It wasn't like I'd gone out fishing expecting Princess Celestia to visit me again. So far it'd only happened once. Okay, twice, but in fairness she was already in Ponyville at the time and I am her military advisor. She attends to little details like that so well: Part of ruling for over a thousand years, I suppose.
It was just... A nice thing. To get to talk to her, to just be with her. She did rule an entire country and she did move the sun.
And for some bizarre reason, she was... Genuine with me. No masks, no fake smiles.
So it was that a pony princess sat alongside me in front of the lake, as I let my fishing line out. We sat in silence for a while, both of us sipping hard cider from Sweet Apple Acres.
She almost... Seemed sad. Tired. And really, who likes to see a weepy woman drinking alcohol all alone? It's a sad scene, especially when it's an immortal demi-goddess.
But in all honesty, I didn't know what to say... So I said anything.
"The violence and chaos aside," I said, "the wedding was nice."
Celestia stared at me, and then allowed herself a small smile.
"It was certainly more interesting than the last one, yes," she agreed.
"You've been married?" I asked. Celestia laughed softly, before sipping her cider.
"No, but we've had many weddings for my adopted... And not so adopted children," she admitted. I raised an eyebrow, and Celestia gave me a little wink.
"Well, you didn't think me a virgin queen, did you?" She asked.
"No, and there's a lot of speculation that my world's virgin queen wasn't," I replied, chuckling softly. I tipped my cider back, and found the bottle was empty. I reached into the cooler for another, popped it open, and began to drink from it. I sighed happily, the refreshing taste and feeling filling me with warmth. I looked over at Celestia, tilting my head.
"If you have something on your mind, you can tell me," I said.
Celestia looked down at her hooves.
"... I am very glad you and Luna are friends," she said. "I... I am so glad she is able to connect to others. After all that time." She looked over at me, and smiled in genuine gratitude. "You connect well with her."
I nodded.
"I mean... We haven't met much in real life but she's... I mean," I smiled, "she... gets it. You know? That... Loneliness."
Celestia nodded, and looked back out over the water. I gave her a shrug.
"You do too, I think," I said. Celestia turned her head to look at me, and was silent for a time. I managed to hold her gaze. She let out a long, soft breath through her nostrils, and nodded. There was... Such sadness in her eyes.
"And-And she doesn't blame you for what happened," I impulsively stated. Celestia started, shocked... Then she smiled back gratefully.
"She has told me that," Celestia admitted, "but... I guess a small, foalish part of me still worried over that." She looked back out at the lake, watching the waves gently lap against the rocky shore. I shook my head.
"I still beat myself up for stupid crap I did when I was a kid," I admitted. "I mean... It doesn't really compare to what you two went through. It uh... I mean, it doesn't make me an authority and I'm not going to pretend it does, so-"
Celestia gently placed her wing against my mouth. She gave me the kindest look I could ever imagine seeing on her face.
"You use your pain to try and be kind to others," Celestia said gently, "and while sometimes you can be too kind, too forgiving, too underconfident... That means you are doing the right thing with it. You are not lesser to us just because our pain has lasted so much longer. As time... Doesn't always heal all wounds."
She lifted her wing away from my face. I nodded slowly, and held out my bottle. She lifted her own, and clanked it against mine.
We both drank our ciders, and again settled back into a comfortable silence. It was nice and warm... I fell asleep.
It was a nice, dreamless nap... Interrupted by the feeling of a very large weight landing in my lap.
"Bwah?!" I gasped, waving my arms about. It took my eyes a moment to focus-My umbrella was gone but there was something blocking the sunlight over me. The same thing now straddling me... With a large, drunken grin.
"Princess Celestia," I managed calmly, "what-?"
"I had the rest of the cider!" Celestia said gleefully. Yeah, I could smell that on her breath. I looked over at the cooler and... Geez. I had twelve more bottles in there!
I wasn't going to drink them all by myself! But, well, I kind of like having a lot of alcohol on hand. Old habit from college when I went to parties. Easy way to be liked that didn't involve being good at socialization.
"Uh, that's good," I groaned, "um, listen, can you get off me? You're really..."
Celestia's lower lip wobbled. I sighed.
"You're... It's uncomfortable?" I hazarded. Celestia blinked, and then grinned.
"Cause I'm not a woman," she concluded, "I'm a pony!"
"... Yeah, sure, let's go with that," I managed with a grunt, as she rocked up and down my lap. Normally a beautiful princess on my lap would be nothing to complain about, but again: Wrong species, and really heavy.
Celestia's eyes lit up... As did the rest of her body. Which shrank slightly, forming into a very... Humanoid shape. A deliciously stacked, long legged, hourglass-figured and completely naked shape.
"Woah," I murmured softly, as the now human Celestia gave me a wink that certainly didn't do anything for the comfort of my lap.
"Sooo... Is this better?" She whispered.
"... Yes. Yes it is," I replied calmly.
Look. I try to be a good man but when a drunken super hot minx is in your lap, naked and raring to go, what else are you supposed to say?
... Probably something else but I'm not that good.
"Oh good," Celestia murmured, leaning forward, "I promised I'd hold back for Luna, she's so fond of you... I'll give her cake, she'll forgive me..."
And she slumped on top of me, passed out drunk and snoring. I let out a heavy sigh.
"Figures," I muttered.