Chapter 5: The Dealer
The onlookers stared open-mouthed at the newly risen two story mansion that sat in front of them. It wasn't the way you would expect it to be either. i.e. some crappy, disproportionate house that some idiot on Minecraft would attempt to build.
Nah. This was the real deal. When Lucien used that potion along with his Earth focus, he used all the earth. Not just dirt.
The house was perfectly proportioned, made from quartz sandstone and other varying sedimentary rocks in complimentary positions. There was an abundance of detailed engravings on the walls, columns, and arches. The whole thing just looked badass, with a side of awesome.
"So, in result, you're all looking at a Greco-Roman style mansion, complete with the bases for crafting tables, arcane enchanters, and chemistry tables, along with a working kitchen, bathrooms, two bedrooms, and a basement workshop. Ready to see it all?" Lucien said to them without turning around.
He walked forward through the open entryway. "Gonna need a door here..." he said to himself. He walked into a smaller foyer, complete with a limestone coat rack and end table. He walked through and entered into a semi-large open area that split off in three directions.
Lucien turned to make sure they were all still following him. They were, of course, he just wanted to see their stunned expressions again. "They really are struck silly by this, aren't they?"
He looked off to his left. "That would be the grand room. I call it grand because its where I would go if I wanted to impress someon-" he caught himself. "err.. somepony." He continued.
Lucien vaguely gestured to his right. "That would be the study, complete with a desk and stone lantern. And windows," he added. "Gotta remember to get some glass . . ." he mumbled to himself once again.
He looked forward, and pointed to the left corner of the entryway. It hosted a spiral staircase heading both up and down. Every once in a while the wall covering the stairs would be broken by a small rectangular window. "So that staircase goes up to the second floor and the basement. There's nothing to really see on the second floor; the only things up there are my bedroom," "Missing a bed." he thought. "and there's one extra bonus room that I can do anything I want with." he leaned towards Twilight and Rainbow. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm thinking either a game room or a practice room."
Lucien waved his hand forward and to the right. "That door goes toward the guest bedroom, on the left, and the kitchen, on the right." He spun to face his audience. "Any questions?"
By now, they had all gotten over their surprise. Spike raised a claw. "Now that it's done, can we go look around?" he asked, unsure about what Lucien's answer would be.
He spread his arms out wide. "Go for it," he said simply.
They all broke into smiles and laughter as they went out to go explore the new house. Rarity went to go examine the grand room, probably considering what decorations to put into it. Applejack, Spike, and Rainbow Dash ran up the staircase to go check out the extra room; all thinking the same thing: GAME ROOM.
Twilight went the opposite direction. First, she took a brief peek inside the study, which looked oddly similar to hers, just cleaner. Then she turned around and went downstairs to go check out what he had done with the basement laboratory. Meanwhile, Fluttershy went to go look at the kitchen and pantry area.
All that remained was Pinkie Pie. She stood there with a big grin on her face.
"Yes?" Lucien inquired carefully.
"You just got a new house. Do you know what that means?" she asked back.
"It means... that I just got a new house...?" Lucien said, confused by Pinkie's question.
"And that means that you need a housewarming party!" she exclaimed, confetti shooting out from behind her.
"This'll definitely be interesting."
Meanwhile, in the capitol of Equestria, a certain unicorn slowly walked through the marketplace. She peeked through the stand of ponies hawking their wares to uncaring customers.
She knew what she was looking for, and who to find to get it.
Bronze Gear passed through another set of stands, these ponies all offering articles of clothing, most of them for the head. Her eyes passed over fedoras, bowler hats, even some turbans. Her eye caught what she was looking for though. In front of one such stand, this one had a tent attached to the back, there stood a lone, elegant, black top-hat.
She strode over to the tent-stall confidently. Just as she began reaching for the hat to summon its owner, it was enveloped in a deep green glow. She looked up in surprise to see a unicorn walk out from between the tent flaps.
