I'm just going to be honest: While I miss the Earth and my old life a lot, there are some things I don't miss at all. Especially medically speaking.
With magic, a lot of medical issues that require uncomfortable tests and long hours of waiting in machines that bombard you with X-rays are no longer issues. As for Equestrian healthcare... Let's just say they found the perfect balance between private and public and leave it at that. Humans can be so sensitive about politics in arenas where there's no means of sensible moderation.
That said, I still had to get check ups every month as part of my agreement with the Equestrian government. There were concerns about me infecting them all with a plague or even me dying from an local virus, which is perfectly reasonable. I am an alien, after all.
I thought I would hate it, like I hated Earth hospitals. I was thankfully wrong. Mainly due to the aforementioned magic, and my usual general physician: One Nurse Redheart. She was a white furred, pink haired Earth pony nurse, wore the cute little hat and everything. I was also very fond of her, and she of me.
"What kind of stupidity did you do to yourself this time?"
Mainly because of how direct she was. I smiled at her as I laid on the examination table in the examination room. She trotted him, giving me a wan smile.
"Nothing," I said. "Just the usual check up, you know me."
"That's why I asked," she replied wryly. She trotted up to me and began asking questions, marking things on a chart as she went through them. Then she had me pull off my shirt and she began listening to my heartbeat via stethoscope, as well as my lungs.
"Still chilly," I said. Redheart huffed.
"That's just the temperature variation," she mumbled around the stethoscope. "Now breathe in... Breathe out..."
She checked my reflexes with a hammer, then took some skin samples. Finally, she got to a more general question format. For this, she just pulled up a chair and sat across from me as I kicked my legs like an anxious four year old.
"So," Redheart began, "have you eaten anything strange lately?"
I shook my head.
"Not unless you count some of Pinkie's Glow in the Dark Sprinkle Cakes," I said. "Is it?"
"Around here? No, but any problems with it?" She asked. I shook my head.
"None. Though..." I trailed off, thinking about how to phrase this. Redheart frowned.
"What is it?" She asked.
"It's weird," I said, "but... I mean, back on Earth I had a lot of energy issues. I was tired, I was overweight, I even had some breathing and allergy issues." I shrugged. "But since I got here, I've felt... Good. Like, better than good."
I thumped the pecs on my chest, which were pretty well defined. My stomach wasn't fully defined, but it was definitely not a big, round bulge.
"I can work out, I can go to work, and I'm full of energy-Do you know what's causing it?" I asked.
Redheart blinked a few times, and then sighed.
"Doctor Stable didn't tell you, I take it," she said, a bit exasperated. "That figures."
"What figures?" I asked, leaning forward.
"Well, when we did your blood tests," she said, "we found you did have immunological and glandular issues. Not uncommon to many primates living a sedentary lifestyle. So we talked with the Royal Academy of Sciences and gave you some T Plus Booster Potions, and an Immunological Balancing Potion Regimen."
"The... Green stuff you made me take?" I asked. Redheart nodded.
"Of course! As well as a few other booster potions-Vitamin deficiencies mostly. Your thyroid has been functioning properly for a while, as has the rest of your system." She blinked curiously. "Is that a problem? Is it some kind of human cultural thing to-"
Let me give you some context: I have suffered from allergies so bad that they thought I had asthma when I was 10. Even allergy shot treatment and pills could do so much to alleviate it. As for thyroid issues: Sure, I took pills for that but working out was always a challenge because of having to push myself harder for fewer gains. Let's not even get into the clinical depression that accompanied this, or the other hormone crap that made me feel so bad.
Basically Redheart had cured me of shit that had plagued me for my entire life with a few potions, that had let me live the actual active lifestyle all those diet pill and exercise machines had boasted about.
This is why I grabbed her, hugged her, and kissed the hell out of her. She squealed in surprise, which is what made me realize just what I was doing.
I immediately pulled back, set her carefully on her table, and backed away to nearly the other side of the room. We were both panting for breath, and red faced.
"Ah... Um, sorry," I said quickly. "I'm really sorry-I just... Wow!" I gave her the biggest grin ever. "I... Thank you!" I closed in slowly, as she still seemed a bit scrambled. "Is-Is there anything I can do for you? To repay you?"
"Um... Don't be... I mean! Ah,no! I-I'm just doing my job!"," she said after a long, thoughtful pause.
"Again, I am so sorry," I admitted, helping to adjust the hat on her head. She shivered at this, and licked her lips.
"Though... Um," she began, "it would... Be nice... To chat outside of a hospital setting." There was a long pause. "A friendly chat. At a cafe. From time to time?"
Oh God. I really was a harem lead, wasn't I? No, come on, don't think that. Yes she's flustered and maybe she's interested but... Don't overthink it. Take it slow. Be honest.
"I'd like that," I said, "nice, friendly cafe meals. Together. As friends."
Redheart nodded back. "Y-Yes. Friends," she said.
"Sooo," I said, as I tried to get back on track with all the subtlety of a nuclear powered rhino charge, "anything else to discuss or look at-?"
"No! No, I'm-We're done!" Redheart squeaked quickly. "You can put your pants back on! And your shirt!"
"No problem! I'm dressing, I'm dressing," I said just as quickly, getting dressed frantically. When I was done I looked up at the mare.
Redheart fixed her mane up in a mirror, and turned around. She was taking slow, deep breaths. She finally seemed to collect herself, and gave me a warm smile.
"So, um, just keep up the exercise and avoid too many sweets and you'll be fine," she said. She hoofed open the door. "And I'll see you this Disday morning for brunch?"
"It's a date," I said with a smile. "... By which I mean-"
"An entirely platonic outing between friends," she said with a nod. "Of course! Now," she leaned out and bit my butt, making me yelp, "Out!"
"OW!" I cried, rubbing my rump. "... Did you seriously just-?"
"OUT!"
I got out, and she slammed the door shut behind me. I headed to the front desk, shaking my head. I paid my copay with the receptionist, who was giving me a little smirk.
"... What's so funny?" I asked her. The receptionist, a Pegasus mare with cool blue mane and fur, giggled.
"Just that it seems to take a while for her to do your examinations," she noted. I shrugged as I signed the check.
"I am an alien. How long is it supposed to take?" I asked.
She giggled again.
"I dunno, how's your butt?"
I refused to even dignify that with a response.