• Member Since 6th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

Daemon McRae

The magic comedy hoers.


This story is a sequel to The Adventures of Schadenfreude

Once a week, Spike gets his friends together to play Ogres and Oubliettes. It's his favorite game. This time, he has DIscord, Big Macintosh, Shining Armor...

and Schadenfreude.

The bard.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 45 )

Describes this story perfectly.
Good Job 👍

He would play a bard, wouldn't he? It's always fun to see one of these stories.

“I didn’t know you could crit fail serving someone their food !” Shining argued.

I know the feeling, Shiny. I've crit-failed walking out a door, which resulted in the murder of a werewolf child. Don't ask.

Schaden is playing a really dangerous game here. The most dangerous thing you could ever do in D&D is outsmart the GM.

I once crit failed a perception check, and my character couldn't tell if something was a wall or a door. He ended up pushing on it and, since he was an overly enthusiastic barbarian with like 3 wisdom, accidentally pushed the entire wall down and killed a diplomat.

Since the thing only wakes up when it’s hungry, and it automatically eats in it’s sleep, this meant it would never wake up ever again. Then he found out that you had to do at least one hundred damage to it to wake it early. So he started chopping off pieces of it’s tail, which only does like, fifty damage, and turn it into burgers. So basically he owns the only fast-food joint in the world now.

Oh hey, an Order of the Stick reference? :pinkiehappy:

So Schaden had the idea of buying Myrtle’s Spoon,

Oh please, as if he wasn't carrying that thing around since day one just so he could introduce himself, in-character, as "Spoony The Bard".

I don't know anything about how D&D works, but this was still funny as hell.

Ugh, Schnaden is exactly the worst type of player to play with. Very in character I must say. Is this a oneshot or there will be more chapters?

Just the one. I'd have to plan and play an entire campaign from scratch to do a story like this justice.

I totally understand Spike's frustrations as the DM here...but at the same time, I'd actually love having a player like that in a game I DM'd. It really pushes your creativity to give them a challenge that can actually match them.
Either that, or you call the GM from "Grand Line 3.5" for advice on how to handle him.

Ha. One time, my GM didn’t have the whole left side of the dungeon mapped out, and my party decided to turn left. So, he decided to just throw in a lurker above to make us not go that way. (For those of you that don’t know, those are nasty monsters that ambush the first person to come along from the ceiling. Let’s just say that we’re a party of four. We got a magic user, with not to many hit points because it’s harder to level up as a magic user. We have a cleric, who doesn’t have that much attack power, but is a friggin tank when it comes to hit points. One idiot decided to be a double class illusionist/fighter. The bastard got super lucky and rolled an 18 in strength and a 98 on the bonus roll, so he hits with the power of a herd of stampeding elephants. But because the idiot was an idiot, he has like, not hit points because you have to level up each class individually. So, the most logical choice of who to put in front was our ranger, who has pretty much full weapon and defense capabilities and a fair amount of hit points.

Unfortunately, I am that ranger.

I’m guilty of playing D&D like Schaden does- One time I was playing a Bladesinger, and I had an item that increased Int for each X amount of hitpoints I was from my full health. That campaign actually ended with the countried locking me and the Terasque Lich (Long story, very convoluted) that was going to kill them all and neither of us are physically capable of hitting each other, so the eternal stalemate (I was also a Lich, equally long story although less convoluted) actually saved the world. It was a good campaign.

There's only one player who can compete with Schaden on this level of fuckery. SOMEONE GET ME TAAKO FROM THE ADVENTURE ZONE!

the wearer’s voice, singing or otherwise, is permanently raised to High Alto until removed.

We're stallions!
Stallions in tights!
(Tight! Tights!)

>schaden playing d&d
>its not just an entire story of Schaden gettig characters rejected before sneaking pun pun setup in because it looks fine at character creation, if a little op

All I'm saying is you missed a trick not using this to talk about all the dumbest D&D bullshit. Peasant railgun, explosive necrotic chicken bombs, portable hole/bag of holding bombs, skeleton computers...

Also this is on Spike for letting his players purchase whatever magic items they like without oversight.

Oh my god I didn't even think of that.

So making a sequel now.

Oh god... Schaden will be the origin of the pony version of Old Man Henderson isn't he? That... that would be a chapter in itself too.

Oh! And you should do a chapter with some of the girls that got invited to play for a game or something.


I'd have to plan and play an entire campaign from scratch to do a story like this justice.

...And? I see nothing wrong with you doing that. :eeyup: :pinkiehappy:

Schadens and Dragons

I'd have gone with Schadengeons and Dragons.

Spike nodded, and pulled a book out from under the Cutie Map, which they were shamelessly using as their gaming table. “It’s true. Great Big Book of Useful Uselessness. Magic Items section.” He flipped through the pages, then read a particular entry aloud. “Undercarriage’s Undulating Underroos. Unique Magic Item. Once per day the wearer may choose an element. Until his decision is changed, he is immune to all damage or magical effect caused by a spell/spell-like ability/supernatural ability/elemental attack with the chosen element descriptor. This item cannot be removed by anything less than a Greater Wish spell, and the wearer’s voice, singing or otherwise, is permanently raised to High Alto until removed.”