His coat was light blue, and he had a messy mane that was colored dark blue, with cyan streaks breaking it up. Or was it the other way around? Anyway, he was also wearing a plain black vest over a burgundy undershirt that had the sleeves rolled up.
The top hat landed gently on his head, and he reached a hoof up to reposition it. "And to what to I owe the pleasure of meeting with you again, Bronze?" he asked it in a quiet voice, but Bronze Gear could hear him just fine, even over the din of the marketplace.
"I -uh- just came to get some more of your special wares," she said timidly, wondering what it was about him that caused her self-confidence to evaporate.
He nodded. "Follow," he said, then he turned to walk back into the tent.
Bronze got a little excited at this. The last time she had bought from the unicorn was when she met with him in a "business" meeting that her friend had talked her into going. She looked back on that, remembering the mysterious ways his magic worked. . .
Bronze Gear stood next to her friend, another unicorn named Oil Slick, in the dimly lighted street. They both were gazing down a dark alleyway that was sandwiched between a pawn shop and a cider pub. The shops were both closed, and it gave an eerie, empty feeling to the two of them.
"Are you sure about this?" Bronze asked Oil.
"Yes. Well, mostly. Let's just say about 70% sure, alright?" she said back, not very reassuringly. "What I do know, though, is that the worst he'll do is rip us off. I hear rumors that he's sworn to never harm another pony."
"Rumors." Bronze Gear thought before catching herself. "Not gonna think like that, it'll just make me unsettled."
"Well? Let's go." Oil Slick said while walking forward into the alley. Bronze had no choice but to follow.
They crossed over the threshold together, and Bronze shivered when they crossed over into the shade. Something about it all just seemed to be too shady. They made it a few steps in, and Oil shrieked randomly.
"What is it?" Bronze asked, automatically lowering into a battle stance.
"I think it was a rat!" she exclaimed, looking around her hooves for the rodent.
Bronze rolled her eyes. "Let's just get a move on, alright? The sooner we meet, the sooner we're out of here."
Oil's breath rate returned to normal. "Right. Sorry." They pressed forward.
Soon enough, they came upon an open area, one dimly lit by some lanterns that cast shadows dancing along the walls. The area was empty, besides a few pieces of trash here and there.
"We're here!" Bronze called out, wishing that she could be anywhere else. Nothing happened immediately.
"Maybe there's something around here that will get his attention." Oil suggested, and the two began to search the ground and surrounding walls for anything that might give off a signal to the one they were meeting.
Bronze went to go look by some of the lanterns, while Oil began picking through the articles of trash scattered across the ground. After a few minutes, they didn't find anything useful.
They both met back in the center. "Maybe we should just come back tomorrow." Oil Slick said hastily, wanting to get out of the creepy alley.
"That sounds like a great idea." Bronze Gear quickly agreed. They started back toward the entrance.
Suddenly, and quietly, a pony came into existence before them, like the fabric of reality just stretched over his form. "Leaving so soon?" he asked softly.
The two unicorns screamed and grabbed onto each other in fright. When they saw what, or rather who, it was, they both calmed down. "No! No we're not leaving so soon!" Bronze said in between gasps.
"Good. Then we may begin?" the pony asked, gesturing behind the two startled unicorns.
Bronze turned around, and what she saw surprised her. Now, the empty area was no longer what it was. Instead, the whole place had been transformed. Now, the ground had been turned to marble, and the walls were alabaster white. Windows broke up the wall in several places, letting in light that was too bright to allow vision out. Multiple colored banners hung from the tops of the walls. There was now an ebony table standing in the middle of the place, rectangular and long; a meeting table.
The most interesting part about it though, is that the new room didn't reach all around the area. It cut off about halfway up the wall, fusing with reality with only a slight distortion.
"Please, sit." the pony behind them offered.
The two friends stumbled forward numbly, in shock at the sudden transformation. They took seats at one end of the table, while the pony who had appeared took a seat at the other end.
