//------------------------------// // Grand Galloping Gala Part 4 // Story: Short Hand // by Andrew Joshua Talon //------------------------------// - - - So, the night eventually came. In between a lot of other little misadventures. Involving some dragons, parasprites and all of the Elements of Harmony having a mental breakdown of some kind. Fun times! Oh God. All of us were the protectors of this world. Six mentally deranged ponies, a baby dragon, and me: An overgrown manchild alien without an ounce of magic in his blood who still dealt with shit like a moody teenager. It was a wonder the planet hadn't been destroyed already. Then again, most of the extraordinary men and women of my own planet were eccentric in one form or another. Maybe it just goes with the territory. Not that I thought of myself as extraordinary. At least on my own planet. I suppose the fact I was normal and able to hold down a steady job made me more likely to survive an apocalypse. Everybody needs a reliable person to fill out the paperwork for the marauding hordes of bikers and war boys. Right, where was I? Oh yes. We had gathered at Rarity's boutique, to get our gala wear on and to get prepared for the carriage ride up to Canterlot. Rarity seemed to be taking the longest amount of time on my clothing, which was wearing on my nerves. I stared at myself in the mirror, dressed in some green suit with a pink shirt and silver accents. I shook my head and sighed as Rarity poked me with her needles. "Are we going to be done any time soon?" I asked in irritation. Rarity beamed up at me, and winked. She used her magic to run a brush over my hair. "Just a moment," she sing songed. "Now then... One... Two... And there you go!" She backed away. She trotted over to the door to the main lobby. "Come along! Come along!" I sighed again. I looked over the sleeves. "Thank you for not making this too... Frou frou," I said in distaste. Rarity narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean by 'frou frou', Shepherd?" She asked in a dangerous tone. I sighed and turned around, inspecting myself in the mirror. "Well, no lace, no hearts, no frilly cuffs or collars," I said. I smiled at her in genuine sincerity. "I could have done without the pink, but it looks... Wonderful! Hell, it feels wonderful!" "You're welcome darling," Rarity said, all smiles. "And for your information, you look wonderful in pink!" "I do not," I grumbled. Rarity rolled her eyes. "You do," she said. "I will prove it. Come along, come along!" I sighed and stepped off the platform. I walked to the doors, and Rarity opened them with a flare of magic. I walked out in elegant boots, secretly pleased that my long coattails seemed to flare dramatically behind me perfectly. Like you wouldn't enjoy it, you hypocritical nerds. The rest of our party was waiting for us. Spike was looking smart in his tuxedo and tophat, puffed up with all the pride of a school boy going to his first prom. The rest were... Well! They were quite beautiful, each in their own ways. Fluttershy's dress was much like the dress she'd worn for our date, but it seemed... Tighter. She was looking more confident though as she stared. Not unusual, as every eye was soon on me. "Wow Shepherd!" Dash said, winking, "looking good-For a nerd! But I can fix that in a jiffy! Those clothes look great but they'd look better-!" "On your bedroom floor, yes," I said dryly, and Dash pouted. I felt someone goose me from behind! "ACK!" I shouted, jumping. Pinkie Pie laughed, bouncing out from behind me with a grin. "Looking sexy, Shepherd~!" She said cheerfully. She wiggled her hips. "How about me~? Wanna make me into a Cream Pie?" I sighed and covered my face. "Anyone else want to sexually harass me?" I asked. "Go ahead, get it out of your systems." "Ahll enjoy ridin' you all the way to Apploosa~," Applejack crooned and winked. I looked over at Twilight, who was blushing bright red. She opened her mouth. "Ah... I... Did you tire yourself... Falling from heaven... Because you've been falling through my mind... All day...?" She smiled awkwardly. I sighed, reached out, and rubbed her head. "You're so adorkable," I said. Twilight's eyes crossed as she trembled. "Ooooh," she groaned. I blinked a few times. "Uh..." I managed, "Twilight, you okay?" "J-Just fiiiine," she warbled, shaking. Fluttershy trotted up to her, and bucked her aside with her shapely bottom. She then looked up and smiled, turning bright red. "Um... Y-You look... Wonderful, Shepherd," she managed. I smiled, and scratched her head. Fluttershy moaned happily. Applejack sighed, and held back Twilight as she tried to buck her back. "Now now, let's remember the real reason fer this night's festivities," Applejack said. "YES!" Pinkie Pie cried. "To have a wonderful evening at the best party EVER! And to get laid!" "No!" I shouted. Twilight shook herself out of whatever fit she'd suffered, and nodded furiously. "Yes! Yes! We're going to protect Princess Celestia and save Equestria!" She cried. "Well, maybe you aren't gonna get laid," Dash snorted, resting her front hooves on my shoulders. I sighed heavily. "Come on! Let's go," I ordered. I grabbed onto Twilight's horn and led her off, making her eyes cross again. "We're going to be late!" "Y-Yes, late," Twilight mumbled dreamily. Pinkie snorted. "She's getting closer to getting laid than us!" She accused. I rolled my eyes. "Sure she is," I grumbled. "Next you'll tell me my sweat is an aphrodisiac for mares." "Ahahahaha, how silly that is!" Rarity giggled, altogether nervously, as Spike escorted her out by the claw. "Also, Shepherd! I just recalled: I have a business proposition for you after the Gala! Cologne! I think you'll like it!" "That's... A strange segueway but sure?" I managed. I shook my head again as we went out to the carriage. "I'm getting merchandized and marketed more than Mickey Mouse, I may as well become a total corporate sell out. All that's left is the rap album." "Can I be the hype dragon?" Spike asked happily, from the coachmen's bench. I shrugged. "Why not?" "Oh yes, it will be wonderful!" Rarity cried, as we all piled into the carriage. "Let Operation This Will Most Likely End Badly commence," I said. Spike cleared his throat outside. "LET'S GO GUYS!" He shouted to the stallions pulling the carriage. Fluttershy very assertively pushed herself into my lap, as Twilight tried to fight her for it. I sighed and leaned back. It was going to be a long night. - - -