mass all-fuck-tion neurotoxin throughout the entire citadel?” I sighed. “And now the entire citadel is filled with sex-zombies?” My tail decided to twitch anxiously again, obviously getting all competitive with the mares in violating me.
“Objectively speaking, um, yes,” Twilight conceded. "998 of them to be exact.”
Oh, good, statistics always make everything seem a little less scary. Except when you’re about to become one. At least they can’t get in my pants; I ain’t wearing any.
“Minus the fillies of course," Twilight added, helpfully. Oh good, at least I'm not going directly to Hell.
On the bright side, at least it's one thousand mares. I mean, not to be sexist or anything, but one thousand dude-ponies might be a little too mainstream for me.
Makes me wonder if there’s a parallel universe out there with an Over-Dudette struggling to save one thousand dude-ponies. I wonder if she’s into bubble-wrap?
“And what happens if you stop the spell now?” I asked, futilely trying to rub all the 'nope' out of my head.
“I don’t want to find out.” Twilight shook her head. “Uh, um, but in th-the unlikely e-event that h-happens, um, I prefer being the little spoon,” she added, glowing like a lava lamp.
Dinky looked up at me, giving me a quizzical look. "Is Dinky missing out on something?" the little filly asked, cocking her head to one side.
"Trust me, Dinky, I wish I was too," I sighed. "So, what's the good news then?" I allowed myself a little hope amidst the despair.
"Uh..." She gave another nervous smile. "Let me get back to you on that." And my hope was promptly dashed. Thanks, Twilight.
A loud clanking noise gave us pause. Somehow that didn’t sound like good news at all. Our gaze quickly zeroed in on the culprit: the accursed ventilation duct I had so meticulously repaired to perfection with magical crystal duct tape (I am still trying to figure out why the duct tape was under my bed to begin with). The crystal grills had fallen onto the floor with a clatter. The duct behind it, however, stood ominously dark and empty.
"Power Conservation Predator Mode: Active," a chilling voice announced from somewhere at the foot of my bed. “Target locked on.”
A deafening silence fell. Twilight, Dinky and I strained our ears at the edge of the herd-sized bed. Then it appeared. It rushed for us. The stalking predator was only given form by the blood-red blanket silently rippling over its lethally curvaceous figure as it approached. It moved with shark-like agility as its deadly form surged towards us.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A sissy scream filled the air. It totally wasn't me. It was emo-goth-sparkly-gelding pony. "I want my lawyer! I want my mommy! I want my lawyer’s mommy! Kill it! Kill it with fire before it lays eggs! In me!"
It coursed towards us. Closer, closer, like a hunter homing in on its prey. Then...
WHAM
It slammed straight into one of the twelve bed posts, leaving a deep dent in the wood. The mound under the blanket trembled a little. I could have sworn I heard a teeny squeak of pain.
It then slowly, methodically reversed. It corrected its course before accelerating again, this time aiming for...
WHAM
It slammed into yet another bed post. The predatory blanket-beast trembled a bit longer this time. But it would not falter. If anything, it put in renewed vigour into...
WHAM
...ramming yet another bed post.
We watched as it proceeded to hit every bed post on its way up the bed. By the time it reached us, Dinky had somehow found me a length of bubble wrap. Trust my Co-Overdudette to deliver! I held the bubble wrap out in my forehooves, sparing a moment to marvel at the surprising dexterity of my hooves. It was like wearing a pair of mittens... very furry and clumsy mittens.
The bed-shark finally launched itself out from under the sea of linen, aiming right for me. But I was ready. I flourished my sheet of bubble wrap like the world's most bubbly matador. I caught the fiend's horn right in the centre of my absolute-bubbly-field. The bubbly plastic was pierced through and stretched to breaking point, but it held up better than any condom I had ever used and abused. With a twist of my forehooves, I spun the bubble wrap and flipped the mighty bed-shark with it, slamming her into the bed on her side.
And that, kids, is how you bed a bed-shark.
Don’t try this at home. Or anywhere for that matter.
"To evade my Heart-seeker Predator Mode with such ease...." the cerulean beast panted softly as she lay on her side like a beached whale, "...as expected of my Master. Clever, flooding the entire citadel with your essence to evade my planetwide sensors."
"So, our planetary sensors are focused on my ass." I sighed. Trust Crystal Heart to have her priorities straight when it came to worldwide ambitions. I idly wrapped the bubble wrap tightly about her horn much as a crocodile wrestler would bind the beast's maw. I earned myself a long, drawn-out moan and a helpless twitch from the defeated monster. And a few choice bubble wrap pops too. Ah, the sweet succulent sound of victory! "Your deviance is on a different scale entirely, Crystal Heart."
“I…nnghh…aim only to…aaaahnn…please,” she managed to maintain her monotonous deadpan between passionate moans. Her whole body fidgeted helplessly as I tightened my hoof-grip on her horn. “Pleasantries aside, Master, the time is…oooh…now. Your mares are…ahaahnnn…at their most fertile, you are at your…ooooh…stallionliest and I am at my…nnngghhh…wettest. The conditions for exponentially increasing the Empire’s population are…mmmhh…ideal.” Dialing her horn in either direction appeared to only increase her volume.
Twilight had the decency to magically levitate a pillow and fold it around Dinky’s ears like a pair of oversized earmuffs. Anything to preserve that innocently bewildered face looking curiously up at me.
"Nope. Got a headache. Look, it's poking out of my skull," I said flatly, pointing to the horn on my head. "Not in the mood."
“You cannot…haahn…feign disinterest any further, Master. Aaaahn…I know for a fact that…ooooh….you have had sexual intercourse."
"The mountain? Just to be clear, a dragon was fucking me over. I fucked back. And that mountain got in the way. Just me flirting with mother nature. Seriously, she's the only lady big enough around here." I shrugged evasively.
