• Member Since 30th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen February 25th

Lucien Chance


heads under our beds

T

A modern mage teleports himself to Equestria in a magical mishap, where he somehow saves the world tries to continue to live his life. Meanwhile, in Canterlot, a dismissed engineer makes plans to exact her revenge on the pony that stole her teacher from her. But how far down does the engineer's rabbit hole go?

Chapters (46)
Comments ( 603 )

well, there are the many normal names you could come up with for this, bob steve james jack richard(dont see that last one that much(reasons may or may not be obvious))
personally i would take the name from a less known wizard of fiction, or a fantasy setting name. Felix, Max, Magnus, Remus ect.

finally i recomend Lucien. because its kinda my favourite fictional(or not) name right now. it gets my vote

EDIT: i hope this continues, and that it develops well, as such faved

ok, ignoring the shameful spambot over there, I must say that this has potential.

I like the story very much, I do have a question. Will the human be in pony or normal form? I guess he isnt from earth right? and finally, Can his name be like a reference to a video game, book, TV show, etc. with a wizard in it like Arthus and Melek?

1297594
Human form. The first drafts I had for this story had him in pony form, but it didn't work out too well.

1296669
A positive comment! Oh, Celestia, what do I do?.. Uh... thanks...? But really, it's good to hear that people like it so far.

1296319
I like the sound of Lucien. I think it will fit well for the looks of our protagonist.

1296161
Then more you shall get!

Finally, I may not be able to post for a while. I worked out many drafts of what will happen in the next chapter, and how he and Celestia will 'deal' with each other. I think I'm going to stick with it and start writing it out. I am expecting to start it tonight, but that may not happen; I'm a lazy bastard, and Borderlands 2 just came out. But, more shall come, and remember: good things come to those who wait.

1304573 you are welcome, sir, and when you overcome your lazyness, I will be glad to read the new chapter ^^

I hereby request you to write MOAR! Have this :yay: to better fuel the author in you.

1305906
Just have to say that I "squee'd" when I saw your comment. Just saying. It's exciting to see people asking for more and saying that they like it.:twilightsmile:

Great first chapter, i didn't see a lot of mistakes and if i did they where very minor, i hope to see more of this.
and i hope this isn't one of those stories where the first chapter comes out, and then the second one is finished half a year later, as it haves the potential to be a truly great story.

1311698
I am really, really trying to make sure that does not happen. I hate when people do that, especially when they just leave it marked as "incomplete," instead of "on hiatus."

Update: I've started writing the "first" chapter and am about 2,000 words into it. I expect it to be done in the next day or two. Maybe more, but I'm not doing anything on Saturday so if I can't get things done before then... then ponies shall happen at that time.

This was great! I read your first chapter and was waiting for this. I do want more though since this was so great!
Can the elements harm something that was acting in self defence? That would be great since the rainbow just washes over him and then they are freaking out, lol!
I will be waiting:ajbemused:.

P.S. Late name idea due to info in this chapter. Artemis, the god of hunting or something like that. If the main bad uy is a cat thing then it would make since. Down side, Artemise was a girl.

hmm... the only game i can think of that was originally for the ps2 is Okami, although i doubt that's what it is.

Okay, that's kind of out of character for most of them. Not even attempting to speak to the being that showed no hostility until he was attacked first. By them? And they kind of know he is intelligent as he spoke to them first...I can kind of see Rainbow Dash doing such a thing, and MAYBE the rest of the Elements of Harmony, if only to back up their friend. But the princesses?

...Yeah. Can't really see that, given all that happened before Rainbow jumped the gun.

1319585
1. Thank you. 2. Maybe. 3. Yes, it would be great. 4. Name already chosen, sorry.

1322333
eeynope!:eeyup: Thanks for actually reading through the Author's Notes section, though.

132267
Fixed it.

Anyway, this marks the first fight scene that I have written, and I get the feeling that it was not good. I realize that being able to write scenes like that (that capture short actions and emotions in a paragraph that really are supposed to take place in a few seconds) is a form of art, that takes lots of practice. I definitely learned about it while writing, and I hope that I will continue to improve.:twilightblush:

Hope you enjoyed it, and thanks for the feedback!

:rainbowhuh:I was expecting this wizard/mage/druid guy to be use scare tactics too. Putting a voice in their heads to tell them they did something wrong, moving shadows to create the illusion of him being darkness, and maybe even some strait up scary shit like putting a illusion spell on the ponies in the pile to make them look dead. They are half unconciouse.

P.S. when is next update planned?

1323346
Actually, I wanted to go in the opposite direction of that sort of mage. Read Deviance's "Machinations of a Trickster." I got most of the inspiration for my main character based off of his main character. His used only illusions and scare tactics when he fought, giving the explanation that he wasn't good with the "heavy hitting" stuff. Personally, I don't see it as heavy hitting. I see it as a more basic form of magic. Illusions are more complex, because you have to pay attention to all five of the senses in order to make a successful illusion. Elemental magic is easier because all you are doing is manipulating the world in a very basic way, without have to pay special attention to detail.

