• Member Since 27th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Andrew Joshua Talon


Just a fellow traveler...

T
Source

This story is a sequel to The Stars Revolt!


A continuation of the universe established in "The Stars Revolt", and a reboot of "Hands", Andrew Shepherd is trying to live a normal life as the local Ponyville alien.

Unfortunately, he's in Equestria.

Cover art by Sipioc.

Featured?! Thank you so much!

Chapters (35)
Comments ( 707 )

Where can I find Sipioc?

stories like this are ones that i love altho i perfer longer chapters i will still give a thumb up and fav til the next one ta ta

YEEEEEEEES :pinkiegasp:
I would like to see all these shorts in one location :pinkiehappy:
Thanks Duder

You know, the density of human beings can be so great that it's antithetical source of romantic gravitation.

You know, there’s stars out there with cores less dense than Shepherd right now.

I like this
I want more

“Go on ahead,” she said happily, “dig in! You need the meat!”

Oh I think I remember this short.

"BURN IN HELL, MABEL!"

"STOP YELLING AT MY MEAT!"

Cows have a Hell?

Wasn’t this a post from a while ago? Ah well, it’s still funny!

Voltaje #9 · Jul 3rd, 2020 · · 20 · Meat ·

Yeah he should, he will have enough protein if he just eats lentils, beans, pickcheak, etc, 500g cooked a day, not raw, fruits, vegetables, seeads for the other nutrients, mushrooms for vit d, and because the crops are being naturally harvested, I think he wouldn't need b12 supplements, he will get enough bacteria from them.

Dude, don't call us plucky. We don't know what it means. We're more optimistic, yes.

I want more
But tq for the chapter

Very funny chapter--I loved how that cow showed her dislike for her adversary.

It was glorious.

That said, one could live on chickens and even rodents(like they do in Peru with their roasted Guinea Pig)--as long as one eats everything, entrails included. Not raw, for obvious reasons and washed thoroughly--but still, a good stew with everything inside with plenty of spice should do the trick.

The red meat has that advantage--to provide everything with a couple of portions a week. Liver nearly all of it--thus the suggestion of having liver once a week instead of regular red meat.

Pity that the taste of liver is very harsh on one's palate if one didn't grow with it.

Also, all hail Filthy Frank and his skit about vegans. :trollestia:

10314643
Ponies have Tartarus
Cows have the grill down bellow, HELL...
Griffons have KFC :derpytongue2:

10315213
and the worst fate of all
seaponys have long john silvers

"As close as enemies can get,” she practically crooned, “Hurry up, she's getting cold!"

Damn I didn’t know these cows could be that cold

10314643
It’s the name of the grill that all bad cows go to

B_Munro #18 · Jul 7th, 2020 · · 24 · Meat ·

Funny, but one really can do without red meat - there are hundreds of millions of Hindus and Buddhists who don't eat it for religious reasons and get along just fine without supplements. Strict veganism is tricky to do with purely natural foods, but that's not what we're talking about here. [1]

(I have a headcanon myself that cows sell their bodies to the leather and glue industries upon death.)

10314727

Judging from the downvotes, a lot of representatives of the Bacon Culture here. :ajbemused:

[1] A meat eater myself, but see no reason to spread propaganda for the American Beef Council.

Voltaje #19 · Jul 7th, 2020 · · 10 · Meat ·

10321328
Don't know why people down voted, I said the fact that he can live a long helthy without meat, and the prota should'nt worry, it's another matter he choses to look for meat anyway.

Scico #20 · Jul 11th, 2020 · · · Why ·

Molded by it. I didn't see a monogamous ship, till, I was a man.

"Don't worry,” Pinkie Pie cheered, “nerds are always kinky!"

You have no idea.

Hmm. This won’t do. I need to color that for you.

10311955
Who wants to know?

As a fan of guns, I feel I must point out. The glock would take .45acp, .45 colt would be to long to fit in the magazine.

Look, if you lived in a town with as many monster attacks as Ponyville, of course you’d want to be armed! And it wasn’t like I was going to make my own firearms. Who was gonna help me? The Cutie Mark Crusaders?

