• Member Since 6th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Daemon McRae


The magic comedy hoers.

T

It's finally here: summer vacation. The girls celebrate by gathering all their friends (-ish) and piling into a bunch of cars to drive down to Miami Beach for what is hopefully an amazing weekend. Unfortunately, they have to get there. Which involves five cars, eighteen teenage girls, and thirteen hundred miles.

One car, in fact, the very last car, is a hodgepodge of stragglers: Adagio Dazzle, not wanting to spend eight hours a day in a car with her sisters; Sugarcoat, by virtue of being late to the party; Trixie Lulamoon, the tagalong; Maud Pie, who just wanted to spend time with her friend Trixie; and Sunset Shimmer, the unfortunately generous soul who decided to drive them all.

Here's hoping her generosity lasts longer than that cliff edge does.

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 138 )

I really like this idea of just putting your favourite characters in a story, and the premise is a neat way to handle it. I think you may have trouble with Maud and Sugarcoat together, as their mannerisms can be quite similar at times, and differentiating between them might be tougher.

I picked up a few examples where the wording could perhaps be amended to make it clearer, if you wanted to check?

“Probably because her car only holds four comfortably, and between her cleavage and her hair there wouldn’t be room to breathe, let alone see the road,”

The first her refers to Twilight, yet the second and third to Adagio. So I spent a minute looking at the second one trying to imagine how Twilight had become the cleavage-tastic one, and then finally got it when the hair bit came up. I'd replace the her before cleavage with Adagio's.

Adagio whistled appreciatively. She’d never actually looked inside the van, having met the girl her and waited until long after the other cars had taken off for these stragglers.

Having met the girl here, I think?

Sugarcoat roller her eyes.

“Wait, so it Twilight is driving three of your friends-” Adagio started.

I don't think the it before Twilight needs to be there?

And then this...

Sour Sweet buried her head in her hands.Don’t kill your carmates, don’t kill your carmates, don’t kill your carmates, she chanted to herself.

...Was a great cut! Poor Sour, I really can't see her getting on with those two. No Sunny Flare or Lemon Zest then?

Until you lot invented the internet, and social media, and made it almost impossible to do anything noteworthy without being outed to the entire world. Then we had to settle for what amounted to fast food, starting petty spats in bars and diners for measly meals.

This is a fantastic bit of headcanon! Not only is it believable as an obstacle they'd face, but also explains why at the beginning of Rainbow Rocks Aria could be complaining like her being tired of fast food was anything new, if they'd been on Earth for a thousand years.

Good job!

Indigo’s driving a car? Is it Brutus Maximus? :rainbowlaugh:

Applejack and Rainbow Dash snapped back and forth at each other as AJ smacked a blue hand away from the radio controls. “How many times I gotta tell you, RD? Driver chooses music, shotgun shuts her cake-hole!”

Applejack channelling Dean Winchester? Love it!

8783378
That's where I got the chapter idea from, but this story is going somewhere very different. I just wanted a kind of chill if weird environment to throw these characters in and have fun.

Oh, this is going to be tremendous fun. And I have to commend you on the idea of the Internet curtailing the Dazzlings' feeding. Wish I'd thought of that myself. Eagerly looking forward to more.

(Also, I'd worry about Sunset flooding the gold market, but by the time she does, she'll have plenty of cash in other assets.)

8783619

Masquerade logic. Even inventing and adopting the printing press can be a serious blow for supernatural predators who rely on secrecy.

Maude spoke up. “Probably because she’s a genuinely nice person with a slight sadistic streak and has too much positive energy not to be like that.”

That'd about do it.

Sunset smirked devilishly. “The same way I can afford to live by myself in a single-story house in a nice neighborhood with no HOA: a rather generous helping of gold coin from another dimension. Ever since I made nice with Equestria, all I have to do is ask for a small tuppence every couple of weeks, and I’m basically rich.”

I love it when even as a good girl, Sunset still has a slightly devious streak.

Sunset pulled the driver’s door open, and thought for a second. “Let’s see, 100 bits every two weeks, two ounces a bit, so factoring in the price of gold per ounce… two hundred and sixty-five thousand dollars? Every two weeks?”

... MotherFUCKER.

Sunset fiddled around with the driver’s seat for a moment, making sure it fit her properly. “No joke. I’ve got a guy from back when I first started, basically a fence in the city, and he can only move like, two pounds every two weeks. So I only get like, eighty grand a month.”