"You know who I...Hnngg….speak of. How was she? I am of course referring to the sex." Forget segueing into the subject. Crystal Heart just nuked it into the conversation. Or sex talk. Or whatever this is. I don't think I really want to know. Neither does Twilight, judging by how uncomfortably she was shifting. "I require every...mmmmh...detail, including orgasm count, positions, targets, rate and depth. This is so I can...awaaaaan....correlate your performance with your success in fertilizing her. And of course to....mmmmm....begin archiving data on your sexual fetishes to better improve my own personal simulations. It will be...ooooh...useful for simulation number 99,921,345,441"
"Crystal Heart, what the horny macaroons is wrong with you?!" I demanded in exasperation. "I didn't pop any bubble wrap on any part of her anatomy, okay?" I paused as I remembered something. "And I could have sworn you were at 98 billion wet dreams when I left you this morning."
"Your walk with subject Lulamoon was...aaahn...objectively uneventful," Crystal Heart replied, somehow managing to pant monotonously.
"Sorry if giant fire breathing dragons aren't your fetish," I muttered. "Anyway, being alone with someone for all of five minutes does not automatically imply sex."
"I was referring to the…nngghh….G2 MLP you created as opposed to the usual G1." Crystal Heart replied.
"G2?" I raised an eyebrow. “Is that like MLPs with double the glitter or something?”
“Generation 2 Magic Linker P-P…aaaaaahnn….thingy,” Crystal Heart gasped.
"Ahah, so it’s like a levelled-up MLP!” I nodded, enlightened. That explains the whole extra magical wardrobe swap on Spitfire. Good to know that laws of magic around here follow the more-power-equals-more-armour convention rather than the new age hippie opposite coming out of the more interesting parts of Japan. If a G1 MLP can turn Trixie into a +20 squeaky party balloon of doom that can blast dragons and mountains asunder, I fear to imagine what a Generation 2 can achieve. Probably turn them into rainbow princess elder gods or lawyers or rainbow princess elder god lawyers or something.
"A G2 MLP?" Twilight frowned, aiming a quizzical look my way, leaving the question of 'who with' up in the air.
"So, the G2 MLP needs a lot more feeling behind it, I take it?" I asked, carefully avoiding Twilight's question. Best I keep things with Spitfire under wraps until I figure out how exactly to explain the situation with her to the citizens.
"Indeed." Crystal Heart nodded. "It can only be forged by a level of loyalty and devotion equal to an act of consensual fornication." Twilight's eyes visibly twitched at this. I couldn't fault her reaction considering our most powerful magical artifact is apparently born of hot sexy times.
Or at least so Crystal Heart thinks.
"Pretty sure if that were the case, I'd have a bubblewrap-induced G2 MLP of you by now," I pointed out. "And a few others, considering my rampant disregard for personal space and general debauchery."
"This can be corrected, Master," Crystal Heart said. "Right now."
"Well, what if I told you that there was no sex involved?" Throwing logic at Crystal Heart was about as amusing and effective as an origami condom.
Crystal Heart cocked her head to one side. "You are telling me you didn't get any, Master?"
I deflated a little. Dammit, when you put it that way...
"Absolute zero," I asserted, doing my best to maintain what little pride I had left in not getting any at all. Huh, this was more difficult than I thought.
"Not even..." A pleading tone crept into Crystal Heart's monotone.
"No, not even ruining them for marriage. I don't even know how to ruin a pegasus for marriage," I pointed out. I realized a little belatedly that I let the 'pegasus' part slip, earning me a raised eyebrow from Twilight.
"I can show yo-..." Crystal Heart began, spreading her wings across the bedspread.
"No."
"Then..." Crystal Heart gave a resigned sigh, "...you are truly a god capable of ravishing a mare with his eyes alone."
"What?" I blinked.
"That's just scientifically absurd," Twilight added helpfully, though I noted she had inched away, carefully averting her eyes from me. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Twilight.
"You know what? Whatever. Sure, Crystal Heart, whatever you say," I sighed. "What are you doing?" Noticing the cerulean green pony staring pointedly at me.
"Waiting for you to ravish me with your eyes, Master," she explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the universe.
"No. Crystal Heart. Just, no." I sighed heavily, deciding this had gone on long enough. I prepared to give Crystal Heart a much-needed talk on propriety and decency as I aimed the harshest glare I could muster at.....
"HAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Crystal Heart cried out in heaven-rending ecstasy as she suddenly arched her back, every muscle in her little pony body tensing up.
"Dammit, Crystal Hea-..." My eyes immediately darted towards the trembling glass windows in panic. No, please, no. But before I could even finish cursing, a loud rumbling roar like the launch of a hundred rockets or the war cry of a thousand angels descending from heaven shook the entire room. It was like watching a single careless spark set off an entire fireworks factory; a rather soggy fireworks factory. It was porn crafted by the hands of Oppenheimer, Michael Bay and the Wachowski brothers to the soundtrack of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. It was Da Vinci painting in orgasms to the theme of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyrie. It was…
As my eyes struggled to take in the enormity of the scene, my brain decided to give up on gracing similes upon the the sheer what-the-fuckery outside.
It was the sound of 1000 virgin mares erupting in climax. At once.
Minus the fillies and possibly Twilight. Maybe. I'm not even sure anymore. I don't care. I'm already going to Hell as it is. It's not like Hell has a Hell they can throw me in. I think.
I felt the very foundations of the citadel itself shudder violently as if sharing in the most epic orgasm in the history of all creation. Even the building’s in on this. Who'd want to be left out? Other than me. Nope, didn't feel left out at all. I just stared out into space, feeling a strange sense of detachment and peace as the entire world came as one. Yes, nothing mattered anymore. Nothing at all. Nope.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
I took a deep sigh as I descended from my state of near-enlightenment. As if obeying my unspoken command, the world around me came down as well. I watched as the wall of mares plastering my windows slowly oozed into a damp heap at the base of my tall windows. The sun shone brightly through the liberated (if newly-stained) windows, probably disapproving silently. I didn't give a fuck. I mean, the entire world just came without me fucking anything. Obviously my fucks are unnecessary.
