A Thief with a heart of a substance better left unsaid wakes up in Equestria after a unlucky turn of events. How will a jaded, world weary human get along with cheery, naive Ponies?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Your chapter needs a fixin', and no it's not heroin. This chapter has the most errors. 1rst was pretty much Gucci. Second had like 2-3. But this one, needs a little help. I can do it if you want. P.M. me, and I'll send you my email. Then you send me the chapter you want proofread and I'll do it within 1-2 days at most. If I can't do it in that amount of time I'll tell you before hand.
Time for positive comments.
I had forgot to mention earlier, but I like how Kaid's accent is implied, and not written in. Most of the time that people try to do that. It usually fails the intent it's trying to pull and just plainely makes it hard to read. So good job on that.
Also, Gg on the main characters' personality
5671277 I'd very much appreciate the help. I hate proofreading my own work for personal reasons, so having a fresh mind to help is worth its weight in platinum. I'll send that pm to you momentarily. I'll have the next chapter done Either later tonight or around noon tomorrow, so whenever it fits your schedule
As for your positive comments; I used to RP Big Mac so I got plenty of experience with shitty Apple family rp'ers, not to say they were all bad. It's just that the written in accent cripples the flow of the story and that's my main focus, so I try to include slang rather than the literal pronunciation. I also watch a lot of the Yogscast, and based Kaid's accent off of Sjin (accent, not voice)
This story is epic! Motrollestia approves!
I cant help but think of this song when celestia enters the room
While there is a lot of potential in this story, the pacing is enough to give Rainbow Dash whiplash. You really need to slow down and give the reader a chance to absorb what's happening before moving onto the next set piece. Show, don't tell.
Your Twilight is a cunt.
8003145 lol I can just see your avatar pic saying that
8079351
The sheer number of errors I've encountered in just three chapters is rather staggering. Especially when I notice that some were mentioned in the comments and haven't been fixed for months.
It's pretty discouraging.
And that's ignoring how unrealistic the dialogue feels...
Death by snu snu.
Why are you drooling? Hmmmm.....( lol no offense) cause she’s got milk maybe?
Late to the party by YEARS, but liking the story so far already. It's be great if it had a comic adaptation, I wish I could see half the sights "Max" has seen so far
9614863
Late, but the party don't stop til it's all over. The stories are either complete (Along with my brief-ish fanfic career) or cancelled, but there is a synopsis for MBK+Path to Penance (2/3 Sequels to the story) that encompasses a decent amount I wanted to get in there, just in a summary form.
Have fun with A Thief's Tale and everything within.
lol
i like the redo so far i find max to be hilarious
10019898
Hell yeah, As long as he's not as edgy as he used to be.
Thanks for the comment, here's hoping the rest of hte rewrite makes it even better
It's just occurred to me that Celestia and Luna might be sterile, it only makes sense in a sick kind of way.