• Published 2nd Jul 2020
  • 7,390 Views, 722 Comments

Short Hand - Andrew Joshua Talon

The myriad misadventures of a plucky human in Equestria.

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Short Hand

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfic By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. MLP:FiM is the property of Hasbro and Lauren Faust. Please support the official release.

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Twilight Sparkle was still getting used to Ponyville and having friends, but she was finding the discoveries and mysteries of it fascinating and rewarding. Sitting down to breakfast at a cafe with her friends was a wonderful experience, as they bantered back and forth and debated aspects of their lives and others' lives, was... Fun! It was all so amazing and new. She nibbled on her eggs, not wanting to miss a thing as Rarity had launched into an entertaining (and rather scandalous) story about a job she’d had to repair.

"And so I said to him,” Rarity stated, her smile giving away it was the crescendo of the tale,”'cross-stitch? What is this, the Middle Ages?'"

Applejack chuckled, Dash rolled her eyes with a groan, while Pinkie Pie fell out of her chair and rolled on the ground laughing.

"AHAHAHAHAHA! ... Ages. Classic!"

Twilight herself enjoyed a small chuckle, mostly at Pinkie’s antics. Which was not unnoticed by Rainbow Dash.

"Ugh. Tell me you didn't get that nerd joke, Twilight?" Dash asked dryly.

“‘Nerd joke’, indeed!” Rarity huffed. Twilight looked apologetically at Rarity.

"Well, actually... I don't know that much about stitching. But I'd be happy to learn more!" She said honestly. Rarity lit up, leaning over the table with an eager smile.

"Oh, you must Twilight! You must!" Rarity gushed.

"Oh yes! Textiles are actually a vital part of history, as they are a reflection of the technology and culture of the day,” Twilight said, as Dash groaned.

“Freaking nerds,” Dash muttered. Applejack snorted.

“This from the gal who’s memorized the Wonderbolts routine for the last hundred years,” the farmer deadpanned. Dash scowled.

“That is not nerdy! That is awesome!”

Twilight chuckled.

“I’d love to learn about that, too! Getting the inside scoop on things would be… Interesting…”

She trailed off as she saw Fluttershy trot up to the table, looking morose. Her rabbit Angel was hopping alongside her, looking irritated. Immediately, she was filled with concern.

"Fluttershy? What's wrong?" Twilight asked. Rarity moved a chair behind their shy friend, and Fluttershy sat down in it with a plop and a sigh. Rarity immediately scooted over, a sympathetic expression on her face. Dash moved to Fluttershy’s other side, a habit of protection for her oldest friend.

"Oh, darling... It didn't go well, did it?"

"No... I'm sorry. I probably did something wrong,” Fluttershy sighed. Her rabbit Angel held up a bottle of chloroform, and she glared at him. "No! I told you, we will never do that!"

Now Twilight was confused, and more than a little disturbed.

"Do what?" Twilight asked. Dash sighed.

"Well, she-Ohhh that nag."

She glared, as did the rest of Twilight's friends, at something behind her. Twilight looked over her shoulder. She could see Andrew Shepherd, the only human in Equestria... Talking happily with Carrot. The Earth mare was being flirtatious, batting her eyes, and wagging her tail as she discussed something eagerly with the tall alien.

"Huh...?" Twilight murmured, as her friends all grew irritated.

"I can't believe her!" Rarity seethed.

"She knows the rules!" Applejack growled.

Even Pinkie Pie sat up, looking angry. She stuck out her tongue at Carrot, eyes narrowed.

"Cheater!" She swore.

"Oh-Oh no,” Fluttershy murmured. Angel again offered the chloroform, but she shifted her glare to him. "No!"

"What's... Going on?" Twilight asked. Rarity shook her head, as Dash slipped off.

"Well, to make it simple darling,” she said, “Shepherd is an alien. New to the ways of this world, and clearly quite ignorant of the relationships between ponies. The poor thing is helpless. So, since we five are his closest friends, we made a gentlemare’s agreement of sorts to keep him… Protected.

“Protected?” Twilight wondered. “From what?”