Well I can see the CMC casually making a T-1000. It's every weapon but the guns! Man, probably good story right there. My Varying Sized Liquid Metal Killing Machine.

SRY

10331680
I know at times they made .45ACP cylinders that could be swapped out for the later models (third gen I believe) and there are more than a few conversions to .45 ACP for the earlier models. The conversions being more desirable as it could still shoot both.

Also, no NFA laws and he still hasn't done a FA conversion. Shame I tell you. He might want to dig up a suppressor or make one soon though.

The actual name for the song is “Turkey in the Straw”, but why let that spoil a good song? Though I wouldn’t say I was anywhere near as good a singer as Wakko Warner.

To be fair, who is?

The amount of human artifacts that Celestia and Luna had collected over the years was huge. And thankfully for me, it had many, many weapons with ammunition.

Now all you need is futuristic armor, a dead pet rabbit and a burning hatred of all things demonic and you're one bonafide Doomguy.

Okay, so it was clear some kind of intelligence was directing this. An invasion by some evil horde of orcs? The plot of an evil sorceress? Gozer the Gozarian?

Worse. Discord.

“Let me get this straight,” I said, slowly and deliberately, “there are evil thorny vines trying to penetrate all of Equestria like it’s a particularly kinky Japanese schoolgirl, and they didn’t take the magical superweapons that lets them fight evil?!”

That is correct.

“Power Ponies. First. Edition, “ I stated. Spike cringed. I glared at him. I glared harder. Spike wilted, and sighed.

You drive a hard bargain.

“Pretty much. I make things up as I go along, really,” I admitted. ”Besides, what do you have to worry about? You’re a dragon! You can breath fire, eat gems and wade through lava. I’m the squishy one.”

He's got you there.

Not that I could be sure I’d even hit him the first time.

Take what you can get.

Anyway, I'm having Shepherd get involved in one of the most infamous IDW MLP Comic Story Arcs. And it's gonna get crazy. Stay tuned!

I was wondering what was going on and why we had skipped all the way to Princess Twilight Sparkle Part 1. Turns out, you didn't.

10327480
Or the cow level in diablo.

Ri2

Oh god, not THIS arc. Is he going to shoot Aspen in the face? I hope he shoots Aspen in the face.

Anyway, I'm having Shepherd get involved in one of the most infamous IDW MLP Comic Story Arcs.

Huh. I hadn't realized how similar its start looked to the S4 opener.

10331680
It's a model of Colt for .45 ACP so it can share ammo with the semiautomatic.

I blinked. I blinked again. She couldn’t possibly… I mean, what if she…?

Nah!

"Yes, there he is, officer. Extreme obliviousness in the face of obvious seduction. Slap him in irons; that's a felony around these parts!"

"Thank you Fluttershy, but I don't need that much cuddling. You're a really good friend though." I smiled at her warmly.

You friendzoned her? You utter bastard!

"No! Bad Angel! We're not doing that! .... No matter what I may have said while drinking that cider!"

No, no. It's perfectly justifiable.

"And she was close to you,” I continued. Daisy’s smile became… Sinister.

"As close as enemies can get,” she practically crooned, “Hurry up, she's getting cold!"

Ah yes. The cow mafia. Finding new and inventive ways of disposing of bodies.

“She needs a good, hard ear scritch too! She's far too tense! Thinking too much all the time!”

Oh gods :rainbowlaugh:

"Geez, you ponies all are so tense! I thought Aloe and Lotus were great at their jobs!" He said, gently stroking Twilight’s mane. She managed to make her eyes looked up at his concerned face. She wanted to kiss him.

Welp. Another convert :facehoof:

The amount of human artifacts that Celestia and Luna had collected over the years was huge. And thankfully for me, it had many, many weapons with ammunition.

Against vines? A chainsaw would do you more good...

And it wasn’t like I was going to make my own firearms. Who was gonna help me? The Cutie Mark Crusaders?