What is this strange and empty feeling? This vacuum that wouldn't be plugged up no matter how much I buried my han-...hooves in my face.
Twilight just stared, open-mouthed. She had been miraculously spared. To her great credit, she managed to maintain enough concentration to keep pillows plastered over both Dinky's ears and eyes despite the little filly's admirable struggle.
There was a strange little popping sound, one that almost went entirely ignored. There were probably a few sparkles and rainbow lights too, come to think of it. Nobody cared. I was too busy cradling my face in my hoo-...wait, hands? I had hands again?
I blinked, looking down at the five wiggly digits that my mind drunkenly registered as fingers. They seemed almost...alien. So did the rest of my hairless hand, arm, shoulders…. pretty much the entirety of this alien—but sexy—body.
"Huh, that's handy," I said, emptily. After all that, that was the first thing that came out of my mouth.
I should shoot myself.
I just turned back into a human. I should be celebrating my ability to flip the finger again. But instead I couldn't bring myself to care. I know it's absurd to feel this empty, but I seriously don't know what else to feel. I mean...
...I just made one thousand virgin mares (minus fillies) orgasm with a single glance.
"Oh, yes," Twilight agreed, latching onto what was probably the one and only anchor of sanity in this ocean of 'what'. "I mean, uh, you're not a pony anymore. You're back to a...umm...."
"A dude." I reminded her with a shrug. We were both struggling to ignore the pile of catatonically twitching ponies on the balcony outside. We were succeeding quite admirably. "I wonder how that happened?"
"Maybe the spell that transformed you had some sort of trigger." Twilight pondered, forehoof on her chin. "I wonder what the trigger might....be...." Our eyes were finally drawn irresistibly towards the mound of oversexed ponies outside, then down to the limp form of Crystal Heart on the bed.
"Fuck," I muttered.
"Yeah, that must be it," Twilight agreed. "The trigger, I mean."
Great. The badass frickin' OverDude has a final form, and it is activated by the orgasms of one thousand virgin mares.
Minus the fillies. Gotta remember that. For sanity's sake.
I wish I knew how many fillies we had. Damn, where's Ditzy when I need her? Oh, right, probably somewhere in that heap outside. Sorry, Ditzy.
"Hmm, it could be any number between one and one thousand," Twilight thought out loud, obviously following the same train of thought I was. "I suppose we could experiment to find out the exact number, you know, testing for a transformation at n = 1 and working our way up. We'd have to set up a laboratory where we can reproduce the exact same quality of orgasm in each subject. It'd also need to be a big enough facility to test one thousand subjects at once.
“And once we find that magic number we can test whether or not virginity is a factor. Though that would require at least one non-virgin, though we appear to have a critical shortage at the moment. But thankfully we have all the ingredients to produce one, a non-virgin that is." She continued to think out loud with absolute disregard for her audience.
"Uh, wait, that means I'd have to eventually be involved in the test myself as n approaches one thousand! But then who'd observe the results?! If I end up introducing observer bias because I was too busy having sex, the experiment would be ruined!" she cried in sudden panic, apparently not the slightest bit concerned about being involved herself. Or maybe she hadn't realized that yet.
"Oh, wait, that means I'd have to have sex?!" she squeaked. "Wait, I don't even know how to have sex properly outside of what little theoretical research I did in preparation for coming here! What if I can't perform up to the required standard? What if my inexperience introduces error into the experiment?!"
Welp. At least you can't say she doesn't think of everything. I didn't bother saying anything. I mean, what is there to say? 'Twilight, you'll do fine'. 'Twilight, I have faith in your abilities'. 'Twilight, you're too adorable. Never, ever change'.
"No, wait. Calm down, Sparkle. Let's think about this rationally." The unicorn took a deep breath.
There's any rational thought left here?! Please share!
"Maybe it's not one thousand mares, but one thousand orgasms! So we simply need to have one subject have an increasing number of orgasms, starting at n = 1 until we reach n = 1000. All at once." Twilight's mane was twanging in all sorts of awkward directions in her tizzy. "Now I just need to find somepony to test this on."
Heavens save the poor soul.
"A willing one would be preferable," Twilight added, her magically-levitated quill scribbling madly across a piece of parchment.
Suggesting willingness was optional.
"I'm willing," Crystal Heart rasped, raising a shaky forehoof into the air. "For science."
Please don't encourage her.
"Dinky's still here," Dinky reminded us all of her presence, though she had long since given up struggling against her pillow-y sensory deprivation. "Dinky doesn't think this is how you play hide and seek."
"Oh." I could almost hear the brakes screech inside Twilight's brain as she did a double-take. "I'm sorry, Dinky." She gave the frowning little filly an apologetic smile as she lifted the pillows off her ears and eyes.
“Um, Dinky missed something again,” the little filly said, looking out the window at the pile of twitching adults.
“They all tired themselves out cleaning the window,” I murmured weakly. “It was a very dirty window.”
“Grown-ups are kinda weird…” The little filly observed, sagely. "Oh, you changed back, Daddy," she said, suddenly noticing my form. "It worked!"
"What worked, Dinky?" I asked wearily.
"Dinky kind of wished you could be a pony. But Dinky also likes you as you are," Dinky explained. "So Dinky thought it'd be nice if you could change into a pony and back whenever you like. Dinky thought an easy switch would be nice. Having fun, for example, like when you were praying with Miss Minty Pony last night."
Huh, I don't get it. What does the prayer I did last night with Lyra have to do with all that sex outside?
A look of realization dawned on Twilight's face. Or was it horror? Probably both. Well, at least one of us had figured it out. I decided not to expend any further effort right now, but simply ask Twilight once we have some privacy.
