A week away from finals, Jeremy falls asleep at the wheel and has what should have been a fatal accident. He discovers that he is one of a very small percentage of sentients in the universe. He is an immortal. He cannot die. As he struggles to accept his new place in the universe, he must figure out how he's going to begin his immortality... And where he'll go to spend it.
Note: This is a HiE story which spends much more time on characterization of the human. This will not be a 'brony in Equestria' story; it's a chance to explore fictional worlds through a very unique viewpoint.
Chapters (6)
Very good so far.
(Slow Clap) very nice so far.
pretty good so far. no godly powers yet, can feel pain, and just so far not stu-ish. hope to see more updates soon
At least we have some people on this site that know that Immortality doesn't automatically mean Invulnerability
more please
Normally doesn't like stories with immortals, but I like this
VERY good writing!
looks good
Aw crap, is this going to be one of those fics?
2869632
What kind of fic is that? The comment Jeremy was making was that humans don't seem wise when compared to immortals. I'm not going on about pony culture being superior to human. It's been done and over done.
Well, this is looking interesting so far. I am liking your twist on the HiE and especially how it looks like it is going to interact with the princesses. They are very clearly in the same boat as Jeremy, however it is looking like there is some serious factional tension going on so there is no way to know how the meeting will go. Of course, part of me is kind of hoping for Jeremy to make off with Celestia's head yelling at him from inside a box, but I doubt that will happen.
sapiens means wise not homo
2869673
Ah. Thanks! I'm no student of Latin, that's for sure. I'll make the appropriate change (and thanks for the correction!)
Welp you've got me, don't disappoint me but I have a feeling you won't. Great story so far, it'll be interesting to see the reaction when he meets the princesses.
*throws fic to the ground, where it shatters like glass*
I LIKE IT!
2869632
Your profile picture seems excited about it.
Very good idea for a story. And I like the direction it's going in, keep up the good work!
2869866
ANOTHER!
Huh... interesting. I'll definitely be following this. Interesting concept, and well written.
Pretty good second chapter.
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
Oh man, I like this!
This has my interest, continue
Congratulations on feature box. Great story.
2870204
Thanks! My other story, The Apple Tree, also made the feature box when I first published it. It feels great that people like my work!
Not sure if should read... the [sex] tag isn't making this any better...
Encourage me to read, minions!
i.ytimg.com/vi/cMIHnHlEtrw/hqdefault.jpg
Heh, well I doubt this "human" is going to be doing much bowing and scraping in front of Celestia.... I wonder if Celestia and Luna are also immortals or just long-lived? Hmmmmmm.....
Oo!
I like!
I finish reading the first chapter, only to find the second a few hours later.
It reads like a novel, I like it.
2870288
Actually, the sex tag isn't really necessary right now. I put it in the story to cover any future references to sex or reproduction. It's definitely not clop.
This story have very rich potential. I will wait for realization of it.
http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/26701179.jpg just to read the next chapter! (Bluffing of course :3)
2870389 That's great! You encouraged me to read, minion! Many thanks, friend of friends!
hmmm, so this is right after he leaves the nexus, huh? guess he's still the youngest immortal. unless a 10 year old became one at the same time as him.
Hey there everyone, thanks so much for reading and commenting on my story! It's a ton of fun to write and it's really wonderful to see that you guys are enjoying it. However, if you decide that it's not what you're looking for or that I've written something you really hate--then you push that thumbs down button-- hey, that's okay! But I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave a comment explaining why you thumbs-downed my story. Not for arguments' sake, but because I'm really interested in getting better. Now, I know that I won't be able to please everyone, but since I'm the only one who edits my work (I haven't got any proofreaders), I need to know how to improve; otherwise, I'll keep on making the same mistakes you hate over and over! So please! Help a brother out!
Your comments and criticisms are more than welcome! And if you find any grammar or spelling errors, let me know and I'll correct it. I always maintain that these stories are living documents; they're digital, not carved in stone! Anyway, thanks again for reading!