Now that they had calmed down, if you would call it that, Bronze was able to get a closer look at the one that sat opposite to her. He was a unicorn with a light blue coat and a shaggy mane. What really caught her eye was the clothing. He was wearing a black top hat, along with a ebony vest and burgundy undershirt with the sleeves rolled up. Only the nobles and ponies of high political standing wore clothes that fancy. There was something else. Strangely, he had no cutie mark.
She directed her gaze up to his eyes. They were a luminescent green. But there was something about them that went deeper, like he was looking straight through her. Bronze tried and failed to suppress a shiver.
"So," he opened with, "is there something I can help you with?" His voice was soft, but it carried a great weight to it, hammering her ears even though he sat all the way at the end of the table.
"Yes." Bronze heard herself say. "We- I heard that you had in stock certain, hard to find, magical items. I hoped that we might be able to work out a deal."
"I do suppose that we could," he said, "but what could you offer me? You heard correctly that I deal with the trading of rare magical artifacts. Everything comes at a price," he finished ominously.
"We have bits. A lot of bits," Oil said before setting a large sack of coin on the table.
The unicorn let out a laugh. It was soft, and sort of musical, leaving Bronze feel a bit sad when it ended. "I am in no need of bits. What I seek is a bit less... common," he said.
"Well what do you want then?" Bronze asked.
He leaned forward. "Listen closely; it would do you well to take careful note of what I am about to say."
Bronze Gear snapped back to reality. "More important stuff going on now. Got it." she thought before following him into the tent. She passed through the flaps.
Just like the first time she met him, she was astounded. They stood once again in the room that had suddenly existed when they met in the alley. The same windows, walls, floor, and the black desk and chairs. Her thoughts were racing, right alongside her heart, which was thumping in her chest rapidly.
"How could this place even exist in here?" she questioned. Then she stopped that line of thought. "There's a time and place for everything Bronze . . ." The words of her old teacher, Professor Birch, echoed in her mind.
The unicorn walked over to take a seat at the head of the table. He lit up his horn and the the chair opposite him scooted out a bit, offering its services to Bronze. "Won't you join me?" he asked, though it wasn't a question.
She took an audible gulp, and went to go sit. The two locked eyes for a moment, and she caught a slight flicker in his green irises. But, just as quickly as she saw it, it disappeared into the bottomless wells that made up his gaze.
"Down to business, then." He leaned back and spread out his forelegs. "What do you need?"
"You know what I need." she shot back.
"Yes, I do. What I really want to know is how far you are willing to go to get what you want."
"Uggh..." Lucien groaned, clutching his stomach. The party went over well, with many attendees. None of the ponies had broken anything, and the DJ was psyched, to say the least, to play for him again. In the end, he had collapsed on the grass out in the backyard. The most probable cause was too much damn candy.
Applejack walked out from the house to join him. She sat down next to where Lucien was laying. "Hey there, Lucien." she said.
"Hi Applejack. Enjoying the party?" he asked.
"Yeah," she said, "Its mighty fine."
He sensed that there was something a bit deeper that she wanted to get to. "What's on your mind?"
She heaved a sigh. "Well, for some reason, I just plain don't trust ya."
He blinked. "Wasn't expecting that." It took him a moment to gather his thoughts. "Blunt. Why's that?"
She looked down at him. "You're not mad or anythin'?"
"No. Why would I be? You have every right not to trust me."
She took off her hat and held it too her chest. "Well, it just seems if ya walked up to anypony and said ya don't trust them, then they'd be mad."
"I guess so. But, I have to know, why don't you trust me?" he responded.
"There's somthin' about you that Ah just can't pin down, and Ah don't know what it is. Just add that to the fact that you haven't really given us a reason to trust you yet, and that's where mah problem is."
"Well, I haven't done anything wrong yet, not counting that rough start. I get the sense that you're the type that needs to have their trust earned, is that right?" Lucien asked.
She nodded. "I reckon that's it. An' I can sympathize with someone who just ended up in a new place they feel they don't quite belong in," she continued, rubbing her leg with a hoof.