"Thank you, Dinky. That was thoughtful of you." I gave the little filly another mane ruffle, this time with the added pleasure of being able to feel her silky tresses run between my fingers. This earned me a few heart-warming kitten-like purrs from my newfound daughter, and a rather envious look from Twilight and (dare I say) Crystal Heart. Hmm, yes, come chaos or the apocalypse, I now had a solid anchor to sanity; my little Dinky Doo.
The gentle stirring of a few of the more resilient mares on the balcony outside brought Twilight's attention back home. "I should probably help the others," she said, suddenly looking concerned.
"I would help assess the post-coital status of our citizens, but I fear I find myself deprived of any means of locomotion," Crystal Heart said. "I can't feel my legs," she added, noticing the blank look on my face.
"If you'll excuse me then, your Lordship?" Twilight gave me a quick curtsy.
"Twilight, I already said that 'Dude' is fine," I chided, recovering my groove, or what's left of it. Stroking Dinky's mane and back worked wonders. "Alright, but be sure to go find something to eat. We've had a long morning." Yeah, a very long morning.
She gave me a grateful smile and a nod as she trotted off to the door. She pulled the door open... only to find a solid wall of catatonic ponies jamming the door frame. She gave a teeny squeak as the wall suddenly turned into a mareslide, quickly burying her in a squishy and rather wet avalanche. As the last pony rolled down the mound before rolling up against the foot of my bed, I saw all that was left of Twilight Sparkle—a single purple forehoof sticking out of the pile—give one last desperate twitch. Then it went still and lifeless.
Rest in peace, Twilight.
Before I could get up to dig Twilight out and possibly help a few of these poor mares myself, another problem reared its adorable head. "Direct control this, mistress!" A familiar little ball of slate-black fluff slid down the pile of mares blocking the doorway before launching herself up into the air towards us. Lo and behold, it was Snarky Heart, carrying what looked like the threatened turnip on her back. As she sailed through the air ever closer, the actual dimensions of the turnip relative to her tiny filly-esque frame became apparent.
Uh, surely there's something in the Geneva convention against turnips that massive?! Or ballistic missiles? Or both? Oh, but wait, we're in an alien world and that's an alien turnip. A fluting massive alien turnip. Wait, where is that turnip even going?!
I didn't want to find out. I picked up the nearest weapon I could find, which just so happened to be a limp and rather sticky Crystal Heart, and mounted her on my shoulder as one would any ol' rocket launcher. I aimed her bubble wrap-covered horn up at the incoming bogey. I reached back with my other hand and found Crystal Heart's silky aquamarine tail and gave it a sharp tug.
Did I know whether or not that would work? Nope. And yet I somehow achieved something. That something being Crystal Heart giving out a loud squeak, her horn suddenly sparking and giving out an explosive blast of magic, expelling the bubble wrap straight at the incoming Snarky Heart.
Snarky Heart's eyes widened in surprise for a split second just before the bubble wrap net smacked her in the face and wrapped around her tight like a cocoon. She crash landed into the bed quite harmlessly. Her turnip warhead bounced next to her just a moment after.
Happy that yet another crisis had been averted to my satisfaction, I decided to resume some semblance of normality in my life. I placed the dreamy-eyed Crystal Heart on the bed before standing up and stretching. I gazed out the window beyond the mounds of dazed-but-happy-looking ponies out towards the slowly rising sun. I took a nice deep breath, ignoring the sickeningly-sweet pungent smell of what I must be mare musk, as I convinced myself today would be a good day. I left a curious Dinky poking the squirming bubble wrapped ball experimentally as I searched for my clothes.
Oh, right, I only arrived with the clothes on my back… which were probably ripped to pieces by me transforming into my final form. Hmm, what do? Ahah, Twilight left her sample buckets. With some ingenious application of leftover bubble-wrap I designed myself, well, not quite underwear, but at least a censorship bar.
"Master, what is that?" Crystal Heart asked as she flopped over onto her front. Damn, she recovers fast.
"A censorship bar," I did a few experimental hip thrusts, ensuring nothing would fly off and poke someone in the eye. "You know, workplace safety. Keeps things safe for work."
"That one's too small, Master." Crystal Heart said, helpfully. "Allow me to fix it," she offered, levitating the monster turnip in her magic. "The safety of both yourself and our Empire’s legacy is my first concern after all."
Uh. Where is that turnip going? Crystal Heart? Crystal Heaaaart?!
The bucket was tossed aside in favour of the monster turnip. I feel like I'm overcompensating for so-....I mean, this is totally a better fit! I turned this way and that, even did a few test lunges.
“You look the very picture of serene grace, Master.” Crystal Heart nodded with approval, with but a tinge of red to her cheeks.
“It is a turnip, Crystal Heart.” I pointed out.
“Turnips are a symbol of ambition, hopes, dreams, confidence and unisexual fornicatious prowess.” My assistant supplied.
“Oh, is it? Well, it is a little loos-....tight around the nethers, but it is adequate.” I gave the Emperor’s new turnip a nod of approval.
"Always my pleasure, Master," she replied, leaving an entirely not awkward silence in her wake.
“Sure. Your pleasure, right.” I turned in search of Dinky. It’s fascinating how having a little unicorn for an adopted kid girl was the most normal thing in my life at the time. I quickly found my one last anchor to sanity half-clambering atop the squirming bubblewrap blob, rolling it around like a kitten discovering its first ball of yarn. “Dinky, come here. Who knows where that thing’s been.” The little filly’s ears perked up. Sparing her new toy one last longing look, she obediently scampered up and leapt into my arms.
I gave her an idle scratch behind the ears, earning a happy coo. Maybe I was spoiling her a little much, but hey, she’s got a lot of childhood to make up for. It helps that it makes the whole world just right then and there.