... I'm so fucking jealous.

Sunset smacked Adagio upside the head. Adagio yelped, and rubbed the sore spot. “We’re being nice, remember?” Shimmer growled.

Good to see that nice girl or not, Sunset doesn't put up with Adagio any more than she has to.

Trixie nodded furiously. “Trixie agrees. The Dazzlings are… best left to small doses.”

Yeah.

The rest of the girls, with the exception of Sugarcoat, thought about that for a moment, and shivered intensely. “Oh, my god,” Adagio breathed. “Aria’s going to kill them both.”

Probably.

“Because I’m friends with Trixie.”

I'm glad. Because Trixie is best blue horse.

Dash leaned back in her seat in an exaggerated whine. “But youalwayschoose country! I mean, a couple minutes is fine, but we’re gonna be out here fordays! DAYS!I can’t take seventy-two hours of runaway dogs and cheating spouses!

I'm inclined to agree, I'm willing to be open minded about music, but even the finest of classical music for 72 hours straight is gonna get real old real quick.

Sugarcoat smiled to herself. “Oh. Just someone who I thought would… enjoy the ride.”

Sunset caught a glimpse of the smile in her rear view mirror as she merged onto the highway. “You did something evil, didn’t you?”

And that is why she is best Shadowbolt.

“Did you guys know that obsidian starts as a glass first, and then condenses into a rock through devitrification?” Maude asked.

I didn't actually, that's, actually pretty interesting. Nice.

I choose to believe that this story and Sunset Shimmer vs. Schadenfreude precede each other. :moustache:
I know how physically implausible it sounds, but not as implausible as Sunset living through either of them without going crazy, unless she has the prior experience to draw on.

That would leave Sunny Flare and Lemon Zest.

8783619
Industrial applications. Four pounds a month won't cause a dent in it, considering how dense gold is. But yeah, she's pretty much rich forever.

This is going to be wonderfully shenanigan'y. I'm so following it.

Hahahaha. You could easily do interlude with the other cars in this story. It would be hilarious. I guess we can expect them to come across one of the other group at a pit stop somewhere... There will be begging to swtich places.

Oh my god this whole thing is brilliant...

Get back in the car, you’re gonna get decapitated! And this time, it’ll take!

I love how this says so much in so little.

In any case, we have the base dynamic established. Now to see how it warps...

So Adagio's naturally sexy, Sonata's doesn't care how she does things in a sexy matter, and Aria's a sadist.

i think the dazzlings are mortal now so will age

also it was not just starswirl who banished them still great first chapter

so uh what sonata maria antoinet or something

This story is getting better and better. You can fell the insanity meter slowly and purposely cranking up towards 11.

And why do I feel most of the characters will have slept with each other by the end of this?

Never leave your pet or kid inside the car regardless of weather temperatures.

8810002
A talking dog that can scream for help and has the emotional maturity and intelligence of a human teenager should be exempt from those rules... for a couple more years at least until his body catches up. Besides, the girls were sitting outside which means Twilight can run to the car easily to check on him. Unfortunately the rules that restaurants have against pets is what has caused situations like pet death.

I love how neither Sunset nor Adagio denied that they were secretly planning to take over the world together. And the general sense of building madness. Eagerly looking forward to more.

The early days of summer are usually filled with optimism, hope, and idealistic planning for the weeks to come. Sunlight crests over the mountains and hills and sets on crystalline waters, in a slow and expanding ac that provides brilliant light by which many people usually do some much needed yard work, have a barbeque, or simply find something to do with friends. The nights are a little cooler, and often optimal for camping, sleepovers, and late-night adventures both of the mischievous and amorous variety.

IDK what an ac is, but I know I had to double-take after reading it as arc. :derpytongue2:

Sonata and Pinkie in the same car is bad. Aira and Limestone in the same car is worse. Both pairs in the same car? Someone gon' die on that trip.

Sugarcoat looked back and forth between the two girls up front. “Ok, are you two actually dating, or what? Because from what I understand, you’re both reformed villains with sketchy histories at best , and I’m more and more convinced as you talk that you’re secretly planning to take over the world together.”

I would not put it past them to have such a plan in the works if they needed it.

“Wait a minute, hold on!” Aria barked. “How come nobody in Sunset’s car has to change?”
It was Sunset’s turn to look smug. “Because I’m paying for everything, including the car rental, and I piled my car exactly the way I want it.”
Adagio raised a devilish eyebrow at her. “And here I thought you were just being nice.”
Shimmer just grinned.

