A Thief with a heart of a substance better left unsaid wakes up in Equestria after a unlucky turn of events. How will a jaded, world weary human get along with cheery, naive Ponies?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You know, this story has the makings of being in the "Not Always Black and White" group.
I have to admit I started reading this story I only just liked it. Now I enjoy reading this story. Max is an amazing character. In all honesty max is the type of person I'd enjoy being friends with not just because of his attitude and actions but of how he thinks. This story is awesome!
Major spoilers for chapter 34 ahead read at your own risk.
Got to say I really like what I saw but the Dryad just felt like filler instead of anything meaningful... Then again we will be seeing her again. Brilliance is interesting I'm chalking her up as being a really free spirit that just likes exploring or she's a spy.... I feel a mission coming soon that will involve her but that is stretching it.
Lupa... Nashoba. You really hammered it home that her name has changed with all the mistakes of Max calling her Lupa then switching to Nashoba, really enjoyed that part.
Gaining a new mom in Blue was not a surprise and I was expecting that conversation to happen, but Trixie becoming something close to a sister in the same chapter just felt like it came from left field. Then again, Max can relate to her, so it's not to big of a surprise. Just throwing this out there... FUCK Rainbow, she really needs to taken off her ledge/pedestal, I have always had a major disliking for Rainbow with all her cocky bullshit, her friends also need to stop enabling her and I have a feeling your going to deal with this soon enough... I am going to enjoy the shit out of that.
I miss Noir, I had a feeling Max was going to talk to her after THAT extreme reaction but I was surprised when Max was pretty back to 'normal' pretty quick. I mean the guy blacked out but he didn't seem to shaken up after it.
Quite glad you mentioned the seer or whatever she is that told him about him finding his version of happiness back in Gryphonia. Though it feels like a mission is coming up, something big is brewing in the background but I just can't place my finger on it.
"though" is not the same as "thought"... I've seen this mistake a few time in the story just thought I would mention it. As well as missing a few words here or there sometimes. Pretty easy to spot what it should be so it's nothing bad.
Since this story doesn't feel anywhere near being done I'm wondering how long are you going to make it. I have no problem with you making this story a couple of million words and would enjoy that immensely. Or even better never stop it... Well... finished it but you get what I'm saying.
Wonderful chapter and the emotions are on point. I'm already giddy for the next.
8178244 Your feedback is my crack. I like it.
Brilliance will be back. In what capacity, I'm not saying, but she'll be back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the Nashoba thing. I thought it was a pretty decent touch.
Max really does crave a family, and he saw characteristics in Trixie that he could relate to. When she grew close to Nashoba, it was a one way ticket into Max's good books and her honesty just made him respect her more. I probably could have gone into more detail about the thing in general, but I liked the idea of Trixie joining the Ponyville cast when I wrote her into Lupa's Quest.
Max doesn't remember it all that well. He was completely gone after he cried out, and he was far more worried about Twilight than himself.
I really need to start getting the ground level of the End Game put together, but I don't know how well I'll be able to do it. I'll probably shoot past a million words.
I miss things on my read throughs when I start going too fast. I try, but shit slips through the cracks. Thanks for the heads up, I'll try to slow it down when I can.
Feel the feels. Feel all feels.
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End game will be pretty damn tough to complete but I have faith in you. Max still has tons of things to do(magic progression, that damn seal, Nashoba returning... the wedding, I have an ominous feeling about that). I like to think of this time as the calm before the storm and Max should feel the same way if he's nearly as pessimistic as me. Everything is just a bit too peaceful right now.
All I can say is good luck... Then again, this is going to be great!
I can understand other terms to use such as "Go fuck yourself" and such, but this is going a bit too far and lowest than the worst criminals in the world. Suicide is a very serious problem, extremely offensive and should NOT be used lightly in pretty much anything, especially in stories and fanfiction.
As such, I would recommend you change it to something that isn't as offensive. Otherwise, this will start raising red flags and questions will be made whether this story is safe to read, regardless of the Mature rating. Even Twilight would agree with this.
I'm only mentioning this because I, as your long-time follower, am just trying to help as well as prevent as trouble that may arise.
Personally I think you shoulda kept the suicide thing, but I'm pretty desensitized to that shit. It's a mature story, if you've been reading through you've been threatened multiple times, and murder is pretty fuckin casual in the story.
I think it's silly, but again, desensitized
I think the suicide thing is perfectly fine. I've had my brush with it personally and it doesn't do anything other than make the story hilarious. You shouldn't let butthurt people tell you what you should and should not have in your story. (Grammatical errors witholding)
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I know this comment is a bit late, but you do have to remember that the main character is dark as all hell, and he specifically states multiple times that these stories are essentially his life, and that the only people he wants reading them are Celestia and Twilight, as far as I know up to this chapter. I get that suicide is a very serious issue, but as far as the story goes, the way it is used and mentioned is perfectly fine in my opinion, largely due to Max's general character and the perceived importance of his journals to him.
" if you're five-five-five then I'm SIX-SIX-SIX!"
-Slipknot
Bom Bom Bom, Badum bom bom