I sighed in quiet contemplation of everything on my to-do-list for the day ahead: Very awkward pillow talk with nearly one thousand girls; some strong coffee and possibly a wash for everyone; plotting against an evil tyrant god; all the OverPheromones to air…
‘Wait, that isn’t the smell of OverPheromones lingering, is it?’ I thought in sudden panic. Now Twilight’s spell was wearing off, smells were returning with a vengeance. One was rising above the general pervasive tang of mare musk. And it was coming from….
“Um. It wasn’t Dinky.” Dinky was quick to say, noticing my sniffing about.
“Dinky, when was the last time you showered?” I frowned down at the little filly. I hadn’t noticed how rank she was before. The morning’s excitement must have turned it up twentyfold.
“Um…” The little filly squirmed uncomfortably in my arms. “Daddy, what’s a show-war?”
I stared at the little filly blankly. She gave me a stare just as blank. I stared harder. She fidgeted nervously. Then came the squirming. Then the struggling. Then the wrestling. And so began the epic titanic clash between Overlord and filly.
“Dinky, having a staring competition with the water won’t make it any less wet.”
“*Meep*”
“Neither will giving it puppy dog eyes.”
“*Meep*”
“It is an Imperial Decree and daddy’s orders that every single citizen have a bath this morning. That includes you.”
“*Meep*”
“You’ve survived a dragon and an eldritch abomination. A little water won’t hurt you.”
“*Meep*”
“Nor will the soap.”
“*Meeeeeeeep*”
“Will you please come down from the ceiling lamp?”
“*Meeeeeeeep*”
“Come down here or I will bring the water to you. I have a hose and I am not afraid to use it.”
“*Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*”
“What does that even mean?”
“*Meep*”
SPLASH
“Your war noise, huh? Fine. It. Is. On.”
It was a rather damp Overdude that trudged his way down towards the cargo elevators that otherwise fine morning. Note to self, fillies somehow magically multiply water by a factor of fifty when shaking themselves dry. While Dinky had reluctantly resumed her rightful place nestled in my hair, she had immediately curled up facing away from me for the rest of the morning. Her ignoring me left me feeling just a little empty and lonely... But no, no amount of filial attitude shall turn me from my fatherly duties. I shall be resolute. I shall be firm. I shall be as a mighty rock of unwavering will in demonstrating that I am the one who wears the pants...I mean, turnip, in this household.
Yes, totally.
Hmm.
….I shall probably get her an extra large apple. At least.
And some sweets.
And beg for forgiveness.
Don’t judge me. You’d do the same if you had a kid girl this adorable.
I just wish my other companion would give me the silent treatment.
"I sense you are upset with me, Master," Crystal Heart said evenly as she trotted briskly to keep up with my long strides.
I didn't bother replying. I would let her stew a little. It felt cruel. I knew how much she craved my attention and approval. But I hoped it would go a little towards her realizing the gravity of what she had done. Yes, I shall be firm, no matter how much her ears drooped, how her tail lay lifeless between...
"Is it because you didn't get to finish?" she suggested, as smoothly as asking about the weather.
I would have face planted the floor, mind reeling in protest, if I hadn't needed to consider Dinky’s safety. I could sense the questioning look in the little filly's eyes boring into my skull from above. I am impressed with just how much we're getting away with Dinky here. At least I think we are.
"I don't think I even began anything to finish in the first place," I said pointedly before deciding to give in. The crafty little pony would no doubt continue to bombard me with deadpan innuendo until I did. "We will have to talk about what happened this morning, Crystal Heart. Yes, I noticed how you warned me about Trixie leaving and not a certain something a little more urgent until it was almost too late. You had better have had a damned good excuse for what you did."
"Ah, about..." Her eyes flicked towards the little filly peering down at her curiously from where she sat curled up on my head. "Yes, I suppose we do. And we will, I promise, Master," she conceded. I appreciated that she didn't feign ignorance at least.
As much as Crystal Heart’s poor decision-making dissatisfied me, she was central to the running of the Empire. I needed to talk to her if I was to get the Empire going on day one. "Thank you. We will talk about that later when we have time to ourselves," I muttered gruffly. "For now we have to build an Empire in a day."
"Indeed, Master." Crystal Heart nodded. "I take it you are on your way down to the storage room where subject Spitfire is currently imprisoned?"
"I have decided." I said, with a heavy sigh, "There’s little hope for a diplomatic resolution, right?"
"There is some, objectively speaking," Crystal Heart said. "Once Administrator Ahuizotl is removed from power. He will require some persuasion, however, possibly of the hostile variety."
"And I think I will need Spitfire to help me organize some of that persuasion." I knew of only two ponies trained in warfare right now: Ditzy and Spitfire. I didn’t know where Ditzy stood with me, leaving Spitfire the obvious choice. Discussing bloodshed with the pegasus so soon after her admission that morning troubled me. But that very same morning I had learned how unforgiving this world was, how easily I could lose everything. There were difficult decisions to be made, and it was down to the Emperor to make them.
We walked on in a rather heavy silence for a while. The odd need to fill the silence with something, anything, slowly grew in me, so much so that I felt somewhat guilty for the silent treatment I had given my number one assistant. I cast my eye about the corridor, looking for something to talk about. Then I noticed how the wide crystal corridors were awash with light... and not natural daylight at that.
Blazing white pulses of light coursed through their intricate embedded circuitry, almost blinding compared to the previous night’s more subdued blue pulses. Every corridor was transformed from the usual sombre purple to a regal blue and white. "While the interior needs some redecorating... maybe some floral wallpaper here, a firebomb there... don't you think we're overdoing the interior lighting?" I asked Crystal Heart as we strode on down yet another identical corridor.
"It’s all the excess energy. I am having trouble allocating all of it to storages. A lot of the Empire's energy capacitors have either been dormant for too long or caved in underground," she reported. "I am actually forced to store a significant portion in the Mini-Hearts. I only hope they do not spontaneously combust."
