• Member Since 30th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 13th, 2014

junebud


T
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When Twilight Sparkle invites Applejack and her little sister to lunch with her and the rest of her friends, Apple Bloom is thrilled to be joining the mares on a grownup lunch. She resolves to get Twilight Sparkle a gift to thank her for her thoughtfulness. This gift serves two purposes though, and it's not until much later that Applejack discovers that Apple Bloom was setting up Twilight Sparkle and Applejack to become marefriends from the very beginning.

Warning: Third-person limited with multiple POVs. This is a shipping fic with the Applejack and Twilight pairing.

EDIT: Added the 'Sex' tag because there are a few implications, though no physical descriptions.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 332 )

Not an Applejack/Twilight Sparkle fan?

okay i liked it so far, keep up the good work.

Purple freckles?

Pretty cute. There's a missing paragraph break or two, and you should really put inner thoughts in italics to distinguish them from the regular prose, but Apple Bloom is quite well characterized, and I like the premise of her playing matchmaker for her sister. (It wouldn't be her first time doing so for one of her older siblings, after all!)

I don't think I like the idea that Apple Bloom hears AJ crying for loneliness at night. That seems a bit too desperate to really be in character for her, and it isn't really necessary to motivate Apple Bloom to try and set her up. An offhand comment from Applejack while she explains the 'sweet on Lyra' thing would have served just as well, and would have been a lot more in character for her.

But otherwise, this is a nice, sweet story, and I am interested to see where it goes.

nice start, i see much potential in this, trust me i have read many ship fics to know this stuff by now, don't keep us waiting to long but also don't compromise the quality either

Fun drinking game: 1 shot for every "ms.Twilight Sparkle"

2703536
Thanks for the suggestions, Esle! I had this formatted correctly in MS Word, but forgot to check for the italics in the draft which was imported to FimFiction. I'll make the corrections. I also agree with you about the line where Apple Bloom is thinking about Applejack crying herself to sleep... that was a bit much, but I was feeling a bit mushy at the time. It'll likely get changed.

2703572

Yes, I know, it gets a little ridiculous. But trust me, this is how kids are brought up to regard their elders (at least in my experience) in the South. I know that there's not a real analog for the Southern US in Equestria, but Applejack has the accent, so I assume a lot about her upbringing from it.

2703547

Thanks for the comment! I agree with you about pacing of ships, but I want there to be firmly established reasons for this to happen. I don't really want these feelings to just come from nowhere. To me, I'd rather take some time establishing character in these early parts so that the relationship becomes more believable later on.

Seems we're off to a great start here, definitely tracking this one.

Okay, I've fixed the formatting to allow for italics on word emphasis and inner dialog (thoughts). I've also made a little change which characterizes Applejack a little better (thanks Esle!) Keep the comments comin'! It's thrilling to see them rollin' in!

I'm definatly tracking this one. I could always use some AppleSpark. :ajsmug:::twilightblush:

Ecchem.

“Don’t pay no mind to Rarity, Twi! Leastways, not enough to stop you from eatin’ a good apple.”

I could feel my mind falling into the gutter and just rolling around.

And if I know my sister, I know she’s gonna want to make sure Ms. Twilight’ll take good care of an apple tree!

And part of that is teaching Twilight all about a good root! Yep, Applejack is going to love teaching Twilight all about a good, healthy rooting.

Also, it's Ms Sparkle, or Twilight, but not Ms Twilight Sparkle. You keep using both parts of her name and it's a bit jarring in informal speech. Other than that worth my time to read.

great start, you really nailed the characters down :twilightsmile: I just hope that apple blooms little stunt doesn't make too much of a mess...:applejackunsure:

I'm not gonna lie. I'm a huge fan of how you wrote AJ's thought processes...:pinkiehappy:

2703960

I agree with your assessment regarding Apple Bloom's use of Ms. Twilight Sparkle. I'll tone it down a bit and stick to one or the other.

Also, it's hilarious that you're getting these double-entendres from the story as I totally didn't intend for them to be taken that way! It makes it all the better!

2704298 & 2704324

Thanks for your comments! I've been trying to stay true to the characters. It's really gratifying to hear that some of you think I've done a good job.

Nice start, can't wait to see how it pans out.

2704382

My only "grievance" with your take on AJ is that yours for some reason makes me associate her with Louisiana, as opposed to Texas... I have no clue why...lol It's not an actual grievance for the record, it's just a little odd to me.

2703960

I took your advice and edited Apple Bloom's references to Twilight as Ms. Sparkle (or Ms. Twilight) then read it aloud and you're right, it flows much better. Thanks for the insight! :pinkiehappy:

2705018

Hey, it was totally selfish, so don't thank me. Obviously I only did it so I could enjoy reading your story more.

See? Selfish.

