- - -
It took some time to get out to the dump. Too much time, if I was being honest. It did give me some time to think on a few issues and talk them out with Zecora and Spike, which helped. To a point. It wasn’t until we got to the dump that I got an idea of how difficult my plan might actually be.
“Oh shit,” I mumbled as we got our first look at the dump. Which really should have been called The Dump. Zecora nodded.
"Extent-wise, this is quite impressive. Its users must be most aggressive," she rhymed.
It was. It was a huge clearing filled with junk of every kind-Mostly human junk. I could see a gigantic rocket with Chinese characters on it in the center, leaning over a 777 airliner. There was a Japanese Zero fighter perched on a stack of old cars. There were piles of microwaves, pots, rifles, cake pans, and everything else you could imagine, forming a gigantic maze.
Surrounding this maze were hundreds of monsters: A gigantic hydra with four heads, huge monstrous crocodiles, pants-wettingly huge spiders and scorpions, living blobs with eyes, wolves made of wood with glowing green eyes, apes as big as pick up trucks alongside freaking dinosaurs, and-holy shit was that a Beholder?
They were all wandering around… Silently. That was the worst part. Their eyes were blank-Controlled by the magic of the deer. It was very bizarre.
“So,” Spike began, as we observed all this from behind a few wrecked refrigerators, “how do we enact your plan again?”
I frowned deeply.
“I was thinking if we got them all mad enough,” I suggested, “they could chase me. Right to the city walls.”
"And how do we do that? Have you talk at them?" Spike deadpanned. I shrugged.
"If I have to? Yes," I said.
“The problem, then, becomes twofold,” Zecora said, “Attract them; keep the chase up. Bold!”
“But how are we supposed to get them all mad enough to stay after me?” I grumbled. The manticore growled as well, looking equally frustrated. Damnit, and I’d thought it would work!
“Couldn’t you shoot them all with your guns?” Spike suggested. I looked at my rifle, and then up at the massive creatures.
“I’m not sure they would hurt them enough,” I said honestly. “And besides, the minute I hurt one of them, they’ll just revert to type and attack anything close. We need them to chase us to Thicket.”
“Maybe there’s a means to accomplish your goal, if we look through this trash-filled hole?” Zecora suggested. I nodded.
“That might work,” I said. “All right, fan out. We gotta work quickly, we don’t have much time left-”
Several of the monsters began moving to an unheard signal. Like synchronized robots, they began prowling around a nearby pile of junk. Atop it was an old, metal skinned place-Maybe a 1930s Lockheed? One of the entranced creatures, an owlbear if I wasn’t mistaken, reached for the hatch and opened it.
He was greeted with a very loud blast of music right to the face, and it made me jump with its familiarity.
“Is anybody out there, anybody there?
Does anybody wonder, anybody care?”
"Def Lepard?" I whispered. Spike frowned.
"What's music supposed to do to one that's deaf?" He asked.
The monsters staggered away, as one, all growling and groaning. My eyes lit up.
“Go go go!” I muttered. I hefted my guns and the Elements of Harmony, and took off from our cover. Zecora, Spike and the manticore raced after me. We did our best to stay behind several piles of junk, and climbed up to the other side of the aged airplane. I reached out and opened the hatch.
Within it were four surprises: A chestnut Earth stallion with a tie, wild hair and an hourglass cutiemark, a gray Pegasus mare with blonde hair, derp eyes and a bubble cutie mark, a small deer fawn with a tiny crown and a weird little barrel tied around his neck, and a cobbled together stereo system with several vinyl records lying around. The Earth stallion’s eyes widened.
“Shepherd!” He cried in a British accent, “how’d you get out here?”
“Doc?” I asked in disbelief. I looked over at the gray pegasus, who beamed and waved. “And Ditzy? And… A deer?”
“This sounds like the beginning of a strange joke, doesn’t it?” Doctor Whooves asked, chuckling softly.