"I'm not sure what to say then. Maybe I can help you out sometime. Now that I have a permanent house here, I should start giving back to the community. Maybe I'll get a job." He speculated on all the different options he had.
"Well, Ah'm not sure if ya could help out on the farm . . ." she went silent for a moment, staring off into the distance. Then, she stood up suddenly. "Ah've got it! Ya could work as the local enchanter or potion brewer! Ya told us that you were pretty good with that stuff, and what ya whipped up with Zecora seemed to work mighty fine."
He scratched his chin, thoughtful. "I guess I could. Thanks, Applejack."
"It was mah pleasure." she took a slight bow.
"I suppose we should go back inside, it's getting cold out." Lucien stood up.
"Ya should go talk to Twilight first."
The idea went over well with Twilight, and she suggested that they visit a nearby store to get his house in slightly more livable conditions before Lucien begins his work.
"Sofas and Quills should be right over her-" she stopped in her tracks. They had just rounded a corner of buildings by the center of town, only to come face-to-face with a closed store.
"There's a sign here. 'Closed until further notice. Please try again later.' Ugh!" she stamped her hoof. "I was hoping to pick up some extra quills too!"
"Well that's alright," Lucien tried to soothe her. "we can always come back later, like the sign says. Is there some other shop that I can get furniture in?"
Twilight thought for a moment. "The closest place is actually in Canterlot. Most of our furniture gets imported from this one shop..." she trailed off.
"Well, let's go visit it then." Lucien said.
"We can't just hop on a train and go to Canterlot without any preparation. It takes a few days to cancel any appointments and pack for a stay..." she was lost in thought again.
"Do you have any appointments?" he asked.
"I do have one thing, but it's not until tonight. I suppose that we could go and be back before then; but only if we hurry," she said.
"Great, let's go get tickets." Lucien replied, already walking off.
"Lucien, the train station's that way." she said, pointing a hoof in the complete opposite direction that he was going.
He spun around without breaking stride. "Like I said, let's go get tickets."
Twilight rolled her eyes and followed after him. "I'll meet you there, I need to go let Spike know he'll be alone for a few hours."
"OK, I'll see you there," Lucien called over his shoulder.
Twilight disappeared in a flash.
"I got what I wanted, but that unicorn still freaks me out." Bronze Gear reminisced on her latest meeting with "The Dealer."
"Alright. Here's what you need," he said.
"But what about payment?" Bronze asked.
"Just hearing your answer was enough for me this time," he said mysteriously.
"So you're just giving me all this free of price?" she deadpanned.
"Well, we all have our own prices," he said with a hint of a smile.
She collected her newly bought items and began to walk out of the tent. "One more thing." she stopped.
"Hmm?"
"Can I at least know your name?" Bronze asked hopefully.
"A name," he mused. "Names have great power held within them. It would not bode well for me if you knew mine," he said.
Her ears drooped and she turned around. "Alright."
"But," he started again, causing her to stop. "if you really want to know me by something other than 'that unicorn,' then you may call me Sandcroft."
Lucien and Twilight strode through the crowded streets of Canterlot. "So, the public school houses are over that way, and the marketplace is right up there." She waved a hoof forward, and he could see a wide open area that was full of tents and stalls. It was similar to Ponyville's but on a much grander scale.
"Can we take a look? I'm interested to see what this city has to offer," he said like a child wanting to run rampant through a grocery store.
Twilight rolled her eyes. "That was the lamest excuse just to go goof off, but alright." She levitated a small bag into his hands. "Here's 20 bits, that should buy you something small. Just try not to get something useless." She started to switch direction. "I'm going to go to the library over there. I want to say hi the old librarian that works there. She gave me my first book," she said, already starting the walk down memory lane.
Lucien nodded earnestly. "Alright, I'll try to make it last." Twilight walked off in the direction of a large brick building that had a clock at the middle of the top. There were several large pillars by the entrance, and a few stone lions perched by the clock. "That building looks really familiar... Ah, well. No use in dwelling on it."