"Excess energy? Where from?" I asked, doggedly ignoring her comment on the Mini-Hearts. I already suspected where the excess energy had come from, but I’d rather hear it straight from Crystal Heart.
As if answering my question, we happened upon a little huddled group of unicorn mares having an excited conversation in one corner of the corridor.
"Did you hear?" one orange-furred unicorn asked, ears and tail twitching excitedly.
"Yeah. The dark master had fifty mares all at once. Bucked them all senseless and left them all a drooling pile of wrecks." The dark blue mare in the group nodded.
"Fifty? I heard it was more like one hundred." A cream-coated mare raised an eyebrow.
"I heard three hundred. Literally. I mean, I heard all three hundred orgasm. At. The. Same. Time." Orange Fur said.
"I thought that was thunder." Dark Blue frowned.
"Nope. That was the sound of the dark master having one thousand mares. All at once," a slate gray mare declared. "This is the official statement from the fan club's inner circle, so it must be true."
"We're part of that one thousand, hoof-for-brains. We'd have been there with them." Orange Fur rolled her eyes.
"That's the thing. It was an orgasm so epic none of them, well, us, remember it," Slate Gray explained.
"You mean he really did buck us all so hard we don't remember anything? At the same time?!" Orange Fur stared, wide-eyed. "I-I mean, I-I th-thought I just h-had the most a-amazing wet dream ever!"
I watched as the mares lifted their tails to peer back at whatever it was they kept underneath their tails. I didn't really want to know.
I valiantly ignored Crystal Heart’s attempt to catch my eye with her own. No, Crystal Heart, I don’t want you teaching me either. Or reading my thoughts.
"Buck! I don't remember anything!" Orange Fur squeaked, suddenly slamming her head against a nearby wall.
"I want to remeeeeeeeeeember!" Dark Blue moaned, doing an odd little tippy-hooved dance.
"I want to remember tooooo! It was my first tiiiime!" Slate Gray wailed, rolling around on the floor.
"Wait, does that mean I'm married to him now?" One petite light cerise pony asked, cocking her head to one side, an adorably naive expression on her face. She appeared to be the odd pony out, being the only one without a horn. An earth pony?
The others paused in their ritualistic head-slamming, dancing and rolling to stare up at their companion.
"Why, yes indeed, dear." Another unicorn, this one a pale lemony colour, threw a front hoof around Light Cerise's withers. Pale Lemony threw her wavy light orange mane out of the way as she pulled Light Cerise closer, whispering something in her ear. Light Cerise's Persian blue eyes slowly widened in response, her ears and dark purple tail twitching with what looked like anxiety and anticipation. "Oh, speak of the handsome devil," I heard Pale Lemony say in a louder voice as she made a show of noticing Crystal Heart, Dinky and I. "You should go greet your lord." Her horn lit up, bathing Light Cerise in her pale blue magic and pushing the petite pony towards me.
"Greetings, your Overlordship." Pale Lemony made a grand show of curtsying deeply. Light Cerise whimpered softly and dropped down low, pressing her belly and head against the floor. The other unicorns quickly followed suit, prostrating themselves before me, just to add to my growing discomfort. "I am Gold Slipper,” Pale Lemony continued, “please consider me your most loyal of advocates." She slowly straightened up, before using her magic again to roughly push Light Cerise towards me. "On behalf of your unicorn followers, we present you this offering, this most beautiful of youthful blossoms, to be your devoted and faithful servant. Do with her as you please, so that she may be a reminder of what your unicorn subjects can offer you."
Poor little Light Cerise gave a soft squeak, her ears folding back in obvious trepidation. She trembled, not daring to look up at me.
Rarity was right. The unicorns have not wasted any time in approaching me, bearing gifts and offerings no less. I would facepalm, but that would ruin the little script I had written up in my head. Now enter, stage right, the Evil Dark Overlord.
"This fails to appease me," I rumbled, straightening to my full height and looking as imposing as a man wearing nothing but a giant turnip over his nethers can.
To my credit, it was the biggest mother-fluting turnip ever.
"Your Overlordship, do you mean to say she's not attractive at all?" Gold Slipper gasped, ears flopping back.
"No, she's not attractive," I said. The poor little mare quivered but kept her face planted in the floor at my feet. "She is beyond attractive. She is beautiful. Attracting me or anyone else has nothing to do with it." I rounded on Gold Slipper, causing her to stumble backwards onto her rump. "What fails to appease your Evil Dark Overlord, oh 'most loyal advocate', is this half-hearted offering of something that wasn't even yours to give me in the first place," I growled. I sensed the now familiar prickle of magic on my the back of my head. It was Dinky, casting light from her horn, no doubt throwing a dark menacing shadow over my face as I bore down on the hapless unicorn.
"Y-Your O-Overlordship, I-I don't understand, I...." Gold Slipper squeaked, scrabbling backwards frantically. "Wh-what would appease you then?"
"Before you came to my Empire you were a thrall of Ass-A-Lot. You owned nothing, not even your own lives. Now you own yourselves, your freedom, and your free will. That is all you have to offer your Overlord: Everything you are or whatever you make of it." I leaned down towards the cowering little pony. If she could only retreat into the floor she probably would have. "So, what was that about giving me an offering, Gold Slipper?" I asked, politely.
"A-a thousand apologies, y-your Overlordship! I beg you forget I said anything!" she squeaked, still managing some glibness amidst her stammering.
"Very well. But I shall not forget your intention to please me with an offering. I shall look forward to it," I said, pleasantly. "You are excused." I am nothing if not merciful.
"Y-yes! T-thank you, your Overlordship! Thank you!" she squeaked before beating a retreat so hasty you'd think Maud herself was after her. Her fellow unicorns, seemingly unsure of what to do, defaulted to herd instincts and gave me one last bow before bolting after Gold Slipper.
Wait, that reminded me, oh heavens, where is Maud?! Am I even safe here, outside my room?!
