• Member Since 13th May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 23rd

Benman


Benman belongs to a class of bipedal ape notable for its use of tools and clothing, highly adept at symbolic communication such as language and art.


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Sundrop's friends are under a lot of pressure. She'll do her best to put them at ease in spite of their professional struggles, their romantic worries, and their dastardly schemes to cast down the Princess of the Sun and reign over the blighted wasteland that was once Equestria. After all, that's what friends are for.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 48 )
Xexilf #1 · Jun 21st, 2013 · · · 1 ·

Umm... er... wha... well... ummmmmm

:pinkiecrazy:WTF is this, and why did I read it?

xoid #2 · Jun 21st, 2013 · · · 1 ·

This is clearly incomplete despite being marked the opposite. What happened? FiM Fiction screw up the import from Google Docs?

DMakkam #3 · Jun 21st, 2013 · · · 1 ·

Uhmmm...:rainbowderp: I dont know what I just read...:rainbowhuh: soo... yeah... im out:applejackunsure:

2757481 Seems complete to me.

I have gone forth! Now let me read this bitch.

2757481
Any more beyond this would simply be gilding the lily. It doesn't really matter if they Harmonize Nemmy. What matters is the delightful story of a creature of foulest, most heinous evil and his friends.

Also, how many chalices of blackest onyx does that place have? 'Cause, you know, if the noxious concoction is on the menu, then somepony's going to order it eventually.

xoid #7 · Jun 21st, 2013 · · · 1 ·

2757501
The description read, and I quote; “She'll do her best to put them at ease in spite of their professional struggles, their romantic worries, and their dastardly schemes…”, and instead of that we get shown a bunch of characters (I can’t even say introduced, so little is there to them), and then nothing happens. The End. The professional struggles, schemes — both plural —aren’t brought up at all. The romantic worries? No attempt to put her friends at ease was present beyond a party that was entirely skipped over. I feel like I walked in on the last three minutes of a movie.

2757529
I’m getting the impression that this story isn’t stand‐alone, would I be correct in that? If so, that should’ve been included in the description.

2757591
I'm not totally sure about that myself.
I get the feeling that it's meant to feel incomplete.
It's like the play "Once in a Lifetime" (Kind of an iffy play, but it's a good example of my point). At the end of every act, several things all start to happen at once, each one has the potential to up the drama significantly and lead to potential hilarity. Then the curtain closes and everyone goes out to intermission. When the next act starts, the scene is totally different and all the events at the last act are completely glossed over, never brought up again.
It's a kind of deadpan humor. (not really the exact right term, but I can't think of a better term for it offhand). The scene cuts right when you're expecting the big comedic payoff, leaving you with a profound sense of "...wut? :rainbowderp:".
Not for everyone, but i find it pretty funny.

That was odd.

This is great.

27574812757591
Most stories are meant to make the reader feel something. Some are just supposed to make the reader feel like there should be something to feel about, without actually having much there.

Not really a bait and switch, more of a bait and... not much.

I was amused.

A little underwhelming, tbh... Only a thousand words? That just... One-shots are fine, but there was no time to know who was who, or really give a damn about anyone or anything. Kind of a fail comedy fic, IMO. There wasn't really anything funny to me. Sorry, but this gets a thumbs down from me. After Changelings, Changelings Everywhere, this was a SERIOUS let down in quality and caring. That's just... No. Fail one-shot.

I get the feeling Nemmy's supposed to be a parody of 'edgy' dark self-inserts - you know, the cliche black alicorn with blood-red mane and CM depicting a bloody dagger stabbing a pony skull, or some such.

I like the idea of an absurd 'slice of life'-style story involving said sorta-villain. This chapter ends pretty appropriately, because frankly there's little more to be said, but I can easily imagine more chapters about these misfits trying to get along while doing the barest necessary to dodge the Harmony Hit Squad.

The ending is great, but I think this story could benefit from an extra 1,000 words in the middle. There needs to be a bit more buildup before the anticlimax.

2757591 2757626
I don't think there's any way this story could end in anything but an anticlimax. Nemmie is such a fail-villain that any actual confrontation with the Elements of Harmony would be farce, not tragedy. I was amused by this story and think it stands alone.

That having been said, I personally feel like it's the first half of a story which does lead up to a higher-stakes anti-ending. This teases at a lot of story (and backstory) that isn't explored in the 1,000 words it gets. I did suggest during pre-reading that this was worth further expansion.

(If you're wondering if there's context you're missing, this was written as a short-short based on a prompt in Ben's blog — so, no, there's nothing else leading in to this.)

Earlier: "WITH YOUR AID, I SHALL VANQUISH THIS LOATHSOME SIXPACK."

I...don't get it. It's just not funny to me. I feel like I'm missing the point, so I won't thumbs down or anything, but...this story just left me confused. Sorry. :ajsleepy:

2757808

I think this story could benefit from an extra 1,000 words in the middle.

