"Shepherd? Shepherd?"
I groaned. I'd just been having a wonderful dream involving socks and watermelons and... Ahem... Other things not appropriate for a younger audience, when I got woken up by Twilight's soft but frantic voice. I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and clapped my hands twice. The magical lights in my bedroom came on, and I sat up.
There stood Princess Twilight Sparkle, looking anxious and afraid. My irritation faded as I went into Human Knight, Sword of Equestria mode.
"What is it, Twilight? Something wrong? How many?" I asked urgently, my hands already reaching for my sword and my gun. Twilight held up a hoof and shook her head.
"Ah, n-no, no, it's not that kind of thing," she said, "I-I just... I want to talk. About something. If-If that would be all right?"
I stared at her for a few moments, and she bit her lower lip nervously.
"I-I don't have to, I can go talk to somepony-someone-else if you-"
"It's okay, Twilight, it's okay," I sighed, allowing myself a little smile. I reached out to rub the top of her head reassuringly, and the tension lessened just a bit, "I'm just... A little groggy. Let's meet in the living room with some hot cocoa, okay?"
"Okay..."
A few minutes later, we were sitting on the couch with hot cocoa. I'd given Twilight extra marshmallows, just how she liked it. She barely toughed it though, only sipping a little at the sweet brew. I smiled at her, now a bit more awake.
"What's up?" I asked kindly.
Twilight stared out somewhere I couldn't see.
"... I feel like... I'm wondering..." She huffed. "I feel like I'm... I'm wondering if I'm... Any good. At all."
I blinked. I blinked again.
"What brought this on?" I asked softly. Shouting incredulously just got her more worked up, and I'd learned long ago that the best way to balance out the sometimes unbalanced book horse was to stay. Calm.
"I've just... I'm the Princess of Friendship," Twilight admitted, "and everything I've done, all I've accomplished, has been because of friendship. Because of my friends. Because I care for them, trust them. We work together. To the point that... Sometimes... I wonder if I'm... What I bring to the table. If I'm just... A bridge. A conduit. A faciliator."
She snorted.
"I feel like a fraud sometimes," she admitted, "because yeah, I love my friends. We've done so many amazing things together, but... But I still feel anger at them. Irritation. We've had fights. Tartarus, we've had fights."
She looked over at me meekly. I nodded back to her.
"Yes, we have," I said.
Twilight's lust for knowledge had rubbed me the wrong way more than a few times... And her lust for me had, at times, been weird and disturbing. Not because she was some kind of pervert!
... Okay so she was kind of a pervert. Sometimes. The brainy birds are kinkiest, as the British might say.
And she could come off as a mad scientist.
"I am still so sorry for misplacing your body parts," Twilight murmured, ashamed. "Carrying your living head around on a keychain was also pretty bad."
"It wasn't ideal, I'll admit," I said dryly. Twilight winced.
"I just... I'm questioning so much. I cause so many disasters and I freak out and over react-Are-Are you all just tolerating me?! Is that what we do?! Tolerate one another and feed off what little real affection we have for one another for a real crisis?!"
"Twilight Sparkle," I stated firmly, and loudly enough to get her attention, "that is the last thing you should think. And Celestia would be really angry to hear you say anything like that! I mean, what the hell is making you think like this?!"
Twilight looked down, a bit ashamed.
"All these nobles complimenting me, saying what a paragon I am, how amazing I am," she murmured, "it's... Like the same thing they'd do when I was Celestia's apprentice. All just doing it just to get access to Celestia, or my power, or... Favors. And I just look back on my friendships and I see everything as a transaction! Endless favors going back and forth! And our disagreements, and our problems and... And I feel like a fraud!"
She was tearing up now.
"Everything I've learned about friendship, I'm just scared that it's all... So easily traded away, taken for granted, lost... I-I'm not perfect, Shepherd! I know I'm not! I know those ponies just want me for power but... But what if that's all friendship is?"
I wrapped an arm around her, and pulled her close. I rested by head atop hers.
"If you see everything as some... Some trinket to be gained, something to trade for, something to gain material wealth or influence for, yes, that's all friendship is to those assholes," I murmured, stroking her wings. She sighed softly. "Yeah. If that's how you see the world, then of course everything's a cynical, miserable gain where everyone's out for themselves."
I nuzzled her.
"So what do you believe, Twilight?" I asked. "Is friendship just a means of getting what you want? Is it supposed to be perfect? Is it easy to understand and master, or is it something you are continually learning about, every day, because of how complex and amazing it is?"
Twilight was silent. She sniffled a bit, and smiled up at me.
"... I think I've been spending too much time in Canterlot lately," she murmured, "and not enough time here."
I smiled and nodded. I planted a kiss on her cheek, and she flushed deeply.
On one hand, her incredible intelligence let her get to conclusions quickly. So when she was scared and insecure, her brain could run away with her until all that she could conclude was darkness based on a few bits of data.
On the other hand... That same intelligence let her figure out when she was led astray, and get back where she needed to be.
"We're always going to have doubts, Twilight," I admitted, "you've listened to plenty of mine. And you didn't use it against me, or-or act like you had something over me. You just helped, Twilight. For me, that's friendship."
"Friendship is also you and Chewie beating the manure out of eachother," Twilight snorted. I chuckled, and pinched her bottom playfully. She yelped, and blushed.
"Friendship can be a lot of things," I said, "it's not something you can just put into one box. But you know what it isn't. It's love, Twilight. And you're just full of it."
"Cadence is the Alicorn of Love," Twilight pointed out. I rolled my eyes.
"Screw your weird little magical classifications-Love is to care for someone or something enough that concerns for yourself are secondary. There's a saying on my world, from the Bible. It goes: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
I smiled warmly at her, as she blushed deeply.
"We're already going to have disagreements and issues and selfish desires, but love-friendship-is what keeps us together, to find the best in each other. You do that with everyone, Twilight. Even me, a scruffy ape from another universe."
"You're not that scruffy," Twilight mumbled, nuzzling into me.
"I could be less scruffy," I teased back. Twilight sighed, and cuddled up in my lap.
"Thank you," she murmured. "I'm sorry I keep bothering you and-"
"Shush," I huffed, swatting her on her backside.
"Eep!"
"I didn't have to talk to you and listen or anything," I muttered, "but I like making you feel better. And with how smart you are, I kind of enjoy the moments when you're being dumb and I can actually feel like I've got brains."
Twilight giggled, and nuzzled into me.
"Yeah, because that's why I love you," she said dryly.
"You know it..."