A Thief with a heart of a substance better left unsaid wakes up in Equestria after a unlucky turn of events. How will a jaded, world weary human get along with cheery, naive Ponies?
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Taste the PAINBOW!
Terrible puns aside, great chapter.
Shining better throw his wife off a balcony... I need to see the reaction
Well I was going to ask about why you treated RD the way you did but you summed it up in the end there
Major spoilers for chapter 35 ahead, read at your own risk.
SoS. I got to say I am a quite the smoker when it comes to weed and I still don't really know what Sinbad is supposed to look like (any percs, ash catcher, diffusers, size). Can you find a picture of what it looks like?
Stupididity... Absolutely genius! I had a good laugh at that. That was placed just perfectly. A+
I don't know about you, but if I'm right, Max would jump at the opportunity to teleport using shadows. It's not meant to hurt people and it would make traveling around a breeze. Max seems to like those kinds of spells and thinks teleportation is quite useful so I'm expecting him to jump on that.
It seems as though Twilight is turning into Max... and I'm loving every moment of it. Of course, twilight would never be able to hurt people but the little banter that happened between her and Redheart was wonderful.
"...if you're not Twilight or Celestia... try more suicide." Celestia you say? Interesting it seems that Max is starting to forgive her. What happened to the deal of 50 - 75 years? At this rate if Max already excepted Celestia to read his journal, it definitely won't be even 50 years. Oh, this is going to be so interesting, I can feel the Feels that are bubbling in the cauldron that is Max.
Max losing his shit like that when Twilight got hit? I expected that. But Max not hurting Rainbow the way I thought he would and instead turning into a full blown revenant? Brilliant, I read that passage with bated breath the whole time. When you described the thump as Twilight landed on the floor, I already froze solid. I am so into this story I'm basically living Max's life and the way you describe his emotions really makes it easy to just fall into place. Shit, the only thing running through my head at the time is how to kill Rainbow... fuck that blue cunt.
So, you have the exact same feelings towards Rainbow as I do. Even in the show, she just acts to much like a brat to ever like her, but still, people in the fandom like her. I will never understand that, personally, Twilight is best pony. Sure, she has her negatives like, her obsessive thirst for knowledge that makes her disregard other people's boundaries is a pretty big turn off, but you made it so that trait is mostly gone and she is much more chilled out.
I gotta admit that the sex scenes are not as arousing as they used to be but they are definitely interesting and I do enjoy them. I guess I'm just used to long and descriptive scenes that stretch on for quite some time. Especially the foreplay, I enjoy a nice lead up to the main event and not so much the actual main event--so to speak--but I will say it still has some nice pros. Then again, my kinks are quite different and numerous so I don't find much that is a turn off.
There's the mission I was waiting for. Sure, it's not exactly what I expected to come so soon but this is still a mission that would probably be pretty tough for Max. I'm guessing your going to throw in some Sombra sympathizers to make it actually realistic. That is going to be quite interesting when Max would need to kill them to make sure the Main 6 are safe.
One of the past comments mentions how they would like to see Shinning Armour to throw Cadance and see Max's reaction to it but I have a feeling that that would not happen since Max is not just going to let Spike to fall even in that intense situation, so that's off the table.
That last paragraph I just wanted to add, "Stay tuned for the next episode of, Total drama island.". Really cliche but it just had that feel to it. If your backlog is gone, when should I expect the next chapter? The regular interval or a bit more?
Shit, these chapter reviews are getting long but I can't help it when there is so much good in these juicy chapters. Wonderful chapter as always and I'll be waiting for more.
8185133 Son Of Sinbad
Twilight is being corrupted slowly but surely. She might stay true to herself, she might become a little evil. You never know.
As for the 'Twilight or Celestia' thing, it's just that Max is thinking of the future. If Celestia stays on the straight and narrow, at least, as well as someone like her can, Max is willing to give her a second second chance when the time comes.
Seriously man, fuck Rainbow most of the time. AggroDash is too aggro to have friends half the time, but I guess everyone's willing to put up with some stuff.
I get tired of writing about the same old thing multiple times over, which is why the scene with MAry was quick and the scene with Strawberry was longer.
No comment on the mission.
No comment on that one comment. It was entertaining to see Captain of the Jocks throw his wife like a football, though.
Expect the next chapter at the regular interval. It's not like I stopped writing entirely for a few days, it's just that I was busy as shit. When you can spend most of your day writing, shit gets done real good.
Glad to hear that you're still enjoying the chapters. Hopefully 36 will be meme worthy
8185663
Chapter Thirty-Five: Roast the Rainbow!
So that is Son of Sinbad... I guess that is the most advanced smoking contraption in the world. A bit to harsh for my taste but I guess it's not that bad.
I definitely understand why you would get tiered writing the same sex scenes over and over again so I'm not going to criticizes that. It actually makes sense why Max would write like that so it's actually pretty great.
Your chapters are always great. I don't doubt for one second that the rest of this book is going to be great.