2870866
You wouldn't happen to be looking for proof readers, would ya?
'Cause I got a fairly sharp eye for these things.
Though it doesn't seem like you need any, as you seem to be doing well on your own.
2870990
I'm always grateful for any help... Though honestly, I enjoy doing the editing on my own (and I feel like I'm a much harsher critic than anyone else--I don't have to worry about sparing my own feelings). Plus, I get a little impatient when I'm relying on others to get proofreading done and I love that feeling of publishing right when I get finished with a chapter. I don't know... let me get back to you on that. If I feel like the editing on my own is getting to be too much, I'll definitely send you a PM.
2869652
Sorry, but I've lost count of how many times a somewhat interesting premise was used to throw a misanthropic bitch-fit.
And of course Immortals will be wiser on average than baseline humans, their limitless lifespan allows them to accumulate a massive amount of experience with which to judge and comprehend the world. A knowledge pool that could never be matched by a mortal species. It's just that the way he states it make it sound like he looks down, at least a little, on normal humans and that they are arrogant, stupid, or both. The species nomenclature was made to separate it from the other ape genera present on Earth, which are demonstrably less intelligent than humans. So no, the "wise human" is not an inappropriate naming choice.
What he's saying is like comparing Stephen Hawking and God, and claiming that calling Hawking a genius is wrong.
2871050
You make a good point and it comes down to a poor choice of words on my part that the sentiment didn't translate. I take your point though, and it wouldn't really detract from the story to take that sentence out. It doesn't really move the plot along or reveal character... I think it'll probably get axed in the near future.
keep going
2871050
There. I think it sounds better now. I really didn't want this to turn into a hate-fest on humanity. I mean, humans can't be all bad because one of use (re)created Ponyville and our favorite ponies, right?
2871049
Sound reasoning.
Feel free to drop a line, anytime.
Well I have two things to say about this.
Should have gone with a horrible squid monster-alien.... Now that would be unique.
2871249
Unique, yes. But we have to identify with the main character. And I have a hard time identifying with a horrible squid-monster.
2871255
Why do we have to? Who makes these rules!?
Actually in all seriousness you can identify with any plethora of characters depending on how well they are written. Some of the best characters I've identified with were noble creatures belonging to other, fictional races.
But now you've woken up my intrigue with general literature which is way off topic, so I'll just toddle off now.
2871268
Ah yes, but you're clearly much more open-minded than I am. I have to write the story, so if I can't identify with the main character, none of you will either! Enjoy your romp among general lit!
2871050
I'm gonna have to steal the phrase "misanthropic bitch-fit" sometime. It describes so many things here quite well.
Very good idea and execution. Fucking loving this!
2871071
True enough. And it is a little better.
I mean, you could always say something about how even with all the knowledge and years we've spent taking apart our world to the tiniest particle, to the most basic level, we still know so very little.
While the speech itself wouldn't fit this character from what I've seen, he doesn't seem very prose using, you could do something similar to Carl Sagan's Pale Blue Dot.
We aren't stupid, just very, very small.
2871354
Go for it, you're sure to use it soon enough.
First the apple tree, now this. You are awesome, but how the hell are you getting featured, not important I love your stories, your are awesome
2871838
Y'know, I have no idea why I'm getting featured. I post a chapter, then a few hours later, I hear it's been featured. I don't know how, but I guess it's because of all of you guys. I won't say it's because I'm a great writer or anything, that's for sure. But I'm so glad you enjoyed The Apple Tree and are enjoying this story as well! I love y'all's comments, keep em comin'!
Might just be because I'm tired, but your sentance structure felt... Off. Not sure how to explain it. Stilted? It was a bit like bullet points. My brain didn't really connect it and have it flow.
Also, you slipped up on dialogue punctuation in a few places—usually capitalising "said" after an exclamation or question mark, but that's an easy autocorrect mistake.
In addition, I felt you used the characters names too much, rather than providing context to use "he" and "she".
Otherwise, this looks quite interesting.