Hey, making a reference to the fic you're an AU of is cheating :rainbowlaugh:

“First off,” I growled, “you’re going to forge Twilight’s hornwriting or whatever and send a letter requesting the Elements of Harmony.”

Why bother? She dictates all her letters to Spike anyway :applejackunsure:

Remarks and corrections:
> You can breath fire
[breathe] fire

SRY

10333051
I believe shotgun is considered the traditional accouterment to the chainsaw.

10333665
Yes, but it's not a substitute! :unsuresweetie:

“A really stupid one…”

Oh this should be FUN.

"As close as enemies can get,” she practically crooned, “Hurry up, she's getting cold!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...... Christ, that's funny. I love the mental image of a cow bumping off and eenmy by feeding them to griffons or something.

I hope said army involves clowns with spider-heads, eight limbs and on monocycles juggling running chainsaws.:pinkiecrazy:

Now that would be pants-crappingly terrifying to behold.:trollestia:

The best thing about bad ideas is that its rarely what the enemy will expect.

SRY

10340274
The traditional human incantation must be said before undertaking such a stupid idea:

"Hold my beer and watch this..."

“Really?” Spike asked, confused. “That’s how it happened in ‘Power Ponies Volume 54’!”

“Believe it or not, this isn’t a comic book,” I sighed.

What you did there. I see it.

Haha, sweet

"Thanks!” I said, “But uh… One question: Do you intentionally make everything you say sound like an innuendo?"

Only if it's funny.

No, not every mare in Ponyville is hot for Shepherd.

Just because they are not exactly hot for Shepherd, doesn't mean they would disagree to spending some time as he works those magic fingers of his. ...

Spike gaped in disbelief at me.

“Don’t you know how deeply personal that is to a pegasus?!” Spike demanded. I shrugged.

“She’s a good, close friend. And we’re going to rescue her and the others…? You got a point to all this?”

:facehoof:

“Ah… Zecora always puts the right amount of crushed rubies into it,” he said. I made a face.

“You’re joking right?” I asked. Spike snorted.

Well, you know, gems can hold enchantments... how else do you think these potions get magical? :rainbowwild:

“Yeah,” he said. “Really kind of awkward? Though uh, thanks for doing the big brother thing.”

“I have a lot of practice,” I said.

Unfortunately. From friendzoning pretty mares :ajbemused:

“What was that?” Spike muttered.

“A manticore,” I murmured.

“How can you tell?” Spike asked. I shook my head.

“Because that’s what hunted me when I first dropped into here,” I said slowly.

Chewy! :heart:

“Quiet, if you will! My patient is quite ill!” Zecora cried. Our jaws dropped.

Saw that coming :rainbowlaugh:

The manticore gestured with a claw to his face. There was a scar on his eye. I scowled.

“You had that before! I distinctly remember it!”

Hah.

“Yes you certainly could,” she said, “but abandon me in this wood?”

Oh, bullshit. You live in this place, Zecora :ajbemused:

“Ah! Unhand me, human ape! Your manhood I will amputate!”

Terrible rhyme, Zecora. And you'd get into serious trouble threatening his manhood; I have it on good authority that some very powerful mares have claimed dibs on it.

“A human?!” Another deer gasped. “A HUMAN WORKING FOR EQUESTRIA?!”

“It can’t be!” Blackthorn cried, at a much higher pitch than he’d been speaking before. “Humans are extinct! It’s not possible! IT’S NOT POSSIBLE!”

Oh boy :rainbowlaugh:

“CELESTIA’S WRATH IS UPON US!” Blackthorn shrieked. Half of his troops immediately fled, speeding off into the undergrowth like ghosts.

Oh deer :rainbowlaugh:

“A really stupid one…”

Aw yiss :yay:


Remarks and corrections:
> “Huh? What’s that?” He asked
Shouldn't have a capital letter on "he".
> None of y fears mattered now.
"None of [my] fears mattered now."
> “Look down the sites,” I said,
"sights", not "sites".
> “A human?!” Another deer gasped.
No capital letter on "another".
> “What kind of an idea?” He asked.
No capital letter on "he".

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