Yes, his name was Doctor Whooves. He was a local eccentric inventor, who loved science. He was one of the first ponies to really get used to me, and probably my first male friend in Ponyville. The fact he so strongly resembled David Tennant’s Doctor wasn’t lost on me, and I have to admit there were times I suspected he was more aware of my homeworld than he let on.
In any case though, I treated it like I did Pinkie Pie: Don’t pry too much.
His companion was Ditzy Doo: She was the local mailmare and a bit of a clutz. But she was very kind, very sweet, and was working hard as a single mother for her foal. She had never been anything but kind to me, too. She did tend to hang around the Doctor a lot. Again, I didn’t pry too hard. Though in this case it was because it was obvious to everyone except the Doctor how fond she was of him.
“I went out to deliver the Elements of Harmony to the girls, but they’ve been captured,” I said. “What the heck are you guys doing out here?”
Ditzy shook her head with a sigh.
“We were out here collecting spare parts for the Doc,” she said, “when we ran into Bramble, who was trapped by these monsters.” She gestured to the deer fawn, who was cowering behind her. She extended a wing and gently patted him on the back. “It’s okay, it’s Shepherd! He’s our friend,” she said. “He won’t hurt you.”
“B-B-But he’s a human!” Bramble whispered, his eyes wide with fright. I immediately backed away, my hands up in the air as Spike and Zecora crowded around me to look in. The manticore growled low in his throat, also sneaking a peek. Bramble squeaked louder.
“Don’t worry, some of my best friends have been humans,” the Doctor said, smiling gently. “Shepherd here isn’t going to hurt you. In fact, he may help you.”
I looked over at Bramble. I smiled gently. The fawn peeked at me.
“I promise you,” I said, “I don’t want to hurt anyone. And I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to save Equestria.”
Bramble nodded. “I… I want to do that too,” he admitted, “but first I need to save my father!”
“Your father?” Spike asked. Zecora hummed.
“Judging by the evidence, young Bramble here is a prince?” She suggested. Bramble nodded, puffing up his chest slightly even as he qualed and shook.
“Y-Yes. I’m Prince Bramble, King Aspen’s son,” he said.
“And what’s wrong with the King? Aside from him unleashing thorny tentacle doom on us all?” I asked. Bramble shivered, but another touch on the back by Ditzy’s wing calmed him.
“He… For the last few months, he’s been weird,” he admitted. “Paranoid. Angry. Scared. He barely talked to me or anyone else. Then, some minotaur bulldozed some land that belonged to us. The minotaur said he had… Permits? Permission to build here and we should take it up with Princess Celestia,” Bramble said.
“And did you?” I asked. Bramble shook his head.
“N-No! Before this, my father was always respectful of Princess Celestia! Even though he rarely sent her letters. He just decided to unleash the Thorns and enslave the monsters of Everfree!” Bramble shook his head. “Everyone else just obeyed but… But I knew something was wrong! I was hoping Princess Celestia could fix this! And when the Elements of Harmony arrived I hoped it would be fixed! That my father would be fixed but… But he took them prisoner! And then when I said it was wrong, he tried to throw me in jail too! I had to get out!”
I looked around at my comrades, and then back to Bramble. Bramble looked at us, pleadingly.
“If this isn’t stopped, lots of ponies and deer will die, and my father… I’m afraid of what he’ll do next,” Bramble whispered.
“Can… Can you stop him? Please?”
I took a deep breath. Again. I looked Bramble in the eyes. He met my gaze, though not without flinching. The kid was so young, so scared…
“We will,” I said. “But it might end up with a lot of your people getting hurt.”
Bramble grimaced, but slowly nodded.
“Please,” he said, “try to… Try not to hurt them too much?”
I let out a sigh. I looked over at the Doctor, who was fiddling with a copy of the Beatles' White album.
“Our current plan could use some improvements,” I admitted. The Doctor raised a brow.
“Do tell,” he said dryly. I shook my head, and pointed at the stereo.