“From hussy mares who just wanna ride an alien and leave him high ‘n dry, o’ course,” Applejack growled. Rainbow Dash immediately went up to Shepherd and began talking animatedly about something, cutting deftly between him and Carrot. The mare looked annoyed.

“And um, we’ve tried to ease him into the idea of… Of seeing us as potential, um, p-p-partners,” Fluttershy murmured. She tapped her hooves together, blushing hard.

“Yeah! Did you know that his planet doesn’t have any other forms of sapient life?” Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing up and down. “It’s just his species! Their ponies can’t talk or think or throw parties or anything! So they’re not used to anypony else as partners!”

“Partners? You mean…” Twilight blushed. Rarity nodded eagerly.

“Absolutely! I mean, who knows when he might get to go home? It might never happen! So, to ensure he is not without companions, we’re keeping him protected just so he’s not taken advantage of! I mean, Daisy went after that griffin cook and broke his heart!”

Applejack and Pinkie nodded sagely.

“Poor Gustav,” Applejack said.

Twilight gaped in disbelief.

“It… Sounds more like you’re treating Shepherd as yours,” Twilight pointed out.

And much blushing ensued. Rarity cleared her throat.

“Yes, w-well… It wouldn’t be a bad thing,” she said, “for him to choose one of us. Fluttershy is most keen on him-”

“Eep,” Fluttershy squeaked, hiding her face behind her wings and hooves. Rarity continued.

“But we just want what’s best for him,” Rarity said. “He’s so innocent of the ways of this world!”

“And he deserves a mare who’ll treat him right,” Applejack said with a nod.

“And who won’t break his heart and make him adopt a crazy accent!” Pinkie said eagerly.

“Darling, Gustav always had that accent,” Rarity said wearily. Pinkie snorted.

“That’s what you think!”

Twilight interrupted, still unable to grasp this.

“You're all set on this? With Shepherd?!"

Much staring. Fluttershy spoke up first, sounding slightly angry and hurt.

"Wh-What's wrong with him?" She nearly demanded. Twilight shook her head rapidly.

"Nothing's wrong with him! But it seems a bit... I mean... He is an alien,” she said, “griffins and hippogriffs are one thing, but he’s from another planet entirely!”

"So?” Applejack asked, “Magic can fix that up where it needs to be."

"And you saw his courage!" Rarity gushed. “Ever since he arrived, he has been a helpful, kind, generous, and friendly member of our community!”

“And even when he’s tired he’ll party with me to cheer me up!” Pinkie Pie cheered.

“And he-he’s wonderful with children,” Fluttershy added, to which Applejack and Rarity nodded eagerly.

“And he’s got a great butt!” Pinkie added. Again, everypony nodded happily.

Twilight shook her head.

"I-None of those are problems!" She blushed, "But it just seems odd there would be so much attention on one alien stallion and-"

"Hey girls! How's it going?"

Twilight jumped in her seat, and looked over her shoulder… And up, and up. There was Shepherd, smiling down at her. Dash was hovering behind him, her forehooves resting on his shoulders as she grinned down.

“Hey guys! Look who I invited over!” Dash said cheerfully.

“How are you doing, Shepherd?” Rarity asked with a smile. The human beamed and shrugged.

"I'm all right. Carrot and I were just exchanging recipes…” His eyes locked onto the blushing Fluttershy, who was hiding behind her wings. “Hey Fluttershy! Are you alright?” He immediately lowered his voice to avoid other tables eavesdropping. “Do you need more hugs?"

Fluttershy ducked under the table, her blush so intense Twilight could swear Angel could roast marshmallows over her face.

"I um... W-Well, I just... That is..."

Rainbow Dash again interrupted, tapping Shepherd on the shoulders.

"Hey! Twilight's had an all nighter! She needs a good, hard hug!" She said. Twilight gaped, as Shepherd gave her a gently admonishing look.

"Really Twilight? Again? You're not a college student, you can't do cram sessions every night." He paused. “Or are you? I’m not sure how it works here.”

"No, that's not what I-I mean-!" Twilight stuttered. The human knelt down, and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her in tight, and rested his chin on her head. He was so large, and strong-He could have just lifted her up into the air and done anything with her had he so chose… And if she didn’t have magic.