8188488 I had a paragraph for you, but fuck that noise. The gist is this: Max has said and done terrible things. The story is not necessarily "safe" to read. It is offensive. It isn't for the light of heart. It's aimed toward people like myself who don't get offended by much if anything at all. Honestly, as a survivor of multiple attempts on my own life, I felt like it wasn't that big a deal. I don't see a large difference in telling someone to die and telling someone to go kill themselves since they amount to the same thing, but I get where you're coming from, so I changed it. It's still taking shots at the reader, but hopefully no one gets salty, butthurt, upset, saddened, discouraged, disheartened or offended by it.
8188768
I did not receive a notification that you replied back, but that's typical with this site anyway.
But from what you're telling from your response alone basically tells me that you're not taking other people's feelings into consideration when you write. I am somewhat glad you made some changes. However, there is another paragraph that has the same thing in Chapter 35 and there are some things that need to known, as well as a few words of wisdom from yours truly. The aforementioned paragraph of Chapter 35 is below, which needs to be changed as well.
Suicide, in case you don't know, is now considered an international crime, and it has become a serious problem with the new generations of kids these days. The reason why I am speaking out about this is because relatives and law enforcement are trying to keep this from escalating and help the victims, yet stuff like this told verbally or through stories is only making the job harder. Also, the red flag is because you're basically "inciting violence", or make it look like you are. I talked to my mother who is a professional novelist of romance/sad stories, and even she wouldn't put these kind of terms in her own books. Though the story is not for the lighthearted as you'd say, it would still be a bit disturbing even for the strong-willed.
My advice is this: Don't tell people to do bad things to themselves just because you are having problems with your own life. No one likes that or be miserable as you are (because it makes you look like the "bully who won't be happy unless nobody else is"), even if they don't speak their minds about it like I do; I am a very outspoken person, and seeing this pretty much warranted to speak my mind.
Lastly, if you, the writer, are still having thoughts about taking your own life, then here's what you can do:
Talk to a friend. If you don't have any, make one or two. You would be surprised how people would actually listen despite not looking like they are.
Talk to someone close to you, like a relative or friends of your family. They are just as important as friends, and they will listen more.
Lastly, and pardon me if this sounds insensitive, but make a weekly appointment with a psychologist, because they would spend as much time as you wish to help solve your problems. Not a psychiatrist, because those will just give you meds, rather than hear you, in their own terms behind your back, "drone on about your problems". Those are selfish bastards who cares about only themselves and money.
If all else fails and you still have problems...
...then talk to me.
Say what you will in the story about Americans and how much you belittle them, but I am the kind of American who actually listens to a friend with problems. Between you and me, I too had rough patches in my lifetime and there were times when I couldn't take it anymore either, even if it pales in comparison to what you went through using Max as your base character. It is thanks to my own friends and family that I pulled through and move on from the bad times I had. I'm no psychologist, but I can help you as well as be your shoulder to lean on, if you would allow me.
But overall, I hope you could at least take what I said into consideration while you write this great story, because I'm not just trying to give you feedback, but also help those with rough times in real life.
8192891 The thing is, I got the help I needed when I got fed up with being depressed, or rather, suicidal. I do have a -psychiatrist and I have a councillor in my mother, so I don't feel like I need a therapist to go on top of my psych, but your concern is genuinely touching. I might be a prick in lRL, but I'm not a big enough prick to ignore perfectly reasonable arguments. I understand that it's a touchy issue, which is why I changed it in the first place, but I do feel like people should be responsible for their own actions. I'm not even necessarily disagreeing with you, I just don't feel as though my words matter enough to actually influence someone's decisions in life.
The amusing thing about that is that I'm an American, born and raised in Ohio for the most part. I used a different nationality for Max to help me seperate myself from him, instead of just making a self insert. I'm not a self-hating American, I just feel like we as a people can take a better tongue lashing than what some people think we can. I like poking fun at myself and some of the things I do because reasons, though I should probably take into consideration how other people feel about that as well.
If I ever run into something that I recognize as terribly offensive, I'll probably consult you to see if it's a good idea to keep it in the story. I did change the phrase in chapter 35, but please understand that I pump out words like a diuretic some days and just don't pay that much attention to how it might make myself or other people feel. Again, when I do my primary edit, I'll wait to publish a chapter if I find something a little morally sketchy, but I'll try to keep suggestions of suicide out of the story. I'll probably continue to berate the reader because I like it when stories do that, but I'll keep it to and M rating instead of possible banning.
8193328
This is in regards to Orion Light's comments about the chapter mentioning suicide. I'll start by saying I understand where they're coming from, however I personally don't find a problem with it as it was written at the time of this comment.
The issue I get here is immersion. Max has said, suggested and DID quite a few horrifying things. He has repeatedly said that he is not a good person. Is it really odd that he would make the suggestion for someone reading his innermost thoughts and secrets, without his permission, to commit suicide?
Given Max's history I really don't think he'd give a damn about anyone's opinion but Twilight's. This is written as Max's journal, not some third person fic.
Well, that's my opinion anyway. I'm just another reader. If I mistyped anything, please forgive me as I'm typing on my phone at the moment and touch screens with tiny buttons are irritating.