A Thief with a heart of a substance better left unsaid wakes up in Equestria after a unlucky turn of events. How will a jaded, world weary human get along with cheery, naive Ponies?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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8193328
I'm glad I could help straighten things out, though I am surprised you were born in the States. When I read some stories that had a protagonist from England, I assumed the writer is from the UK as well. I guess you just proved me about that. Lol
But on with the story, I'm glad that Rainbow finally nut up to her mistakes, but that may be just the magical healing side effects talking. She probably wouldn't remember apologizing once she sobers up.
8193368 If I ever do another long term story, I might make the protagonist be from... Well, somewhere that isn't the States.
Rainbow is going to remember what she went through, one way or another. Pain is a powerful reminder and it's great for the memory if you're a normal-ish person.
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Wait a second, you're telling me that some of the stuff written here can get this story banned? What about all the rape fics that are out there? There is some fucked up shit out there like Celestia's Relaxing Vacation and I don't see that get banned. What I'm saying is, what is some small suicide comments here and there compared to that. Yes, I understand that suicide is not a small thing and I'm not trying to start a war here but compared to some of the stuff I have read this is considered tame.
Also, I say write how you want RevenantReject, after all this is our own little escape from reality and no rules should be placed on that.
Major spoilers for chapter 36 ahead, read at your own risk.
Second paragraph, first sentence. Though -> Thought . There are definitely more out there but that just stood out to me the most.
To tell you the truth, I was kind of disappointed when it came down to the Crystal Empire everything happened as it was intended to and it kind of felt weird when everything else you have wrote add so much more depth to the original story and the characters. I'm not really complaining since I have no idea on how to change the season 3 premiere to make it more. And writers block is a pain that can make even the most simplest of things seem hard to do, so I get that.
Sombra really never did get a chance to talk and I like how you gave him a new line instead of the MLP script which only had a 'Yeeeessss Cryyystulss', a 'wut', a weak 'no' and some occasional roaring when the time was right. Well at least it was still entertaining to read that part.
Cadance always seemed like a dominatrix to me but I never got enough out of Shining to know where to place him. On the other hand, Gleaming Shield (R63 Shining) is definitely a dom from everything I have ever read. I have no idea where I was going with this so I'm just going to stop that train of thoughts.
As if Max needed any more reasons to be scared of the celestial sisters... I don't know about you but that would leave quite the lasting impression. No matter what he does, no matter how much he struggles they will always be able to fuck him up. Really forces you into a corner.
Lets get to the main part of you dropping a bomb shell like that. Shit, I was expecting something big to happen at The Crystal Empire but then you tell me to expect a war? Not just a simple war between the griffons and ponies (then again, that's not going to happen anyways with the Queen and yes, that's not simple too, but I have seen it done enough times as is) but a full on WWI kind of deal. Then you go off to make Twilight a slut. I definitely approve of Twilight turning into a slut and the sex seen? Top notch. Defiling nature, even I like the sound of that.
One thing is that you keep calling the goddess a matron, but wouldn't a more proper term be matriarch? Or are you using it to describe her middle-age appearance? Or are you looking at it from the very beginning, as in a mother to all? I just want to know why you chose matron.
The references to Norse mythology are quite nice, never quite got the chance to study it myself but I love anything that has to do with the gods. I'll probably learn a bit of it but I have no clue on where to start so it will take me a while to have a grip. Though, I definitely wouldn't mind for you to throw in some more things about Norse mythology.
"...so I chopped them down at the knees and tickled its pickle just enough to bring it to half mast so I could chop that off too." I fucking died, that second part was absolutely fantastic. These are the small things that make me want to read more and more of your writing. Your unique way with words is just wonderful. I usually don't care about the author of the book and just leave them alone for the most parts. Sure, I know some of the bigger authors out there like whatmustido and Zamairiac(he moved on from the fandom, sadly) since I manged to actually talk to them and influence some of their stories but those are the exceptions. You are now one of the authors I actually listen to now, not just read their stories. Though, I am left wondering how you manage to pump out 20k+ chapters every week basically.
As always fantastic work and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
8195782 Hold up, out of everything you mentioned, I need to point out that Twilight is not a slut. She's adventurous and if she has MAx's permission, she's willing to try just about anything, but by no means is she going to sleep around on the scale that Max does and by no means is she like Fleur, both of whom are actual sluts. Twilight slept with the Matron because Max obviously wanted to. And with the Matron's Mind Melding, do you really think they were fully in control anyways?
Back tracking now, I'm not super happy with how Chapter 36 turned out, but it wasn't exactly straight terrible, so I deal with that. I just didn't have much to go on with Sombra because the creative juices usually take a hit when I try to align things with the show. I don't want to ignore the Canon, but I want my shit to be original enough that it isn't a straight retelling, and I feel like that's where I went wrong in 36.
I always felt like Shining would build up a tough guy persona but be a sub when it counts
I chose Matron because she's the mother to all nature in the Everfree and the surrounding areas. She was there when it was first growing .
I'll be mixing in some other mythology as we go along. I myself haven't delved too deeply into it, but Uror's special taste is a biblical reference. Carob, Pomegranate, and Figs are all supposed Forbidden Fruits.