Sounds about right.

Schaden held out his hoof as Spike handed back his character sheet. “Panicked Presence Polka, remember? I cast it at the start of the fight. As long as we’re within range of any of his attacks, we’re all treated as if we have one level of Evasion higher than our base.”

Never underestimate the usefulness of a Bard.

“Man, nobody liked Trashcanistan anyway,” Shining said dismissively.

I, don't even know how to react to that.

“Oh, I fully intended to slip it onto one of you as we slept and throw you off a cliff just to freak you out,” Discord admitted.

Sounds about right.

“Oh, my god. Freakin BARDS, man,” Shining whined.

Hey, you're not dead yet, be thankful.

Yeah, he got one of those, and sewed it upside-down into the roof of the Tarasque’s mouth. Since the thing only wakes up when it’s hungry, and it automatically eats in it’s sleep, this meant it would never wake up ever again.

I love this stuff.

“Yeah… this is why you don’t let someone who’s basically a personal accountant play a BARD,” Schaden pointed out.

He has a point.

“I didn’t know you could crit fail serving someone their food!” Shining argued.

You'd be surprised what you can Nat 1.

Discord shook his head. “Freakin Bards, man.”

Says the Chaos Bringer.

The title makes me wonder: Should I mind-control Celestia into making Schaden the ambassador to the Dragon Lands?

This can only end well!

For my entertainment. :pinkiecrazy:

Schaden would totally trade in his ability to Whistle, or keep a "diplomacy die" on hoof.

Just gotta be careful that you get GM, and don't accidentally end up with DM. :twilightoops:

I just came back from a session of D&D last night. This is the best possible thing I could have woken up to this morning.

Damn. I can't recall that one. :(

I second the motion. This was great. What the heck did they do to hit the Tarrasque that early, anyway?
Also, there's a story about the chronically unlucky guy who summoned it three times in one game. As usual, I can't find the link, but he got some sort of summon for "anything" and summons Tarrasque. They get rid of it somehow, but then he uses the main Macguffin to summon it BACK as a distraction for the enemy, but they later launch it into orbit so they are surely safe. Nope. The Lich summons the item back later... and only then do they remember what was WITH said item! There was hilarious plot derailment involved too, obviously, since the Macguffin was missing for much of this.

However, what this reminds me MOST of is[url= https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Tale_of_an_Industrious_Rogue,_Part_I]Tales of an Industrious Rogue. Warning, it's more than a bit squicky in places, but now THAT guy is a munchkin. Similar ridiculous money mechanic too. (Plane of Salt, actually, but you get the idea)

And I loved the Underroos item. Permanent high alto?! That's a ... certain drawback, shall we say.

You may also enjoy https://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Guy_Who_Cried_Grendel


Not Spoony the Bard, just so people would call him "YOU SPOONY BARD!"

*quickly adds to favorites*
I think my friends and I would enjoy playing with Schaden. We came up with some very interesting questions for our GM/DM/Storyteller (depending on the game we were playing) which would elicit a groan and/or facepalm.

This was hilarious. I approve.

Scaden's a munchkin. Of course he is. Seconding the people above, you could make an entire series based on this premise alone. I know I'd read it.

I've never played Dungeons and Dragons, so I barely understood any of that.

And yet, for some reason, I couldn't stop giggling.

Thank you for giving us more Schadenfreude!

Schaden playing O&O as a highly irritating over the top accountant turned fast food tycoon, skill and item min maxing bard?
Yeah I can see it. It’s glorious!

Glen Gorewood

This is perfect. I'm so running this.

I need more.

...and that’s why i’m Not allowed to D&D nights. :rainbowlaugh:

Damn. I can't believe he just broke the game. Also Spike, THIS is why you must choose your words VERY carefully for someone who is basically a Rules Lawyer PROFESSIONALLY. NEVER give ANYONE like that even a REMOTELY POSSIBLE opening, because otherwise they could EASILY take advantage of that later.

Oh I love this guy!

Honestly, since Schaden is playing a bard, I am surprised that he did not roll to seduce just to see the conniption fit that Spike would have over it.

Schaden is a filthy fucking munchkin and I love it.
9235453 Like this? media0dk-a.akamaihd.net/21/32/de46a4aafb9d8f311b60c9ba40c29a51.jpeg

I lost it for, like, five minutes after reading that. Thanks, that made my day.

I can imagine Schaden bringing Derpy to game night to introduce her to the hobby.
She'd be a Barbarian.

I'm going to leave y'all with that thought for a minute...

Discord shook his head. “Freakin Bards, man.”

Yeah, I can totaly see Schaden playing a Bard. :trollestia:
And Derpy as the most adorable Barbarian ever would be awesome too. :scootangel:

Never trust bards. They'll steal your money while they play a song for you.

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