She found herself relaxing into the hug, and hesitantly returning it. It was different from hugs she’d received from her parents, her big brother, or even Princess Celestia-Those were all wonderful, but Shepherd just surrounded her in warmth and strength. Like nothing bad could ever happen to her, wrapped in this protective blanket.

Humans were very good huggers, she reflected, as she returned it as best she could.

Dash just grinned overhead.

“She needs a good, hard ear scritch too! She's far too tense! Thinking too much all the time!”

“As opposed to someone who don’t think at all,” Applejack snarked. Dash growled.


“Fair enough,” Shepherd said. Before Twilight could protest, his fingers were already scratching behind her ears… And she was melting.

"I... Ohhhhh... Oooooh..." Her eyes crossed as Shepherd dug his nails in. With both hands, he was soon scritching both her ears. The endorphins flooded her brain with incredible intensity, and soon she was aware of only those magnificent appendages scratching and rubbing her cares away.

“Don’t forget the base of her horn, darling,” Rarity said, from somewhere far away. “That part can get quite sore for unicorns with prolonged magic use.”

“Gotcha,” Shepherd said, and one of his hands slid through her mane to begin massaging the base of her horn. Her legs went weak as she struggled to stay in the chair. She was panting like a dog.

"I-Iieaaahhhhnnn~..." She shut her lips tightly to contain a happy groan. "Mmmmmngh...!"

"Ooh... And her lower back,” Applejack added. “She's tight as rope back there!"

Shepherd ran his incredible hands down across her scalp, over her neck, and all the way to the small of her back. His fingers went to work, squeezing and pushing down and grinding her muscles. She arched her back, and she could feel as much as hear a pop from her vertebrae. She barely contained a cry from her throat as she saw stars.

She lost her balance, but again Shepherd was there to catch her. She was a trembling wreck, as Shepherd helped her back onto her chair.

"Geez, you ponies all are so tense! I thought Aloe and Lotus were great at their jobs!" He said, gently stroking Twilight’s mane. She managed to make her eyes looked up at his concerned face. She wanted to kiss him.

"Oh they are, they are darling!” Rarity said, “But hmm... Your fingers are quite a bit more effective."

"Just don't take a job with them!" Dash warned, her hooves back on Shepherd’s shoulders possessively. As Twilight’s senses returned, she could see that quite a few mares were looking enviously over at them. At her.

It made her feel… Good.

Shepherd shrugged.

"I'm more of a handy man anyway,” he said.

“You sure are,” Applejack murmured. The human smiled and shook his head.

"And speaking of, I have stuff to do. Later all!" He gave Twilight one last, wonderful hug, stood up, and headed off. Twilight watched him go, and slowly looked back at the rest of her friends. They all looked back with knowing expressions.

“So,” Twilight began, “you’ve all been-?”

They all nodded. Fluttershy managed it while hiding behind her mane. Dash and Applejack looked incredibly smug. Rarity chuckled and sipped her tea, while Pinkie grinned broadly while wiggling her eyebrows.

Twilight let out a giggle.

"I um... I know this is kind of sudden,” she began, “but-”

"Oh relax darling,” Rarity said, reaching over to pat her on the hoof, “of course we'd let you in on this!" She looked at the others. "Right?"

"Of course! We can't let her end up some lonely old virgin princess!" She said.

Twilight was bright red. "H-Hey!"

"Ah ain't opposed,” Applejack said with a smile. “So long as we keep him out of the wrong hooves.”

Dash hummed thoughtfully, and looked Twilight over.

"Well, I suppose she can be in it. If she won't be selfish or frigid!"

"Don't worry,” Pinkie Pie cheered, “nerds are always kinky!"

All eyes went to Fluttershy. She looked down at the table, then back up. Determination filled her eyes.

“As-As long as Shepherd is happy, I’m happy,” she said. “Th-That’s what it means to… To lo… Lo… R-Really like somepony,” she managed.

Rarity sighed and patted Fluttershy on the shoulder. “Don’t worry darling, you’ll get there,” she said. “Some day.”

- - -

Author's Note:

You merely adopted the silly harem fic. I was born to it.