He began strolling through the stalls, ignoring the glances and stares he was recieving now that he was alone. "Purple pansies, pantaloons, pink pies, paperweights, parakeets, petunias, pineapples... Everything that starts with a 'p'?"
He stopped, his eye catching a faint glow coming from in front of a tent. He weaved his way through the crowds of people to walk up to the back of the tent. Lucien slowly crossed around, wondering what it was that caught his attention so well. He reached the front.
There was a lone table set up, and the tent's flaps were closed, greatly limiting his view inside. A black top hat stood on the table. "Weird." he thought as he reached to pick the hat up. Suddenly, it shot into the air and sped off behind him. Lucien turned quick to see the hat land on top of the head of a blue unicorn.
It was clear right away that he was different from the rest of the rabble. He was wearing clothing, for starters, and the biggest thing was the almost-visible magical aura he was giving off. "Good afternoon. Is there something I can help you with?" he inquired politely.
Lucien stared for a moment longer, then spoke. "I was hoping to browse your wares. This tent caught my eye, and I wanted to see what you were selling."
The unicorn chuckled. "Well, I happen to deal with certain, hard to obtain, items. Mostly in the magical department."
At this, Lucien's suspicion went up, but so did his interest. "You don't say. May I have a look?" he said cautiously.
"Of course. But, do be a bit quiet about it please. The stalls next to me don't like it when I make a racket." he said.
Lucien's lowered his guard. "I'm sure there's nothing to be worried about," he tried to tell himself. But, his instincts spoke differently. They were all screaming that something was off here, but his interest overruled. "When am I gonna get another chance like this? I'm not going treasure hunting anytime soon."
"Right," was all he opted to say.
"Follow me, then," the unicorn said while walking into the tent.
Lucien followed closely behind. He pushed the flaps to the side and took a look at the interior. It was an extremely small space. Most of it was occupied by a cot and a trunk. The unicorn walked over the the trunk and opened it up. Lucien was at an angle that he couldn't see what was inside, but he could hear a lot of metal scraping together.
After a few moments of looking around, the unicorn exclaimed, "Here we are!" and pulled out a purple crystal about the size of a dollar bill. It was choppy on the edges, like it had been torn off a rock by a clumsy miner. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to have a faint glow.
One thing was for sure though; it was giving off massive amounts of magical energy. It was unfocused, leaving the excess mana dripping onto the ground. Only he could see that last part though.
"What is it?" he asked.
"This is Arcadium, one of the most powerful, naturally-occurring substance found in Equestria. It holds great power, and can be used to power generators, create chemical substances, and," he shifted his gaze directly to Lucien's, "to fuel spells."
Lucien's mental alarm was set off immediately by that. "Why did he give me that look? There's something else behind him that I'm not seeing . . ." He dipped his gaze into the waters of flowing mana. He looked at the unicorn while his back was turned.
He gasped in shock. "He has absolutely no aura! It's just empty space around him! What?! How?! It was practically in plain sight outside!" He was freaking out at this point.
The unicorn turned around, holding a shard of the Arcadium in his hoof. He looked at Lucien confusedly. "Is something the matter?" he asked.
Lucien shook his head a little to quickly "No! Uh, no. There's no matter! Hah!" he threw his arms forward. "What're you talking about man? Heh. Heh heh." he held his hands behind his head while face-palming mentally. "That was your worst attempt at lying that I have ever seen. Ever."
The unicorn just nodded. "Alright then. So, are you interested in this?" he held up the glowing Arcadium.
"He actually bought it." "Um, yeah. Sounds good. How much?" Lucien asked.
"Well . . ." the unicorn brought it to his face for closer inspection. "This one only has a few charges in it, plus a few nicks on the sides. I'll put it at about 10 bits." he said before setting it down on a desk.
"10 bits. Alright." Lucien opened up the bag of coins Twilight gave him. He pulled out 10 and gave put it on the desk next to the Arcadium.
