A Thief with a heart of a substance better left unsaid wakes up in Equestria after a unlucky turn of events. How will a jaded, world weary human get along with cheery, naive Ponies?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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10336074
The comment is old and the way the the story has changed from the original is very interesting. A little more light hearted than the original which is a big positive. At this point, I've grown up and a little more positivity is always good. I'm really liking the changes so far but does the Rarity of the future reflect the Rarity of the past? It seems Max is going to continue controling her so what does that mean of the way she treats Max? When Sweetiebell messes up, does Rarity attack Max or does she do it in a way to het her 'punished' or would she believe that her Master is above that?
Never really liked Rarity in the first version, she might turn out to be okay this time around. I'll put more updates as the chapters come but it looks like the future may not be so certain.
10336287
First things first, incredibly relieved to hear that the edge has at least been culled a little. It was a major worry going forward, having Max continue to be too edgy without having the depth of character for the 'edge' to not 'bleed' out the serious tones when they come up.
And the Rarity of the rewrites past chapter... 30 or so up until she really gets side-lined in the story is going to be rewritten again, though 25 was the lynchpin for Rarity's character for the most part, at least in this part of the story.
A brief, narrow look into Rarity --> We know she's cursed to have a lowered, nearly ineffective libido, but she still gets aroused in certain contexts. Rarity being Rarity cared more about her own pleasure, but being humiliated in front of Fleur and Fancy showed her that she could easily lose status doing what she was. Basically being the lowest one on the totem pole showed her that if she let people debase her in Canterlot, then it wasn't always going to turn out well, so having the relationship she wanted from Max wasn't going to work. He let a relationship lay on the table, but Max himself doesn't like Rarity enough to fight to keep her, and I was trying to show that he was mostly annoyed and hurt more so than angry or heartbroken that he was possibly going to lose her as a friend. Meanwhile he still wasn't that worried about it.
When Sweetie Belle messes up after Noir's introduction, that's pretty much going to stay the same except for some added contextual stuff, i.e the Dom/Sub relationship and how Rarity thinks Max's debauchery bled over into Spike.
As for the last bit, I don't have a solid idea of where I want to take Rarity's character, but by and large, Rarity has next to no faith in Max and doesn't have any idea of what he is and isn't willing to do. Pinkie, even without her psycho-super-sanity, would know Max better than Rares just from not ignoring half of his character most of the time like Rares does.
That being said, there is no certainty in this story, other than the main plot points. The royal wedding still happens, Crystal Empire, etc etc, but fuck Brume, fuck Jeremy/Romulus, fuck the pantheons (for now), fuck kid kaid, and most of all, fuck that bullshit reason for Max getting left alright. Mostly just fuck like, the last 13-23 chapters of the story, I guess
10337200
"Mostly just fuck like, the last 13-23 chapters of the story, I guess"
That is the edgiest part of the story. The split personality thing was just weird, Twilight's sprinkled in schizophrenia, mexicolt, kidnapped for 5 years was just over the top. Really, the gods, in general, didn't add too much to the story.
It wasn't all bad but I am glad you are redoing it.
10337784
Eh, it still could've been a more coherent narrative, but that being said, I can't wait to get caught up here on Fimfiction with the rewrites.
Ok, I'm finally done this chapter. It was good and it was a lot more in depth than the first version. Don't have much else to say other than to ask why you want Applejack's and Max's relationship to work? Last version of the talk was shorter and it wasn't anything all that special since Max never gave off the feeling of being completely head-over-heals in love like he is right now. He was sad and all, yeah, but this was a bit over the top.
10342172
It was always the intention to have the flame with Applejack burn out a little slower than say, Max becoming disillusioned with everything that is Rarity. I mean Max and Applejack got along throughout the story. They confided in each other, laughed with one another, and saw the best in the other person when that person refused to see that they weren't that bad. The main reason Max and Applejack didn't get together after they decided to bury the hatchet was because when Max got lost in the Everfree, Applejack talked herself into denying that she was in love and Max has always been afraid of being like either of his parents. It just doesn't seem like she had a shot in her eyes and Max is wary of a physically abusive relationship.
With all that being said, in the original, Max outright said that he loved Applejack and would have taken her if not for their history. Applejack had her telling moments, and tbh I just always loved Applejack in the OG ATT. Having her be like an ex that Max is still close to is a different dynamic to play with than with him and Celestia since Max feeds that bitch with a long handled spoon on a 10 meter pole from behind a blast shield. It'll be interesting to enter Max's mind and try to figure that one out
10357653
He took many trips to the boot shaped country and used it to write the fifth part. Also he included pics in the book: JoJo-a-GoGo
10358721
Mama mia, sprinkle some angel dust on that spaghet and call me a cannoli
10359372
"Man, this parmesan cheese sure tastes strange..."