Next update should be within a few days' time. I say should because I have a very busy week coming up, and even though I do my writing at night, the day leaves me a bit drained and I would have to go to sleep earlier. I'm shooting to put it up halfway through next week. Don't count on it, though.

That answer your question? :pinkiesmile:

1323413 Yes and I love your answer man. Also that trickster book, wa it a fanfic or a real book?

Nevermind, HOLY SHIT that man writes like it is a death sentance not to. 40 chapters with 360,000 some odd words? This man is crazy, I love that already.

1323428
Well, its long enough and written well enough to be 2 books. At the moment, it's 40 chapters long, and each chapter averages about 8,000 words. I say 2 books because it changes setting completely about halfway through, and right before then is a showdown between the MC and the antagonist.

If you're going to look for it, you need to check "view mature" because it's rated 'M.' It can get a little gory at parts and there's a itty-bitty, teeney-tiny sex scene that happens around the 15th chapter.

Have a link.

I have a thing about giving very through responses.

1323454 No problems heer about sex or gore dude. I dont think im desenceitized to it I would say tolerant. I played some grafic games a few years back so I think im good.

Back to your guy though, I think that he should at least use some forms of it. He has protection and offince, now he just needs FUN:pinkiecrazy:

1323470
Fun...

Fun shall be had. Oh yes... Yes indeed.... :pinkiecrazy:

He's learned about all the schools of magic, but he just has a preference over elemental magic. He knows the theories and practical uses of illusion magic, but he isn't very practiced at it. In video game terms, he hasn't leveled up the skill enough to be good with it.

1323485 That still sounds good. Im glad he isnt a one trick pony, sure that one trick comes in many forms. I dont care if he accually uses it much just that he isnt a idiot who when he does need it and doesnt have it.:ajbemused:

Nice choice using elemental magic and using it to manipulate the things around him like it is suppose to do. I am using elemental magics on my OC as well and I want to see what else he can do later.

aaaand, The rainbows do nothing!
why, did you expect him to be stoned?
he is no harmony deficient!

1323637
Thank you, and I would like to see what you do with it later.

1324300
Congratulations, you gave me a hearty "lol!" Stache for you! :moustache:

Looks good so far. Was that some Kingdom Hearts I was detecting near the start?

>Follow the process of Minecraft!
TRACKED.

So, RD just attacks for no reason at all? :rainbowhuh:

1376441
I had nothing better to put. Tracking is nice. :yay:

1377791
Fixed.

oh wow. you actually went with lucien. in any case here are a few story suggestions.

make him go somewhere:
what i mean by this is, most HiE stick the human with the Elements, or keep him near canterlot. i think getting him to go on travels to see the world might have a few arcs involved. you could include a fight here and there, get him involved with other nation's affairs and generally have a hoot.

have a large political event, like an invasion or coup:
pretty self explanatory, make a enemy, (if you want originality DO NOT DO THE CHANGELINGS) and set them in oposition to equestria. NOTE: i dont think this is mutually exclusive to the first one. although it would be harder to pull off.

CLICHE IDEAS:
involve a new enemy: by this i mean an enemy that represents an idea, like DISCORD

involve a cannon enemy: NOTE: i include a invasion of changeling as this

shipping: i beg you not to do that to this story, especially involving the human.

make him a new element of harmony: no. just no.

1378687
Yes, I did stick with Lucien. I liked it.

As for where the story is going, I know what I'm going to do for the antagonist, and he/she/it has a set name, motive, and means of opposition against Lucien. The antagonist is going to be an OC, and I made he/she/it up about 2 hours before writing this post. As much as I would like to say that I had it in my head the whole time, I can't. My guarantee is that the antagonist will definitely be in opposition to Equestria, and more specifically, Celestia, Luna, and Twilight.

What you suggested. It sounds SO RIDICULOUSLY LIKE THIS ONE STORY, that I can't accept that you haven't read it before. If you haven't, please do so. It is really good, and hint: check mature.

As for where it will take place, its going to stay in the Ponyville, Everfree, and Canterlot area of Equestria. I'm no good at making up places, and it would be difficult and wouldn't turn anywhere near as right as what you/me/everyone would want or expect of it.

Sorry if doesn't go where you want, but that's where the fun in reading it is. :trollestia:

1378516
Clearly she has watched too much professional wrestling.

a new title name?
how about... The Elements Of Destruction? (yeah it sounds crappy)

YA I was waiting for this!:rainbowkiss:

Edit: I have a suggestion. Whatever you do, dont have him crash with Twilight. Its done way to much, in HiE and others.

why is it always so that rainbow dash ALWAYS always always attacks the Human without provocation:rainbowhuh:?
seriously someone should lock her up for violent assault on other person:rainbowlaugh:
nah just kidding but still.... shes pretty dumb when it comes to humans:facehoof:

1378830
Clearly.

1380967
Really just looking for anything right now.

1381211
Happy that someone was waiting on me. Sorry that you had to wait. And yes, it is done way too much, but it's going to happen here too, sorry.