This just made me crack up. :rainbowlaugh:

That poor girl. What were her parents thinking?

Also, I'd insert a joke about Sunset trying to eat her own hair, but I'm worried that she might burst through the fourth wall and try to consume me.

8860670
She'd try to eat her own hair first and then you for dessert. You know, because your avatar is a picture of Muffins.
I read the new Schadenfreude chapter before this one, as you can tell by the horrible food pun.

Also, am I the only one who expected Sunset to end her order with "And what do you guys want?" ?

Better save some food for Spike.

8826695

I think their current priority is less about taking the world, and more about building a personal harem.:raritystarry:

Limestone, halfway into a glass of water the waitress had brought with her, choked on her drink. “Sp-Sparklebitch?! Seriously?!” she howled.

HAAAHAHAHAHA

Sunset’s eye twitched. “Lime, I have never, EVER, had a conversation with a cow. And even if I had, they would still be DELICIOUS!”

Marry me, Sunset.

Oh god, this was hilarious.

cani hide with trixie please your sunset scares me..........

Ri2

Sunset can be terrifying sometimes.

I mean, honestly, you’d think the protegee of a Princess would have better table manners.

I must conclude from this that Celestia invites her students to alicorn gorge-feasts in order to make herself seem less like a deific figure to them. In Sunset's case, it worked. In Twilight's, sue just adopted the princess's table manners.

And on that note, I shudder to imagine pony Twilight and Sunset trying to share a meal. I'm pretty sure they'd attempt to devour one another. Sparklebeach would never sleep again if she witnessed it.

And after the carb fest and Fluttershy being invited to an orgy, we're on the road again.

What's next, The Penal Code?

I might actually like to see how Sunset eats now.

i really dont like mauds boy friend

Pinkie powers or a bug? YOU, THE READER DECIDE!

Also:

Twilight Sparkle. And I’d make her dress up as that demon chick from the Friendship Games while we do it.

I'd say "headcanon accepted," but that would imply that it wasn't already my headcanon.

Sugarcoat sat up, rolled her shoulders, and gave every indication she was now completely engaged in the conversation. “Because of all the people I’ve ever met, no one, and I mean NO ONE, needs to get fucked harder than Twilight Goddamn Sparkle.”

DAYUM!

Sunset had long since pulled the car over and was panting intensely as she muttered extremely NON-sexual phrases to herself. “Football. Bad math. Stupid people. Football. Bad math. Stupid people...”

XD

“You can doexactly thatwith enough money. Seriously. I think you greatly underestimate the power of human greed. Lust, you have down pat,” she added, with a not-unfriendly glance at her… attire.

Money talks. And listens.

There was a dangerous purr from the passenger seat. “You’re an…adult?” Adagio asked slowly.

Technically.

As much as Adagio loved to flirt, and even more loved the things that came after, she did, in fact, value her now mortal life,

I figured.

“Or the Eternals?” Trixie suggested. When Adagio turned to look at her, she added, “You know, cause you were immortal? And your whole thing was about being worshiped and remembered forever?”

That works too.

“Actually,” Maud spoke up, “I’m partial to the name Aquamarine. Not only is it commonly a sea-blue color, but thanks to it’s consistent resemblance to the sky and sea, it is commonly associated with eternal life. Plus there are a bunch of pop-rock and punk-rock bands that use precious stones or types of rock as their band name. Although the brooches you wore would kind of clash with that sentiment. The rubies you wore did have a thematic element to them that I could appreciate, as rubies are commonly associated with passion and good fortune, so if that’s what you were aiming for, good job. Although I think there’s already a band called the Rubies, or Ruby, or something. Not sure. I don’t listen to a lot of music.”

... You are a wellspring of trivia.

“Oh, sweetie,” Dazzle said dismissively. “Again?”

Fair point.

“Yes, hi, you moron! Get back in the car, you’re gonna get decapitated! And this time, it’ll take!” Adagio barked.

Wait, what?

“I suddenly have absolutely no questions as to why you decided to ride with us,” Sugarcoat said simply.

Correct.

“There is no way in hell we are stopping at MacDaniel’s,” Adagio insisted, staring daggers into the rearview mirror at a certain magician.

Oh good, you have taste.

Secondmost? Who the hell is the first?” Trixie demanded.

This I GOTTA hear.