I follow whatmustido myself. In fact, he's the main reason I started writing fanfiction in the first place along with Zenith Starwalker. I don't know for sure if you're comparing me to wmid, but I'm going to assume that you are because that just brightened the fuck out of my day. That aside, I'm glad you enjoy the little things that never get mentions. I always wonder if people like them or if they're just amusing 'filler'.
As for the pace I write at, it's because my current schedule allows me too much time to write. I fill an entire day, night, or both by doing nothing by writing, which is how I ended up building a three chapter deep backlog over the course of four or so days before I got busy suddenly. Shit was so cash.
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Twilight is definitely not a slut, it just slipped out that way. I also understand that I should have read more closely since Twilight managed to stick a finger into Roxy and she only felt uncomfortable instead of full blown panic, I should have instantly realized that the Matrons control is stronger then just your basic subtle manipulation (thought reading, perception dampener).
Uror's special taste is a biblical reference? I did not notice that but since I searched it up now after you mentioned it the reference is absolutely genius!
It looks like Zenith Starwalker is dead, I have his story in my read it later list so I'm not sure what to make of it. whatmustido on the other hand, I have read all his books and Diaries of a madman is the book I use to compare other books that use the journal entries kind of writing. Now, I also use your book since A Thief's Tale and whatmustido's book are at the very top of my journal entries style books.
I am a bit ticked off by the war that the Matron mentioned since that just means that you have an end goal now. Usually I see quite a basic pattern to all books, and that was one of them. Have a massive war, clean up every question and what not during said war and then finish the book. Sometimes a sequel comes from these kinds of books but I'm not sure on how you feel about that. Just look at Diaries of a Madman There is a clear end goal right now, sure it might take a while to reach that end point but it's still there. Then again he told me he wanted to finish DM at a bit over 2m words but that is probably going to drag on to about 3m now.
All those little lines that you throw in, make this book so great, without those little 'filler' lines we would have a very dry book, still good but not the best. It's also the reason I read this book line by line and try not to miss any words at all because of those little moments. I have read enough books to not care too much about grammar and focus on the little things and the plot of course as well as the concept and the way the book flows. Those lines just make everything perfect so keep on writing them.
8197119 Little stuff like the finger thing are hard to pick up on if you're not looking for them, so it's not like it's impossible to misunderstand or misinterpret. I just happen to like the Twilight I've built as much as I like the Character Max has grwon into. I read over what I typed an I realize that it came out as far more defensive than it probably should have been, but I feel like an author should build emotional attachments to their characters.
The taste thing struck me as the perfect time to mix things together a bit. I think all mythology is fun to toy with, and depending on how far you take it, I think it's a good way to make some of the nerdier folk smile.
I want to write more third person style stuff, but it usually comes out as pure, straight smut. It's just easy to write, but I really need to switch things up a bit when I do write smut. On the plus side, Chapter 38 has a 7k odd long section of smut that I am very pleased with.
The War is a long way off since it's barely been mentioned, so don't fear that the story's ending soon. Like whatmustido, I doubt I'll be able to end it when I want to
I'll be sure to keep including them as they come to me, then. Just keep in mind that Hope has no place in my realm
8197424
I read the finger thing but I thought it was him just getting used to it, but now that I think about it...
I really do enjoy the Twilight you have built--I think she is one of the best Twilight's out there--and Max is a fantastic character with his own great qualities, both positive and negative that make him him.
Yup, you definitely appeal to the nerdier folk with those moments, they are quite fun and building your knowledge is also fun.
7k you say? That's going to be a nice treat. But when it comes to Max there is never a dull moment.
Ok dont expect anything that big soon then, that's good. I can remain in my bubble of bliss for a spell.
It's always nice when you appeal to my pessimistic nature. When dealing with our kind of people, we have all pissed on hope and shoved it where the sun don't shine.
8197424
I fucking knew you got a lot of inspiration from Diaries of a Madman. Kept drawing connections but never thought to mention it
How to subtlety diss yourself 101.
So, in other words, Celestia didn't give two shits if two of the most powerful unicorns in existence, one of whom is being groomed into the next alicorn princess, as well as an alicorn princess and all of the elements of harmony, died. As far as the whole thing with Sombra was, with him as generally powerful as both Celestia and Luna at their greatest, when they had access to the Elements, the only reason Cadance was able to stop him from doing as he pleased was her magic being a hard counter to his. So, in the likely event of them being several minutes late to finding the heart, which was also the first place Sombra would go after gaining access to the empire, twilight and spike would've been killed, Max would go full revenant and Sombra would've been sent away temporarily to lick his wounds. Max would likely go on a full rampage as a revenant, likely killing Shining and Scarlet, along with Cadance, and then killed most of the Elements, except maybe Fluttershy, who he never had any kind of grudge against.
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I like you, man. You leave the fun comments.
Yeah, that's basically what would have happened and I'm pretty sure no one ever mentioned it. They were literally five minutes away from the world ending in darkness and ice.
...ok I really enjoy this story and I really like the character but there is one thing that gets me Roxy. The Roxy thing is weird, not in a good way but in a gross way. 99% of storys were the Male characters gets turned female alot and he doesn't bat an eye normally he starts getting the D more than he gives it. Considering Max's past trauma I don't understand why it's in the story it's a cheap way of having the character do gay things when it's technically not gay even though that's exactly what it is unless the writer is going to completely feminize the character because that's just how this fandom is. I find casually changing a characters gender and said character doesn't bad and eye and even embraces it is very disconcerting. Other then that great story so far.