2757901

That having been said, I personally feel like it's the first half of a story which does lead up to a higher-stakes anti-ending. This teases at a lot of story (and backstory) that isn't explored in the 1,000 words it gets

This.

Brevity may be the soul of wit, but if you are too brief you will not be able to convey said wit. The story presents a unique and fun sounding skeleton for a silly slice-of life one shot, but unfortunately little else. It just never really had the words and time to explore all the intriguing concepts it introduced.

Just when I was getting into the story, it abruptly ends - like meeting some interesting people on the subway. You immediately hit it off with them, but just when things start to get good, their station suddenly comes up and they depart, never to be seen again...

This would have been a lot better if we actually knew who these people were and it was, say, long enough for there to actually be a story.

I also add "We need more stuff in the middle". Nemmie is HILARIOUS, but we don't get enough jokes with him. Guy dating a villain is funny. As long as it has stuff.

Hell, him and the elements of harmony could be funny...if only, because they'd probalby have more of a 'talking too' then a fight.

I quite like this. I'm a fan of implication.

You billed this story as a spiritual successor (warning: TV Tropes Link. Beware WikiWalk.) to Changelings, Changelings Everywhere. If you had added a proper ending, and actually gave us a connection to the characters then maybe it would be, but as it stands this is anything but.

Well that was very entertaining, thanks for sharing :rainbowlaugh:

This was strange and entertaining.

Comment posted by Abcron deleted Jun 22nd, 2013

An entertaining read :twilightsmile:

For those commenting about the Changelings Everywhere 'sequel', it was stated that this story was "not a sequel, but it's got a similar sort of humor". So if you still thought this was a sequel... :derpyderp1:
As for seemingly being incomplete, that was part of its' charm, at least for me. It didn't need to put everything out there, spoon feeding all the relevant plot points or who people were, because by the story unfolding everything can be inferred. Whether the inferences are correct can never really be tested, but in my opinion, it's a self contained and interesting little story.

Arzoo #27 · Jun 22nd, 2013 · · · 1 ·

just because you are mortal enemies doesn't mean you shouldn't be polite.

This story needs expansion. All that is here is the foundations of a good story, but then instead of spinning up into one, it simply stops. I like what it is, but I don't like it for what it isn't yet.

Basically, if you're done, you quit at a bad spot.

Nice :twilightsmile:

I envy your conciseness, this story is perfectly packaged.

I can't describe how laugh-worthy this is.

kamil #31 · Jun 26th, 2013 · · · 1 ·

It was entertaining, but it could have used either a little more at the beginning, or a good bit more at the end. There seems to be a lot of potential here, and there are some pretty heavily implied distinctive differences between this and the canon universe (e.g. why is Big Mac available for work as someone else's farmhand? He was already pretty busy normally, and now with the Elements apparently being some kind of specialized police force AJ would have even less time to help). There are possible explanations, and a certain degree of reader interpretation should be encouraged, but this is just too vague and incomplete.

Then again, you did say it was similar to Changelings everywhere, which had similar problems but at least there was a solid and understandable premise, as well as quite a few twists (albeit small ones) and moved at a very fast pace from the beginning in a format that suited the overall confusion of most characters within the story. This on the other hand, seems like it's going somewhere, but then suddenly stops.

I do love me an anti-climax. :raritywink:

Needed a few more words, but who cares? Silly one-shot! :heart:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Ya silly bugger. :D

What is this and why is it in my "to read" pile?
Don't get me wrong, I love it.:pinkiehappy:
Just have no idea when or why I added it.:facehoof:

And yes twilight, you should come back later. Vanquishing the Lord of Eeeeeevil while he's in a drunken stupor is just....so.... so impolite!

This is not a story I expected to receive an update. It's good though! Also,

terrordactyls

This was very nearly my name before it assumed its current form (well, "pterrordactyl", singular, but you get the idea). I'm totally counting this as a cameo.

A most pleasant surprise. Of course, if Nemesis keeps winning, no one is going to have any idea what to do.

5596955 Least of all him.

... Huh.

Poor Nemmie, he's trying so hard.

Dash, you really shouldn't be so excited about being thrown through something called the "Hopeless Gate".

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Yes

YES

THIS WAS AMAZING

&c &c.

Uuuh, what?

Anyway. I guess if you're going to be silly, it makes to go all out with it. I can respect that.

5628833 Archaic "etc"; perfectly acceptable, with a bit of Victorian flavor. :raritywink:

Oh yeah, the story's brilliant, too!

5630651
Yep, it's related to the evolution of the ampersand, which began as a ligature of the letters e and t.

wat the heck

I mean, I'll admit "I've won! ... now what?" is a BIT overplayed, I see it all the time, but you had an interesting spin on it, what with the heroes joining in on the discussion and the friends cheering him on. Usually they go with a genuinely hated villain who is totes evil for it, so this was entertaining.

Nimnul #47 · Mar 16th, 2016 · · · 2 ·

I really enjoyed this.

What the hay did I just read? :rainbowhuh::applejackunsure:

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