The bits were enveloped in a faint green glow, then were lifted into a nearby ornamental jar. "Thank you, come again!" the unicorn said happily.
"Thanks." Lucien said before grabbing the crystal and putting it in his backpack. He walked out of the tent, shielding his eyes from the harsh afternoon light. "Better go meet up with Twilight."
He walked off. But what he didn't notice was a certain bronze-coated pony walk up to the tent he had just exited. The top hat was once again on the table, and the pony reached for it. It was enveloped in a green glow, then it flew off to rest on its owner's head.
Lucien stepped into the library. Like all the other buildings in Canterlot, this one was huge, stretching many stories upward in long, curved bookcases. So, naturally, books were everywhere on the walls, leaving Lucien to wonder how some of them would be retrieved.
He spotted Twilight immediately. She was talking to a tan mare with long, white hair. She wore a pair of red reading glasses and had a cutie mark of a rolled-up scroll. He walked over and waited for the two to wrap up their conversation.
Lucien was able to pick up on a few scraps of their conversation. Twilight was talking about some old mage pony, and the librarian had an obviously fake smile on that read, "STOP TALKING."
"Uh, Twi? You done?" he prodded her foreleg and she turned to him.
"Oh, Lucien, you're here. Yes, I suppose we should go now." she turned back to the librarian. "Well, Quill, I'm glad we could catch up like this. We should meet up the next time I'm in town!"
"Yes, of course dear. Bye now!" Quill gave Lucien a silent nod of thanks once Twilight's back was turned.
The two walked out of the massive building. "So," Lucien began, "did you enjoy seeing her again?" he asked.
Twilight gave the building another glance. "Yes, I did. I'm not sure I can say the same for her though. She was really surprised when I came in; not the good kind though."
"I'm sure she was delighted to see you," Lucien said. They walked in silence for a few moments. "So . . . I guess we should go pick up some furniture now, huh?"
"Yeah, furniture. Right." Twilight seemed a little distant, but Lucien let her be. They continued walking in silence until they arrived at the store.
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so it's not gonna be super long? kinda sucks but whatevs still a great story so far, getting mentioned in the authors notes was a surprise too.
______edit______
checked out that story, seems pretty good so far and I got my eye on it.
I have to say I like "Sandcroft". He's pretty mysterious, with a dash of Demon lurking in the back of my mind. in reality I know I'm probably far away from the truth, but i do enjoy speculating on this story.
so is this how Bronze is gonna bring her machine together(rare magical relic?). if so, and it is meant for mass production, would that now defeat the purpose. counter-argumently If this is meant to be one of a kind, it would be perfect, and actually increase how effective it is at resisting copying(someone building their own as a counter). Overall i like the shop's use, and i like the shopkeeper.
that being said It was predestined that pinkie was gonna throw a Housewarming party. Fanfiction does this all the time with pinkie.
Once again it is time for my obligatory lament for not being able to like chapter's individually
You missed a D
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If I tried to make it long, it would turn to shit. I'm not joking. I wasn't meant to make a long fic, it just sorta happened that way.
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Noted. Thanks for the pop-ups.
1677004
F**K YEAH! MISSED A "D"!
H'okay. Lessee.
Nao.
I like it. Well, okay yes, I like it. There's a few things though. Like that the fact that he could outmatch Luna and Celly at once just kinda went and got forgotten. Like that tomato I have in the fridge, I think it's alive. That, and the whole part with how he even got there. No speculation, nothing! I would be pretty confused as to how a very specific ritual that could be used to summon a demon would end up teleporting him across worlds. It's like two completely different schools, or something. I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Admittedly, I did almost expect it to summon Discord or something. And he'd go "Oooh. Well this is a surprise." and Lucien would be all "What the hell are you?" then Discord would totally go "What? You're still here? Boop! You're gone." And then when he's sent Lucien to Equestria, he'd take a look at the surroundings, put his fingers together evilly and say "I'm going to have fun here. Mwuahahahaaa!" Fade to black.