"My Lord?" a voice brought my mind back from wherever it had gone cowering in some dark corner in my head. I turned to find Light Cerise peering up at me cautiously from where she still lay flat against the floor.
"Don't do that. Those floors haven't been swept in one thousand years," I chided, waving for her to rise. She warily but obediently complied. “Did you want to ask me something?”
"Did you mean that?" she quavered, looking up at me with her big bright blue eyes. "When you said I'm beautiful?" She suddenly blushed furiously, turning from strawberry pink to burning rocket fuel. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so forward, my lord!" She gasped, ears quickly folding back as she took a half-step in retreat.
"I am the Emperor. My word is law." I gave her a wink. She looked up at me in wide-eyed surprise, ears twitching to attention once more, blush deepening two shades. "What's your name?" I asked. I couldn't help it, something about her piqued my interest.
"I'm sorry, My Lord. I don't have a name." She bit her lip. From the twitch in her neck and withers, I could tell she wanted to hang her head in shame. Yet she gazed up at me resolutely. Then I noticed it. She had a horn, once. What's left was barely hidden by her dark magenta mane. "I am called 'slave' by my masters. It is a kindness." She followed my gaze up to where I allowed it to linger on the stub that was once her horn. "I'm sorry, I don't have a horn either. It is ugly and unsightly." She quickly brushed her long thick mane with a forehoof, burying the stump of her horn beneath it.
"Was it him?" I seethed. "Did he do this to you?" I demanded, anger rising. My frown quickly turned apologetic, however, on seeing the poor mare flinch in response.
"I was accused of stealing some haybread. This was my punishment." She finally hung her head, the shame too much to bear. "But I was allowed to live. I was a homeless orphan, but I have been fed and sheltered ever since. He has been merciful." It sounded like rote recitation, her voice as hollow as her eyes. Like Twilight, she had the darkened patch of fur around her neck marking where she once wore her heavy yoke. Unlike Twilight, however, her entire coat bore more scars where the fur never healed fully. The only part of her free of scars was her cursed mark, an eight-sided purple and white star trailing glimmering light. She followed my gaze down to her mark. "Do you...regret marrying me now that you know?" she suddenly asked, peering up at me meekly.
This behaviour struck me as strangely familiar, until I realized she was emulating Sunset Shimmer. I was starting to see a pattern. It would appear the local beliefs regarding the institution of marriage was up to date...for the middle ages. Probably enforced by Ass-Total's power-fetish. I have no qualms with such strong ideals of matrimony as long as it respects the individual freedoms of those involved.
"Nobody would ever regret marrying such a sweet girl," I said, solemnly, treating the matter with all the respect it deserves. "But marriage is a matter of choice and should always be an infinitely happy one. You will one day marry a...what to they call dude ponies again? Well, a whatever of your choosing, one who will make you happy," I said firmly.
"But...." she suddenly turned into a tomato struggling for self-expression as she drew a circle on the floor with a forehoof, "...you've made me happier than anypony ever has," her voice trailed off into a soft whisper.
What kind of life must one have lived for one to feel so happy over a single compliment?
"...and, um, we've had...you know..." she squeaked, turning so red she seemed about ready to explode.
Oh, I guess there was that too.
Wait, if that alone amounts to marriage around here, how many mares have I just 'married'?!
Around one ‘kilomare’. Or is it one ‘kilomarriage’?
Ugh, maybe I should take up Lyra's suggestion and develop my faith. First commandment: 'Sex does not equal marriage. But it helps'.
I sighed, kneeling down and bringing myself to her level, causing her to give a soft gasp in surprise. "You don't know what real happiness is yet. But you will. One step at a time, you will learn what it is to be truly happy. And if it so happens it's a certain somebody who gives you that happiness, then with all due macaroons nab him. Or her, if that's how you swing," I said firmly. "Though it'll kind of help if he or she had something to call you."
"Th-then..." she whispered, her voice suddenly raspy, almost a soft whine. "P-please, tell me, wh-what would you call me, my lord?" She gazed up at me, teary eyes brimming with anticipation.
A name, huh? The name 'Squiggle-Tail' occurred to me before it was quickly quashed. It was a surprisingly big responsibility, naming someone. But all the same, she needed a name. Not to sound conceited, but a name given by the Emperor himself is sure to go that much further for the poor mare. It will be special, I decided. She will have a name worthy of a unicorn.
That said, what do I know of unicorn names? 'Twilight Sparkle', 'Sunset Shimmer', 'Trixie Lulamoon', I listed a few unicorn names off the top of my head. Well, they all seem to be some variation of 'something heavenly' + 'something sparkly'. And they all tie into their cursed marks for some reason...something I should look into a little more later. But taking all that and this little pony's own butt mark…. hmm, yes.
"Your name will be...." I began. Her watery blue eyes slowly widened in anticipation, her tail almost wagging in excitement. "...Starlight Glimmer.'
Excerpt from the Lexicon Adepta Excel-Sorroritas Equalis, The Holy Book of the Divine Equilibrium OverMaidens of The OverEvilness
The Book of Equilibrium, Glimmer 12:22: With but His benevolent gaze alone, He made us all one in the joy and ecstasy of our unity. For the first time we were truly united and equal, made possible only by communion with His Great OverEvilness. It was rapturous and blissful beyond compare. That day we learned of true happiness in unity, and we learned that it was possible through Him.
Excerpt from the Lexicon Adepta Ecclesiarch Prioris, The Holy Book of the Divine Chantry OverMaidens of The OverEvilness
The Great And Powerful Book, Lulamoon 67:11: It was not like the Great And Powerful Overmaiden Lulamoon liked Him or anything.
Excerpt from the Lexicon Adepta Excel-Sorroritas Vigilans, The Holy Book of the Divine Vigil OverMaidens of The OverEvilness.
The Book of Fire, Fires 15:11: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
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Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for the update!