“Did you happen on this by chance?” I asked. The Doctor chuckled.
“By chance he says, that’s funny,” he chortled. Ditzy nodded.
“We did. Turns out loud music disrupts their mind control and they flee from it,” she says. The Doctor looked at Ditzy, askance. The pegasus mare shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry?”
“No, no, that’s fine,” I said. “That helps us with our plan. Unless you had a better one?” I asked hopefully. The Doctor hummed.
“Do any of you have ginger beer?” He asked. I looked over at Spike, who blinked.
“Beer comes in ginger?” He asked. I looked at Zecora, who shook her head as well. I glanced at the manticore, who just growled in frustration and impatience. I looked back at the Doctor.
“That would be a no,” I said. The Doctor threw up his hooves, smiling brightly.
“Oh well! We’ll use your plan then,” he said. “Let’s have it!”
“We must hurry, quickly, without fear,” Zecora threw in, “for the end of our time draws near!”
- - -
Captain Blackthorn had been the head of King Aspen’s Royal Guard for over a century, and he was still in his prime. While relatively young by Deer standards, he had proven himself an able and capable warrior in keeping Thicket safe from the ever present threats of monsters and raiders. He prided himself on his skill as a warrior, and his subordinates respected him too. He felt he understood his King, at least a little, after so long serving him.
Yet to attack all of Equestria with their mightiest weapon… It seemed foolhardy. All over a mere argument with some merchant minotaur.
Yet, King Aspen was his king. He could serve no other. If the king wanted to make war on all, so be it. They would fight as they could. So far, they seemed to be succeeding. Princess Celestia was occupied in trying to save her subjects rather than trying to obliterate them. Her younger sister, Luna, would in years past have been the far more cunning threat. She was the strategist of the two, whereas Celestia struck with fire and passion. But she was apparently still recuperating from being possessed by Nightmare Moon, according to the King.
The third alicorn princess of Equestria, Mi Amore Cadenza, was seen as far too weak in terms of magic to be a threat. This left the Elements of Harmony, but they had been captured when they had come to investigate what was going on.
This left Celestia’s options few… Though Blackthorn was not sure what his king’s ultimate aim was. They were too few in number to rule over Equestria. Tribute perhaps? He didn’t know and he didn’t question.
Not until now, anyway. He stared out into the dense forest, feeling the eyes of the human upon him. A human! After all this time! And from what King Aspen knew through his mastery of the Heart of the Forest, a dangerous one. One that had helped defeat Nightmare Moon! One that ventured into the Everfree Forest, alone, to confront them.
It could only mean one thing: Celestia had somehow learned of King Aspen capturing the Elements, and had sent her assassin. A human! A monster of his people, thought to only be a legend! Yet he had seen the being with his own eyes!
Normally, just one being that had no magic would be no threat to the forces of Thicket. But humans were no ordinary beings. Fear of them still lived in the bloodlines of every dragon across Equus. Their deeds before the fall of Grogar were still whispered in Thicket. Even now, the prospect of a single human being out there filled his bucks with fear and uncertainty.
But for Blackthorn… The chance to capture a human, to defeat one, was too much to pass up. His King’s advice made him confident: Lure the human in. He would have a Plan: Humans always had plans. It would be daring, even mad. It would be underhoofed. It would be subtle.
Blackthorn would not give the human the chance. He would fall to his archers. Then he would use magic fire to burn the human. Cut off his hands! Then he would be no threat.
There was a rumble, in the distance. Blackthorn looked out, his keen eyes searching the forest ahead. His bucks all began shifting and pining nervously, but a glare from their Captain made them still and silent. He looked back out, and the rumble grew louder. Faintly, he could make out music. He shook his head.
“Archers! Stand ready!” He shouted. His archers all took up positions on the many levels of Thicket’s walls, priming their crossbows. “Ballistadeer! To your posts!”