As for the character himself. He seems a bit flat right now, powerful and a bit of a prankster, but still a bit flat. You should elaborate a bit more both on him, how his powers compare to a unicorns(Not power-wise, technically and stuff like that. if you want a lot of magic mumbo jumbo, go read "Consequences of Unoriginality" it is awesome), his world (which is obviously not the earth I'm familiar with) and more stuff. I need more stuff!
Sandcroft is cool. Spooky and mysterious, and left outside the picture just enough that his actions are left unquestioned. Kinda weird that he runs his business from the marketplace though, even with a veil or pocket dimension, magical beings should be able to sense that, or at least that somethings wrong.
Bronse needs a bit more definition. Her whole reason for being a villain here is "I'll show them what happens when they don't give me money!". Which isn't much. Also I have no idea what she's trying to build. It could either be a super-magical-extrafragiliciouscalifragilistic magic-enhancer. Or a horn warmer.
Horns get cold too you know.
Anyhow. That's pretty much the end of my rant. I might be completely wrong everywhere. My brain isn't working at maximum potential at the moment due to the flu, but hey.
Good story, keep going!
EDIT: And Bronse's change to villain was very abrupt. Needs more buildup, maybe some personal tragedy or something to drive her over the edge.
I'm a bad person for even suggesting bringing bad things upon ponies...
1695377 I've been banging ideas around in my mind ever since this last chapter was released. Many of the ideas I had were related to the issues you just raised.
Fixed the fight.
Second, I'm going to ignore what you said on the transportation incident, since I will be covering that later. Discord . . . shit. That would've been good, but too close to this one other story I'm reading. Check it out, but don't be put off by grammar mistakes in the first few chapters; it's worth it in the end.
Third, I thought I gave him a pretty long backstory a few chapters ago. Wasn't good enough? If not, I can add another flashback later. Twilight and Lucien may end up having a few debates on magic, or run a few tests to see how their power matches up. But, I do have an explanation up my sleeve for the time being. *Lecture mode* The magic that everypony was using against Lucien was all elemental-based, and therefore had limitations on the amount of power given out. Lucien, however, was not using any elemental focus, instead opting to use raw arcane energy, which holds more power and is harder to control. It was a fluke that something horrible didn't happen to all of them.
Fourth, Sandcroft had a lot of thought on my part. I'm glad he came off the way I envisioned he would. The pocket-dimension exists outside of Eqqus' natural world, but it's still a place, somewhere. That's why Lucien never picked up anything major, he only got that weird sense that something was up about Sandcroft. Plus, the pocket wasn't open at the time.
Fifth, Bronze Gear is getting more expansion next chapter, which will include her reasons for *SPOILERS*. Let's just say that something happened in the past, and it will come to fuel her actions later on. Prepare your minds for an epic *SPOILERS FOR FINAL CHAPTER*. And, I want you to keep guessing at what she's building. *Hint* it's not a horn warmer. Something a bit more dangerous.
Last, (finally) Bronze isn't really a villain. See, that right there is the catch. She may come off as a villain to everyone else, but in her mind, she's *SPOILERS*. I'll just say that she has her own reasons for her actions.
You like my rant? And my spoiler censor? Thanks for the input, but now I need to re-think the whole entire ending. Thanks a lot.
1698800
1. The outmatch was also well done, you wrote it as more brains vs brawn than brawn vs brawn. He simply outmatched them with his wit. I'd imagine that by now neither Celly or Luna has fought anything seriously in a very long time. So yeah. I liked the scene, and it made sense. It's just that it was pretty much brushed under the carpet once the scene was finished. Well, it seemed that way to me anyhow.
2. Asum, and yeah. I'm reading that as well. It's pretty awesome.
3. Yeah, you gave him a backstory, but not much about him. What drives him, what motivates him to do things like summon demons and run away from frostgiants. Why did he continue to fight instead of try to make peace (the scene was awesome, do not change it D: )? And so on.