6118217 Interestingly, yes. I checked the guidelines and apparently I have still managed to avoid anything that might be considered 'graphic and explicit'.
Still, I am considering bumping this up to 'M' (while still keeping the contents at the same level of comedic raunchiness). I will be putting up a blog post asking for opinions on this soon, seeing as some people might not be comfortable reading something rated 'M', even if the contents remain of the same level.
That Overpowered Outtake doe. XD
6118240 I've seen a few other Teen that talk about mares getting wet.
UPDATE!? SUHWEEET!!!
I laughed when the Overlord "fought" Crystal heart and used his eye "powers" on the mares. It was absolutely hilarious.
NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!NEEDS A STRAIGHT PONY!
Why is it that our mirror universe counterparts are always the competent ones?
I wonder if any ponies were banished to Tartarus that need to be rescued.
Gah, mistakes.
In the outtake, please replace the second 'twitched' in the second line with 'the'.
Sorry,
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a new chapter!?! uuuuuh~ my pony is ready~
Hopefully only diplomacy concerning Ahuizotl will be deciding if his head should be mouthed on a spike and paraded around or if his skull should be converted into emperors new fancy drinking cup.
I am so jealous right now.
Well, except for the "mares" part.
6118677 Now that's just wrong.... his hollowed out skull should either be used as a codpiece or a chamber pot for "mudbutt" emergencies.
Wow, you're not just pushing the Teen rating, you're tying a harness to it, pushing it off a cliff, and watching it dangle helplessly.
Crystal Heart just... wow. There's nothing I can say about her. Just wow.
STARLIGHT! It's Starlight! Poor thing's been through some hell.
Also... *snerk* Buuuuuuuuuuuck!
6118677 a chamber pot is more adequate, good see you back lets hope we an see more updates soon
Starlight Glimmer...Well let's hope she won't try doing that equal song in season 5, or even worse make equal cutie marks...but, I have a feeling she will do good, for her glorious overdude.
A tragic irony: In one universe, Starlight Glimmer took away everything that made other ponies special, while secretly keeping her specialness to herself. Here, she was deprived of everything that could have been hers and hers alone, including her name. If she and her prime-universe self were to swap places, I'd call it karma. Instead, I'll just call it sad.
"except the fillies" xD
Sweet god almighty, I lost it reading this XD
Hahahahaaha! Perfection man, perfection.
The power of the eyes...
You get all my yes.
i.giphy.com/kSA7u0tUziLXq.gif
How is this rated Teen again?
Not to add to your projects, but if you were to write the entirety of the Holy Book, I would read it, make a hard copy, then go door-to-door spreading the word of his Overdudeness.
That chapter was awful short, but awesome none the less.
GOD FUCKING YEEEEEES!!! THIS is the BEST summer start ever! I LOVE this story SOOOOOOOOOO much, thanks Pen, you're the freaking best!!! :D
Glad he didn't use the other end...
You broke my freaking sides, man.
I'm pretty sure that after all this teasing if the OverDude ever actually does the sex, the entire reader-base will explode in surprise.
1.bp.blogspot.com/-ec2hRnxSbsY/UVAQB_eMguI/AAAAAAABXKA/R_0DfHj3fP8/s1600/tsundere_trixie_by_moonlightcharmer-d5yy7e0.png
At the end of the day, I think we can safely say that he didn't give a fuck.
Glad he is human again.
Hope that his pony form is very rarely used.
Man, I can't believe I'm still reading this. But it is sooooo funny. Also, if this is teen, it is definitely a different teen than visual media. But then again, written media always gets away with more than visual.
The grimdark reality of the world always gives me whiplash when it comes after the insane comedy like the thing with the windows...
Happy writing.
6118737 I am jealous because of the mares part.
You know exactly what they keep under their tails... Their wallets!
6120728
You have issues.
6120755 I have plenty of issues, but making a joke such as thst doesn't happen to be one of them. Besides, we all have issues here; we watch mlp after all. Or at least, according to people outside the fandom.
Umbra the Overlady: Be very happy we will never meet buddy.
Crystal Heart should be teaming up with Maud. That would be Over-kill.
Sooo, Hive-Orgasms are a thing now? Hot damn! Also, nice similes.^^b
No more words, only dreams now.
Turnips wil never be the same for me again.
And that made me die by lack of oxygen.
ignoring the sickeningly-sweet pungent smell of what
Imust be mare muskRemember, as my co-overlordling, you're job is to always point out
1. Extra I.
2. Your.
The mares all came. And then he left.
I don't get it
Meanwhile, the view from just outside the empire that morning....
6121398 In cuddling/snuggling/other, the little spoon is the one being held. Twi's a sub.
6121398
She's referring to cuddling, dear.
Heresy!! That so-called 'new age hippie opposite' from Japan shall rule over the western final form industry!
DBZ REPRESENTS!!!
mmm, sexy
Damn.
What does a guy have to do to get bitten by a radioactive Hugh Hefner around here?
COME AT ME BRO!!!
I CAN'T WAITE FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER.
Or, as the noble Guild of Seamstresses puts it in their traditional and time-honored motto: "Veni! Veni! Veni!"
Latatian really does make everything sound just that much more profound.
it would be nie that the net interlude would be how each of the current ponies saw the events that happened since he saved dinky from the dragon, meet sonata, the railgun, spitfire, sombra mode, the overpheromones and finally the collective orgasm
Anal for all?
Those two need to meet - the Overdude and the Overlady. The overepicness would be insane!
Oh my god... this is just... magical XD and painful, I might worry about putting myself in the hospital laughing so hard...
Also, the 'over-outtake'... Waaaiii?! There's always some pun going on out there about how a female version would do a better job. *flails and whines and tantrums like a chauvinistic asshole!* ... Nah, I'm not actually freaking out, I know there's just as many counter-parts to the 'girls do it better' types of stories that have them fucking up comically and royally just as much as dudes, but still, it's fun to joke.