Let me give an explanation on that one. Since Lucien is a mage, it would make sense that he would crash with Twilight. As much as I hate following stereotypes, this one is unavoidable. I plan for many collaborating experiments and many magical arguments to happen.

1381514
Fixed.

1381881 The wait was not to bad, the payoff was worth it. I was hoping that you could make a house of earth or something. Grow a massive tree and hollow it out with a low burning fire or somthing. Make a tree mansion.

1381922
Well shit. That blew my idea out of the bloody water. Excellent! Gratitude is expressed. :pinkiehappy:

1384290 No prob man:ajsmug:. I did get the idea from a video game though, Warcraft 3 has a monsterous tree that they call the world tree. That could be your modle for it.

If his main focus is earth can he make golems? Constructs that do his bidding and are made of earth, stone wood, ect. Because that would be badass having a army of stone men.:rainbowdetermined2:

P.S. here is vid link to the world tree.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpklIrmfxWA

P.P.S Explaination, the demon (He is a huge mother bucker BTW) wants to kill the elves, humans, and orcs. He decides to kill the world tree to take the elves immortality away. The elves say Fuck you and blow him and the tree up with wisps (lives of fallen elves or woodlen creatures I think). Which burn the tree and the surrounding forest in a blaze of fire and ash.

1384392
I do see where you're coming from there. Only problem with the tree idea is that it's pretty close to what Twilight's already got going. And the mansion of earth would require a whole mess of mana, which would burn him up if he attempted it. Spontaneous combustion isn't really spontaneous...

After watching the video: Damn. that tree was sexy! I remember the mythical name for it too; the Yggdrasil: The World Tree.

1384435 Its been years sence I played the game and even more since playing the main missions, but that tree was my fav part. I do see what you mean about the tree and mana burn. There is one thing you cant say no to thoug right....

That tree be sexy!Any way, watching the video again I also had an idea. What if he had a wisp for like a pet/compainion? True the tree is already used. But she is useing hers for a Library, not a mansion, swimming pool, grand dining hall, power generators (maybe), and maybe a small village for conjured imps and demons to live in. Warlock has to have a following after all....:pinkiehappy:

1384483
The truth about the whole story going on here (and not the one that I'm writing) is that I never planned for this to go on for a long time. I wasn't sure how it would be received by the community, and expected that people would either not like it or be indifferent to it. I didn't set up enough exposition or story arcs to ensure this would last, and I wasn't sure how long I would be able to keep it up anyway.

I actually wrote a similar thing at the end of my bio, "let's see how long I can keep this up until I get tired," and I think that this will definitely not go past 20 chapters. I have a main story arc, and little side things that Lucien will participate in, but (again) I'm not sure if I'll have the drive and motive to continue with it past a certain point. When that point is, I don't know, but I'm gonna stick with it as best as I can.

Besides, now I have people actually wanting more! That's pretty hard to ignore.

Dont know if this has been covered yet, but.
Wow those ponies are element happy, anything thats a minor inconvenience just blast it with the elements and call it a day. (not your fault just happens way too much imo.)
Also ima go out on a limb and say him fighting back was not only perfectly reasonable, but would have been necessary to get out of that uninjured.
I wonder if the bearers realize what they are doing to someone they "harmonize"? I wounder what Lucien would think if he found out he just had all the dark parts of his soul hacked off? :pinkiecrazy:
Im going to assume this is what happened with him suddenly being the most agreeable creature in all of existence ever.
Every human being is a creature of equal parts good and evil and when you use something on them that "purifies" evil it would be like removing half of someones brain, sure you can function without half your brain but you wont be winning any awards for academic excellence ever again.

liked and faved cause im going to give you some time before i really start to get annoying with the poking of plot holes and im interested to see what you do with this.

1385035 Phew...

I started hyperventilating when I read your comment. Well, sort of. I did until I realized that I could counter it. (if you would call it that) I fixed the fight, at least.

I wouldn't say that he was harmonized. He simply saw who he was personality-wise. He's still going to have all the dark parts, but he'll be more aware of them, and how they make him look towards others.

And by all means stay along for the ride! You're now the closest thing I have to an editor! :pinkiehappy:

1385509
Lols do you need an editor?
Im not 100% on grammar but i am pretty good at analyzing plots.
Im also pretty busy will college but i could spare time now and then to give your stuff a once over.
Pm me if ya want.

Nice so far, waiting to see the differences in Human and Pony magicks.

1388071
Hmmm? I thought I covered that... Well, I'm (hopefully) going to write in some magic debates later on.

Edit: 40 likes!

Gah, someone else got KH before me. . . Ohh well. I recognized the platform nigh instantly.

This is why I don't have a cat.

Login or register to comment