2704413

Y'know, it's funny, but I've never been to Louisiana. I was kinda worried about the Apple family's accent because I'm not all that familiar with the Texan idiom. I'm from the Southeastern US (NC), so I was really worried their accents would have more of a North/South Carolinian bent. Though if you hear Louisiana in her voice, that's certainly something unexpected! I'm hoping to improve as I go, but I can't promise anything; I'm just surrounded by too much of one kind of Southern for me to easily reinterpret it in another. :applejackconfused:

Applebloom as matchmaker? Hmmmm.

Sounds fun and not at all going to go wrong.

I'll watch this.

~Skeeter the Lurker

A fun start! I have to admit, Apple Bloom has a pretty clever idea for making her sister and Twilight spend time together. I'm looking forward to seeing how it works out..

that is actually quite subtle for applebloom I guess when it isn't for a cutie mark she has some pretty good ideas, and all those things on the farm that need fixin she can do herself, once she finds her special talent that is.

Very enjoyable first chapter :twilightsmile: Can't wait for more!!!

If you need a critic, I'm up for grabs. Message me please?

2705446
Not sure what you're sayin there buddy. Perhaps a little context?

I don't get why Apple Bloom always says "Miss" before the names of Applejack's friends. She never does on the show.

I don't really know what it means either. Being random is kinda my THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG.
2705491

The 'Ms.''s are taking a little getting used to, they seem strangely out of place. Otherwise it's a good start and earns a watch from me.

I'm likin the premise here, and I see a lot of potential for this story. You seem to have a very firm grasp on the personalities and mannerisms of most of the cast, and your prose is solid. Aside from a formatting hiccup here and there that took me out of the experience, I really have nothing to complain about. No upvote yet, but I will be tracking this one. :twilightsmile:

Really liked this, it was sweet and adorable! Can't wait for more. :moustache:

Not bad, not bad at all, still need some works, with the dialogue, and Applejak needs to tone down the number if nicknames

2705446

your comment just made my day. lol! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

The only question I have for this story is, are there diet apples? :rainbowhuh: (The whole Cortland/Red Delicious thing)

PinkieMac, I like it. Of course, Pinkie would probably aiming for a 3 way with Lyra. Pinkie would most likely be bi.

Not many authors can write Applejack's dialogue very well. I'm happy to day that is not the case here. This is one of the best examples for how Applejacks speaking should be written. All without a single "Ah" in sight. Well done!
The premise to the story seems interesting. I'll be curious to see if there's any truth behind Applebloom's observations.

2703603

Yes, I know, it gets a little ridiculous. But trust me, this is how kids are brought up to regard their elders (at least in my experience) in the South. I know that there's not a real analog for the Southern US in Equestria, but Applejack has the accent, so I assume a lot about her upbringing from it.

I have lived in the South my whole life, and I agree that this is true... two generations ago. Of course there are still pockets of it, but much of the South has gotten away from that, in my estimation. It wouldn't surprise me if it's more prevalent in the more rural areas, like in middle-of-nowhere parts of Mississippi and Alabama. (They really know how to cook chicken there, for serious.) So it's a perfectly reasonable assumption for this story.

2706423

In reality, there aren't diet apples, no. But I thought it'd be a bit of a silly conceit for ponies to diet by going off Red Delicious and onto a type that isn't as sweet (which is patently ridiculous in its own right--to me, Red Delicious apples are too grainy for real enjoyment). It's just a bit of silliness in my worldbuilding.

2705648

It seems to be getting in the way with most peoples' immersion in the story, so I'm considering taking the 'Ms.' out of Apple Bloom's dialog. To be honest, at first it was a device to differentiate Apple Bloom from her sister, but I think I've got a firmer grasp on their voices, so I think I can take 'em out without ruining the character.

2705366

Oh ye of little faith. How could she not work her cutie mark into it? That wouldn't be in line with her character at all! Just wait 'til the next chapter. ;-)

>>Everyone

Thanks for your continued suggestions!

There was a whole part where Appleboom hears Applejack cry at bed and do a little stunt or something? Was it a cut chapter that's been redone or something?

2706783

Actually, I did cut that part. I thought it wasn't very Applejack. However, Applejack's loneliness (due to the loss of her parents) will come back into the story.

*Edits made to kill off the word 'Ms.' from Apple Bloom's vocabulary.

This is a very good fanfic, and I love AJ, and am glad to see her dialouge written so well. This definately seems like it will turn out very well. :derpytongue2:

I cross my fingers that each episode will be relased in TWICE the time that this was.

I'm surprised applebloom didn't gauge applejack a heart attack with that "hnnnng" level of adorable.

“Aw, Sweetie,” -->Apple Jack<-- smiled pulling her friend’s chin up with a gentle hoof, “I thought of yer sister first! But can y’really see yours and my sisters together? Like, together livin’ together?”

That ought to be Apple Bloom I reckon.

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