“Pinkie Pie,” Sunset and Maud said together. Getting curious looks from the other passengers, Maud explained, “She doesn’t do it on purpose. She’s just one of those people who doesn’t really see the world the same way we do, clothes and all. It’s not a sexual thing, though.”

Oh. Yeah, that'd about do it.

“And there is no way in the nine hells I am going to miss a dozen and a half attractive teenage girls partying on a beach together,” Dazzle said simply. “So I asked Sunset nicely if we could come along.”

Of course you wouldn't.

“Also sex is way more fun then just walking around making small talk and spending money," Sunset said pointedly. “Waymore fun.”

True enough.

Trixie and Maud raised eyebrows. Well, Trixie did. Maud just looked up. “Oh please,” Sunset said dismissively, seeing their stares. Even Sugarcoat had raised an eyebrow. “I turned into a demon chick and this one summoned a giant spectral horsefish and hypnotized the whole school. Me being a pony in a past life is hardly the weirdest thing going on in this car.”

She has a point.

Maud shrugged, nonplussed. “Actually I’m kind of enjoying the ride. Trixie is fun to talk to. And I kind of like Sugarcoat.”

She is best Shadowbolt.

“Jesus, Dagi, some warning next time!” Aria barked.

Yeah, those piercing whistles HURT.

Aria huffed. “Jeez. Leave the girl alone in the ‘new world’ for a single century and suddenly everything is my fault.”

“…that explains a LOT,” Sunset said quietly.

Agreed.

It was Sunset’s turn to look smug. “Because I’m paying for everything, including the car rental, and I piled my car exactly the way I want it.”

That's fair.

Adagio raised a devilish eyebrow at her. “And here I thought you were just being nice.”

She is. She's also pragmatic.

“Yes, and your definition of cardio isexhausting. And not in the fun way,” she added.

It works though.

Trixie shuffled meekly in place. “Um… Trixie isn’t sure she should be asking you to spend more money on her. She… I already feel bad letting you cover all the other expenses.”

I get the feeling.

Free food is free food!

Also fair.

Sugarcoat rolled her eyes and tapped a nearby sign. It read PLEASE SEAT YOURSELF!

Wow, she's the only one who got a good roll on her Spot check.

“It’s our biggest party platter!” Sparkle offered, clutching her notepad like a safety blanket. “It includes a full rack of ribs, one whole roast chicken, one pound of pulled pork or brisket, and free drinks for the table! Limit ten. With free refills! Also a whole crapton of moist towelettes. Trust me, you’re gonna need them. It also comes with a tray of freshly baked rolls, coleslaw, fries, corn bread, baked beans, and corn!”

That's a lot of food.

Sunset slowly came back to earth, leveling her gaze on Limestone. “Lime, do you have any idea how much meat we eat in Equestria?”

None?

Sunset’s eye twitched. “Lime, I have never, EVER, had a conversation with a cow. And even if I had, they would still be DELICIOUS!”

You scare me.

“Thanks!” Sunset called. Under her breath, she added, “Sparklebitch.”

Hey now, leave the Princess out of this.

That… girl. That human being was a monster in child’s skin. One second, smiling a brilliant, dazzling smile that stirred something pure and warm in her chest, only to disappear in an instant once presented with food. Then, the animal had awoken. Tooth and claw, more bite than bark, it had descended on the party platter like a wartime tragedy, leaving no survivors, bearing no mercy, and annihilating a whole chicken with the kind of ferocity and possessiveness a mama lion would assault any who would threaten her cubs.

... Sunset can be real scary.

Back at the table, Limestone regarded Sunset carefully. “Girl, if you eat out like you eat out, no wonder Adagio likes you so much.”

HaHA, double entendres!

“Um… Fluttershy?” Adagio asked cautiously. “Bona Dea is a Roman fertility goddess. Her festivals are basically giant sex pits.”

Oh.

Adagio and Sunset grinned at her approvingly. “Trust me, Flutters,” Sunset said. “Everything is better after you get properly, thoroughly laid. And I don’t mean that after-prom guilt sex. Or a cheap one night stand. You GO to that party, you find someone you wanna shag, and you make a whole night out of it. Worth every penny.”

I REALLY like this Sunset.

“Ok, truth. Hmm… Oh! So when did you figure out you were a lesbian?”

This should be good.

Sunset shrugged. “Wasn’t hard. The majority of Equestria is either lesbian or bi. The gender ratio is super skewed. Like 5 girls to one boy.”