The heavy artillery was probably overkill, but he had ensured these giant bolt throwers were ready. His deer loaded them up, and turned them to target the forest. The music grew louder. Blackthorn nodded to himself, and spoke up again.
“Hold your bolts until you can see the human clearly!” He shouted. “Loose the moment he’s in range!”
“But sir,” Cloven, a young lieutenant murmured to him, “the human might-”
“The human is flesh and blood like us, but weaker,” Blackthorn said smoothly. “They may be clever and cunning, but arrows will still kill them. They can’t outsmart a bolt, Cloven!”
His lieutenant nodded, and reassumed his position. The music was now loud enough Blackthorn could hear the lyrics.
“All you women who want a man of the street
An' don't know which way you wanna turn
Just keep a-coming
And put your hand out to me
'Cause I'm the one who's going to make you burn~...”
Blackthorn snorted.
“He’s trying to intimidate us with his primitive monkey music,” Blackthorn called, “don’t fall for it! It’s nothing more than a bluff!”
That said, the tension was getting to Blackthorn. Where was the human? He had only a minute left, at best, before the deadline! Had he a plan? Or was he already inside the city somehow?
“SIR!” One of his crossbowdeer cried. Blackthorn looked in the direction he was pointing in, and saw a flash of red and tan. His keen eyes locked on, and he hid his relief.
There was the human all right. He was riding the manticore from before. The human himself held a sword of some kind in one hand, and had his other arm around a small purple dragon in front. The dragon held a metallic case of some kind. The manticore roared at the walls, and the human motioned him forward. They came right at them. Blackthorn’s relief turned to elation, as the music grew louder and continued.
“I'm going to take you down
Oh, down, down, down
So, don't you fool around
I'm gonna pull it, pull it
Pull the trigger~!”
The human was just a heroic fool!
“Stupid bastard’s coming right at us,” Blackthorn laughed, and the rest of his deer laughed with him. He raised his hoof. “Prepare to loose on my command!”
The human’s face did trouble him though. He didn’t look resigned, or mad. He wasn’t grimly determined. He was smiling. A wide, unpleasant smile. One that the dragon also wore.
“Ready…!” Blackthorn called. The rumble turned into a veritable earthquake, as the ground shook. The music grew almost deafeningly loud. The trees behind the human, his manticore, and the dragon trembled, gave way…
And a horde of nightmares, enraged and roaring, stormed after the human. The sight of hundreds of furious, ferocious beasts, all charging for the castle walls, froze every single deer on the parapets. Blackthorn himself found his jaw on the deck as every monster they had enthralled stampeded at them!
“Shoot to thrill, play to kill
Too many women with too many pills, said
Shoot to thrill, play to kill
I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will
'Cause I shoot to thrill, and I'm ready to kill
I can't get enough and I can't get my fill
I shoot to thrill, play to kill
Yeah~!”
“TARGET THE HUMAN!” Blackthorn bellowed. “TARGET THE MONSTERS! TARGET EVERYONE-SOMEDEER JUST SHOOT!”
The human kept smirking, saluted… And flew right over them at high speed, the few archers that had managed to collect their wits missing him! In that moment, Blackthorn could just barely make out the small form of a familiar fawn, Prince Bramble, clinging to the human for deer life!
Blackthorn had bigger problems to attend to though, as the largest of the beasts, the hydra, rammed all four of its heads against the parapets and snapped at them, biting huge chunks out of the walls as his terrified guards scattered!
Blackthorn pulled his own magic crossbow and shot, sending a fiery bolt into the eye of one of the hydra’s many faces. The beasts roared, rearing back, and his fellow deer began sending their own magic bolts at this wave of monsters. Blackthorn snarled his rage as the manticore carrying the human flew off, right into the King’s palace.
“When I get my hooves on him, I swear on the Heart of the Forest,” Blackthorn roared, as he began dueling yet another head of the hydra, “I’LL RIP OUT HIS HEART!”
- - -