4. H'okay.
5. Aight. I'll look forward to it.
6. Yes yes. There is no true evil or *SPOILERS*, because those that do evil or *SPOILERS* don't think of it as such. It's always for the betterment of whatever species or plane of existance they belong to. But I'm looking forward to it.
7. Someone posted ONE comment, and it made me start Heaven Sent over from the beginning. Wooh.
1700083 My spoiler censor's a pain in the ass. Yeah, I know. Can't reveal too much.
7. Did I do that?
1705909
7. I'm pretty sure that wasn't you. Maybe.
liked and favorited!! tis good story!!! and sandcroft reminds me of that one guy in resident evil... you know the guy who sells you stuff... only sandcroft looks more swanky.
1724534
Can't say that I know of "that one guy in resident evil," but thanks for the support!
1730621 sorry... watch this
1731073
Oh, that guy. I saw the new episode a few days after it was out. There's a lot of Resident Evils, and a whole mess of "those guys" in them, so I wasn't too sure.
*hands Sandcroft a large sack of bits*
That's for the promotion and the *wink* thing we talked about.
1753087
No 'prob, man. *wink*
Anytime you need something, feel free to give me a shout.
1808654
How far have you read in the story?
He's not a veteran wizard, he's more of a journeyman/adept.
He's in his twenties, and a bit immature due to video games.
He hadn't really dealt with anything like that before.
1808642
Why would I delete things from the A/N that's already happened?
Not a reflection on the quality of your story, but I think you could do with some more research on rock and stone, especially considering it's Lucien's element. For one, and in my opinion this should be obvious, ebony is actually a type of wood, not stone. I'd recommend replacing the ebony parts with dolomite, which is appropriate as it's a common component of marble, but you could just as easily say obsidian, or rhyolite, or any kind of dark metamorphic stone. But if you really want something organic you could make the swirls out of petrified wood. I won't even bother to bring up the possibilities for the main structure (honestly, marble is kind of cliched, and as a metamorphic rock it's kind of hard to believe it was just raised it up out of the ground), as the list continues to go on and marble has always been a really nice building material. But I will say two final things to address this subject in general.
One, from a thematic approach, it would be appropriate for Lucien to make his home out of something like Limestone, for its erosion rate (aka weakness to the elements) or Basalt for its known prevalence on other planets and moons as well as its toughness and strange texture. But this is an opinion. I know that spending hours on a math system that calculates the effectiveness of magic in the MLP universe isn't something most writers do and I can hardly expect anyone to care about that level of detail, and to be honest I don't often pursue it either. But research is always good, and there's always some good connections to be made.
Two, maybe you should go with a darker or more typically brown-coloured rocks, like some kind of feldspar, to emphasize Lucien's connection with his element. Sure, marble is a beautiful and historically accurate building material, and might represent purity to some extent, but granite is a cleaner, stronger, and safer material, and probably more common too. Then again, it looks better on a counter-top than it does wrapped around a mansion. Which brings to question why the entire thing is just one kind of stone, but I shouldn't really opine on that.
And finally, don't trust me on all of this. I'm no geologist. I just play Dwarf Fortress, and thus am an expert on all things menial and tedious.
2228478 Yes...yes it was.
You son of a..
But WHO is Sandcroft? WHY does he sell questionably legal magical trinkets? HOW does he do the things he does? SOOOO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!!
9268984
Yeah, I agree. WHERE is that random room? WHEN did he start doing this? And WHAT is up with his hat?
Oh look, a dealer giving off vibes who's probably the sinister antagonist behind the antagonist. Probably. I'm always open to being surprised
Then again, since it was at least rumoured that he's sworn to never harm a pony, I would assume it also means the same through proxy. Except for that answer Bronze Gear gave him about how far she was willing to go. Curiously, we don't actually hear her answer here, though that omission is no doubt intentional, so who knows if she's willing to harm ponies.
What about Filthy Rich's shop?
10157571
We ignore his filthy family.