That's fair.

If Sunset dared take her eyes off the road to give her the look she was holding back, she would have. “Uh, cause sex is awesome? Most stallions usually don’t have a problem with multiple girls trying to hop their rod. Polyamory is super common over their. Actually, it would be weirder if I was straight; mares who like guys exclusively are pretty uncommon, especially since the free world is led by two of the most attractive beings on the planet, and they’re both female. As for me, I guess a better way to answer that would be to say when it was I figured out I didn’t like boys at all. Although that’s not much of a story in and of itself. Found a stallion I thought was the acceptable definition of cute, threatened to tell Princess Celestia if he didn’t come make out with me, and only got 5 seconds into anything before I figured out that none of my switches were flipping. Honestly, I think I scared him so much that he really didn’t care that he wasn’t doing it for me; he just wanted to leave.”

That's fair.

Shimmer expected her to at least mull the question around in her head for a second, but without a moment’s hesitation, she answered, “Twilight Sparkle. And I’d make her dress up as that demon chick from the Friendship Games while we do it.”

... I don't blame you. Evil is Sexy.

Sugarcoat sat up, rolled her shoulders, and gave every indication she was now completely engaged in the conversation. “Because of all the people I’ve ever met, no one, and I mean NO ONE, needs to get fucked harder than Twilight Goddamn Sparkle.”

Accurate.

Sunset smirked lightly. “Are you really just dating him to annoy your sister?”

...

Maud pulled out her phone and tapped it a few times. “Well, his last text was about the flooring in his house, so… oh. He’s sent a new one.” There was a pause as she read it, then something amazing happened. Maud Pie… blushed.

Oh my.

Maud swallowed a few times, and read the text out loud: “I hope you have a good time when you’re at the beach. I’d say you should look for rocks as pretty as you, but sadly we remain on this side of the divine curtain. Have fun, and be safe. I love you.”

That's actually very sweet.

“Aaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! I still hate him! But less so!”

I understand.

Sugarcoat sat up, rolled her shoulders, and gave every indication she was now completely engaged in the conversation. “Because of all the people I’ve ever met, no one, and I mean NO ONE, needs to get fucked harder than Twilight Goddamn Sparkle.”

To describe it in words would be an insult. The only justice the literary arts could do for such a sight would be to describe the reactions of those in the car around her. Trixie fanned her face furiously as her eyelids fluttered. Sugarcoat’s eyes widened so intensely that not only was she sowing a genuine emotion besides scorn, but the involuntary flexing of her face muscles forced her glasses off her face. Adagio crossed her legs tightly and bit the shoulder of her seat as she was fully turned around and staring at Maud with nothing less than barely restrained animal lust.
Sunset had long since pulled the car over and was panting intensely as she muttered extremely NON-sexual phrases to herself. “Football. Bad math. Stupid people. Football. Bad math. Stupid people...”

8883030
Agreed. Too much Sheldon, not enough monotone.

8883089
That implies it wasn't everyone's headcanon to begin with.

I would love to see sugarcoat get with Twi on this vacation and have her dress up as midnight sparkle lol

I for one much prefer the idea that Maud Pie is dating Mudbriar to piss off her sister rather than because she has terrible taste in men.

Can dogs play Truth or Dare?

Applejack and Rainbow Dash snapped back and forth at each other as AJ smacked a blue hand away from the radio controls. “How many times I gotta tell you, RD? Driver chooses music, shotgun shuts her cake-hole!”

So they are channeling Sam and Dean in this one. Just with a crappy truck and not a sexy Impala.

Yeah, that probably calmed everyone down. :rainbowlaugh:

Sunset flinched. Maud raised an eyebrow. Even Sugarcoat could sense it was a bad idea. There were, however, no take-backsies. Adagio wore a predatory grin. “Hmmm, ok. I dare you to… I dare you to kiss a girl in this car -NOT THE DRIVER I DON’T WANT TO DIE- without telling them, sexy as you can! Just grab a girl and plant one on her!”

"NOT THE DRIVER I DON'T WANT TO DIE" XD

Sunset rolled her shoulders, sexual tension building up in her muscles again as she recalled a particularly pleasant after-party involving her, a cellist, a Siren, and a perfectly polished woodwind instrument. “Ok, we need to get off the sex talk before I mistake a traffic cone for a marital aid and kill us all driving into the wrong lane of traffic. NEW game!”

You don't have any chill, do you? =P

Nice ending there!

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